Fathers and Sons, Post-Retirement strategies

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

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I have started this thread to post some of my thoughts on the problems faced by the older generation. Preparing for that and ways of dealing with it.

Of course there have been many discussions about this. But still there is always a need for more thoughts.

I will be posting daily.

The best period of a man's life starts after retirement. You have been working for a long time to secure a good future for yourself and your family. Most of us having been busy earning a living.

Now is the time when you can do what you want? No bosses. No targets and no schedules. You do what you like best and at your own time and pace.

Many of us dream of a retired life. Retiring to a cottage in the hill with a stream flowing nearby. Flowers and trees all around the house. Hills seen in the distance. At home with nature.

I remember reading about a man who was planning on spending his retired life reading Britannica Encyclopedia. He said that if he starts with A on day one he will be definitely die before reaching H. Nice dream.

Once while living in a small town as a bachelor, I met a senoir citizen who had an excellent collection of old Western Classics like Max Brand, Luke short and others and detective fiction. His son told me that he has been collecting these for post-retirement. His children buy books and give it to him.

I spend quite some time in reading fiction. On the PC and Laptop. Thinking of going in for a Kindle.

Now is the time sorting all those old photographs which are stuck in many albums and kept loose. Time to sort your collection of old Carnatic and Film music. Check the old cassettes and may be convert them to CDs.

Time to look at your garden. You remember being fascinated by yellow roses. Time to get a cutting from the local nursery and grow them.

Time to get the repairs around the house done.

Retired life could be fun and exciting.

This is the time to enjoy and have Fun.

Do you have a dream of retired life? Or are you so busy with your career and family that you have no time to dream?

 

[Brahmanyan]

Dear Sri Nacchinarkiniyan,

Good that you have taken up a subject that will be useful to all. Retired life and old age are a period that most of us imagine with a lot of apprehension. But we fail to understand that it is a transformation endowed to us by nature and God. Once we understand this truth as you rightly said " retired life could be fun and exciting".
I shall try to post my views later as the discussions progress further.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[kunjuppu]

whether we live in the same household or not, our relationship with our children should change with the age difference shrinking.

this is consistent.

at birth there is the biggest gap. we are PARENTS telling the children what to do. mostly ordering, guiding and inculcating values.

it is said, that when the child starts to school, the influence of the parents wane, till around early teens when it becomes zero. after that, till the early twenties, parental influences continues to be zero. also this is the age, when the parent 'does not know anything' or 'does not understand me'.

there is hope however. starting from the twenties, there is a gradual change for the better, and if everything goes well, by late twenties the relationship should be back on good terms again.

provided.

provided there is no traumatic breakup caused through heavy dose clash of values. the primary one ofcourse is choice of spouse. a ic or ir love marriage can damage the relationship for a long time and maybe forever. i cannot think of any other action taken by the child which would cause so much alienation.

then as the parent ages, the child moves into the prime earning period. here slowly the roles get reversed. the parents get to depend on the erstwhile child to help them out. it may a small physical activity like fixing a light bulb or heavy dose financial support.

at each level, there is a subtle change and adjustment. the money earner, unsaid, has always an upper hand. because, at the end of the day, when you have to extend your palms and ask for the moolah, you do put yourself at the mercy of the donor.

sometimes parents do not grow with the kids. the kids also appear to do likewise. i know a 50 year old man, who loves to smoke, started it as a teen, when he used to sneak away, and smoke at the nair's stall, out of sight of dad. ofcourse, he comes home smelling of smoked tobacco and that stink gives it away.

today, at 50, he sneaks away to the garage or a trip to the end of the road, smokes and comes home. he says that it is 'disrespectful' to smoke in front of his dad. the father is 85.

a good thread. we can also include the changing relationship with our girls here, though this post of mine focusses more on the son.

thank you.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

There have been many discussions about old age in this forum and some of them is still continuing.

But what is appalling is that most of us in the community seem to feel that there is no option other than living with their son. This is an idea which is also given a religious colour. Continuous propaganda from all sources tends to reinforce this view.

We have been emphasizing in many workshops and seminars that there are many options available for retired people.

I would list some of the options and some case studies about these options.

1. Many people have a dream of how they are going to spend their retired life. They envisage a place which is friendly and will satisfy them. More than a house, it is the place which is the center of their plans. Tamil Brahmins who were working outside Tamil Nadu invariably came home to their native village/town after retirement. This was the norm in my father's generation. My father used to spend a lot of time and money repairing our ancesteral house whenever we went to the village. He came back to the village after retirement, though he had left the village and Tamil Nadu decades back. Most of the people of his generation did that. Many of them had old parents staying back in the village. Even summer vacations were invariably spent in the village. We used to have a tough time convincing my father to take us on a holiday to hill stations and other nice places. Later even when he complied with our wishes, he included a trip to the village in the programme.

Even today you find many Tamil Brahmins who are working in Kolkata, Nagpur and other places in the North look forward to settling down in their village after retirement. Most of them do, except those whose children stay in those places. Tamil Brahmins in Bombay and Delhi do not do this as the employment opportunities for the children is high in these cities.

But villages/towns have changed. So many people find that the villages/towns lack the basic infrastructure which they are used to. So Tamil Brahmins who are voracious readers of Kumudam and Ananda Vikatan and see all Tamil movies decide to settle down in Chennai. They would have never lived in Chennai or have any old connections there. But they choose Chennai to spend their retired life. VGP housing was selling plots to these people decades back. They had road shows in the big cities.

In Kolkata most of the tamil Brahmins dream of settling down in Chennai after retirement. It is almost an obsession. They feel that they are going back home.

But this has its own drawbacks. When you have spent 30 to 40 years in a place like Kolkata, Nagpur and others, it is difficult to get used the atmosphere in Madippakkam, Chitlapakkam and other suburban areas of Chennai. Then again you find that Chennai is not all that is portrayed in fiction and cinema. You are not able to visit your favourite temples or go to all the katcheris because of the distance involved and lack of a good taxi service. The buses are too over crowded. The conductor's conduct is awful. The drivers do not stop at the bus stop. So you are in for a disillusionment.

Some people choose a place for strange reasons. I know a Brahmin couple from Bombay who settled down in Trichur for two reasons.

1. It is near to Guruvayur temple.

2. They expected many relations to come and stay with them on their way to Gurvayur.

Sadly after a couple of years they sold the house and went back to Bombay. Fortunately they had not sold their flat in Bombay.

I have settled down in a place from Tamil Nadu because of many reasons. Most of these would never be understood by every one.

Now we find that people who have retired from the Armed Forces tend to settle down near a military base. This gives them access to the canteen and free medical facilities. People who have worked in the railways and bigger public sector undertakings also prefer to settle down near the place where they have worked because of the availability of hospital and other facilities which are free.

 

[mskmoorthy]

Here is a link to NPR (National Public Radio) website (StoryCorps is an independent nonprofit organization whose mission is to provide Americans of all backgrounds and beliefs with the opportunity to record, share, and preserve the stories of our lives ) StoryCorps: Recording The Lives And Stories Of Everyday Americans : NPR
I find these very interesting to read and listen - Reminds of the triumphs and tribulations as a parent and as a child!

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Kirku said

Why do people want to stay with their sons or daughters? Why not live on your own?

What is driving this behavior/desire/need?

--> economical dependence?
--> emotional dependence?
--> health dependence?
--> physical (chore) dependence?
--> societal pressures/expectations?

sadasivam.sridharan said

It is always better to plan in advance for financial independence after retirement.In order to lead an dignified life after retirement, non dependence on the children is a must.Son or daughter,leave them alone to lead their life of their own and you stay away from them .That will to a very great extent help in maintaining not only a cordial relationship but also our own dignity as an individual.

http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/genera...ural-candidate-spend-old-age-3.html#post81846

Now both these people have hit the nail on the head.

Life after retirement hinges upon these dependencies. Your choices of life after retirement is dictated by these dependencies.

We will take one by one though they are related to each other.

Financial Dependency:

Let us be very frank. A man is judged by his financial standing. A poor man has very little standing. Whether it is a son, daughter, wife or any other relations/friends. Your standing with them is first and foremost decided by your financial standing. That is real life. Exceptions do not make the rule.

This is the most important or I should say vital aspect which determines the life after retirement. Most people plan for this. Two things which most people plan for are

1. Own a house/flat.

2. Steady income after retirement.

There are many articles/books on this.

However there are a couple of things I would like to emphasize.

1. Given a choice to opt for pension scheme in your organization. Pension is life long and most important can not be attached or transferred. One could lose a house, money and other valuables. But not pension.

2. A house /flat is essential because the rents always keep on going up and you also get the benefit of appreciation in the property value should you decide to sell it.

There is a school of thought which is widely prevalent among Tamil Brahmins.

That is that the son/sons will send/should send money every month.

Yes. It is very good if they do. But you can not base your retirement plans on that. If the son/sons do not send money you are left high and dry. It makes you financially dependent on them and forces you to make a choice of living with them.

Then sons are not fixed deposits from which you earn regular income. It is wrong to exploit the emotional attachment/love of the children to extract money from them.

I have seen people who started off as financially independent turning out to be dependent later. The parents have received a sum as part of the retirement benefit. They invest it and get a regular income. The son/sons comes up with an idea of investing this as margin money for purchase of a house/flat in his name. Or starting his own venture. He promises to send money monthly. But then he is not able to do it later. He asks the parents to move in with him. So a parent who was financially independent becomes financially dependent. Similar is the case of parents who sell their house/flat and invest it as margin money for purchase of a house/flat or venture by the son.

I am not saying that the parents should not help their children. They should. But without affecting their financial independent status.

Even if you stay with your son, an independent income will always be beneficial.

 

[kunjuppu]

nacchi,

your quote:

Then sons are not fixed deposits from which you earn regular income. It is wrong to exploit the emotional attachment/love of the children to extract money from them.

I have seen people who started off as financially independent turning out to be dependent later. The parents have received a sum as part of the retirement benefit. They invest it and get a regular income. The son/sons comes up with an idea of investing this as margin money for purchase of a house/flat in his name. Or starting his own venture. He promises to send money monthly. But then he is not able to do it later. He asks the parents to move in with him. So a parent who was financially independent becomes financially dependent. Similar is the case of parents who sell their house/flat and invest it as margin money for purchase of a house/flat or venture by the son.

I am not saying that the parents should not help their children. They should. But without affecting their financial independent status.

Even if you stay with your son, an independent income will always be beneficial.

this is so very true. i have seen this happening in a few cases, much to the parents' misery and eventual sorrow.

when children want to start a business, the last person they should seek money is from parents. not the ready cash which they have in savings, for their own retirement. parents should be very careful, and under no obligation to put their money in ventures, where loss is more the norm.

it is said that 90% of start up businesses fail. this should not be funded from parents' retirement fund.

also, it is wrong to expect sons to send monthly payments. the sons are just starting their family, their income is yet to peak out and above all most money is needed during the 30s and 40s. retirement means just that. retirement. few needs. and even fewer monetary expenses.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Talking about Financial independence, I have noticed something strange about many retired people. The life long habit of savings continues. They do not seem to remember that they have reached the stage in life for which they have been saving money for so long. They continue to save. Of course the government gives tax incentives for saving.

But the question is save for what? Of course many believe in building up properties for their children and grand children. This is a good thought no doubt.

But not at the cost of leading a good life. We have all seen Men who do not like to spend any money on self and family and accumulate wealth. Wealth which does not give pleasure to the family. Many people who inherit properties are too old to enjoy the benefit by the time they get hold of the inheritance. Now a days with people living upto 80 and beyond the children would be in their fifties and sixties by the time they get hold of the inheritance.

It is infinitely better to spend the money providing a good education to the children and a good life to the wife. And after retirement use the savings to lead a comfortable life.

Inheritance played a major role in our lives during the earlier times. We keep talking about Joint Family. The basis of the Joint Family was the inherited property. The income derived from the property was shared by all. Mostly it was landed property. And inherited property. The fathers were treated better because they still controlled the property.

Even today many business families continue to be Joint families. The TV serials we see depict mostly families owning business. It is also beneficial taxwise as the Joint Hindu family is treated as a separate entity for Income Tax. They get more tax breaks than the individual.

But for families where individuals have formed nuclear families, inherited property has no meaning and only leads to troubles.

We hear news about Parents being thrown out by children from their own property. With property prices sky rocketing it is a great temptation to get hold of a house/flat worth crores.

In Malayalam there is an old saying."Soozhicchal Dhukkikanda" meaning if you are careful you will not regret it. Old people should remember this.

 

[SuryaKasyapa]

Savings is not bad , at whatever stage it is...

In fact, it is countries like India that the savings is a habit and value.. Our economy is based on savings, where as some western economies are based on spending..


After 1992, our country also this type of economic intentions are introduced..there savings takes a back seat...

I had read during the recent recession period that , many US,UK etc economists better advised savings habit, to tide over the recession. Newspapers contained many examples of people suffering due to not saving for future...

Money is needed at anytime.. for retired people ,the source is either fixed or limited. so any emergency will be shock. It is mainly medical emergencies that old are afraid... it is to tide over such emergencies that retired people save.
Even insurance companies are just fair-weather friends... they are happy with young ..but not so helping old...the conditionalities are weighed against old people..

If it remains after death..let the children/surviving spouse use that...Anyway, by savings it helps self,family, and the nation..

let us not discourage it..Splurging is easy...savings is not. it needs sacrifice..in whatever way..

 

[Brahmanyan]

In Malayalam there is an old saying."Soozhicchal Dhukkikanda" meaning if you are careful you will not regret it. Old people should remember this.

Dear Sri Nacchinarkiniyan,

True words. In Tamil also there is a saying "தனக்கு மிஞ்சித்தான் தருமம்".

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[kunjuppu]

nacchi,

not to worry, lest anyone feels that the money keeps building forever.

if not the second, then the third generation makes it an issue to run down the money, and ensure to leave poverty as a legacy for the next.

i agree, that most tambram parents i know, friends and relatives, focus on collecting and saving, to the point of being kanjoos. these would put shylock to shame.

much unlike the whites, who seem intent on spending through their children's inheritance

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

SuryaKasyapa had written about savings for medical expenses. These days this could come to a lot. Even with medical insurance the amount spent could run into lakhs of rupees.

Please see that you and your wife are covered under medical insurance. This is worth the mount of money spent on insurance premiums.

Once you retire there is no point in being attached to house property. In these days of skyrocketing prices it may make more sense to cash in on the increase in value.

Many people in the older generation benefitted by the increase in value. For example those who owned houses in T.Nagar, Mylapore and other places gave it to builders for joint development. They retained one or more flats and then got enough money to make them rich. We find a number of middle class Brahmins in Mylapore and T.Nagar becoming rich after retirement because of their investment in a house earlier.

Not many people have houses now. But even flats have increased in value. A flat bought in the eighties for 6 lakhs is worth more than 1 crore now. It may be better to encash this increase in value. It may mean looking out for another flat in the suburbs or in some other city/town. Normally when we invest in a flat we check up nearness to the office, schools etc. After retirement nearness to office and schools has no value. Rather that staying in the heart of the city with pollution and noise, it may be ideal to move to a suburb with less noise, more open space and greenery.

Selling a appreciated flat and moving to the suburbs also leaves one with plenty of money which should be suffecient to meet any emergency expenses.

I have seen people who owned a flat in Bombay selling it and coming to Madras and purchasing a beautiful house/flat.

But a lot of care is needed at this stage. Just because you have a lot of money, that does not meen you can fritter it away. The same care that you gave for your retirement funds shoudl also be bestowed here.

Sometimes sudden enrichment also brings about strange behaviour. The tour operators are always trying to sell a world wide tour for such people. If you can afford it please take it. But plan for the expense.

Again there are lot of operators who offer high interest rate on deposits. Post Retirement is not the stage to take any risk. Invest in Bank Deposits and well known mutual funds. Not company deposits. Safety of the money should be the prime criterion.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Credit Cards


We usually tend to have a number of credit cards when in service. Once you retire, we may feel that we do not need any cards. This is not true. It is absoutely necessary to retain at least one credit card and also use it regularly for making purchases. It costs you nothing. But in the case of any emergency you could always withdraw upto your cash limit. By having it for a long time you would have got a good cash limit.

Credit cards are also essential since in many places like Hotels, Malls etc. where you can not estimate your expenditure they are acceptable. In the modern age a person without a credit card is persona non grata.

 

[vsubbu48]

Senior Citizens Homes

Of late we find a number of advts regarding senior citizens' homes built at Chennai, Bangalore, Coimbatore etc. These are gated communities providing homes on ownership basis or on lease. Community kitchen takes care of the food requirement and some basic health care is promised. Has any of the forum members any experience, first hand or second hand, about these senior citizen homes?

 

[kunjuppu]

may i please introduce the concept of 'power of attorney'. it should be given to the son or daughter, who lives closest to you and is on continuous touch with your life.

meaning, do not just hand this over to your son in america just because you believe in primogeniture.

at some point, we become incapable of taking care of our finances. this is the time, we are prey to the sharks. believe me, people are on the watchout - even 'dearest' friends and relatives are tempted here to take advantage.

promise of an investment multiplying 10 fold in a year or some misplaced real estate ventures are favorite ploys. a power of attorney, helps someone who is well meaning towards you, will ensure that the money saved is safe, spent on YOU and YOUR COMFORTS and not with an eye on inheritance.

we have worked all our lives, and it is only fair that our savings be spent during our last months, to provide us with the highest quality care that can be provided. if in the process, we end up scraping the bottom of our funds, so be it. inheritance should be only, what is left. it is not an entitlement. under any circumstances.

 

[tbs]

SuryaKasyapa had written about savings for medical expenses. These days this could come to a lot. Even with medical insurance the amount spent could run into lakhs of rupees.

Please see that you and your wife are covered under medical insurance. This is worth the mount of money spent on insurance premiums.

Once you retire there is no point in being attached to house property. In these days of skyrocketing prices it may make more sense to cash in on the increase in value.

Many people in the older generation benefitted by the increase in value. For example those who owned houses in T.Nagar, Mylapore and other places gave it to builders for joint development. They retained one or more flats and then got enough money to make them rich. We find a number of middle class Brahmins in Mylapore and T.Nagar becoming rich after retirement because of their investment in a house earlier.

Not many people have houses now. But even flats have increased in value. A flat bought in the eighties for 6 lakhs is worth more than 1 crore now. It may be better to encash this increase in value. It may mean looking out for another flat in the suburbs or in some other city/town. Normally when we invest in a flat we check up nearness to the office, schools etc. After retirement nearness to office and schools has no value. Rather that staying in the heart of the city with pollution and noise, it may be ideal to move to a suburb with less noise, more open space and greenery.

Selling a appreciated flat and moving to the suburbs also leaves one with plenty of money which should be suffecient to meet any emergency expenses.

I have seen people who owned a flat in Bombay selling it and coming to Madras and purchasing a beautiful house/flat.

But a lot of care is needed at this stage. Just because you have a lot of money, that does not meen you can fritter it away. The same care that you gave for your retirement funds shoudl also be bestowed here.

Sometimes sudden enrichment also brings about strange behaviour. The tour operators are always trying to sell a world wide tour for such people. If you can afford it please take it. But plan for the expense.

Again there are lot of operators who offer high interest rate on deposits. Post Retirement is not the stage to take any risk. Invest in Bank Deposits and well known mutual funds. Not company deposits. Safety of the money should be the prime criterion.

hi nachhi sir,
i did the same thing ....given my land for developer as joined development in chennai....i got a nice free flat with lumpsum cash in hand.

its really a good idea...good savings for retirement plans......Bank FD's are nice than risky mutual funds/stock.....now bank interest

rate for senior citizen are best in the world ....in indian rates better than many developed nations...for example i get more interest

for my FCNR in india are better than my USA rates......

regards
tbs

 

[shansnrmp]

may i please introduce the concept of 'power of attorney'. it should be given to the son or daughter, who lives closest to you and is on continuous touch with your life.

meaning, do not just hand this over to your son in america just because you believe in primogeniture.

at some point, we become incapable of taking care of our finances. this is the time, we are prey to the sharks. believe me, people are on the watchout - even 'dearest' friends and relatives are tempted here to take advantage.

promise of an investment multiplying 10 fold in a year or some misplaced real estate ventures are favorite ploys. a power of attorney, helps someone who is well meaning towards you, will ensure that the money saved is safe, spent on YOU and YOUR COMFORTS and not with an eye on inheritance.

we have worked all our lives, and it is only fair that our savings be spent during our last months, to provide us with the highest quality care that can be provided. if in the process, we end up scraping the bottom of our funds, so be it. inheritance should be only, what is left. it is not an entitlement. under any circumstances.

Here , will u please clarify as in deep , what is the meaning of ' 'power of attorney' ? I learnt that this is just like an eastman agreement ,commonly provided in India.

Here I have to state that I have started a business with my own funds, in India, in the name of my elder son ,who lives in u s a with his family.At that time of starting the business I have to intrude for getting a signed format,
which is using for the all goverment offices without my son's presence.In this creiteria, my question is , how can i give my 'power of attorney' to my primogeniture whose living outside India?

 

[kunjuppu]

Shan,

Since I do not have any business either in Canada or india, I do not know how to answer you. best is a good lawyer. I can only emphasize the ‘good’ part. Make sure the lawyer knows what he is talking about.

I am more concerned about the ordinary elderly folks. Especially in our male oriented society.

When my fil passed away, my mil had no clue what and where he had put away money. For upto 6 months after his death, she used to receive statements from various companies and financial institutions – each one of them small amounts from 1 to 10 thousand rupees. But she was astounded by the sheer number of these.

So, first of all, keep your spouse or your son informed about all your wealth.

Then comes power of attorney. Let us say, God forbid, you have a heart attack and become unable to speak or be paralyzed – there may be life or death decisions to be made. If you had given clear instructions, it will help your family to make them, as per your wishes. For example, you might not wish to be put on ventilators or kidney machines, by which you can ‘live’ probably for ever. And such like.

Also, if you so happen to tend towards senility, you are unable to make keen financial decisions. These are the times that one becomes a prey to swindlers who promise unusually high returns on dubious investments. This is so true when the children are in another country or city. A power of attorney, would essentially take away the decision making into their hands, and thus protect your net worth, and ensure that it gets passed on the way you originally wanted.

I have a Chinese friend. At 85 the father had cancer surgery. He was so enamoured by the pretty (Chinese) nurse, that secretly he left all his wealth to her. The poor wife of 60+ years, also in her 80s, was literally left in the streets. The will was legal, because the lawyer was forced by law, not to notify anyone else, even though he felt that it was not in the best interest of the family, and the old man was being manipulated.

Strange things can happen even to sane people.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

"Enamoured" by a Chinese? Well. It is well said that beauty lies in the eyes of beholders.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

I am not in favour of executing any Power of Attorney in favour of any one. The general Power of Attorney makes the power of attorney holder into the virtual owner. He/She can deprive the real owner of all the wealth/properties. This has happened in the past.

The best way is to open all bank Accounts including lockers as Either or Survivor in the name of self and spouse. This way if the husband/wife is bed ridden the wife/husband can operate all the accounts.

Nothing should be in a single name. If it is in a single name please ensure that proper nomination is filed and get an acknowledgement.

Keep a list of properties/investments in a note book/diary/locker and tell your wife about it. She may not show any interest in the details. But she should know where to locate the list if and when needed.

Of course make a will.

 

[kunjuppu]

nacchi,

i understand your caution. i also understand that even one's own children can get greedy and abuse the wealth while we are still alive, and condemn us to garbage.

having said that, i also agree, that one should tell one's wife, EVERYTHING re finances, also advise her how to handle finances if she should happen to live alone after we have passed on.

still, ultimately, only one of us is left. it is then, that we need a POA no matter what.

i think in india, the son or daughter is automatically considered the heir. not so particularly in canada. we are all advised to have a POA. in my case, the #1 in line is my wife. #2 is my oldest child.

at some point i have to trust that should i be unfortunate enough to be senile or unable to take care of myself, my money will be put to good use, to purchase good care for me. please note the word, 'purchase'. i have no expectation or desire, to permit/expect my kith and kin, to clean me up, change my soiled clothes and feed me. that is not realistic in today's world.

thank you sir.

 

[Subramanian Natarajan]

go back to the village and start gardening and farming.Fortunately,i come from a pictureque village near Tenkasi and my uncle has built our house again and he is planning to settle down there.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Going back to the village is one of the prime options. We have discussed that earlier.

Recently I came across a particular type of game that the parents play.

This person is quite well off. He is runnning his own business after retiring from a private concern. But he has made it known to his children that he expects them to send money every month. Sons and daughters. Then suddenly he told his children that on the occasion of the next family gathering, he would be reading out his will.

Now this is a game often seen in TV serials. The parents hold out the carrot of inheriting property in front of the children and expect favours (money and taking care of them in general) in return.

In my opinion this is sheer blackmail. This leads to competition among the children to please the parents. The parents play one child against another to reap maximum benefit. Sheer manipulative behavior.

The children also fall for this in the hope of inheriting wealth at the age of 60. They try to carry tales and bring down the opinion of the parents about their siblings.

This sort of game leads to family disunity and family politics and struggles. Makes good TV serial material, but bad in real life.

 

[kunjuppu]

one family i know, the father, a self made man, with huge amounts of moola now, told his children, that he would be leaving nothing for his children.

only the grand children.

so, he advised the children, to breed as many kids as possible, so that the share that their branch line gets increases.

he was not kidding. he has repeated this on several occassions.

 

[Subramanian Natarajan]

haha,thats funny.I feel all that is too stupid.Just leave it to your kids and give them only when u die.If not will ll become won't.