Think it over!
- Thread starter Visalakshi Ramani
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Hey Ravi..you wanted spice!!
So you got answers from two mistress of spice!!(veteran ladies)
Its getting hot hot hot!!!
Some people do something sometime may be not knowing the outcome. An affair,
if it is now and then, is geared from marriage.
Balasubramanian
Ambattur
C RAVI
0
YES!!! I wanted spiced up opinions and views in the matter of Husband-Wife successful relationship in a marriage out of LOVE.
But didn't realize that, experienced people like you as married human knows the truth that, Love between Husband and Wife and sustaining the marriage for ever can be only by having mutual LUST and SEX. Or as Smt.Visalakshi Ramani has rightly stated, a gap in between such LOVE helps sustaining the marriage as well.
So in all, it's all about LUST and SEX. I was not expecting this out of my ignorance may be, about the message in the quote of Mignon McLaughlin - "A successful marriage requires falling in Love many times, always with the same person"
OP
OP
மறந்தால் தானே பின் நினைப்பதற்கு?
வெட்டினால் தானே ஒட்டிக் கொள்வதற்கு??
விட்டுப் பிரிந்தால் தானே கூடுவதற்கு???
வெட்டினால் தானே ஒட்டிக் கொள்வதற்கு??
விட்டுப் பிரிந்தால் தானே கூடுவதற்கு???
OP
OP
If one of the two persons is changed every time, :bump2:
then there is neither marriage nor love! :nono:
They are called casual flings! :doh:
then there is neither marriage nor love! :nono:
They are called casual flings! :doh:
Aiyoo Ravi,
Did you read what I wrote? Where on earth did I mention about Lust and Sex?
I was talking about Hormones and Pheromones.
That's our endocrine system dear.
Hormones is not always = to Lust.
Without hormones even typing on a lap top wont be possible.
Just imagine we do not have hormones like for example remove our pituitary gland...we can't function yaar.
So it was not Sex and Lust I was talking about..I was talking about the Hormonal Orchestra in the Body that helps marriage function in perfect Harmony.
We are the music directors of our own marriage.We might not win an oscar but the music is good enough to pull us through life.
Some marriages are like a Sonata and some marriages are like Beethoven's Fifth!!LOL
C RAVI
0
YES!!!! I agree with the seniors here who knows that "love always in successful marriage is nothing but LUST and SEX always". I agree with you all here out of your experiences. But still I am not satisfied because only 3 members have passed on this impression to me.
OP
OP
If love = lust, most marriage will NOT last for more a few years.
Love is only for the first few years, then duty and responsibility take over.
I know of couples who have completely abstained from love-life
after getting one or two children for vamsa vrudhdhi.
Love is only for the first few years, then duty and responsibility take over.
I know of couples who have completely abstained from love-life
after getting one or two children for vamsa vrudhdhi.
OP
OP
About marriages gearing affairs I can not say anything!
Bala Anna will have to explain his philosophy himself.
Bala Anna will have to explain his philosophy himself.
That's the word Ravi that starts all the problems in marriage...SATISFIED.
That's why its always better to keep desires under control..
Does the stanza below ring a bell?
after all marriage is like a battle too sometimes.
sukha dukhe same’ kritva labha labhou jaya jayou
tatho yuddhaya yujyasva naivam papam avapsyasi
Having an equal mind in happiness-sorrow; gain-loss; victory-defeat; engage in battle and thereby you will not incur sin.
Wow!!! You really have to elaborate further.Interesting.
C RAVI
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Ok Ravi..I am sure you would have felt that I would be the 1st to respond!!LOL
Ok let analyze the situation:
If a situation allows you to fall in love many times that means there are time gaps or intervals where there is less love(out of love) a.k.a Refractory period.
OMG Ravi its Action Potential all over again.
You remember that graph I put on Mothers day thread?
So that means first there is status quo situation where feelings are baseline..then its spikes becos of some intrinsic or extrinsic stimulatory factor and there is a spike in the feeling of love.
Spike in the feeling of love is actually called Falling In Love.
Isn't it strange that to fall you have to rise first?
So Ravi dear...after the initial spike the graph goes below baseline and then steadily rises back to baseline.
Then its resting potential again before the next stimulatory factor comes into play.
Feelings emit pheromones and hormones that may aid in this.
Hormones travel in the body without any physical pathway.Its almost travelling through the mode of Radiation.
Technically its a cocktail of hormones that keep a marriage alive.
So falling in love again and again is LASER(Love Amplification Stimulated by Emitted Radiation)
P.S I mean Radiation of Hormones!!LOL
Your above two quoted messages, gives me a clear picture that, you are relating "LOVE always in a successful marriage" with "LUST & SEX always between couples in a successful marriage"
Certainly I was not looking for HOT spices of LUST and SEX kinda views and opinions on a "successful marriage". referring to the quote of Mignon McLaughlin.
But, I got to know through married and experienced people that, "Love always in a successful marriage" can mean "LUST & SEX always between the couples in a successful marriage" AND a reasonable interval between such LOVE as well is necessary for successful marriage....
OK??? HAPPY??
OP
OP
I guess it is part of growing up and becoming mature.
A two year old child loves to play with balloons and soap bubbles.
A twenty year old will not care about these things.
He may want to play with bikes and pretty dames.
As the responsibilities keep increasing we will have neither the energy nor the
inclination for physical love. It sublimes to the mental level and the life goes on.
A two year old child loves to play with balloons and soap bubbles.
A twenty year old will not care about these things.
He may want to play with bikes and pretty dames.
As the responsibilities keep increasing we will have neither the energy nor the
inclination for physical love. It sublimes to the mental level and the life goes on.
C RAVI
0
YES!!! Exactly..
LOVE is not equal to LUST and SEX..
But, I feel, its not correct to say that couples have completely abstained from love after getting one or two children for vamsa rudhdhi. They still have true emotional, committed and responsible LOVE between the two and are continuing to enjoy the charm of a happy family life together, even without LUST and SEX.
For this to happen, enabling both to have a successful marriage, they are falling in LOVE on each other many times, always only with the same person.
OP
OP
10. ஆசைகளும் , செல்வமும் அழிந்து போய்விடும்.
வயஸி க3தே க: காமவிகார:
சு'ஷ்கே நீரே க: காஸார: |
க்ஷீணே வித்தே க: பரிவார:
ஜ்ஞாதே தத்வே கஸ் ஸம்ஸார: ||
வயது முதிர்ந்தபின் காம விகாரங்கள் ஏற்படாது.
நீர் வறண்டு போனால் நீர் நிலைகள் இரா.
செல்வம் குறைந்துவிட்டால் சுற்றத்தார் இரார்.
உண்மைத் தத்துவத்தை நீ அறியும்போது உன் சம்சாரத்தளைகள் மறையும்
Adi Sankara was a sanyasin.Yet he knew that lust is age-related and reduces with the increasing age.
வயஸி க3தே க: காமவிகார:
சு'ஷ்கே நீரே க: காஸார: |
க்ஷீணே வித்தே க: பரிவார:
ஜ்ஞாதே தத்வே கஸ் ஸம்ஸார: ||
வயது முதிர்ந்தபின் காம விகாரங்கள் ஏற்படாது.
நீர் வறண்டு போனால் நீர் நிலைகள் இரா.
செல்வம் குறைந்துவிட்டால் சுற்றத்தார் இரார்.
உண்மைத் தத்துவத்தை நீ அறியும்போது உன் சம்சாரத்தளைகள் மறையும்
Adi Sankara was a sanyasin.Yet he knew that lust is age-related and reduces with the increasing age.
OP
OP
Yes sir! Physical love sublimates to the mental level.
They still love each other but not with their bodies
but with their minds, emotions and intellect.
They still love each other but not with their bodies
but with their minds, emotions and intellect.
Dear VR Ji,
This is true but all of us go through stages of
1)Attraction
2)Hormonal play
3)Emotional play
4)Stability in love.
Let's hope the very young ones don't jump to stage 4 right away without experiencing the 1st 3 stages.Then what Bala sir wrote about marriage gearing affairs might make perfect sense!!LOL
Wow I really like this topic.
C RAVI
0
Come on Renu!!!!!!!!!
Did I say SEX=LUST?? All I was saying was LUST "and" SEX in my statements.
I said LOVE is "not equal" to LUST and SEX..
Yes, Sex is a painting of LOVE BUT a LOVE can remain in its same strength even without the painting of SEX.
Ravi..everything in this world loses its potency after a while.Everything is subject to decay.
That's why our body is called Deha(that which burns away) and Sharira(that which withers away)
Nothing is ever the same concentration forever and over.
When even Dharma can decline and God needs to reinstate it do you really expect me to believe that human love can last forever?
Its an illusion my child.So just play the game right and exit when time is up.
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C RAVI
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Exactly!! Very interesting topic. That's why I posted this quote of Mignon McLaughlin here, for all of us to think over it and spice up the discussion.
The list you have provided is inbuilt in each human. Both Men and Women. No one can jump to the stage 4 except a rare and true Gnyaani. This is the rule of the nature. Unless the nature has made a person lacking with the first 3 natural stimulation.
That's why Mignon McLaughlin is saying that - A marriage to be successful, falling in love many times is required, always with the same person. Because a successful marriage is the only marriage where couples get apart with each other only upon death. And in due course of aging and life together, both the couples may not have the sense of LUST & SEX.
Still a marriage would be successful with a "stable" LOVE, primarily driven by "matured mind", "balanced emotions" and "refined intellect/wisdom"
OP
OP
Reminds me of the four things (purusharthaas) in our lives...
Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha.
Unless a person goes through all the stages in this order,
his position will be very unstable.
He may fallback or roll back to the earlier stages from the last one.
That is why many sadhus and sanyasis create sensational news
more than the family men.
Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha.
Unless a person goes through all the stages in this order,
his position will be very unstable.
He may fallback or roll back to the earlier stages from the last one.
That is why many sadhus and sanyasis create sensational news
more than the family men.
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