• This forum contains old posts that have been closed. New threads and replies may not be made here. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply.
  • Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Marriage Delays

Status
Not open for further replies.
S

siva144

Guest
1. no one in family/relatives to help
2. this happening to me too

3.too smart get themselves look for girl and get married soon
4.when we/one gives others way--we/one get delayed
this is the process of selfishness
5. highly irresponsible family--they live for themselves

PROBABLE SOLUTION
1. make many friends and relatives[helpful nature]
2.this happens in --TAMIL BRAHMINS--who are too intelligent for themselves and not --so helpful for others in family
whereas in case of --Business family--family is helpful --whatsoever be the --horoscope-
they hardly have problem --like someone --not getting married in their family

Thanks

Siva
 
Last edited:

chims

Member
Delay in marriage

I have a different opinion on the subject. I have a decent knowledge in astrology and have given solutions to many. When they come and ask why the delay or has guru palan has come , i used to tell them that guru palan is only your interest in celebrating the marrige and nothing special.

The guru takes 12 years to go one cycle and every alternate house is a benefit point for marriage. Moreover, the guru standing in one house also make a forward motion for 4 months and returns the same position and with the end of the year makes a permanent move to the next house. In the new house, guru stays for 4 months and makes a forward to athe next house and so on. i used to tell it is just like govt officer who takes an additional charges for some time and gets posted to the new post permanently. Thus guru stays in a house only for 4 months and keeps adjusting with the next house. In this where is guru palan. The girl should get married before 12 years, 24 years and they come ask at 28 years when the guru palan comes.

The more the delay , only mind set should make headway and not horoscope.Many people will become expert in finding fault of the horoscopes recd to reject- sometimes they have mastered phd done in rejecting the horoscope.They simply put the blame on horoscope. Horoscopes give guidance to 10 to 20 % only. If ones horoscope suggests that the marriage of average nature and less matching rules, why ask for 10 poruththams? just saying no less than 10 poruththams means one will not get married in this life when his horoscope is just the otherway.

Many people have become addict to horoscope and wrong principles and blame themselves and others. Be open minded and get rid of horoscope addiction.When you disassociate with horoscope your marriages will get setled immediately.
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
very good answers by chims and siva. particularly the last para of chims, and the entire analysis of siva.

ajay,

i think, it is best that you know what you want. then take the matters into your own hands and go about doing it to get the results.

to put your life goals and dreams, into anyone else's hands, out of trust, for a limited time is OK. but if you are not getting the results that you seek, then i think, the right thing to do, is to take the initiative and work to setting things right.

have you advertised in shadi.com, tamil matrimony and similar websites. may i suggest, that you do and in order to get the maximum response, keep your expections ('demands') minimal.

the more parameters that you elicit for poruthams, the less the chances of finding a mate.

i guess it is a mate that you want. also, please consider going outside the tamil brahmin fold - iyengars, other tamil groups, other brahmins.. whatever maybe your level of comfort.

remember, that a tamil brahmin girl, does not necessarily guarantee happiness. or a familiarity with our way of life. if you marry outside the group, you can teach them. we do need converts, to increase our declining numbers. there is no better one who will try to familarize with our customs, than a newly inducted brahmin.

ajay, please understand, that what you are experiencing is the result of social attitude changes in our community past 50 years.
listing them below:

- small families and hence a smaller pool of candidates
- female education and hence increased money power for the girls
- female emancipation of ideas ie they are as good as the males
- as a result of above 2, net result is smarter females who have no appetite for chopLangi guys still tied to their mother's sari strings
- ancient attitudes by boys' parents - ie expecting all marriage expenses be borne by girls' parents. why not offer to foot half the bill?
- many of our girls being wooed and marrying outside of our community, which i think, our boys do not appear to catch on and hence left behind
- unbalanced sex ratio of more boys vs girls

ajay, do not lose heart. carpe diem and best of luck.

thank you.
 
What are the reasons in horoscope for the marriage getting delayed? Bcoz, everyone seeing my horoscope, said no doshams, but still marriage getting delayed.
Hello,
Delay for marriage due to the star positionedin your horoscope. one should look the 7th house, the star palced in the 7th house, the other stars views on the 7th house, lagna, 2nd, 8th, amshakam. gochara, venus,rahu placement etc. give your date of birth, place of birth and time of birth, i can help you to forcast your marriage time.
shankar krishna
 
I think the primary reason for marriage delays especially in brahmin community is the high expectations from both sides. We must try to have a realistic estimate of our economic situation and then look for a suitable partner with similar background. In my opinion, the delays are predominantly due to mismatches.
 

pbkhema

Active member
Hi Siva
Am an amature astrologist.Give me a day or two I will get back to you
On the other hand geting brides for brahmin boys is difficult and there has been lots of discussion on this topic in other groups
 
Hi., to all...

Im' new to this community... But still I think I can also raise voice to some extent...

I'm 29 yrs., old young(!) guy... My parents looking aliance for me for the last 2 years... Still I couldn't find anything...

Now slowly I can find the reason..

One is, from Bride side, their parents & gal are expecting very high.. That the boy should earn minimum Rs.30,000 p.m. Even a gal from a village thinks like that whose qualification is B.com., or B.A, discontinued...

Then I will ask those people one thing., then what about the case of boys whose salary is less than 30,000 or 25,000/-...

My personal experience, My father found one alliance thru., paper and he called the gal parents.. My father spoked with her(gals') mother and REQUESTED her to send her daughters' horoscope.. Immediately gals' mother asked, what is your sons' qualification, what is his salary? My dad said, My son is MBA-Finance & he is drawing Rs.20,000/- p.m, She replied, how come Rs.20,000/- will be sufficient enough to run the family... ??? And my dad replied, We have own house in Chennai also, where he is working.. Gals' mother said, Ok I will see and let u know.., and then disconnected the line...

These people are searching for American & Australian grooms... I'm not telling that is wrong... Give importance for Indians also...

Swami Vivekananda Says: We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.”

Lets hope for the best things to take place in everyones; life...

Regards

Under the Grace of Guru
A Beggar...
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
...Swami Vivekananda Says: We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.”

Lets hope for the best things to take place in everyones; life...

Regards

Under the Grace of Guru
A Beggar...

ramana,

you certainly are not a begger, under any definition. any guru should be proud to have you as a sishya :)

OK young man, don't you think it is high time that you took the bull by the horns?

why settle for second rate tamil brahmin brides when there are better fish in the ocean?

if i were you, i would look outside the clan. not the kachra girls for you, with their narrow outlook and 'condescending' to marry you. you don't need females with attitude.

re other tamil groups, for examples, vegetarian mudaliars and pillais, are very very close to us culturally and food wise. from then on, you can branch outwards.

with very little effort, these can be familiarized to the key female brahmin rituals, which are mostly supportive roles anyway.

and i think, they will be pleased to have an open minded brahmin son-in-law.

carpe diem!

as vivekanada rightly said, cast aside the garb of caste, and reveal the true self in you - hopefully a warm, affectionate, hopeful and above all a loving man in need of a mate.

i know an iyengar guy married through arrangement to a pillai vegetarian girl.

they are a harmonious household with two boys. suprisingly it is a saivaite household. loving and very affectionate.

not surprisingly, the in laws live far away, and no interference.

best wishes young man.
 
Last edited:

pbkhema

Active member
Dear Ajay
I have studied your horoscope and there are no factors indicating that there will be no marriage.On the other hand more than one marriage is indicated.You are in guru dasa.Tne next bukthi will be beneficial but in 2011.
Best Wishes
 
Dear Srinivas_ajay

You were born in Dhanur lagna and as per your marriage prospects, this period of Jupiter is favourable to you and it is time for marriage and the delay is caused due to doshams in 7th and 8th houses of your horo.


Dasa: Jupiter 29/08/2006 . . . . 27/08/2022
During the impact of jupiter, acts of charity and kindness, will be done, get good children, respect form king or authority, praise on acclaim form respected people, get good vehicles, live in happiness with wife/husband and children etc. All things desires will be achieved.

There is no doubt that you should marry, if you are to enjoy the life that fits your natures best. Solitude and loneliness are death to you, and given suitable companionship, you are a very charming person. You want to marry young one. For this, you should choose someone who is cheerful and entertaining as a partner. You require a home that is tastefully arranged and which reveals nothing of a sordid nature.

You should compromise for some of the aspects according to your horo and after marriage, you will have a good life. The best period for your marriage is between September 2009 to December 2010.

I could not send private messages yet as I am still a junior member. You can mail me direct at [email protected].

ALL THE BEST!

Thanks.

Shankar
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
...

There is no doubt that you should marry, if you are to enjoy the life that fits your natures best. Solitude and loneliness are death to you, and given suitable companionship, you are a very charming person. You want to marry young one. For this, you should choose someone who is cheerful and entertaining as a partner. You require a home that is tastefully arranged and which reveals nothing of a sordid nature.

You should compromise for some of the aspects according to your horo and after marriage, you will have a good life. The best period for your marriage is between September 2009 to December 2010.

...


shankar,

your response is an interesting read of an enigma bound within an answer. i thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

like me, i see that you too are a well wisher for ajay, and have come up with an alternative yet hopeful path, for the young man to find a mate.

both of us gather that ajay, being 33 years old, is on the upper cusp of an impatient bachelorhood, and we both wish him a speedy yet correct remedy.

i have snipped a portion of your post and analyzed it. pray, enlighten me as to what you exactly mean, and the method you would recommend, ajay would go about doing it

re the doshams that you mentioned, i am ignorant of those, and would bow before your wisdom. what i don't know and what you know is a deep see with no chance of any bridge building to understanding or believing on my part.

let us take the rest...

...
There is no doubt that you should marry, if you are to enjoy the life that fits your natures best. ...

i agree 100% in this statement. where is the added on value from your viewpoint? here is a guy who wants to marry, and you have only reinforced that. don't you think it is a bit fluffy?

...
Solitude and loneliness are death to you, and given suitable companionship, you are a very charming person.
...

i agree 100%. again, my reasoning is same as above. humans are born to be social as a rule. so indeed solitude and loneliness ARE equivalent death.

you have the right icing to top up this statement ..'given suitable companionship, you are a very charming person'.

i hope that whether ajay gets a 'suitable companion' or not, ajay is a charming person by himself. it would make us think twice, if ajay's behaviour is bound to his potential mate. can we please give ajay the benefit of the doubt, and agree that he is a 'charming person' regardless?

...
You want to marry young one. .
...

now sir, pray tell me, who would on his or her right mind would desire to marry an 'old' one, whatever that mean? :)

...
For this, you should choose someone who is cheerful and entertaining as a partner.
...

this sentence does not connect to marrying 'young one'. what has 'young' got to do with someone who is cheerfull and entertaining. i have seen a few young women, who are the epitome of grief, and always appear to walk around in the belief that they are carrying the sorrow of this world.

in the context of arranged marriages, when the 'getting to know' process is so brief and superficial, how will ajay choose someone who is 'cheerful and entertaining'?

the poNN paarkal is half hour.. and how much can we judge a personality and compatibility in that brief period?

...
You require a home that is tastefully arranged and which reveals nothing of a sordid nature.
...

please tell me who does not like a home arranged to their tastes? what does 'sordid' mean in this context?

...
You should compromise for some of the aspects according to your horo and after marriage, you will have a good life. ...

what aspects does ajay have to compromise? you have not given him exact details that he could follow. does this compromise have to be done now, so that he can have a good life after marriage? or should he compromise after marriage ie the adjustment period with his wife? don't we all do that or otherwise hell results?

.. and finally

...
The best period for your marriage is between September 2009 to December 2010.
...

i wish this with you 100%, though i wish for it sooner. ajay has waited long enough. may God bless him with a compatible mate.

shankar, more than anything else, i enjoyed reading your note, and parsing it. i do not know much about horoscopes.

here is a story. in my grand parents' house in malabar, we used to have a panikkar who used shells to predict the future.

prior to my aunt's marriage, my grandfather had purchased diamonds at surajmals in madras, and had telegraphed my grandma of the same.

the grandma called the panikkar to do a gaNikkal. the man predicted that there was a dark spot in one of the diamonds, and this black spot would cause misfortune for my aunt/uncle to be.

on hearing this, my grandfather, who was still in madras, took the diamond back to surajmals, who insisted that they never sold imperfect diamonds, but to satisfy the customer they examined it again.

the boss, almost fell down, when through the micrscope,they found a minute carbon particle embedded between the cuts of the diamond. surajmals, promptly replaced the diamond.

but this same panikkar, predicted that my parents' second child would be a boy. it so happened i ended up with a sister. 50% chance you say?

thank you ... :)
 

umadubai

Member
many of our girls being wooed and marrying outside of our community, which i think, our boys do not appear to catch on and hence left behind


this is very true.
i know more than 6 cases of friends circle
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
many of our girls being wooed and marrying outside of our community, which i think, our boys do not appear to catch on and hence left behind


this is very true.
i know more than 6 cases of friends circle

uma, right on the dot, you are.

in a previous note i have listed in detail the option, to follow our girls, and look for girls outside the community.

here, let me take the opportunity, for the overwhelming majority, who are either unwilling or unable to marry any other girl other than a tamil brahmin one.

hello boys, please understand that the playing field has changed. what was in the male favour since the dawn of time, is now turned topsy turvy.

justice has finally come. now it is the female's turn. i for one, coming from more girls than guys, rejoice at this change, for i remember the pain of my family, with their genteel poverty, trying to marry off the girls.

here are some suggestions to improve the tamil brahmin bachelor's eligibility. all said in seriousness, and no frivolity.

- wedding expense: offer to foot 50% or more of the bill. 50% for starters, and more if the girl's family is poor

- if the jewellery offered is below your expectations, fit the gap with your own money

- do not view the girl as a future cash cow. offer her the option to continue to help her family out where needed. while her initial loyalties may linger with the parents, very soon the reality and fun of setting up her own household will prevail

- the key is 'her' household. not going to the inlaws. if you are attached to your parents, make sure, that they live near you, and not with you. even the most understanding in-law is a pain in the butt of a young d-i-l

- be familiar with household work. not only it frees her of monopoly of the chores, but sharing is fun. learn to cook. surprise her with your cooking

- advertise. advertise. advertise. in shaadi.com, tamilmatrimony.com and other website, with all the above marketing offers. sooner or later, some fish will hook

- be sincere. the offers above are not generosity. they are based on fulfulling your need to find a mate. the old business model does not work anymore

- do not whine. do not trust the stars to sort it out for you. you will be waiting forever. do not leave it to your parents. take charge. carpe diem.

- time box this project. if within a year, no tamil brahmin girl is willing to buy your wares, one year later, things are not going to change. look outside your caste or look for a brahmin girl outside of tamil language. either will work, depending on the luck of your draw.

- above all be positive. do not let yourself feel down. the more desperate you get, the worse the world appears to be.

- finally, NEVER NEVER compare your wife's cooking unfavourably with that of your mother. this comes post marriage ofcourse, but then it is another post :)
 
never say our boys do not appear to catch on and hence left behind, not because of that boys are still wanted to follow the parents like as well as their own choices. they belive in custom and tradition. and woman marriying from another caste cannot rectify the mistake by boys countering the same.. as per hindu dharma brahimin boys marriying from other caste cannot fullfill his shristi dharma.the rest lies on confidence,belief etc. never do with two mind. once you feel there is no dosha then go for it. As the famous say " NOTHING IS GOOD OR BAD BUT THINKING MAKES IT SO". But one mistake cannot be covered by another mistake

Shankarkrishna
 

umadubai

Member
Kunjuppu your wordings are 100% correct.We :welcome: more posts like this in future.
Otherwise more girls will go out of our community to get married to muslims & christians others.The thing is they leave everything and become muslims or christians.By following these kind of stuff we are killing our community.

Manu Smriti says:
1.Never trust a women
2.Never sit along with the women Even if it is your mother
3.She may tempt you.
4.Do not sit alone with your daughter,
5.She may temp you.
6.Do not sit alone with your sister
7.She may tempt you


No more follow the above, never again !!!! :laser:
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
never say our boys do not appear to catch on and hence left behind, not because of that boys are still wanted to follow the parents like as well as their own choices. they belive in custom and tradition. and woman marriying from another caste cannot rectify the mistake by boys countering the same.. as per hindu dharma brahimin boys marriying from other caste cannot fullfill his shristi dharma.the rest lies on confidence,belief etc. never do with two mind. once you feel there is no dosha then go for it. As the famous say " NOTHING IS GOOD OR BAD BUT THINKING MAKES IT SO". But one mistake cannot be covered by another mistake

Shankarkrishna


thank you sharkar.

i appreciate your views and respect it.

it is all in the mind. but where i would like to differ, is that the girls who marry outside of the brahmin community, do not appear to think that they are committing anything wrong.

personally, i am of the same view.

hence, you will find my postings, more in tune with that line of thought.

but that does not mean, i am right. or for that matter you are right.

these are personal beliefs strongly held, and i wish to reiterate, that i woudl neither mock nor disrespect you.

i have long looking at this issue of our tamil brahmin bachelors' plight re inability to find mates within the community.

i look upon this more as a sociological issue, compounded by small families in the previous generation, separation by distances, the emancipation and vastly increased earning power of women, girls only families where they are also treated as a de-facto boy and above all changing mores.

i have deliberately discounted the religious aspect, as i come from a large family of females during my time.

with very little money, it was one hell of a bad experiences compounded several times, to marry off 3 girls on a shoe string budget.

those scenarios alone has put me off the male dominated calls for brides with the nasty and greedy demands for dowry and jewellery; and to top it off, the incomes earned.

in conclusion, since i do not consider any morality issue here, i hope you don't mind, that i cannot quite accept that there are two wrongs committed here ie girl marrying outside begets boy marrying outside.

thank you and best wishes in your endeavour.
 

KRS

Well-known member
Folks,

This topic to me illustrates the predicament we are in.

We live in the modern society, educating both our boys and girls to think freely and independently. We send them to colleges and universities to acquire such free thinking.

But then, when the times comes for marriage, we expect our girls (not the boys) to tow a line. We forget that we have deliberately created a human being who can think for herself!

We quote Shastras and what not to 'keep her within the fold'. It is too late.

Please wake up.

Regards,
KRS
 

RVR

Well-known member
To day girls in our community are better educated and are also well placed in the job market. If you log in matrimony websites, there are four boys for every girl available. Infact some of the leading astrolegers in Chennai told me that there is tremendous shortage of girls in tamil brahmin community at this point of time.

I request both boys as well as their parents to be more flexible in their approach for better results
 
marriage delays

Dear K.R..S

Living in a modern society does not mean it should be aganist the disciplinary life system.
Science,technology and high degree of thinking all are welcome. we do not want to go to the old era of untouchability,superstitions,false belief,blind faith etc. But following your karma,dharma etc should not be an escape and excuse to say as modern thinking, modern outlook etc. when a girl or boy fall in love from any caste and that means free and independent thinking, i Differ from that. every girl and boy has there own freedom to live,wishes.desires etc.custom and tradition is not a bar, and it is a matter of free thinking. especially Hinduism has no compulsion and it is group of uniform thinking.
Compination of family, friends, society,circumstances, social commitments etc all factors for a well being. And if Marriage delays is because of horoscope and lack of girls from our community , Boys can marry from any caste. Brahmachariam is meant for man only.As famous saying "Man can live without Woman But Woman cannot live Without Man". NATURE THEORY.

shankarkrisha
Folks,

This topic to me illustrates the predicament we are in.

We live in the modern society, educating both our boys and girls to think freely and independently. We send them to colleges and universities to acquire such free thinking.

But then, when the times comes for marriage, we expect our girls (not the boys) to tow a line. We forget that we have deliberately created a human being who can think for herself!

We quote Shastras and what not to 'keep her within the fold'. It is too late.

Please wake up.

Regards,
KRS
 

KRS

Well-known member
Dear Sri shankarkrishna Ji,

The first part of your posting befuddles me. I have read it sevaral times and still do not understand it's meaning. Can you clarify? Are you agreeing or disagreeing with my previous post?

I understood though the meaning of the second part of your posting about 'Nature Theory'. With all due respect the 'famous saying' you quote is the first time I am hearing of it. The sentiment you express through is exactly the attitude that is turning off many girls towrds marrying within our community!

You seem to also imply that somehow only men can observe abstinence and not women. There is a long time tradition of Brahmacharinis in our culture. I am surprised you don't know this.

We need to throw awy any tradition that does not make sense today, especially when it threatens the existence of our 'clan'.

Regards,
KRS


Dear K.R..S

Living in a modern society does not mean it should be aganist the disciplinary life system.
Science,technology and high degree of thinking all are welcome. we do not want to go to the old era of untouchability,superstitions,false belief,blind faith etc. But following your karma,dharma etc should not be an escape and excuse to say as modern thinking, modern outlook etc. when a girl or boy fall in love from any caste and that means free and independent thinking, i Differ from that. every girl and boy has there own freedom to live,wishes.desires etc.custom and tradition is not a bar, and it is a matter of free thinking. especially Hinduism has no compulsion and it is group of uniform thinking.
Compination of family, friends, society,circumstances, social commitments etc all factors for a well being. And if Marriage delays is because of horoscope and lack of girls from our community , Boys can marry from any caste. Brahmachariam is meant for man only.As famous saying "Man can live without Woman But Woman cannot live Without Man". NATURE THEORY.

shankarkrisha
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top
Thank you for visiting TamilBrahmins.com

You seem to have an Ad Blocker on.

We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy.

Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page

You can also donate financially if you can. Please Click Here on how you can do that.

I've Disabled AdBlock    No Thanks