Material Safety Data sheets (MSDS) for Men and Women

[mahakavi]

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According to the OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) in the US every substance that is used in any form has to have what is known as MSDS. Here are two---one for woman and another for man. Lots of humor but don't take offense.

C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS 1988
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Woman
Symbol: W02
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 45 Kg to 225 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in powder and paint film (thickness variable according to age)
2. Aromatic odour.
3. Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
4. Melts if given appropriate treatment.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes if stressed excessively.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, may become sour with age, can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore, pure specimens are relatively uncommon..

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to Gold (Au), Silver (Ag), Platinum (Pt) and all precious stones.
2. Capable of absorbing great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Liable to explode spontaneously, without warning or reason.
4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
5. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
6. Insoluble in liquids, but greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
7. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

HAZARDS
1. Highly volatile and dangerous except in experienced hands (highly dangerous in inexperienced hands)
2. Delicate handling required.
3. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
4. May begin to swell if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.


C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS 1988
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Man
Symbol: M+ (Free radical most desirable)
Discoverer: Eve
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 65 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 55 Kg to 115 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in grease and fur oxidase except at apex of specimen
2. Surface liable to tarnish, stain and attract dirt.
3. Pungent or stale odour.
4. Usually inert, but correct stimulus can promote a reaction.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes under strain.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, sours with age but can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin grade to base material, but pure specimens hard to find nowadays.
8. Not one of the ‘noble elements’ (usually found in combination with Woman).

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to alcohol (ethanol).
2. Capable of liberating quantities of expensive substances if treated correctly.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a female.
4. Softens and wilts when soaked in hot water, greater rigidity at cooler temperatures.
5. Insoluble in liquids, especially inert after saturation in alcohol (athough this state is preceded by an initial and noisy period of increased activity).
6. The most powerful money producing agent known to woman. High valency - capable of multiple bonds with Woman.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental - especially during Match of the Day or Formula One racing.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn pale and shrivel when discovered in the natural state.
2. Behaves erratically when placed alongside a superior specimen.
3. Localised expansion and rigidity when excited.

HAZARDS
1. Dangerous in inexperienced hands - unpredictable when activated
2. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
3. May induce swelling if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

 

[renuka]

What about HALF LIFE for man and woman since we are dealing with Isotopes here.

And where is the Nuclear Reactor??

BTW why did you leave the Serpent and the Forbidden Fruit out since the story involves Adam and Eve?

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

MSDS seems incomplete - Please incorporate Tests & Recommendations for
" FLASH POINT ", " STORAGE " , " HANDLING " , " TRANSPORTATION " and
" DISPOSAL REGULATIONS "

Yay Yem

 

[mahakavi]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

MSDS seems incomplete - Please incorporate Tests & Recommendations for
" FLASH POINT ", " STORAGE " , " HANDLING " , " TRANSPORTATION " and
" DISPOSAL REGULATIONS "

Yay Yem

Flash Point: Test---> cannot be measured. It is too low
Recommendation: Stay at a safe distance or leave the premises
Storage: In opulent environment. Recommendation: provide enough room in case it spontaneously explodes

Handling: gentle, look for obvious signs of instability

Transportation: In convertible Porsche, preferably a borrowed one.
Disposal: Call third party all the time.

 

[guruvayurappan]

dear mahakavi !
the comparition of the techinical,formulas to the things of their own interest is common in all field.nice interpretation.we used to compare all electrical theorems to youth activy & remembering them .
guruvayurappan

 

[mahakavi]

What about HALF LIFE for man and woman since we are dealing with Isotopes here.

And where is the Nuclear Reactor??

BTW why did you leave the Serpent and the Forbidden Fruit out since the story involves Adam and Eve?

1, No half-life. They are stable isotopes. The mass once acquired never changes especially if the mass is much higher.
2. No nuclear reactor needed. Only chemical reactor---mostly a furnace.
3. No serpent. Adam and Eve fought all their lives without the aid of the serpent. The never wore anything either. The serpent came too late in their lives to be of any consequence.

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

You are not done yet :

Kindly elaborate on the chemical reaction
such as : " Acid + Alkali = Salt + water only.
(M+) + (WO2) = Family [compound] + Debts only.

Reaction takes place in a reaction chamber [ kalyana chatram ] with the active participation of a catalyst
[priest] and at high temperature [ Homa Kundam ] when WO2 is attached to M+ in a Triple Bond in the
presence of other M+s & WO2s, long past their 'Best Before' dates.

Viscosity, Stability, Gloss Level, Salt Spray Resistance and Temperature Tolerance of the compound
too need to be addressed. Not sufficient if simulated in lab conditions.

Your opinion, most welcome.

Yay Yem

 

[mahakavi]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

You are not done yet :

Kindly elaborate on the chemical reaction
such as : " Acid + Alkali = Salt + water only.
(M+) + (WO2) = Family [compound] + Debts only.

Reaction takes place in a reaction chamber [ kalyana chatram ] with the active participation of a catalyst
[priest] and at high temperature [ Homa Kundam ] when WO2 is attached to M+ in a Triple Bond in the
presence of other M+s & WO2s, long past their 'Best Before' dates.

Viscosity, Stability, Gloss Level, Salt Spray Resistance and Temperature Tolerance of the compound
too need to be addressed. Not sufficient if simulated in lab conditions.

Your opinion, most welcome.

Yay Yem

Wow! A good challenge and a tough one too. Let me try.
First of all I have to address the second product viz., debts. That is an unwanted product and toxic (unlike the water in the acid/alkali reaction). So it has to be detoxified even to begin with. Think about it.

Now for your questions regarding the desired compound:
1. Viscosity---> It is very fluid to start slowly getting very viscous as time proceeds.
2. Stability----> Tentative to begin with, rocky later. It may settle down later in some cases or collapse totally in others.
3. Gloss level---> Initially a lot of it coming out of the reaction chamber as it is cooling off. Then the probability to tarnish is moderate to high
4. Salt resistance---> It can be too much or too little depending on several factors such as sharing duties, finance, children etc.
5. Temp tolerance---> Intolerant after the honeymoon.ray2:

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Mahakavi

1 . The 'second product' comes only after the primary reaction, so it can't be addressed first.

2 . Considering that the reaction has taken place, now you have to furnish the TDS
[Technical Data Sheet] and MSDS [Material Safety Data Sheet] of the new compound.

3 . Who ever named you MAHAKAVI ! - you seem to be a "MAHA COMIC".

We can do with more such high caliber humor from you. Well-done.

Yay Yem

 

[mahakavi]

Dear Mahakavi

1 . The 'second product' comes only after the primary reaction, so it can't be addressed first.

Yes, it may come as a result of the reaction. But it is already incurred before the reaction, in many cases spent and in other cases pledged but definitely to be met with resources.

2 . Considering that the reaction has taken place, now you have to furnish the TDS
[Technical Data Sheet] and MSDS [Material Safety Data Sheet] of the new compound.

This family is not a standardized substance. It is a very diffuse product like how the universe existed before all the stars and planets were formed. Each person or couple has to define it to suit their own tastes. We might try to standardize it. It is like defining an ideal gas which obeys the relationship PV=RT (pressure, volume, temperature relationship). There is no real gas which obeys that law. Likewise there is no standardized family. My standard will be phoo-phooed by all others who either do not have a standard at all or have a completely different standard. I can only standardize it as black or white . But in reality there are all shades of gray. If you still insist I can publish it next time.

3 . Who ever named you MAHAKAVI ! - you seem to be a "MAHA COMIC".

I got that name licensed from my favorite poet----Bharathi. He approved it :eyebrows:

We can do with more such high caliber humor from you. Well-done.

Thanks.

Yay Yem[/QUOTE/]
My response appears above in blue beneath each of your statements.

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

Apt name for a person with a terrific sense of humour. Hats off to you.

I have to say, I enjoy your posts - man you can be quite a riot.

Guruvethunai
Yay Yem

 

[Haridasa Siva]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

Apt name for a person with a terrific sense of humour. Hats off to you.

I have to say, I enjoy your posts - man you can be quite a riot.

Guruvethunai
Yay Yem

I also admire mahakavi for his contributions. I think he admitted in another thread that he does not laugh much. That is his personal choice. He has made 'chit chat' section attractive. I am happy that people are moving away from the over crowded 'General Discussion' section. Thank you, mahakaviji for your posts.:smow:

 

[mahakavi]

Dear Mahakavi Ji

Apt name for a person with a terrific sense of humour. Hats off to you.

I have to say, I enjoy your posts - man you can be quite a riot.

Guruvethunai
Yay Yem

Thanks yay yem. You are very kind.

 

[mahakavi]

I also admire mahakavi for his contributions. I think he admitted in another thread that he does not laugh much. That is his personal choice. He has made 'chit chat' section attractive. I am happy that people are moving away from the over crowded 'General Discussion' section. Thank you, mahakaviji for your posts.:smow:

Thanks HS. Let us keep the forum as lively as possible.

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Maha Kavi Ji, Manohar Kumar Ji

God : - Veg / Non Veg is an on going thread. How about using your creative, poetic
minds and coming out with new, modern day Neivedhyams ?

For centuries now, it has been Sarkkarai pongal, Venn Pongal, Thayir Saadam
Vadai, Payasam etc. And Hanuman still wears a Vadai Malai - how about a doughnut malai,
for a change ?

Please see how you can fit in a Pulau, Sookha Roti, Dal Fry, Rajma, Butter Naan, Kurma,
Raitha, Corn Flakes, Oats, Noodles, Pasta, and Baguette with Fromage.

Starting with a Coffee at the Suprabhatha Seva to ending the day with Complan during
the Ekantha Seva, I am sure you can come up a new, modernized diet plan.

Offering too many sweet items like Sarkkarai Pongal, Paayasam, Paanagam and Laddu may be having
its prati palan , increasing blood sugar levels in humans.

Would like you both to come up with something interesting.

Yay Yem

 

[renuka]

Offering too many sweet items like Sarkkarai Pongal, Paayasam, Paanagam and Laddu may be having
its prati palan , increasing blood sugar levels in humans.


Yay Yem

God knew what is the healthiest for us that's why God said:

Bhagavad Gita 9.26


patram pushpam phalam toyam
yo me bhaktya prayacchati
tad aham bhakty-upahritam
ashnami prayatatmanah

If one offers Me with love and devotion a leaf, a flower,
fruit or water, I will accept it

 

[mahakavi]

God knew what is the healthiest for us that's why God said:

Bhagavad Gita 9.26


patram pushpam phalam toyam
yo me bhaktya prayacchati
tad aham bhakty-upahritam
ashnami prayatatmanah

If one offers Me with love and devotion a leaf, a flower,
fruit or water, I will accept it

There are two issues here. One is what we offer to god. The other is we eat what is left after offering because god does not eat according to some.
So if we eat what is left over, we cannot survive by eating, leaf, flower or fruit alone. Drinking water alone will not keep your body and soul together. So we have to find those foods which we eat in our daily lives. Of course, the other option is to offer the tuLasi /vilvam to god and then eat whatever we want. There we have to exercise our judgment as to what is healthy and what is not.

 

[mahakavi]

Dear Maha Kavi Ji, Manohar Kumar Ji

God : - Veg / Non Veg is an on going thread. How about using your creative, poetic
minds and coming out with new, modern day Neivedhyams ?

For centuries now, it has been Sarkkarai pongal, Venn Pongal, Thayir Saadam
Vadai, Payasam etc. And Hanuman still wears a Vadai Malai - how about a doughnut malai,
for a change ?

Please see how you can fit in a Pulau, Sookha Roti, Dal Fry, Rajma, Butter Naan, Kurma,
Raitha, Corn Flakes, Oats, Noodles, Pasta, and Baguette with Fromage.

Starting with a Coffee at the Suprabhatha Seva to ending the day with Complan during
the Ekantha Seva, I am sure you can come up a new, modernized diet plan.

Offering too many sweet items like Sarkkarai Pongal, Paayasam, Paanagam and Laddu may be having
its prati palan , increasing blood sugar levels in humans.

Would like you both to come up with something interesting.

Yay Yem

When we offer these abovementioned items we have all those items in their entirety left over. Suppose day after day you offer all these items and they all disappear in their entirety do you think people will continue that habit (unless they have what Krishna granted KucEla---fabulous wealth not earned by them)?

So let us do this. Forget our traditional foods and go organic. I would suggest foods like: yogurt, probiotics, organically grown vegetables and fruits, non-GM grains, healthy oil-based foods (here I mean olive oil, canola oil etc.), nuts like almond, cashew, peanuts, pecans etc., (nuts are free of cholesterol and high in mono-unsaturated fats/oils). The traditional items rich in sugar and fat were considered luxuries by humans indulged occasionally for consumption. When it becomes frequent the habit becomes unhealthy.