On Finding A Match

[krish44]

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With the the arrival of the digital age and smartphones, the options of finding a match has become unlimited.

A few others back, finding a match was limited to parents finding one, with an eneterprising few opting for classmates, office colleagues or neighbours.

But no longer this approach .

A new big world has opened up . Tinder,Madly yours to facebook and friendship sites with sharing of likes and dislikes [movies,jogging,dress,meal etc] are

adding many more possibilities.

Dating after a few chats online is the new norm.

Having a BF/GF at sixteen is a status symbol to be accepted by peers.

Since the choice is wide open, who would like to opt for a permanent relationship like marriage. Sounds a bit boring.

Great idea to date at least half a dozen or more before taking a call for permanence.

Boys like to play the field and girls to flaunt their catching power.

Some may not mind finding out physical compatibility to reduce risks after marriage. Sounds both rational and sensible.

Others because of practical reasons-long distance [boy and girl more than 1000km apart geographically],income mismatch[boy earning less than girl] reject

the prospective matches otherwise good.

Then the baggage that many carry into adulthood[past broken affair,dysfunctional parents, rural/urban differences] all become turn offs to the new

generation.

In the larger digital age, old order is fast crumbling to bring in a society of free unlimited choices no longer tied to conventions and old morality.

It might be a better world with unlimited options for the next generation.

 

[Vaagmi]

Daughter to mother:

Ma, I will be late tonight. I am going on a date with Arun.

Mother:

I know. The time you spent before the mirror was enough for me to know your plans. Anyway take care. I have kept a pack of male condoms in your bag to be handy--just in case of need. Ask Arun to drop you back at home. Remember to take the duplicate key of the front door. Just get in and go to your room and do not disturb others sleeping when you get back. Good luck.

 

[auh]

Daughter to mother:

Ma, I will be late tonight. I am going on a date with Arun.

Mother:

I know. The time you spent before the mirror was enough for me to know your plans. Anyway take care. I have kept a pack of male condoms in your bag to be handy--just in case of need. Ask Arun to drop you back at home. Remember to take the duplicate key of the front door. Just get in and go to your room and do not disturb others sleeping when you get back. Good luck.

Either you must be blinded to reality or you are refusing to accept it.

Girls, twenty years back, and from conservative villages of the south - Tiruppur, Pollachi etc were into petting in my college. This was in coimbatore.

In one particular college (back then), it was a common sight to see girls sitting in front of boys and facing them, on their bikes, while they chatted. People used to comment then, and now.

If they really wanted to do it, they will do it, parents willing or unwilling. Of couse there may be exceptions, but it all depends on the individuals concerned. Really.

Tradition or culture has indeed a part, but it can be brushed away with the right intent.

 

[Vaagmi]

Either you must be blinded to reality or you are refusing to accept it.

Girls, twenty years back, and from conservative villages of the south - Tiruppur, Pollachi etc were into petting in my college. This was in coimbatore.

In one particular college (back then), it was a common sight to see girls sitting in front of boys and facing them, on their bikes, while they chatted. People used to comment then, and now.

If they really wanted to do it, they will do it, parents willing or unwilling. Of couse there may be exceptions, but it all depends on the individuals concerned. Really.

Tradition or culture has indeed a part, but it can be brushed away with the right intent.

Dear auh,

Again you have tried to jump the gun.

I only depicted a possible scenario as things are unfolding.

I do not undertand as to how this gives you the idea that I am blind to reality.

 

[subharama]

Whatever the choice is, it is ultimately going to hang on the couple's head who are going to face the reality.Therefore it is better to leave the choice to the mutual consent rather than forcing other's opinion. Even after getting in a wider way also, you have to be lucky. Then match will occur.Otherwise there will be only mismatches and finally getting apart.

 

[Raji Ram]

Whatever the choice is, it is ultimately going to hang on the couple's head who are going to face the reality.Therefore it is better to leave the choice to the mutual consent rather than forcing other's opinion. Even after getting in a wider way also, you have to be lucky. Then match will occur.Otherwise there will be only mismatches and finally getting apart.

:thumb:

 

[krish44]

Either you must be blinded to reality or you are refusing to accept it.

Girls, twenty years back, and from conservative villages of the south - Tiruppur, Pollachi etc were into petting in my college. This was in coimbatore.

In one particular college (back then), it was a common sight to see girls sitting in front of boys and facing them, on their bikes, while they chatted. People used to comment then, and now.

If they really wanted to do it, they will do it, parents willing or unwilling. Of couse there may be exceptions, but it all depends on the individuals concerned. Really.

Tradition or culture has indeed a part, but it can be brushed away with the right intent.

It is the cold reality.

Most parents are refusing to deny the right of choice to youngsters and youngsters are openly defying them to get what they desire.

Parents have to see reason and not interfere thrusting nineteenth century thoughts on their children.

Digital age is ushering in a revolution the way the young relate to each other, pursue the other sex to fulfill their needs.

Caste, language,religion have to take a back seat.

Physical needs [compatibility in bedroom] , ease of living together sharing the living space especially in metros, convenience and sharing of interests, hobbies etc

will take precedence over family screened/selected relationships.

Temporary relationships[including one night stands are in order. Move away parents and accept the new reality. You are not needed.

Try not invading the personal space of your grown up kids.

They have their preferances.

They will think of permanence after they are really sure that the person they are dating is worth living with for longer times.

 

[Raji Ram]

You are never tired of writing on this topic, Krish Sir.

Yeah! Society is changing. Soon there will be one which has people who

chat, date, live-in, fight and get ready for the next search!! :spy:

Also, even if there is compatibility in the bedroom while dating, it might diminish because of some illness.

Then, the easiest way is to divorce and look for a new partner!

Poor kids of the future!! :tsk:

 

[rishikesan]

Krish/44 andMrs Raji Ram,
Krish is showing , mainly the trend of youthful marriageable Brahmin girls to defy the parents, get out ( you already live in other places , than with parents ) & try out all the available avenues for fixing your choicest Youth wherever you locate & make him follow you for the way you move & try 1) living together 2) have pre marital / honey-moon type world tour & if possible , consensual relation To test--------?) 3) pass on the decision to both parents & get the reaction & finally 4) set up the Family as you please/ at least keep the Poor Boy/ Groom in good spirits , so that he begets Good child ( boy or Girl / one & only Pappa )
If any forward moving girl get it done (taking good advice of Smart- phone experts )
Coming to Respective parents :-- Both girl/ Boy , in consultation decide the mode of Marriage & get it celebrated in any fashion you both would like to ?
I want to stress here that it would be a farce if the marriage is done in the conventional / orthodox way. invite only , the really concerned people & No invitation to simply anybody & Every body / reqd or not. The left-out would never/ ever complain, & even if they do, yet will not reach the Ears of the Girl/ Boy & no chance of meeting them any time soon ?
Limited Budget/ limited expenses/ l.imited every aspect, should be really be ensured, all of you would be adored as Path- breakers.

As far as I am concerned, I hate to attend our Marriages , as a formality & if only austere marriages would take place, I would be happiest & tell to myself that T. Bs are Doers , the current youths
A. Srinivasan ( Rishikesan )

 

[renuka]

Daughter to mother:

Ma, I will be late tonight. I am going on a date with Arun.

Mother:

I know. The time you spent before the mirror was enough for me to know your plans. Anyway take care. I have kept a pack of male condoms in your bag to be handy--just in case of need. Ask Arun to drop you back at home. Remember to take the duplicate key of the front door. Just get in and go to your room and do not disturb others sleeping when you get back. Good luck.

Never underestimate the importance of the humble condom.

1)It protects from STD and HIV

2)It prevents unwanted pregnancies and abortions.


At every step it saves lives.

 

[krish44]

You are never tired of writing on this topic, Krish Sir.

Yeah! Society is changing. Soon there will be one which has people who

chat, date, live-in, fight and get ready for the next search!! :spy:

Also, even if there is compatibility in the bedroom while dating, it might diminish because of some illness.

Then, the easiest way is to divorce and look for a new partner!

Poor kids of the future!! :tsk:

This topic interests me periodically when I go on a prowl to select girls for my extended family.

I read in social forums what is the latest thinking on marriages.

You are right. Younger generation does chat,date, live in and fight and separate if incompatible.

I read the post of a girl who has dated and more with as many as seven boys and not found a satisfactory match

Some have high expectations and are looking for ideal matches.

Even in conventional matches, parents reject dozens based on horoscopes, status, family besides education and financial earnings of boy.

Even with that many conventional marriages are on the rocks.

Why pity the kids and prophesy that their marriages will end up in divorce if they select themselves?

I believe if girls marry by selecting thru multiple dates and live ins, then they will be long lasting.

 

[krish44]

Never underestimate the importance of the humble condom.

1)It protects from STD and HIV

2)It prevents unwanted pregnancies and abortions.


At every step it saves lives.

Govt condoms are sturdy and are used for purposes other than protection.

private ones though have a better sensation burst sometimes exposing to disease.

When people talk of purity, I suppress a laugh.

One doctor even told me that there there is nothing like a pure woman .

Getting into action all the time worrying about pregnancies and abortion could be traumatic for women and more so for men partly responsible for it.

Where is safety?

It seems there is no enjoyment without some risk

 

[Raji Ram]

........... I believe if girls marry by selecting thru multiple dates and live ins, then they will be long lasting.

In other words, Krish Sir's advice is to act like a call girl before selecting the soul mate!!! :lol:

Society 'viLangidum'!! :frusty:

 

[renuka]

Govt condoms are sturdy and are used for purposes other than protection.

In college days..social preventive meds used to have Government condom samples...we girls used to blow it up it would be a nice strong balloon..then color it to look like a female mammary gland and hang it on doors of innocent types of girls and they would scream...when they see it!LOL

 

[krish44]

Other uses of condom include
1. wrap around tight lid of jars to enable easy opening.

2.As water proof over bandage to keep it dry.


3.water proof microphone, smart phones and still use it covered.

4.Cover weapons -british sent them to gulf during war to proect weapons from sand and enable easy firing. The allies used them to pick up sand from normandy

during war to test if tanks can move smoothly on sand.

5Carry water in condom pouches for survival in desert.

6. Useblown condoms for punching and stress relief.

7. Use a half blown condom tied to a fishing line as bobber in sea.

8. for gunshot wound faking in movie with condom with fake blood

9. Saree weavers use lubricated condoms on their power loom shuttles to make them move smoothly. it saves them a lot of hard work and time


10. condoms are mixed with cement and concrete to make roads reselient. In homes on roof to stop rainwater seepage thru holes.

11Sealing mixture or chip packets.

Only men do not enjoy sex with indian condoms . They want women to protect themselves with pills and other contraceptives.

 

[krish44]

Returning to the subject of the thread,I got an amazing response for a widower aged 38yrs with a kid of 5 yrs.

A girl about 30 yrs with 3 kids two boys and an adopted girl divorced-one boy elder with separated husband, one boy with her and adopted girl with her mother.

The mother made an amazing offer .

She will take care of the boy with her divorced daughter to enable her to marry again.

They are vaishnavite brahmins.


The girl is an engineer earning in lakhs and pretty good looking.

I really did not know what to say.

I blessed both the mother and daughter and gave the contact details of the boy to transact directly.

Let me see if the boy has the guts and the mindset to accept this girl and family.

 

[krish44]

I shall post the following from a social site from an indian girl 26 years

'I am a 23 year old single female. Three months age at a party at my place with a boy and girl, a fourth one a boy was invited for gender balance.

After a few[six or seven pegs] alcoholic drinks , I got tipsy. The fourth boy escorted me to bed. Near bed , I hurt myself banging against the side of bed..

The boy supported and put me to bed.

He kissed me on cheeks .'unquote,

Then the obvious happened. The next day both got up and went their separate ways. No ill feelings. Since both were stressed at work, she says they needed the

relaxation.

She says both are just friends now and nothing more.

That night is just not mentioned again.

This is new india.

 

[renuka]

I shall post the following from a social site from an indian girl 26 years

'I am a 23 year old single female. Three months age at a party at my place with a boy and girl, a fourth one a boy was invited for gender balance.

After a few[six or seven pegs] alcoholic drinks , I got tipsy. The fourth boy escorted me to bed. Near bed , I hurt myself banging against the side of bed..

The boy supported and put me to bed.

He kissed me on cheeks .'unquote,

Then the obvious happened. The next day both got up and went their separate ways. No ill feelings. Since both were stressed at work, she says they needed the

relaxation.

She says both are just friends now and nothing more.

That night is just not mentioned again.

This is new india.

But I dont think the Indian male can truly handle a sexually liberated female.

It emasculates their mind!LOL

 

[renuka]

BTW Krish ji,,,the guy in the story you pasted took a very huge risk by engaging in sexual intercourse with a girl who was under the influence of alcohol.

At any time she could cry rape after the act was over.

So its a risky situation...cos consent to sex when one is drunk can always be denied once one becomes sober.

Also this female..being drunk she might not even know if there was anyone recording her or more than one guy had sex with her etc.

So I still feel its risky behavior..legally.

 

[krish44]

Of course , it is risky for both parties .

When one is tipsy,world appears different and lovely.

One throws caution to the winds and indulge.

 

[renuka]

Of course , it is risky for both parties .

When one is tipsy,world appears different and lovely.

One throws caution to the winds and indulge.

When it comes to 'morals' I wont judge cos everyone is free to use their senses as they would like it BUT its always to be on the safer side of the law especially males..cos they can be blamed for rape anytime!LOL

Females too should be careful cos they could be blackmailed in the future in case some guy records them in action when they are in a drunken state.

Indian males are famous for revenge if they cant get girl.

So better to be safe than sorry...also one must always carry a condom in purse to prevent STD.

See when we keep morals out of the picture we can give better advise to youngsters.

I have already told my son that when he goes to college he better know I would not want to be a grandmother too soon!LOL

I have already told my son all about statutory rape and its consequences ...so stay away from pre marital sex till one's mind is mature enough to handle everything.

Even if I had a daughter my advise would be the same.

By being open with children at least they know the dangers of pre marital sex and their future.

By hiding everything this is when children land up in big trouble and innocent ones too ruin their future.

 

[renuka]

Dear Krish ji,

When I went to college my mother never gave me any advise..I asked her when I came back after graduation that why she never gave my any advise(even though I was fairly well behaved).

She got angry and said 'I brought you up with Hindu values and Hindu mothers do not need to advise their daughter on such subjects cos a Hindu female should have it in built in her to know what is wrong and right'


But I still feel parents should warn children of risky behavior and not assume our Hindu DNA would protect us from harm!LOL

 

[krish44]

We all keep shouting safety and risk free as parents.

If one talked of statistics, only in rare cases one ends up in a mess with legal implications.

Publicity given to it in media in rare cases makes it appear that some indian cities have only rapists who spend their time looking for easily available women.

Medical issues like unwanted pregnancies or fear of infections are easily managed with some protection.

Our lives in cities has too much stressful due to work and life pressures and there are no good avenues to let go.

Also peer pressure forces youngsters to look for alcohol and free dating and relationship.

Where to draw the line on such things is difficult to decide.

Some education by parents can help I suppose.

I did not do any such thing.

My children chose their mates for marriage after going steady for a few years.

Luckily their choice was better than my judgement.

They chose right.

I suppose it is only a matter of chance-who gets whom for a lifetime relationship.

And how couple adjust to each other after marriage hardly depends on actions and assumptions before taking the marriage plunge.

Most learn to cope with another person over a period I suppose.

Dysfunctional few end up in divorce courts for a way out.

 

[Raji Ram]

Many unmarried girls go in search of I-pill in metro cities (esp. the North) and it gives the plight of our society! :sad:

And ...... my friend told me that her doctor friend in Bangalore has warned an unmarried girl NOT to come for the

forth abortion; and in case she turns up again, she will have the tubectomy done!! :shocked:

 

[krish44]

Divorced girls behave differently when boys try to pick up them up for a second innings.

Their requirements from a prospective match changes.

They are down to earth and pragmatic.

The experience they have undergone in first marriage and time they took to get a release in judicial process makes them extra careful about credentials of boy,his

location and economic issues. They do not compromise on economic independance in terms of the job they have.besides, they are sure that boy preferably without

his parents should integrate with her family[her parents].Their Parents for them is their saviour.They fear domestic violence more and look for boys from good

families with no record of deviant behaviour. They also like to directly settle with the boy on their fears and aspirations before saying yes.They take a lot more time.

Interestingly, Non brahmin girls are more accomodative than brahmin girls in remarriage.Perhaps remarriage is not that much of an issue in those communities.

Since the boy I was looking for is not ready for caste or location compromises , it is getting difficult.This brahmin tag is an albatross around the neck of some.They

would rather remain without a spouse than give up the caste tag.I thought he was utterly foolish.One has to see world has changed and one has to take what one

gets and make the best of it.