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My Grandma - A Thought-Provoking Article

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- By Sri Lalitha Ramesh, An Extract from 'The Hindu', April 17, 2010​

Much has been written about Super Moms and Dads in this column that an elderly relative of mine called to complain. She feels no one gives any credit to the grandmas working behind these working mothers! When grandmas have done much more than cooking, it is unfair to glorify the working mom alone, she protests.

The conversation made me feel nostalgic about my days with my grandmothers. It is no joke bringing up seven kids — the team included six boys, mind you! While my maternal grandma was an action king (or queen?), my paternal grandmother was a picture of grace and dignity like the Buddha.

Though they never had any formal education, they instilled rich values in us that is beyond any curriculum. They knew only one thing, that children should have a sound body and mind to shoulder responsibilities in later life.

I really do not know whether they sold toothpaste those days. My grandmas prepared what we called umi kari in Tamil (roasting the paddy husk and pounding it with salt) for the battalion! Hasn't somebody said that salt in your toothpaste is good? Health drinks like Ragotine and Ovaltin were available but our grandmas prepared ragi malt and kanji (gruel) powder at home. Coffee seeds were roasted separately for the elders. There were no gas stoves or mixers or grinders or milling machines. Everything was done in ural, ammi, aattukal and endiram! God knows how many tonnes of iddli flour was ground manually. Some home made medicines were stored like treasure and given only when we fell sick. So also was the grandma's kashayam — the cure-all potion.

My grandma would cajole me to have regular oil bath for getting long and lustrous hair; warn my brothers that they would get boils all over if they neglected oil bath. We obeyed her week after week. After oil bath, she would dry our hair and apply a pinch of pepper on the head to ward off cold and cough.

But the worst ordeal was the administration of periodic castor oil to keep the digestive system trim. Each one of us would try different stunts to escape but my grandma would stand stoically with a long wooden stick in her hand (we nicknamed her as Dhandayutha Pani), to ensure compliance.

Come summer vacation, my grandmas would keep us engaged all the time. Pallanguzhi, Paramapadam, Trade and caroms were taught to keep us indoors during noon. Any time we complained of boredom, slokas, books, mathematical tables (involving fractions!), riddles and puzzles would be given to us. We would play outdoor during evenings to our heart's content or water the garden, drawing water from the well. At night, my father's mother would round us up for dinner. She would squat on the floor amid us with a “vengala paanai” (bell metal pot) full with curd or rasam rice. Mixing some curry or pickle, she would hand over to us morsels of food, simultaneously entertaining us with interesting tales. With our attention riveted on her story, we would gulp down whatever was given without any fuss. Oh, how we enjoyed the food! I still recall the way the elephants retreated at the sight of Prahalada in grandma's style of narration!

We were never taken to movies and there was no TV either, but our grandma's stories produced a cinematic effect. As we grew a little older, we realised that she needed our company as much as we enjoyed hers.

Both my grandmas gradually prepared me for the married life ahead in all ways — making me learn the etiquettes, music, kolams, cooking, sewing and the like. Above all, they taught me to be open-minded and enthusiastic to learn anything any time and be collected in times of adversity.

Theirs was simple living and high thinking. Years have rolled by, and situations have changed, but my grandmothers remain ever green in my memories.

P.S: My grandma(Maternal) was exactly or perhaps a bit more than that described in the article; we loved her so much and ever longed to see her waiting for summer holidays. The earlier generation may not have had the modern privileges yet their happiness index used to be quite high.

“The Ideal of womanhood in India is Motherhood — that marvelous, unselfish, all-suffering ever forgiving Mother.”​
- Swami Vivekananda
 
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I entirely agree with the views of the author,It is very well written.I had identical experiences with my Paternal grandmother Neelambal who lived upto 90 years.Her sense of humour is phenomenal.I had shared some of them in the jokes and Humour columns of this site earlier.
Incidentally I thank this author and Mr Nagai Raamaswamy for rekindling my memories of her.
 
Sir,

i am glad that there are some people who could appreciate the invaluable service of yesteryear generation.

With respect and regards
Rajasekhar

I entirely agree with the views of the author,It is very well written.I had identical experiences with my Paternal grandmother Neelambal who lived upto 90 years.Her sense of humour is phenomenal.I had shared some of them in the jokes and Humour columns of this site earlier.
Incidentally I thank this author and Mr Nagai Raamaswamy for rekindling my memories of her.
 
.....ditto: feel grateful for this post! quite a few of us, i am sure, have our childhood memories of grandparents, esp. grandma's, they would sound like fantasy tales from some story book, (though we are not all that old!): 'evolution' of life has been so rapid, changes in life styles have been so big in such small time spans, that we have moved away from that good old world a good deal! 'to rewind' is, 'to unwind'! -- rj
 
i am sort of suspicious of the connotations i think which are implied in rajasekar's post. does it mean that many of us here do not 'appreciate the invaluable service of the yesteryear generation'? i request him to be more specific in his note, than make a vague innuendos about the unappreciated yesteryears.

my own summer holidays were spent in a பட்டிக்காடு. till i was 8 years old, there was no electricity, and after that only intermittently due to power cuts.

the evenings, for a city bred boy, was a boring affair. the only thing elevated me from the level of boredom, was story telling by my grand aunt. all the ancient epics and tons of stories of narada.

always there was பல்லாங்குழி. i had cousins whose holidays would overlap. otherwise i was alone, in a malayali town, with an utter sense of abandonment, waiting to jump on the train to get back to chennai.

re grandmothers mentioned in this story, these are examples of gothic households with multiple generations. some had a great success due to a benevolent and capable mistress-head. others had to gruel under the thumb of mrs hitlers.

all i am saying, is not to demonize or go overboard about yesteryears. just conisder it with a grain of salt. if it was that great, we would have been dumb to abandon it. obviously not all of us are that dumb.

i appreciate lalitha ramesh's grandmother. not all grandmothers were like that. some were better. many were worse. whichis why i have problems with rajasekar's blanket statement about 'some folks here able to appreciate the invaluable service of yesteryear generation'.
 
Kunjuppuji,

Thanks for sharing your experience. i didn't mean anything so as to offend others.

Regards
Rajasekhar
 
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Let us (hoping all are in middle or in upper middle age group)be honest to ourself. Are we insisting our grant children (or even children for that purpose) to have oil bath casteroil etc. WE rush to doctor. We are more attracted by modern entertainments (tv, cinema etc). OUr children (grant children also) are more attracted in video games rather than Pallankuzhi etc. Time has changed so also the thoughts and deeds. We are shifting from collective effort to individual self centered service
 
i enjoyed this article s much,i emailed copy and paste to my working office going wife and student life kids of mine :)...grand-parents are great fun,whichever generation they belong to.i am hoping i can be a good grand-father,if not a good father :)...who knows whats good or bad these days,above al,do we need certifications from our own kith & kin,i dont think so,so ensoy everybody,life is a game,lets play it as players Cheers :)
 
Sri Subramanianji,

Absolutely agree with you. Today, we have all materialistic comforts but their is a huge deficit of 'Anuragam and Apyayatha'(Love and affection) in Modern Homes. Life is getting increasingly mechanical, family systems are crumbling and the victims are innocent children. It is an ignorance to think that everything that is western is good and that of Indian is old-fashioned/not-rational. "Good and bad are there in every community." - Gautama Buddha. May the younger generation appreciate the good in tradition(values/family systems/living in harmony with Nature - - -) and ignore the irrelevant.

With respect and regards,
Rajasekhar
Student of V.I.H.E

Let us (hoping all are in middle or in upper middle age group)be honest to ourself. Are we insisting our grant children (or even children for that purpose) to have oil bath casteroil etc. WE rush to doctor. We are more attracted by modern entertainments (tv, cinema etc). OUr children (grant children also) are more attracted in video games rather than Pallankuzhi etc. Time has changed so also the thoughts and deeds. We are shifting from collective effort to individual self centered service
 
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Sir Nachi nagaji,

This article even made me nostalgic; sent it to all my friends. Really fed up with the reports in modern English press, wherein only the bad/evil happening in the society is highlighted and projected more. "There cannot be absolutely Good Person or absolutely Bad Person." - Lord Krishna(Our First Acharya); something Good is also happening somewhere, which is not getting due recognition. Nationalist Sentiments will grow only when all the good in the Country's History is projected more but not the vice versa.

With respect and regards,
Rajasekhar
Student of V.I.H.E

i enjoyed this article s much,i emailed copy and paste to my working office going wife and student life kids of mine :)...grand-parents are great fun,whichever generation they belong to.i am hoping i can be a good grand-father,if not a good father :)...who knows whats good or bad these days,above al,do we need certifications from our own kith & kin,i dont think so,so ensoy everybody,life is a game,lets play it as players Cheers :)
 
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