Holding marriage ceremony of son in the one year period subsequent to father,s demise

[ivar52]

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Dear Sir,
Can a son's marriage be conducted during the one year period subsequent to his father's death?
Regards
ivar52

 

[kunjuppu]

ivar52,

here is a related thread on this subject. perhaps you will find your answer there.

also there are pdf attachments about theetu.

http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/religion/3060-religious-restrictions-before-varushabdhikam.html

 

[T.S.Sankara Narayanan]

Dear Sir,
Conducting a Sons Marriage within a year before the complete of "Varusha Sirardham" purely depends on the situation and necessity.
For example My marriage was fixed on 22nd Jan/90.
My Marriage betrothal was held on 14th Dec/1989.
On Jan 1st of 1990 my father expired.
In spite of this mis happening The remaining elders in our family decided to conduct my marriage because my wife is from Nagapattinam.
Nagapattinam is a Pattinam only in Name but even now it is more or less a Village.
The surrounding people of the street will try to prick my wife by saying that Even before marriage ,"Mamanarai Muzungitta".
This will hurt not only the Girl but also affect the Brides Family very much.
So in order to not to Fell into that ,"Pen Pavam"I conducted my marriage on the already fixed day but I never conducted Reception in my home town Tirunelveli.
If Betrothal was not fixed I would have Post poned my marriage.

Above all I took a oath not to take part in any discussions in this Forum but if your enquiry if involved in a girls future it must not hurt her or her future in any way.
Thats why I participated.Sorry to all friends.

 

[Sabesan Narayanaswami]

Dear Sir,
Can a son's marriage be conducted during the one year period subsequent to his father's death?
Regards
ivar52

NO-It cant be performed in this case.There have been cases known to me where the son's wedding was postponed after Nischayathartham was performed.Infact no subhakaryam will be performed till completion of Varushabthikam.This is what I have heard from elders.you may seek views of others also in this regard,

 

[ivar52]

Thank you all for your feedback.
Regards
ivar52

 

[DURGADASAN]

We saw our Sis-in-law for my elder brother in december 21 and fixed the engagement date as Jan 21. But, as TSS sir case, my grandma (my father's mother- my father is the kartha) passed away on January 1 new year. But, we did not stopped that function. many said that, in a house with such sad demise (It is not a sad demise at all. my granny was 83 years young and my thatha is still alive) a function with celebrations should happen. Even we fixed his marriage by May and that too happened well before the varushabthikam.

In today's economic crises, you cannot revert back (invitation charges, rent for hall, advance for cook, etc etc). So many things are there. Even the died persons won't like that. "Sethhum keduthan seedakadhi" - will they like this???
They lived for our happiness only. So, certianly they wont get angry with this. One main thing is dont give up the pithru karyas (I mean maasya, sodhakumba etc) and do marriages...

Pranams

 

[iyerponnu]

A very similar situation happened when I got married. Our engagement took place on the 9th of October and my father-in-law's mother (aged 93) passed away on the morning of the 12th. (That was when my husband left after our engagement). All we did was to wait for 40 days after which we started the preparations for the wedding which was held in March. Nobody commented on this..
Also in our extended family, an uncle passed away recently (it was an accident), his daughter-in-law's seemandham took place last week..I m told that if they can do any nalla kariyam (wedding, upanayanam etc) within a year, it is considered that the deceased actually took part in the occasion..but I think this is true for 'kalyana saavu..'.

 

[ivar52]

Dear Sir/Madam
Essentially, it all boils down to the state of emotion you are in. If in the opinion of the people closest to the deceased person feel that he/she would have been happy to see the "nallakaryams" being conducted, it should be gone ahead with. But, is it as simple as that? If discretionary powers are given in these matters to decide what is appropriate or not, I suppose that this rule should never have been there in the first place.
Regards
ivar52

 

[DURGADASAN]

I thought sharma ji as the right person to clarify in this issue...:der:

Pranams

 

[jaichand]

Namaskarams to all Elders and hai to all youngsters of Tamil brahmin of this site.I just have happended to see this site while searching for some temple. I am in Chennai and am a HR Consultant and Finacial Consultant in HDFC std life insurance. Our Native place is Chidambaram.I am a Bharat Wasi- I do not like the name Indian which is given by British. I am a Good PRO. I joined this site to know about our people's activities and Contributions to the society and meet people.There ae lot more issues to be discussed in this forum about Our community both positive and negative and convert Negative into positve side.

 

[sadasivam.sridharan]

As per shastram,there is nothing wrong in doing Kanyaadhaanam before the varshaabdhikam.It is perferable not to perform the son's marriage for a year and it would be in order with our dharma shastram.Here again,it depends on the kala varthmanam and the circumstances of the individual case.
S.Sridharan

 

[jaichand]

Yes, Mr.Swaminathan is right. There is no restrictions to perform marriage. Only thing is one should not do pooja to Kula devatha nor any deity. You can go and submit Inviatation to Lords Padam and seek blessings .No harm in that.One can visit temples and just pray. Thats all.

 

[srinikam]

Dear ivar52,

When expire of a parent, the great great grand parent get relived. (as we follow 3 generation system). As the marrige/ upanayanam ..etc are not to be carried out without Vriddi Nandhi, which means a start of a new era with pitru's blessing.

The vriddi nandhi are not performed till the passed soul gets a place in pitrulokam. (Till that, it is called pitru bootham) Which is considered to take one year. Untill then elder son supposed to conduct SodaKumbam everyday, 12 masikam, 4 unaabdikam & aabdikam after the end of first year. As the passed away soul is not attained pitru position hence it is not perfomed.

Also there is feeling that the pitru's are most angered & powerful blesser. Pitru kopam / shaapam will not provide a good result for the future generation.

Also the reason that, we may have to face lot of emotional embracement during the event as explained in the senior's reply.

Some arguments says that, the bachelor cannot perfom homam for pitru,hence he can get marry. But these are exemption in some situation.

In general, the marriges are not carriedout due to emotional issue & can be performed under some exempted situation, which need to be checked on timely basis.

 

[Sabesan Narayanaswami]

I know I hold the minority view in this case.I still hold on to my earlier views.Leave alone all the arguments,views and counter views,escape clauses,prayachitams and so on.Will any one feel like conducting a wedding or engage in any celebrities when you have lost your father(however old he may be) who gave life and position in life to you.It is as simple as that.

 

[ivar52]

I now realize that there is a divergence of views on the subject matter that I raised. I raised the matter in the public forum as I was scandalized and disturbed when I learnt about the fixing of my recently deceased relative's son's wedding. I feel suitably chastised and am convinced that I need not have been so judgemental. Thanks to all members for their inputs.
Regards
ivar52