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Mangala Sutra/Thali Kodi in Marriage

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Namaste all,

The Mangala Sutra although not written in the scriptures, has become a key part of a Hindu ceremony. Am I right in stating that it is traditionally bought by the groom's family? Some cultures provide more than one Thali kodi for the bride - one for regular use. In this circumstance would the bride's family be required to contribute?

A colleague of mine is marrying a Chettiar and has been asked to buy her own Thali kodi. Her mother-in-law has said she will give a second Thali Kodi. I am not familiar with this practice please can you shed light on this?

Meena
 
The Thali Kodi's cost is shared by the Both the bride's and groom,s parents. It is generally made by the Bride,s parents.
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Here the question is what constitutes the Thali. It is the pendent which constitutes the thali. The design of the pendent varies.
 

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I think it depends on the family customs, to a large extent. In our family, the practice is to share the mangalyam, by both the sides.
 
Customs really differ..out here in Msia..in Non Brahmin marriages..the Thali (the "Mc Donald" M shaped ) and the Kodi is bought be the groom' s side and also all jewelery worn by the bride is bought by the groom's side..the ring gifted to the bride's brother is also bought by the groom.

Out here males foot the entire bill for the marriage.
 
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there are two thirumangalyams -one each given by boy and girl side. kodi -the gold chain on which the mangalyams

are strung is given by girls side these days. it used to be given by boys side years back.

boys parents in brahmins marriages have learnt to transfer the bulk of marriage costs including marriage hall and

food to girls side making it really a very expensive proposition for girls parents. some good parents of boys

sometimes share some costs. the hugh wedding cost is the principal reason for late arranged marriages of girls. most

parents like their girls to earn and support their marriage costs. that is one of the reasons girls prefer to marry out of

caste as it saves them these costs- love marriage with other caste boys saves money for girl and parents of the girl .lol
 
that is one of the reasons girls prefer to marry out of

caste as it saves them these costs- love marriage with other caste boys saves money for girl and parents of the girl .lol

I am baffled by this logic and seriously have a doubt as to whether girls marry out of caste to avoid marriage expenses as a reason. It may be an incidental event, but a reason?

So, as per this generalized reason (?), a girl who marries from caste A into caste B can save some money because family belonging to caste A will demand dowry/expenses from only a family of caste A and not from a family belonging to caste B. Similarly, a family belonging to caste B will demand dowry/expenses from only a family of caste B and not from a family belonging to caste A.

Wow, I stand educated. :)

The last time I discussed the subject of "pen veetu seer" was day before yesterday with a muslim from Kumbakonam and as per his statement their custom for the girl's side is to do a minimum of 100 "sovereign" gold + vehicle + marriage expenses +++. Of course this may slightly vary with the degree of affluency but broadly it is the accepted standard.

Other castes like chettiars and gounders have a similar custom if not more. People are very meticulous about money and sometimes cash is exchanged apart from gold.

It is perhaps brahmins who have adapted readily to the changing reality and stepped down in terms of wedding costs and dowry requirements. My uncle, some thirty years back, made a rule that he would not demand anything from the girl's side and stuck to it.
 
auhji
many educated working brahmin girls prefer a love marriage to an arranged one , this

dissuades the boys parents from asking for cash or jewellery. besides, the boys parents are also required to share

marriage expenses or accept registered marriage. they have no bargaining power due to the acts of their boy who

has fallen in love.lol
 
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Individuals due to some "value system" may not want dowry. I do not personally know any TB wedding with dowry (money, cars, houses etc). Yes the girls side bore the cost of wedding which may include saris etc for the grooms family.
But I know of other communities with horrendous amount of cash, gold etc as dowry.
 
It is not as simple as all that. We have discussed this issue before. For both my sons we wanted a simple marriage. But the parents of the girls were not willing. They wanted a grand wedding. They were worried about their status and social standing. I could not persuade them.
 
I am baffled by this logic and seriously have a doubt as to whether girls marry out of caste to avoid marriage expenses as a reason. It may be an incidental event, but a reason?

The more illogical a point is, the more attention it will gather. The logic can also keep varying from thread-to-thread. Also the poster gets a free chance to post his own idiosyncrasy.
 
hi all..thaali kodi is different from..thaali. thaali means the mangal sutra whose design differs from community to community.its attached to a yellow thread-which later changed to be the one madeby gold- is called kodi. this practice of wearing gold kodi came into practice
only around70 or 80 yrs b4.
 
Apart from the mangala sutra, the toe rings (bichhua), kumkum, bangles, nalla pusalu (black pearls) and nose ring form six symbols that may indicate that a woman is married. While there are local variations with respect to the others, the mangala sutra is nevertheless worn by most married women in southern parts of India.
Thali was not prevalent in north India, there is no equivalence to the Tamil (and other SI community) Thali ceremony in weddings. But now it has become fashion, my non-tamil friends now want to copy this jewellery.

With changing times and varying needs of women, especially in the metropolis, who are no longer stay-home wives, the concept of wearing a mangalsutra has changed visibly. Now, it is more of a fashion than a symbol of marriage. Rarely does a working woman don a mangalsutra over her trendy business suits. Also, there is a dramatic change in the style and make of the mangalsutra these days. Previously, women wore heavy and elaborate gold mangalsutras, but now, the trend is to wear short, sleek and single string ones with small designer diamond pendants. However, the black beads remain to ward off the evil and uphold the sanctity of the institution of marriage.
 
Times change, Fashion changes, customs change, but greed (in any form or by any reason) is constant. These things have been discussed umpteen times in umpteen forums. But the villains of the issue are ever current. Though I do not point out to any body, the boys mother (and father if he goes with his wife - mostly they do) and the girl and her mother and their sympathizers have not shown any intention to change. It is an age old or yugas old problem. They will come out with a lame excuse that somehow a semblance of old practice is to be retained. I will argue for them whether the Sun has changed? No. Then they are right!
 
....... A colleague of mine is marrying a Chettiar and has been asked to buy her own Thali kodi. Her mother-in-law has said she will give a second Thali Kodi. I am not familiar with this practice please can you shed light on this? ......
Dear Meena,

'Thaali kodi' is a chain and 'thaali' is the pendant like piece. I think you are confusing both.

Each family has a design for 'thaali' and usually the groom's side design is selected. :)

You will be amazed to see the verity of designs available in the market.
 
hi

in kerala nair weddings are simple...likewise arya samaj wedding of punjab....very simple and no THALI BUSINESS...JUST SINDHOOR

IN FOREHEARD...i even heard a marriage was stopped due TO THAALI DESIGN....
 
Dear Meena,

'Thaali kodi' is a chain and 'thaali' is the pendant like piece. I think you are confusing both.

Each family has a design for 'thaali' and usually the groom's side design is selected. :)




You will be amazed to see the verity of designs available in the market.

Rajiji is right as usual.
But Thali from Boys side and another one from girls side is common nowadays.
 
hi

in kerala nair weddings are simple...likewise arya samaj wedding of punjab....very simple and no THALI BUSINESS...JUST SINDHOOR

IN FOREHEARD...i even heard a marriage was stopped due TO THAALI DESIGN....

Yes sir you are right.
Even in Bengal they do not have Thali.
 
........ But Thali from Boys side and another one from girls side is common nowadays.
This is a practice in many families but the design is usually as per the groom's family.

My family's design of thaali has only Sivalingam but Ram's family has both Sivalingam and Meenakshi.

So, both the pieces were made at Madurai and the expense shared by both side parents.

For my daughter in law, we made the same design and shared the expense. 'Kodi' was our gift! :)
 
I find it hard to believe that the Thali expenses is shared by both groom and bride's side.

I feel it should be the grooms side that should pay for a Thali cos that is the least a man can do for his wife..if he cant "afford" to pay for a Thali he should not consider getting married.
 
I find it hard to believe that the Thali expenses is shared by both groom and bride's side.

I feel it should be the grooms side that should pay for a Thali cos that is the least a man can do for his wife..if he cant "afford" to pay for a Thali he should not consider getting married.
you know renukaji
telugu iyers boys side give two thaalis one extra than normally done called 'amma kattiya thali'which the mother of

the boy ties. My daughter married to telugu iyer ended up with three thaalis -one tamil vaishnavite given by us and .

two from boys side. the thaalis with their gundus take upto 70 percent space around the neck leaving little room for the gold chain on

which it is strung. who would like to carry it around the neck if these thaalis are large themselves along with a heavy

gold chain. I am surprised that you are making it a huge issue. you might be better off with telugu iyer groom who

can give multiple thaalis
 
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This is a practice in many families but the design is usually as per the groom's family.

My family's design of thaali has only Sivalingam but Ram's family has both Sivalingam and Meenakshi.

So, both the pieces were made at Madurai and the expense shared by both side parents.

For my daughter in law, we made the same design and shared the expense. 'Kodi' was our gift! :)
when my son a vaishnavite married an iyer girl, I grandly said let each side make a thaali of their choice.

I did not want to get into a war on the the thaali signs. I told one of my relatives to take care of it with my

prospective sambandhi.my relative a senior conventional lady preserved the vaishnavite faith by buying two identical

thengalai brahmin sign thaali to preserve our faith.lol

I pitied my sambandhi as his daughter was getting transformed into a vaishnavite with our caste signs and madisar

the poor girl also ended up going to vaishnavite kovil kula deivam.

but at the maarriage , my sambandhis wore madisar their style , men sported vibhuthi.

my family ladies wore our style madisar. not to be left behind, I asserted my vaishnaavite identity with our caste sign

on forehead.I felt like a stage actor making a friendly appearance at an event in fancy costume
 
you know renukaji
telugu iyers boys side give two thaalis one extra than normally done called 'amma kattiya thali'which the mother of

the boy ties. My daughter married to telugu iyer ended up with three thaalis -one tamil vaishnavite given by us and .

two from boys side. the thaalis with their gundus take upto 70 percent space around the neck leaving little room for the gold chain on

which it is strung. who would like to carry it around the neck if these thaalis are large themselves along with a heavy

gold chain. I am surprised that you are making it a huge issue. you might be better off with telugu iyer groom who

can give multiple thaalis
hi

generally telugu iyer grooms with NALLA POOSALU THALI....means small black beeds with round shape pendant......
 
This is a practice in many families but the design is usually as per the groom's family.

My family's design of thaali has only Sivalingam but Ram's family has both Sivalingam and Meenakshi.

So, both the pieces were made at Madurai and the expense shared by both side parents.

For my daughter in law, we made the same design and shared the expense. 'Kodi' was our gift! :)
hi

genrally kerala iyers are ONLY SIVALINGAM WITH 2 THALIS IN ONE KODI....it should be ONLY ON YELLOW THREAD NOT

EVEN GOLD KODI.....now everything fashion /convineance......
 
I find it hard to believe that the Thali expenses is shared by both groom and bride's side.

I feel it should be the grooms side that should pay for a Thali cos that is the least a man can do for his wife..if he cant "afford" to pay for a Thali he should not consider getting married.
Dear Renu,

This custom of sharing the expense is in tambarms and the point is NOT whether the guy can 'afford' it or not. :nono:

It is a sort of 'mutual commitment' by the parents of the groom and the bride to see that the couple live happily ever after! :hug:
 
Dear Krish Sir,

I burst into laughter reading your post about the dress of your Iyer sambandhis, during your son's wedding.

Do you think you can change the WHOLE family of that Iyer girl as T. Iyengars, just by this wedding? :lol:
 
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