I have attempted to give a brief explanation about a successful marriage.
i think, in marriages, one of the important challenges is how to deal with each others' parents and siblings.
in #6 there is a reference to the relatives, more from a viewpoint of patching up quarrels, than being the source of quarrels themselves.
in real life, i think, during the early stages of marriage, the immediate family can play havoc on an exploratory relationship. it is where power play goes into full swing, i think. after all, once the thali is tied, the woman, i think has the upper hand.
it is only years later, that the partners, understand the havoc played by parents, inlaws all in an elaborate game, which is repeated marriage after marriage.
ideal marriage rules, i think, can, should and would, do good. atleast repeated often, so that, it becomes a ready reference for quarrels, in early stages. and hopefully, a mental note to remember in times of crisis, later in life.
but like calcification, couples get into a rut. over the years. i think so. in our heritage, we do not have the practice of retreat or renewal. so that we do not have the time to reflect and recharge our ideals. the xtians, atleast in india, i think do practice this, though i don't know, these days, how diligently.
every year, we need to get away, both husband and wife, separately, to a retreat, to go through an organized agenda of reflection including review of marriage & children.
i prefer the organized agenda, for in it, i hope, will include, examining their own individual strengths, weakness, extending it to their immediate family, areas of discord, how to resolve them etc etc.
here in toronto, there are private organizations that do such stuff. but, these do for couples together. again, there is so disparage a crowd, ie from all backgrounds (though mostly white), it may be difficult for some to relate (this i am saying from hearsay only).
being humans, i think we are basically flawed. i believe, we are born pure, but with the influences of our parents, friends, community, world etc we become corrupted. i mean 'corrupted' in the neutral sense, in that, many of the attitudes & practices that we acquire are neither bad nor good.
i imagine, in the old paradigm, where we all lived in agraharams, had known our community intimately through nearness and nosiness, the question of a 'secret' vice was never an issue. (remember girish karnad's samskara this moment!!).
nowadays, with us parted even from our parents, in search of a livelihood, i personally think, that no one really knows the real you. when i see the ads in the matrimonial columns proclaiming so many virtues that even if i extend my utmost tolerance re credulity, i cannot but shake my head in disbelief at the 'holiness' of these guys and gals of the TB community.
apparently all these are saints. i would personally demur from responding to those overtures, for fear of corrupting them, or commiting sins for generations to come, for violating those proclaimed purities. i prefer so, to believe, that these people, lie, to some extent or more or almost all.
how can anyone, in the context of such lies, and even more, such ignorant perception on the part of their parents, ever hope to have a 'successful' mutally agreeing 'successful' marraige? i wonder.
after all these years, i think, as a community we are doomed, into seducing ourselves that we are brilliant, intelligent, and above all, following a set of rules, we can also have the luxury of happy marriages.
it took isaac newton only 3 laws to explain the universe. yet, he felt like a child, playing on the seashore, picking up a pebble of knowledge here and there, while the boundless ocean of knowledge lay undiscovered before him.
we, in our extreme wisdom, endeavour to do better, but in 10 or so laws? i don't know. maybe we would. time alone will tell.
QED.
