What Shastra or our Vedas says on mixed marriage

[sun244]

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Namakaras

This is for one of my closest Madhwa Brahmin boy aged 26. He is well settled and earning good salary working for a MNC. Unfortunately, he is in love with a non brahmin girl and they want to marry. Boy is nice enough not to do this without his parent permissions. His parents are against the marriage but they are asking him to go ahead with the marriage with a condition that they cannot participate in all future functions.

I am trying to help the situation and looks like both the Boy and Girl will not marry anyone else.
Can some esteemed/learned people help my following query. The question is about what Shastra says given the above situation:

If a Rig Veda Madhwas Brahmin boy marries non Madhwa girl (in this case non-brahmin too), does both Son & Father forego the rights to do rituals such as Thithi ...etc.. Is this true?

Thank You

Sunder

 

[SANDHYAV]

clear business conflict ! statutory rights needs to be checked, definitely

 

[renuka]

Unfortunately, he is in love with a non brahmin girl and they want to marry.

Marriages are made in heaven..that's what we were taught,
So this love is pre planned.. can we go against the play of God?
What is fortunate or what is unfortunate can we still wail?
When we are in the prison of our own desires..only He can grant bail.

 

[tbs]

hi

just RR madam explained in some other thread....get advice from her....

 

[renuka]

hi

just RR madam explained in some other thread....get advice from her....

yes and better ask Chandru ji advice too.

 

[sangom]

If a brahmin boy marries a NB girl, then also she gets transferred to the husband's gotra, by the mantras recited during the wedding function. The girl, therefore, becomes a brahmin. Hence, as long as the boy and the girl, the future couple abide by the brahmin ways of life and follow the religious customs, neither the boy who marries an NB girl, nor his father will lose any of their rights (lose any of the obligations) cast on them both as brahmins.

The only thing to ensure is that neither the boy nor the girl slip away from the brahmin way of life and take to non-brahmin customs.

 

[renuka]

The only thing to ensure is that neither the boy nor the girl slip away from the brahmin way of life and take to non-brahmin customs.

Oh no...poor girl...the rest of her life she has to hear Carnatic music ..how can she survive without Dapankuttu?

 

[renuka]

Actually after I joined forum and got to know the mindset of TBs in India....I was wondering "how on earth can any intercaste marriage of the Tamil Brahmin guy and the Non Tamil Brahmin girl ever work out?

Its scary to even think how many rules and regulations,traditions,rituals,celebrations to follow..so many Maamas and Maamis to be nice too.....Samiyo! not possible yaar!

 

[sravna]

Actually after I joined forum and got to know the mindset of TBs in India....I was wondering "how on earth can any intercaste marriage of the Tamil Brahmin guy and the Non Tamil Brahmin girl ever work out?

Its scary to even think how many rules and regulations,traditions,rituals,celebrations to follow..so many Maamas and Maamis to be nice too.....Samiyo! not possible yaar!

Dear Renuka,

As you say it depends on the mindset. You can think the rituals, celebrations etc etc as enjoyable and enjoy them or think it is oppressive and so not enjoy them.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

As you say it depends on the mindset. You can think the rituals, celebrations etc etc as enjoyable and enjoy them or think it is oppressive and so not enjoy them.

No way man...it takes so much time and that means an active social life..which equals to loss of privacy.

It is not oppressive but too time consuming and too many social events and next we know gossips will start.

 

[renuka]

Dear Sravna,

I think the best bride for TB guy will be a TB girl and no one else cos no one else can actually follow TB tradition to the dot.

So it is better that TB guys marry only their own community girls...it is much easier for both parties.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

I think the best bride for TB guy will be a TB girl and no one else cos no one else can actually follow TB tradition to the dot.

So it is better that TB guys marry only their own community girls...it is much easier for both parties.

Dear Renuka,

Even many TB girls and even TB guys do not follow the TB tradition exactly. It is not like you think these days.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Even many TB girls and even TB guys do not follow the TB tradition exactly. It is not like you think these days.

Dear Sravna,

There is something called the Arise Awake Syndrome.

This is latent in a TB..at any one given time even an ultra modern not traditional TB or even a Non Believer TB can suddenly get the call and Arise and Awake to his/her culture and then the Non Brahmin partner will have to face all the music!LOL

So its always better for a TB to marry a TB.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

There is something called the Arise Awake Syndrome.

This is latent in a TB..at any one given time even an ultra modern not traditional TB or even a Non Believer TB can suddenly get the call and Arise and Awake to his/her culture and then the Non Brahmin partner will have to face all the music!LOL
So its always better for a TB to marry a TB.

Dear Renuka,

I have to agree with the Arise Awake syndrome. You seem to have a really good insight into the TB mind. Personally I have experienced it many times. Anyway if the partner faces the music I hope it is only a sublime effect.

 

[SANDHYAV]

arisi ah walk sin drum !

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

I have to agree with the Arise Awake syndrome. You seem to have a really good insight into the TB mind. Personally I have experienced it many times. Anyway if the partner faces the music I hope it is only a sublime effect.

Dear Sravna,

Somehow you always agree with what I write!LOL

This Arise Awake Syndrome is seen in communities that hold on to religion and tradition strongly.

So no matter how far they "stray" they will eventually come back to the "right" path..once a TB always a TB.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

This Arise Awake Syndrome is seen in communities that hold on to religion and tradition strongly.

Dear Renuka,

That is exactly the reason why TBs who understand this value tradition.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

That is exactly the reason why TBs who understand this value tradition.

Dear Sravna,

But this also come with a drawback ..that is its not easy to give up the grip of religion/tradition even when its time to move on to the ultimate reality.

That is why it is said that the grip of Sattva Guna is the hardest to give up.

One might feel that if he/she gives it up everything comes crumbling down...but in reality giving up everything will eventually cause a crumble that reveals the core of Truth.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

But this also come with a drawback ..that is its not easy to give up the grip of religion/tradition even when its time to move on to the ultimate reality.

That is why it is said that the grip of Sattva Guna is the hardest to give up.

One might feel that if he/she gives it up everything comes crumbling down...but in reality giving up everything will eventually cause a crumble that reveals the core of Truth.

Dear Renuka,

It is not a drawback but only a hurdle, the final and probably the biggest hurdle

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Sangom Sir has given the apt explanation here! So, what I wished, is possible; that is to consider a non-brahmin girl who marries a brahmin guy
as a brahmin lady! FYI, many girls like to follow brahmin way of life, since it is NOT strictly followed by brahmins themselves! Hence, relax! :couch2:

 

[Raji Ram]

Now, it all depends on an efficient person, who can brainwash the parents to accept the girl as their DIL.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Sangom Sir has given the apt explanation here! So, what I wished, is possible; that is to consider a non-brahmin girl who marries a brahmin guy
as a brahmin lady! FYI, many girls like to follow brahmin way of life, since it is NOT strictly followed by brahmins themselves! Hence, relax! :couch2:

Dear RR ji,

Dont worry I am relaxed..I was giving my honest opinion that TB culture might not be easy to follow.

Love blinds reality at times so a person better be sure what he or she is getting into before losing identity.

Finally at the end of the day we can never change anyone or shape him or her to be what we desire..we can only shape inert material to our desires.

BTW why should a NB girl be accepted to be a Brahmin?That spells non acceptance and one has to be 'converted' to become a TB.

Cant she be accepted as she is..Lock, Stock and Barrel?

That is why the best if each person marries their own kind to avoid all these problems.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

It is not a drawback but only a hurdle, the final and probably the biggest hurdle

Agreed...the final hurdle is letting go..cos not many Sattva minds can accept that beyond a certain point there is nothing to hold on anymore and no perceived difference and not everyone reached that state through the same pathway.

 

[auh]

If brahmins had led a wandering lifestyle, in the times of yore, they definitely would have had to intermarry with the local populace. And they seem to have wandered over a vast part of India and current day Pakistan. Habits, customs and integration into a brahmin family perhaps made one a jati brahmana.

So one could marry a non-brahmin girl and assimilate her into the family fold with love and care. There may be problems with rituals, as family members and some vaadhyars may not believe in such a practice.

 

[renuka]

Now, it all depends on an efficient person, who can brainwash the parents to accept the girl as their DIL.

What about the girls parents?? Are they Ok with an intercaste marriage?