saidevo's attempts at poetry

[saidevo]

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saidevo's attempts at haiku

Writing a haiku looks simple but is actually difficult: you get ideas and a torrent of words. All of them you must reduce: to 3 lines, 17 syllables; 5 syllables on the first line, 7 on the second and 5 on the third. Plus a personal experience, outlook and a seasonal theme.

God through idols? How
Prim'tive! I'm modern: only
icons to click here.

Raindrops move and merge
on wires outside: advaita!
Leftovers for maid.

You are me and I
am you: so you foot the bill.
My purse, I forgot!

Loans for dhobis--for
donkeys: ne'er paid back, seize them!
Bank lost its papers.

Tomorrow ne'er comes.
Today and yesterdays, right?
All loose threads--my life!

Eyes caress the stars--
But fingers embrace only
my room window bars.
(adopted from a Tamil poem by Mu.Metha)

Fingers deftly play
the vINA strings--while my eyes
only remain shut.

Wife's morning 'kolams'--
Greedy ravens, squirrels leave
nothing for the ants.

(A 'kolam' is a decorative artwork drawn on the floor with flour.)

**********

To Prema Nair, Suma and other would-be haiku-writers (in another forum):

Form haiku or not--
Brevity rings a bell, fine!
And brings forth the best.

PremA rings the bell
SumA serves PremA-cooked feast--
Where are the others?

**********

 

[kunjuppu]

go for it sai

mu mehta! i used to be a fan. small world

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

One good thing about haiku

They are both short and very sweet!

Wish you all the best!

(Does this qualify to be called a haiku???) :noidea:

 

[saidevo]

namaste shrI kunjuppu.

The original verse of Mu.Metha (from my memory) is:

விழிகள்
நட்சத்திரங்களை வருடினாலும்
விரல்கள் என்னவோ
ஜன்னல் கம்பிகளோடுதான்.

vizhigaL
~naTchatthira~ggaLai varuDinAlum
viralgaL ennavO
jannal kambigaLODutAn.

Another similar one from him:

இந்த மனிதர்கள்
முகவரிகளை
பத்திரப்படுத்திவிட்டு
முகங்களை
மறந்துபோவார்கள்!

i~nda manidargaL
mukhavarigaLai
bhattirappaDutthiviTTu
mukha~ggaLai
maRa~ndupOvArgaL!

*****

namaste smt.VR.

The verse you have penned is nice, but if you are serious about the form of 5-7-5 and the presence of an indication of a season/time (as mentioned in my OP), I am afraid your verse is not a haiku. I think the very challenge is in fitting the content and feeling to the form. I am sure you can write haikus if you choose to. Any of us can, as a matter of fact, because all of us have a personal experience, know the form of its expression in a haiku and are conscioius of a season/time.