Hi, i need your help...

[theblues]

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Hi everyone,

I know it may sound ridiculous to say that i am not a Brahmin but here i am joining the Tamil Brahmin online community. However, i am here because i want to know about everything of your caste, which i can hardly read from any books. Such information doesn't seem to be published in any particular book about Brahmin or something like that, or at least, not in English. So, i do hope you can provide me such precious information which is utterly important to me as i am a non-religious girl from South East Asia and I've unintentionally deeply fallen in love with an Indian guy who is a pure vegetarian from Chennai, and only since last night, I've by chance come to know that my friend is a Brahmin.

I have two mere questions (at the moment i will ask more soon), which i hope you can help me answer them.

1. I have read in wikipedia that Iyers comprise of Smartha and Saivite Brahmins and are broadly classified into Vadama, Vathima, Brhatcharnam, Ashtasahasram, Sholiyar and Gurukkal. So i wonder if there's any difference between 6 aboves.

2. I know that Brahmins won't marry anyone from other castes or religions, which i wonder if it's a sin for a Brahmin to marry someone who is not in his caste. Is there any possibility for a girl like me to be a part of a Brahmin family?

One more question added. Is there a special God that is worshiped by all Brahmin as his main God? Or does it depend on each individual's choice to worship his own main God?

If you can answer any of those questions, please reply. I am sincerely wholly desperate for your help.

:help: Thanks in advance .

 

[RVR]

Hi everyone,

I know it may sound ridiculous to say that i am not a Brahmin but here i am joining the Tamil Brahmin online community. However, i am here because i want to know about everything of your caste, which i can hardly read from any books. Such information doesn't seem to be published in any particular book about Brahmin or something like that, or at least, not in English. So, i do hope you can provide me such precious information which is utterly important to me as i am a non-religious girl from South East Asia and I've unintentionally deeply fallen in love with an Indian guy who is a pure vegetarian from Chennai, and only since last night, I've by chance come to know that my friend is a Brahmin.

I have two mere questions (at the moment i will ask more soon), which i hope you can help me answer them.

1. I have read in wikipedia that Iyers comprise of Smartha and Saivite Brahmins and are broadly classified into Vadama, Vathima, Brhatcharnam, Ashtasahasram, Sholiyar and Gurukkal. So i wonder if there's any difference between 6 aboves.

My replies are in blue


Vadama, Vathima, Brihacharnam and Astasahasram are all sub sects of Smartha Community. Sholiyar may also belong to this subsect. They are all followers of Advaitha Philosophy of Aadhi Sankarar and worship all all Gods including Shiva, Vishnu, Sakthi, Vinayaka, Subramanya and Sun.

Gurukkal is a pure shaivaite and may not worship Lord Vishnu.

2. I know that Brahmins won't marry anyone from other castes or religions, which i wonder if it's a sin for a Brahmin to marry someone who is not in his caste. Is there any possibility for a girl like me to be a part of a Brahmin family?


It is upto the individual and his family to accept you within their community. Normally the marriages are taking place within the community and some people still stick to sub-sect also.

One more question added. Is there a special God that is worshiped by all Brahmin as his main God? Or does it depend on each individual's choice to worship his own main God?

As I said earlier Smartha brahmins accept all Gods which I mentioned earlier. But there may be a family deity (Kula Devatha) which they attach more importance than other Gods.

If you can answer any of those questions, please reply. I am sincerely wholly desperate for your help.

:help: Thanks in advance .

All the best

 

[C RAVI]

theblues,

In addition to Sri RVR's valid and responsible replies, I would like to pass on my suggestions.

If you have unintentionally, deeply fallen in love with a Brahmin guy and the guy got the same macho towards you, go ahead and be carefree to hold his hands. He will take you ahead along with his society, if he really feels to stick on.

Being in love, I believe one need not to be so concerned to know the depth of partner's ethnical identity. The life will go on, enjoying every moment of it, guiding and supporting each other.

Whether the differences exist across international, social and religious boundaries or not, a true love, equally shared between two would help to adopt an intimate and meaningful life pattern beyond personal preferences.

 

[theblues]

Dear C RAVI,

The boundary is huge indeed as he says he's from an orthodox Hindu family, he's very religious and he's a pure vegetarian, while i am a non-vegetarian and non-religious. Could the word "orthodox" in this case mean his family isn't going to approve a non-religious South East Asian girl?
I want to step forwards but i know that requires lots of bravery. How am i to live in a Brahmin family when i don't know anything about that caste, and the religion? Therefore, because of wanting the get the approval of his and his family (if that day has to come), i think i should know about the religion as well as possible, just to share the same faith as his, to feel that i won't be left aside.
I do fear too. I won't know what to do if they force him to marry to some Brahmin girls that he hasn't even known...I know a Brahmin won't go against his parents' wish. I just hope that day won't come but if it has to come, i believe that he will fight for his love...in a way that won't upset or offend anyone.
Anyway, true love will show me the path to cross all boundaries and obstacles, i believe so . Thank you so much for your concern .

@RVR: Thanks for such helpful precious information that you've provided

 

[kunjuppu]

theblues,

real life works stranger than fiction. many of the theme in your note is 'brahmin is supposed..supposed..'

nowadays, there is no 'supposed'.

'it all depends' is a better word to describe circumstances.

to give you an example: we know a very religious orthodox tamil brahmin from chennai, singapore settled. their only son (there is also a daughter who lives in the u.s.), an england returned doctor, fell in love with his malay/chinese nurse from his nursing home.

guess what the parents did? they took the enlightened view, that what makes their son happy, will make them happy too.

since the girl (& her mother) was not all that well off, they took over the wedding arrangement, adopted her as their own resident daughter, had a grand hindu wedding in singapore.

they are now proud grand parents of a grandson, whom they dote on, while mummy daddy go to work every day, drop him off at the grandparents'. best of both the worlds

sooooooooooo.

it all depends. play your cards well. or as they say it here in canada, suck it up to the parents. maybe the path to the son is via the older folks.

best wishes.

 

[theblues]

@kunjuppu: You surely have just given me hope, optimism and more bravery . That was what a Hindu friend of mine told me too, that "If you're an intelligent, subtle girl and knows how to behave towards his parents, then you'll all be fine". Thanks for all the support .

But i still wonder if it's okay that i can't speak Tamil, Hindu and any kinds of Indian languages. English and only English.

 

[kunjuppu]

@kunjuppu: You surely have just given me hope, optimism and more bravery . That was what a Hindu friend of mine told me too, that "If you're an intelligent, subtle girl and knows how to behave towards his parents, then you'll all be fine". Thanks for all the support .

But i still wonder if it's okay that i can't speak Tamil, Hindu and any kinds of Indian languages. English and only English.

blues, i would not worry about the languages.

today's tamil brahmins, atleast the middle & upper classes that i know, speak more english than tamil. my nephews from singapore speak english at home. enough said about my families in the usa or uk.

language proficiency is the least of your worries. being accepted is your primary goal. it feels good to win over someone on their own turf, does it not. the parents are probably looking for security and there is the fear of 'losing' their son. this is the angle where you can manoevre and bring them to your side. and be your champion for you and your cause.

there is an old oliver goldsmith play, 'she stoops to conquer'. it is a comedy, and again set in 18th century england, tells the story of a girl going after the guy and how she does it.

to conquer, why not stoop to the required level. it should be fun.

plan first. execute. enjoy last.

best wishes

 

[theblues]

Okay , i got it. Thank you so much

 

[renuka]

Dear theblues..

dont worry you are not the only non brahmin in this forum..i am a non brahmin too but i have never felt more comfortable anywhere else than in this forum...
the folks here are really nice and helpful.

you know dear...at one stage in our life we will start to value an individual for what he or she really is deep down inside...all differences will seem so trivial....

best of luck..

renu

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear theblues..

dont worry you are not the only non brahmin in this forum..i am a non brahmin too but i have never felt more comfortable anywhere else than in this forum...



renu

renu,

that is indeed a nice piece of compliments. i would like the moderators to take bow for this.

blues,


the way to a man's heart lies through his stomach. if i were blues, probably i would figure out how to make sambhar, and two south indian side dishes. plus rice. and pickles. and papads. and home made yogurt.

invite him for dinner and go from there.

i knew a white girl who was crazy about this indian guy, my friend. i suggested the same. she invited him over, had dhal, subji and papads and blew him over.

there is more than one way to skin the cat.

usually the tamil brahmin boys i know are choplangis. ie nerds. they have been programmed so much to read, study, mug, pass first rank, first class, .. etc. that they had very little time or inclination to develop social and other skills.

usually a smart girl can lay 'N' number of traps, and the poor guy will have no clue as to what is happening to him.

in blues' case, this may or may not be the case. however, i can for sure say, that if my son comes home with a non TB girl, and she knows how to cook sambhar & poriyal - she would have won my heart and stomach too. and that of my wife too.

OH!! to be young and adventurous!!!!!!!!!!!!!! best wishes

 

[C RAVI]

Dear C RAVI,

The boundary is huge indeed as he says he's from an orthodox Hindu family, he's very religious and he's a pure vegetarian, while i am a non-vegetarian and non-religious. Could the word "orthodox" in this case mean his family isn't going to approve a non-religious South East Asian girl?
I want to step forwards but i know that requires lots of bravery. How am i to live in a Brahmin family when i don't know anything about that caste, and the religion? Therefore, because of wanting the get the approval of his and his family (if that day has to come), i think i should know about the religion as well as possible, just to share the same faith as his, to feel that i won't be left aside.
I do fear too. I won't know what to do if they force him to marry to some Brahmin girls that he hasn't even known...I know a Brahmin won't go against his parents' wish. I just hope that day won't come but if it has to come, i believe that he will fight for his love...in a way that won't upset or offend anyone.
Anyway, true love will show me the path to cross all boundaries and obstacles, i believe so . Thank you so much for your concern .

@RVR: Thanks for such helpful precious information that you've provided

theblues,

The efforts you are taking to understand Indian society and especially the sensitiveness of Orthodox Brahmin Family is truly appreciable.

It really has touched me a lot. He must be a lucky guy to find you as a loving and understanding person.

You are absolutely true to believe, familiarizing yourself with Brahmin belief system to the best of your capacity would help you win your love.

I am bothered only about the level of love the Brahmin guy holds in his heart for you. If he shares the same feelings with you, than I believe it would be lot easy for you to understand his society and family, in your efforts to win over his parents love and respect.

Anyways, as you believe, your true love would show you the path to success and would help you to live your life happily with your lover.

Take care...All the best.

 

[amala]

Hi the blues,

South-East Asia is a vast region. Renu and me are also SE Asian, Malaysian to be specific but we are Indian by ethnicity. Do you mind if I ask what ehtnic background you come from?

 

[kunjuppu]

........... He must be a lucky guy to find you as a loving and understanding person.

.

yaah! where were such girls when i was looking? :faint:

 

[C RAVI]

yaah! where were such girls when i was looking? :faint:

Sri Kunuppi ji, not every one is lucky to find such a girl...Perhaps your wife must be the luckiest woman to get you for her life. Hats-off to you, being your wife’s kind and loving husband..

By the way, I am lucky to find one...:dance:

 

[tbs]

hi theblues
love is eternal..beautiful....more romantic..but in reality we live
in realistic society...i attended a interfaith marriage conference...
atttended by jews/christians/hindus/muslims/even buddhists...
a lot of discussions ....personally i feel a girl can satisfy the
guy in 2 ways....food for body/and food for taste....but we have
to prepare/answer to harsh questions to our children....plan before
marriage....talk with open minded....unconditional love....adjust
and adaptability.....forgive and forget and give and take.....
HOUSE IS MADE OF BRICKS..BUT HOME IS MADE OF HEARTS...
SO WE HAVE TO MAKE A HAPPY HOME.....my 2 cents...
best of luck...theblues..

regards
tbs

 

[renuka]

Hey..what is all this?..all lovey dovey things etc...
What ? Are guys so insecure that they need to be fed food etc..its as if they never grow up or what?

woman also liked to be pampered by cooking...but many man forget that...

see..i cook lunch for myself and husband before i go to work..and at night husband cooks dinner for me since i reach home only after him...

Food is needed for survival...

 

[C RAVI]

Hey..what is all this?..all lovey dovey things etc...
What ? Are guys so insecure that they need to be fed food etc..its as if they never grow up or what?

woman also liked to be pampered by cooking...but many man forget that...

see..i cook lunch for myself and husband before i go to work..and at night husband cooks dinner for me since i reach home only after him...

Food is needed for survival...

Thats great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Adjustments, no life....If one can not adjust, will end up with gadgets.

You must be lucky to enjoy the culinary talents of your hubby...Is he equally lucky??? Or is it the other way??, just kidding ound:

A man or a woman willing to get into the other world and trying to get accustom and accommodate for the sake of love is something special...., in case of theblues....the Brahmin guy is lucky to find a compassionate love.

 

[renuka]

Thats great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Adjustments, no life....If one can not adjust, will end up with gadgets.

You must be lucky to enjoy the culinary talents of your hubby...Is he equally lucky??? Or is it the other way??, just kidding ound:

A man or a woman willing to get into the other world and trying to get accustom and accommodate for the sake of love is something special...., in case of theblues....the Brahmin guy is lucky to find a compassionate love.

Dear Ravi....

I can cook well...if at all you plan to come to Malaysia one day..plan it in such a way that Amala also will be back in Malaysia for holidays..so that both of you can taste my cooking...

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Ravi....

I can cook well...if at all you plan to come to Malaysia one day..plan it in such a way that Amala also will be back in Malaysia for holidays..so that both of you can taste my cooking...

Insha allah.........

Thank you for your invitation...

But please don’t kill me with Malaysian style preparations...Pamper me with authentic South Indian style of Murungakai Sambar; Chundakkai Vaththal Kuzhambu; Melagu,jeeragam Rasam; Uralaikazhungu Kari; Keerai Masiyal; Porichcha Appalam (atleast 4); instant/emergency Maanga Urugai, Getti Thayir and conclude the feast with Carrot Halwa....Uffffff, just a thought of all these is mouth watering now…………….


Its soooo simple naaa..

theblues, try to learn the above recipes and pamper your in-laws…

 

[renuka]

Insha allah.........

Thank you for your invitation...

But please don’t kill me with Malaysian style preparations...Pamper me with authentic South Indian style of Murungakai Sambar; Chundakkai Vaththal Kuzhambu; Melagu,jeeragam Rasam; Uralaikazhungu Kari; Keerai Masiyal; Porichcha Appalam (atleast 4); instant/emergency Maanga Urugai, Getti Thayir and conclude the feast with Carrot Halwa....Uffffff, just a thought of all these is mouth watering now…………….


Its soooo simple naaa..

theblues, try to learn the above recipes and pamper your in-laws…

Dear Ravi...

My father inlaw cooks well and even my late mother inlaw cooked well..
My FIL is expert at Kerala cuisine and my MIL expert at Tamil cuisine..
My mom is an expert at Northern Indian Cuisine..
My father is an expert at Tamil Cuisine..

And I am an expert at Healthy Cooking..I like fusion type of cuisine..
I use very little oil and spices..and salt but the end product is good..
But I totally dislike chilli..i cant take spicy food...
.
I make very nice fruit Raita ..my FIL loves the fruit raita i make..
I can make Kadai Paneer well..with cashew nuts etc..
Also good Palak Paneer..
i can make you suji halwa and badam kheer..
I love to experiment with Pasta and like to indianize Italian cooking...
Vegetables I cook them chinese way..its the tastiest becos the nutritional value is preserved...

so this is the sample menu ....

 

[C RAVI]

A great menu.....

I love North Indian foods a lot and Chinese as well.....Espesially Paneer verieties are my favorite. Gobi Masala, Alu Gobi, Bhindi Masala, Malayi Kofta, Dhal fry/tadaka, Kadi (a delicious Punjabi recipe), Chole Battore, Alu/Gobi/Muli (raddish) Paratha are all the items I relish a lot.

With exposure to so many varieties of food through your mother, father, FIL, MIL, I believe you must be a great chef.

Don't lose your interest in typical south Indian foods as well...just a friendly suggestion...

Renu ji, you may experiment with lots of new dishes…But please don’t use your hubby as laboratory testing rat for your inventions, as it happens with every helpless hubbies :help:

 

[amala]

Hi Rekka,

I'd love to except your invite. You sound just like my mum. She cooks with soo little oil, salt and karam and makes various raitas and salads with sprouted moong beans etc. I totaly agree that vegetables cooked chinese style and suateed quickly help preserve their nutrients inetad of murdering them in a curry .

Having said that I do have my comfort food moments of making puliyodharai with lotss of cashew and peanuts and lotss of gingelly oil or pasta with lotsss of cheese!!

P/S : Sorry the blues that this thread is turning to be about food.

 

[RVR]

Renu, Amala, Ravi

You are not inviting me at all

All the best

 

[renuka]

A great menu.....

I love North Indian foods a lot and Chinese as well.....Espesially Paneer verieties are my favorite. Gobi Masala, Alu Gobi, Bhindi Masala, Malayi Kofta, Dhal fry/tadaka, Kadi (a delicious Punjabi recipe), Chole Battore, Alu/Gobi/Muli (raddish) Paratha are all the items I relish a lot.

With exposure to so many varieties of food through your mother, father, FIL, MIL, I believe you must be a great chef.

Don't lose your interest in typical south Indian foods as well...just a friendly suggestion...

Renu ji, you may experiment with lots of new dishes…But please don’t use your hubby as laboratory testing rat for your inventions, as it happens with every helpless hubbies :help:

Ravi...you are a beruk...(beruk is a malay word)
You are only going to get bananas when you come to Malaysia..
Amala is going to get all the food I cook...:nono:

 

[amala]

Dear RVR mama you're invited of course...and Kunjuppuji and Nara mama and TBS mama and Raghy mama and everyone else that posts here