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Tamil Kadi Jokes

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Lord, You know that I am growing older.
Keep me from becoming talkative and possessed with the idea that I must express myself on every subject.
Release me from the craving to straighten out everyone's affairs.
Keep me from the recital of endless detail. Give me wings to get to the point.
Seal my lips when I am inclined to tell of my aches and pains. They are increasing with the years and my love to speak of them grows sweeter as time goes by.
Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.
Make me thoughtful but not nosy; helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom and experience, it does seem a pity not to use it all.
But You know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails.

We don't stop laughing because we grow old;

we grow old because we stop laughing.
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(Imported humour):
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
நீதிபதி : நகையைத் திருடிட்டேன்னு உன் மேல் உள்ள வழக்கில் நீ குற்றவாளி
இல்லைன்னு நிரூபணம் ஆகிடுச்சு, நீ போகலாம்.
குற்றவாளி : அப்டீன்னா திருடின நகைகளை நானே வச்சுக்கட்டுமா சாமி..
நோயாளி: டாக்டர், வயித்துவலி என்னால பொறுக்க முடியல
டாக்டர்: வயிறு வலிக்கும்போது, நீங்க ஏன் பொறுக்கப் போறீங்க.

மனைவி: ஏங்க கொஞ்சம் வாங்க, குழந்தை அழுவுது.
கணவன்: அடியே, உன்னை எவன் மேக்கப் இல்லாம குழந்தை பக்கத்துல போகச் சொன்னது.

மிருகக் காட்சி சாலையில் புலி ஒன்று, பார்வையாளரில் ஒருவனைக் கொன்றுவிட்டது. அதைக் கண்டு பக்கத்து கூண்டில் இருந்த குரங்கு புலியைப் பார்த்துக் கேட்டது
குரங்கு: ஏன் அவனைக் கொன்னே...
புலி : அந்தப் பரதேசி நாய் மூணு மணி நேரமா என்னைப் பார்த்துச் சொல்றான் “எவ்ளோ பெரிய பூனைன்னு.

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... " (Sir Norman Wisdom)

" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money." (Edgar Watson Howe)

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! " (Doug Larson)

"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! " (Eric Bolton)

" When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me." (Erno Philips)
Two friends are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says:
It is a big company where the boss is an English man.The deputy manager an Iyengar requested for leave for performing "purattasi sanikkizhamai puja".The boss called him and asked him to bring the concerned leave file,Going through the file the boss told him he has not took leave last year for this purpose ,As there is no precedance he is not sanctioned leave.Suddenly the wise officer replied that Sir last year purattasi sanikkizhmai fall(fell) on a sunday.The boss said OK then alright you can avail leave.
great ones... in reply to baghya's kadis - for no.2 = iyer athula meenangara ponnu irundhu avala pudicha iyer aathuliyum meena pudikkalam... LOL
வருடம் : 1011

அண்ணளும் நோக்கினார் அவளும் நோக்கினாள்

வருடம் : 2011

அண்ணளும் Nokiaனார் அவளும் Nokiaனாள்
"நானும், என் மனைவியும் இருபத்து ஐஞ்சு வருஷம் சந்தோஷமா இருந்தோம்!"

"ஏன், என்னஆச்சு அதுக்கப்புறம்?"

"கல்யாணம் ஆயிடுத்து!"
அந்த எலி iit பக்கமே போகாது, ஏன்?
அதுக்கு பொறிஇயல்னா ரொம்ப பயம்

கோவில்லே யானை மட்டும் இருக்கும், சிங்கம் இருக்காது, ஏன்?
சிங்கத்துக்கு மதம் பிடிக்காது
வாயில்லை, பல் இல்லை, ஆனால் கடிக்கும்! அது என்ன?

கை இல்லை, விரல் இல்லை, ஆனால் அடிக்கும்! அது என்ன?

கால் இல்லை, தரை இல்லை, ஆனால் ஓடும்! அது என்ன?

செருப்பு, புயல், Fan
"டாக்டர், எனக்கு வேற மூளை வேணும்!"
"சரி, ஆண் மூளை வேணுமா, பெண் மூளை வேணுமா?"
"என்ன வித்யாசம்?"
"ஆண் மூளை 1000 ரூபாய், பெண் மூளை 8,000 ரூபாய்"
"அநியாகமா இருக்கிறதே! பெண் மூளை ஆண் மூளையை விட பழசாகவேற இருக்கு!"
"ஆமாம், அதனால்தான் விலை அதிகம். அது Used Brain"
Read these..

In Tamilnadu , there is a well known person by name , Mr. Jeppier , Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing
colleges , always speaks in English. That college students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"
...... Njoy ............with his......... .....English. ......... .......
Now , here are some classic English sentences from the great "Jappier's Spoken English"

# At the ground:
------------ -----
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs
come here).

# To a boy , angrily:
------------ ---------
I talk , he talk , why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:
------------ --------- --
You , rotate the ground four times...
You , go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt this )
------------ --------- --
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt , V shirt.. but if you want to
..... remove it when inside the campus and put it oout side the campus

# Sir at his best:
------------ ---
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance , he happened to
one of our boys at the theatre , though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...
Once Sir had come late to a college function , by the time he reached , the function had begun , so he went to the dais , and said , sorry I am late ,
because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:
"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks , I the happy , tomorrow u get good job , jpr the happy , tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "

Cant Stop Laughing. Especially Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Just reminded me of my Maths teacher he used to says, you will be oustanding today (meaning you will be standing out of the class today)
You know, I read somewhere in internet that 80% of the statistics are made up on the spot and attributed to some internet site!
Ladies கிரிக்கட் Spin Bowler பேர் என்ன?

பால திரிப்புர சுந்தரி
சோப் டப்பாலே ஏன் சின்ன சின்ன ஓட்டையா போட்டுருக்காங்க?

ஏன்னா, பெரிய ஓட்டை போட்டா சோப் கீழ விழுந்துடும்
ஏன் ஒரு நொண்டிநாய் AIRTEL ஆபீஸுக்கு போச்சு?

"Sir, I got a Missed கால்"

டெலிபோன் கண்டுபிடிச்சது யார்?

யானை; அதுக்குதான் ஒரிஜினலா Trunkகால் போட தெரியும்
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