Brahmin preferances for marriage

[krish44]

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With advent of online forums likr whatsup and facebook the preferances of youngsters are also changing.
Most would like a period of online engagement before settling on a person for marriage.
Most youngsters would not care for vaishnavite or shivite subcastes like vadagalai or thengalai for vaishnavite vadama or bra charnam do not seem to matter. Observing of Rituals are kept to a minimum.
Many prefer online dating and going out together a few times before saying yes to a relationship.
Both boys and girls would like the option of dropping out if they see anything undesirable in each other.
All these put a pressure on parents of youngsters
Food habits Drinks and smoking preferances take a back seat and youngsters settle on the basis of grooming and ability to make intelligent conversation.
All have a longing for elusive something called love and acceptance of each other.Some adjust to some extent after marriage . Others break up easily and move on . There is no stigma regarding divorce or single parenting

 

[krish44]

Continuing further more marriages are breaking down. More are going to counselors to save marriages .
Parents are helpless unable to help children.Most parents have not moved with times and end up in retirement homes unwanted by the younger generation.

 

[usaiyer]

very sad situation indeed, what you have pointed out,
It is closer to reality.
The girls seem to remain unmarried past the age of thirty ,thirty five or even more. we can know as we see their profiles
in Matrimony on line marketing sites.
Fearing divorce, boys are also afraid to boldly step in &select a partner. As you have said Parents are absolutely helpless and have to undergo great stress.
What is the root cause for this metamorphic change in the marriage culture ,what roles the parents have to play ,questions of priorities of girls ,family life vs career ,The contribution of soulless corporate sector, aping the western culture to the detriment of home culture are some of the points we have to discuss to arrive at some corrective action
for the good of the future and upcoming younger generation.

 

[krish44]

What caused change in TB mindset
Primarily the rise of inter mediate caste due to dravidian movement leading to flight of TB from TN to other states and countries.
Second generation TB in other states and countries preferring local matches of other castes religion and race.
It is not uncommon to see TB girls finding comfort from non TB locals
TB boys have got marginalised due to empowerment of girls thru education better paying jobs and a feeling of freedom to choose their own mates.
I can often see parents anguished that their sons though accomplished are single
Equally highly educated girls with high paying jobs are in thirties looking for mates
In ads. here you might see both types.Marriage
remains an elusive dream.
Some explore living together options.
Many parents are helpless finding children in relationships which have no future.
It is the their worst nightmare coming true

 

[usaiyer]

All boil down to ,as you say to economic reasons in TB families. Excepting for top 1% or so most of them are middle class and making money is not in the blood stream of the family head, With the environment also not being in their favor ,they were pushed to so called educational empowerment of girls with munificent Bank loan offers by the
UPA government.
The growth of the IT industry also came in handy for them.
No one seems to have a vision or thought about the impact of this new development in social spheres like raising families and marriage practices.
we were once proud of our family culture vs western individual culture. Now we have also lost or slowly losing
this which perhaps is the backbone of our system in building values in society. Difficult to say where it is going to lead us?

 

[krish44]

Not only are girls making more money they have become educationally more empowered with doctorates and some moving to foeign countries
In this site itself one can see highly qualified girls in late twenties or early thirties looking for matches.
Also there are boys educationally less qualified unmarried finding it difficult to get girls for marriage.
Boys having parents to support have no takers.Often these boys are in late thirties .
The situation is bad for most brahmin families

 

[prasad1]

In another thread on this site, we have boys who are totally dependent on their parents.

https://www.tamilbrahmins.com/threads/parents-against-marriage.47846/post-462163.

If these boys do get married, they will waste the girl's life. I have had a family member's life ruined by such mama's boys. The girl would be happy marrying out of Caste if they can find boys with backbone who can make it on their own.

To an extent, I blame the past generation for raising such incompetent boys, who are still attached to their mother's umbilical cord.