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kalyanam kaal katta /vara prasadama?

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Kaal kattu enru ninaippavarukku, athu ORU Kaal kattalla, ERANDU kalukkume kattu.

Aanaal athu inmbam enru ninaippavarkalukku,, ninaithaale inikkum..

Whatever be ....it is quite different from the imagination of the unmarried..


Try the water by diving into it..
 
Sri Swaminatha Sharma ji,

Aaha-Oho, Besh-Besh enna oru velakkam, enna oru velakkam.

Unglodia varigalai paditha enda vaalibha paiyanum, kanni pennum thirumana seyya thudipaargal.

Nandri, nandri nandri....

Naan enna cholla virumbareyn naaa...

Kalyaanam Oru Inbamaana Kaal Kattu....
Vara Prasadam Endru Thaane Cholla Vendum
Samsaaram Minsaaram Endraalum
Thavikkaamal, Varunthaamal Vaazhandhu paaru...



Nandri udan...
RAVI
 
Namaskarams,
Kalyanam, it is neither a kaal kattu nor a vara prasadam. It is one of your duties. Out of the different ( Sorry, i am forgetting the exact number) stages of your life, gruhasthsramam is one stage, from where your acts and deeds starts bearing fruits. You, alongwith your wife, with her full suppot, start doing karmas and these karmas only, that is doing with the due support of your wife, will lead you to sath marga and ultimately to Mukthi. So Gruhasthasrama is the step to Mukthi. In Gruhasthasrama, All your deeds need the support of your wife, then only it attains the completeness. So marriage is a sort of duty for every human being.
 
i cannot but have a gut wrenching feeling at some of the wonderment re marriage, expressed by our young bachelors.

i presume these are in their 30s, and are but a representative sample of an immensely large number. i also suspect, this is the largest single segment of our community at this point.

what anguishes me, is that these folks appear to view the institution of marriage, ie the process of sharing an household with a member of the opposite sex as if it were a feature from another dimension.

as i undersand it, the man's sexual prowisity peaks at 25 years of age. based on this, i would presume that most of our youngsters are not only lacking social contact with women, but also further physical relationships.

there is nothing right or wrong here, except, i feel, that there is a deep violation of some of our natual laws.

now a days, with longer periods of study required to build a foundation, with focus to build a career, such functionalities as marriage are pushed further in years.

this is the same situation in the west, among the ambitious folks. but there the social mores are such, that men and women intermingle, socialize, co-habit - all without inhibitions from a society.

such that, the physical needs of a human nature are satisfied, and thanks to modern technology, without the previously accompanying by products aka babies.

i am not so sure as to how to approach this topic from a viewpoint of answering the pure physical nature of nature's calls - instincts that we knowingly suppress, and in that process, develop a longing and craving, that for sure, bound to end in disappointment for some - such high are the expectations, and so vast are the chasms between reality and imagination.

more later...
 
it was the custom in all tamil communities till the 1950s, to have early marriage.

my dad was 24, mom 18 when they were married.

the previous generations, were closer to earth and accepted the strength of rustic desires. perhaps, this was their solution to avoid extra marital scandals and pre marital sex.

not sure of both of the above in our community today.

in the 60s and later we developed the need for higher education, which appears to be going higher all the time. it also takes time to settle down in one's career.

when my father married my mother, he had just started working. there was not much thought about comforts of life.

salary was considered sufficient to start a family if it paid the rent, clothed and fed the two of them. i think, the expectations, immediate post marriage, may be different today. not sure.

so the marriageable age moved upwards since the 60s, and still moving further upwards currently.

young couples married in the mid twenties are a rarity among arranged marriages. atleast i have not experienced any, in my extended family.

this extended period of bachelorhood, invariably has come with its own set of complexities. while the male youth is expending the bulk of its energy and focus on building a career, we have perhaps our girls following a similar path, but with a newfound freedom to perhaps peek over the previously laid curtains re celibacy, appa amma arranged marriage, dowry, financial dependency and above all the rigours of புகுந்த வீட்டு பரிச்சயம்.

so we have now, youth in their 30s and within sight of 40s, single, desperate and due to their isolation from the women folk, an absolute surrealistic vision of what married life ought to be.

the title of this thread personifies two extremes. but these are extremes of yore, when innocence and ignorance were the starting points of a marriage, parental guidance a taken for fact, partly due to joint family and partly due to the fiancial indigence of the young couple.

the rules have now changed, though our mindset perhaps has not.

more later...
 
My views below are meant for our youngsters.

After college education and before marriage is the period where both boy and girl enjoy freedom to the maximum extent.

During education, it is highly tied to the subject and exams. Moreover they live with parents support.

Once they start earning on their own, they don't depend on parents for money. Parents are also greatly relieved during this period when they don't have to spend on their children anymore. They also permit the children to relax and enjoy.

Due to late marriages now, this period is slightly extended. However a new innings starts after marriage. For boys particularly their freedom is definitely curtailed to great extent. They have to necessarily return home early and cannot stay with their friends overnight. Definitely it could be termed as a `Kaal Kattu'. Then getting children, education right from LKG to higher levels, employment of children, marriage of children- the journey is quite long consuming money and time apart from tensions. Managing a flat or house etc has to take place in between if you don't inherit property from parents. It is a challenge but at the end of the period, if everything is settled properly, it is really a great pleasure.

Our youngsters have to take up the above challenge with right frame of mind. Both the spouses are taking up employment nowadays and money may not be a problem. But bringing up children is a challenge and probably grand parents can play an effective role. Make use of grand parents to the best possible extent and at the same give them full respect for their age & experience.

Remember the words of Kannadasan `நல்லதொரு குடும்பம் பல்கலை கழகம்' and carry on.

All the best
 
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Sri Kunjuppu ji,

Each of your pin pointed statements are absolutely true...

The case study that you have undertakes is worth discussing to explore unique views of every individual in this context.

You have correctly indicated the fact that late marriages are due to aspirations of higher studies, strong career foundation and financial stability. I feel that apart from these the prime factor seems to be youths hesitant to get into marital responsibilities.

I believe, most of the eligible youths from mid 90's are more exposed to the media and are facilitated with technologically backed social interactions, remain in confused state of mind with respect to marriage proposals. These girls and boys don't want to make any hasty decisions. Rather are prepared to keep passing the time, enjoy the liberty of being single and than get into marital status, making their selection independently. Needless to say I am one among them. As well the reasons of delays can be any of the domestic problems for which an individual can not be held responsible.

I feel that today’s singles in their 30’s and within sights of 40’s are not at all confused and ignorant about what married life ought to be. They all very well understand the system. In fact, are too worried to manage Samsaram that really seems to be Minsaram [that need be handled with at most care and expertise] owing to non-existence of joint family system and challenging social environment. Both boys and girls seem to have zero tolerance level and are highly speculative.

Physical nature of nature’s call –

As far as physical need as the nature’s call for eligible singles are concerned, we can say that this is the most crucial factor that is vulnerable and pathetic. It is a hit-wit situation where a person can neither be blamed nor be supported per se. This is the factor that challenges one’s attitude and individuality. The chances of physical relationships are not at all ruled out as per today’s work culture that offers close association, distant travels and odd time office work. This is the general phenomenon irrespective of cast and creed and we Brahmins are no exceptions to this.

Some could manage them self with out indulgence and some can not. Some of the people involving in physical relationships feel guilty and many never and keep continuing

Physical relationship has become so common in this present generation that it is considered for granted unless one gets married. I have come across many guys who say physical relationship can not be considered wrong until marriage and is simply a Give And Take Policy. These are critical issues that can never be justified either in support or in against.

Guys could not identify a perfect girl and girls could not find a perfect guy. Who ever they get as their life partner depends upon their fate. Nothing else can help them in this regard.

But it is true that in majority of the cases potency, physical capacity and complications are the serious issues for people getting married at a later age.


Cheers..

RAVI
 
a few more points about early marriage.

the older we get, the more set we are in our ways. that appears to be the law of nature.

ask a 6 year old to do something. it is different asking a 16 year old. worse still a 26 year old. i do not even want to go near a 36 year old.

the malleability to adjust and learn decreases with age. a partner, who becomes a part of your life, at 24 is easier to grow up with, and learn together than one at 34.

enough said on that.

another thought process that i disagree, is that the focus on studies will be spoiled by thought of girls. personally, i think, these are two different compartmentalized needs.

the need to romance, date, partner and have companionship is a natural phenomenon, which i think, can live side by side with intense study habits or work ambitions.

one need not be at the expense of the other. this, often, is the biggest mistake that our community makes ie wait till one is over, before giving attention to the other.

in the west, atleast to what i know, college education, is not all study. there is a lot of male female sociliazing that proves to form the foundations to many cases of a shared living leading to permanence, whether it be called common law or formal marriage.

i am not sure whether our youth have this outlet, to what i know of the current conditions.

career focus, is more demanding, and calls for more adjustment. this is where the life work balance comes to play.

a person, focussing on career in his late 20s and early 30s, will have a big adjustment when starting grihasthahood in mid to late 30s.

for a community, which prides on its விவேகம், i am not sure, whether my parent's generation and those that followed it, thought through many of their novel actions which broke away from the traditions.

in these i include

- decisons to limit to small families, which i think, for a small community of our size, is now defusing to be a population implosion, which at this late stage, which many of us including myself, lament, but are unable to do anything - mainly because of late marriage and our (what i think) absurd refusal to let in fresh blood from other groups.

i wish bhagvat ramanuja was here again today.

thank you for your patience. :)
 
as i undersand it, the man's sexual prowisity peaks at 25 years of age. based on this, i would presume that most of our youngsters are not only lacking social contact with women, but also further physical relationships.

there is nothing right or wrong here, except, i feel, that there is a deep violation of some of our natual laws.

now a days, with longer periods of study required to build a foundation, with focus to build a career, such functionalities as marriage are pushed further in years.

this is the same situation in the west, among the ambitious folks. but there the social mores are such, that men and women intermingle, socialize, co-habit - all without inhibitions from a society.

such that, the physical needs of a human nature are satisfied, and thanks to modern technology, without the previously accompanying by products aka babies.


..


Engeyo kallu kadikkuthe....?
 
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