Any body to guide

[kr subramanian]

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dear friends,

As far as my knowledge goes we have been in Palghat in Kerala for more than 100 years. Now I have migrated further to interior of Trichur with my father.
Due to some family problem we happened to go to a astroleger who at the end of two hour pooja said that some Devi (goddess) in interior part of Tamilnadu is left out without pooja and our problems are due to the same.

As far as my knowledge goes we have not identified any god or goddess for pooja .
How come the astroleger says about some devi in interior part of Tamilnadu.
He also said that some other pooja has also to be conducted to identify the Devi which may incurr lacks of rupees.
Can any body guide in this regard?

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Sir,

With due regards to the astrologers, the interactions with them by

some of my close family members have been utterly disappointing.

When we believe them earnestly, we are invariably taken for a ride.

If identifying the Devi is going to cost you lakhs of rupees, what will be

estimate for pacifying Her wrath?

By trying to solve a small problem do not get caught in a bigger one

and of a larger scale.

All Gods are one and the same - including all the Devis and Devas.

Trust in one God/ Goddess and catch hold of His/Her legs. He/She will

protect you from the astrologers as well as from the other perils.:hail:

Did you ask him, how come you displeased a Goddess in Tamil Nadu-

while you have been living in Kerala for nearly a century?

What is the tiff between the local Goddesses there and here?

Unless you are careful You will be paying for the house (or at least the

extension of the existing house) of the astrologer.

with warm regards,
Visalakshi Ramani.

 

[kunjuppu]

krsubramanian,

you have, as i see it, opened up a door to let in opinions on a rather closely held family issue. your turning to the astrologer, is i think, to seek solutions for current situations.

i am hoping, that along with mine, you will be presented with several viewpoints, from which, hopefully you will be able to discern some sort of acceptable solution for yourself.

first of all, i am forced to target on the very last line involved - ie involvement of lakhs of rupees. to me, our God is a source of solace and comfort, and not a merchant from whom we buy wares for certain amounts of money. that is my personal view of any function where huge amount of money is involved.

morevoer, there is really no guarantee that you will be better off, after spending those lakhs on poojas and parihaarams. so, please think carefully several times before parting with even a paise of your hard earned money.

second point i observe, is that you have gone the route of prayers to seeking solutions for issues of this world. again this comes to a matter of faith. is it fair or realistic to expect of God to solve an issue of our own making or something that is a consequence of our actions. maybe there are other avenues to find solutions - group critical thinking, counselling or simply patience, to surivive through the crisis.

we can ask ourselves what type of God is of our faith, that He/She could get'angry' at us for 'ignoring' her. Believe me, i am too from north malabar, and have seen several instances of prayaschithams offered to bhagawathi temples. in most cases, i have found, it has provided immediate peace to the family, though the solutions sought after seldom resulted.

all in all, please take care and maybe some type of 'thinking out of the box' solutions for your circumstances might be of help.

best wishes.

 

[sangom]

Shri Subramanian,

Now that you have been told by your jyotsyan that a certain Devi (in Tamil Nadu seems to me to be a ruse, because nowadays almost all successful astrologers in Kerala have links with temples, mostly in T.N. and I reliably understand that they prefer TN temples because Kerala temples are not amenable to "cuts".), it looks to me that you identify two or three (or more) Devi temples which are located in your area (need not be famous, but should be well-managed, with regular poojas and rituals), write down their names and select one in front of the pooja in your home. After that let your father along with other family members who are in a position to visit the selected temple go to that temple and make a resolve that hereafter your family will worship that devi and that the Devi should bestow her blessings and solve all the family problems. Perhaps you may be able to donate a fraction of the "lakhs" demanded by the astrologer, to the temple and make arrangements for special pooja/s in the name of your family in that temple.

I am suggesting this because there was a cse in which some person was asked (by jyotsyan) to go worship and do special poojas in the kuladeivam temple to solve some family problems. The person did not know which was his kuladeivam and an elderly cousin - the only one alive - was also equally ignorant. Then the jyotsyan himself did dome "prasnam" and said the kuladeivam is Vishnu and asked them to follow the above procedure. (Those were different times and astrologers were not greedy!). It was found that Tirupati came in the selection, they did whatever was within their ability after visiting Tirupati and, their problems were solved, but slowly.

If this suggestion does not appeal to you as workable, you will be taken for a ride by astrologers and I am sure no one can say which temple is it that you ought to go and worship. But as for fleecing, even I can go through elaborate pooja rituals and at the end say something like, "so many miles to the east of this place - because he has already told you TN, a place with the main deity being Siva, a small temple to its north east, goddess in such and such pose (saantam, roudram, etc.)" and so on.

Devi should be pleased even if you worship her in temple A or temple B.

 

[kr subramanian]

first of all let me thank you all for valued suggestions.
Dear Smt. Visalakshiramani
The problems is the DEVIs in the house. whenever any positive expected thing does not happen or negative unexpected one happens they will start saying APPAVE SONEN KETTIYA? some elder mamas will be there to support them?
after all PEACE OF MIND is the basic thing we all need. and I want to get it at the minimum cost.

Dear Kunjappu sir, I am also of your opinion. But on enquiry I found that in someother families also similar TN devi was directed . They found the devi and whole fmily went there and had some pooja. May be that has proviked our family members also to go to astrologer?
Dear sangom sir,
your practical idea I will try to follow. BUt sir, your last line temple A or B . then why rush to Sabarimala, Guruvayoor, Palni Tirupathi when thousands of temples of these deites are there all over south india?

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Dear kr.Subramanian,
My last son in law is born,brought up in Newdelhi.His father went to Newdelhi 80 or 90 years before for employment.He chose a girl(Palghat Iyers)whose parents and close relatives were all settled in New delhi as his life partner.He had visited his native place only on a few occasions.He advised his two sons to adopt 'MALAI MANDHIR' MURUGA temple as Kula deivam.This temple in NEW DELHI was started at the suggestion and blessings of Kanchi Periyaval.He specifically advised both his sons that they need not go to the village too often only for worship as Kula deivam,
but visit the temple if they go to South India for any reason.He advised them that their annual savings will get depleted if they cultivate the habit of visiting native village too often.I also know of several families in Newdelhi adopting a south Indian temple in NEW DELHI as their 'Kuladeivam'.
I find all the families are prosperous.What is required is change in our way of thinking.
I have spent lot of money from 1999 to May,2009 when my second daughter developed'depression'(in spite of having a nice husband, three sons and a host of other sympathetic relatives and friends)on mantrikas,astrologers,Nadi Joshiam, frequent visits to village kuladeivam temple at the suggestion of astrologers and also other elderly well wishers and what not apart from medical treatment,accupuncture treatment,CERAGM treatment.I can say with my personal experience that this world is full of BHOGUS people whose aim is to cheat innocent people.GOD took my second daughter in MAY,2009.Though we all feel very sad,we also feel relieved that God saved us from
these wicked people.Life is a mixture of JOY and sorrows.IF the time is favourable everying good happens.If time is unfavourable you have to face hardships.None is exception to this universal Truth.

Please select any temple close to your house or still better if you worship GOD in any form in the Pooja room of your house.

 

[kunjuppu]

..........Life is a mixture of JOY and sorrows.IF the time is favourable everying good happens.If time is unfavourable you have to face hardships.None is exception to this universal Truth.

Please select any temple close to your house or still better if you worship GOD in any form in the Pooja room of your house.

dear BK,

i am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. it is so difficult for the parents to witness the loss of their children. so sorry sir. depression is a very real disease, very seldom understood and often very difficult for the patient to get sympathy. BK please be gentle re your daughter's memory. her having a kind husband, 3 children and supportive relatives has no impact on a disease like depression. very little of it is understood in the west where i live. i do not know the level of awareness of this in inida, except that when one of my female relatives was diagnosed with this, all she got was a mouthful of cruelties from her fellow female blood.

there appears to be a streak of self destruction among depressants, and these people need constant monitoring to ensure that the drugs are taken as depression can be controlled with modern medicine. a colleague of mine lost his dad who hanged himself. when i passed on my condolences, he replied that his father was a depressant, who for 25 years was always trying to kill himself. one day the mother slipped in her attention, and the man took advantage of that brief timespan to end his life. what can one say to that? there is no rhyme or reason for the living who are left behind with sorrow and maybe guilt. so sorry sir for your daughter.

BK, re your sum up, you have given a very good perspective of life. it is a mixed bag of good and bad times. just as surely as we have good times, bad times too will happen. while we enjoy the full benefits of those happy events, i find it is human nature to seek short cuts and immediate gratification from times of sorrow.

i do not want to go into the philosophies of why good or bad things happen. however, i am simply unable to view them as rewards or punishments from our God. that type of behaviour to me, is too humanlike and i wish for my God to be above such concepts. so, i just accept good things to be enjoyed when they happen. when bad things happen, i just pray and hope that i will come out of those cycles without serious or everlasting damage to me and my dear ones.

for a period of 14 months 2009/10 were very difficult times for us. i received all types of advice from my relatives. to start off, i had turned 60 and that itself was a ghattam to be crossed with so many prayers, chants, brahmins feeding and what not. then came suggestions of so many rituals starting all of which i was strong enough to push back. it sure helped, that my wife is of the same view as mine, ie prayers are for solace and comfort and not exactly a prepayment for favours. suffice to say, that as a family we survived, and hopefully will get strength from each of us, to see us through another cycle, whenever it happens.

krs, i do see your note about your issues with inhouse Devis. perhaps this calls for some tangential approach as to how to bell the cats to your tunes. maybe other members who have similar issues can come up with ideas. on occassions when i have differed with my pathni, i have called in the support of my children. ofcourse, i have to have a strong case, for these are very severe and critical but extremely fair judges. you do need to bring the whole issue down to the human level and drum up support and supporters for common sense and a dose of reality.

i have found the biggest issue with external mouthpieces, is the fear mongering that they seem to be so adept at in instigating. something that you need to face head on.

best wishes and warmest regards....

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. K.R. Subramanian,

To my knowledge, all the 'Devis' in the house get ideas from the

T.V.Serials. First of all do something to stop that.

If that WILL not work for certain, than go for the next option of loosely

connected family system- together for all practical purposes and at

the same time giving some elbow room for the individual 'Devis'.

Thirdly the 'Devas' in the house MUST stand up to the occasion and

put some sense in the minds of the Devis- by any on the four

methods... Sama, Dhana, Bedha and Dhandam.

Take it from me. Women are like shadows. Run after them and they

will make you round all the three words. Just turn back and they will

follow you. I have been watching people around all my life.

I will also pray for you for the problem to be solved soon. Unless you

are careful you will have to worry about one more person viz the

astrologer in addition to the troublesome 'Devis' in the house.

with best wishes,
Mrs. V. R.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dear Mr. B.K.M,

It is sad to find that the women who get the gem-like husbands are the ones

who remain dissatisfied, develop mental and physical problems and often go

into depression. Probably their concept of wedded life was different from what

they actually got! No one can read a woman's mind not even another woman.

But getting into to greedy grip of an astrologer will be like jumping from the

frying pan into the fire!

with warm regards,
Mrs. V.R.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear Mr. B.K.M,

It is sad to find that the women who get the gem-like husbands are the ones

who remain dissatisfied, develop mental and physical problems and often go

into depression. Probably their concept of wedded life was different from what

they actually got! No one can read a woman's mind not even another woman.

But getting into to greedy grip of an astrologer will be like jumping from the

frying pan into the fire!

with warm regards,
Mrs. V.R.

dear visa,

please. i beg to differ from you re the nature of depression.

visa, this is a very difficult hump for those of us who have not personally experienced to overcome. it is a disease. the cause of it is unknown, but i suspect, it has more to do with heredity.

it has nothing to do with the causes that you have expressed ie 'that the women who get the gem-like husbands are the ones who remain dissatisfied, develop mental and physical problems and often go into depression. Probably their concept of wedded life was different from what
they actually got!'

fyi, men can have depression too. it does not discriminate between genders, races, religions or wealth (or absence of it).

i wish and request, that you not be so forthright in your condemnation, particularly of womankind, with such strong words as implied in your post. i suspect and i may be wrong here, that some close relative has been involved and that too in the receiving end of such a situation.

pray let me elaborate on my female relative, in the early 70s: she comes from a very well off family of kerala pattars, married to my father's cousin, and ended up settling in a remote country in the tip of south america. you have got to understand, that she comes from a warm, protected and above all comfortable household, who on a decision by the father, handed over to an utter stranger, and within weeks, crosses umpteen oceans, and lands in some godforesaken land, where a language that she does not understand is spoken, the husband absent for 12 hours a day 7 days a week, and she confined to a compound with like-situated females, grabbed from all corners of the world.

i, for one, would never put my daughter through it. i know, on the other hand, females who have the guts to go through such situations. but many of us, male or female, do not have in us. i do not honestly know, if adverse circumstances in life, kindle the flames of depression, but all the cases i know of depression, have their origins in unhappy and unwilling life situations.

how should we, ie you and i, and the public of this forum should view this?

it is easy to brand these folks. but i would appeal for a higher road to be taken here. should we just learn to empathize only on circumstances familiar to us? or should we extend ourselves into the unfamiliars, and trust the nature of the wants and its unsavoury consequences, and pour forth our messages of empathy and love?

visa, i think, the human body, is among the last frontier of this yugam that is vastly unexplored (the sea is another). we simply do not know anything of our body. let us not even venture into the domains of the esoteric....

each time i visit my doctor for the myriads of my symptoms, she plays around with the tables and the dosages. i have long gathered, that she does not know what is happening, but based on the symptoms and lab results, she prescribes a certain formula, and hopes that it will give me a better quality of living.

with so many unknown, so much ignorances, honestly visa, i do wish you would not be so hard on the concept of the disease of 'depression'. all that i know, is that with pills, it can be controlled and the patient can lead a normal life. PROVIDED the medicines are taken in time and in the right dosage. for that, you need a caretaker.

it is easier for us to accept cancer or TB (which i hear is coming back with a vengeance). but diseases of the mind like Parkinsons (my dad), Alzheimers, depression - where the physical body is in top form, but where the mind is feebled - it takes a mental hurdle to overcome. and accept. these are deadlier than those of the body - in that the onus is not on the patient, but on the caregiver - straddled with a thankless and often draining and unrewarding chore ...

thank you.

 

[Nara]

.....Please select any temple close to your house or still better if you worship GOD in any form in the Pooja room of your house.

Dear BK sir, it is indeed an unspeakable tragedy to see one's own child pass away. It is hard to prepare for such randomness life throws at us. It is easy to advocate equanimity, but the one whose brain chemistry bestows such equanimity is fortunate in such circumstances, even though this good fortunate probably extracts a price by denying the enjoyment of true ecstasy when life offers an opportunity for it.

I think the original poster of this thread must take your post very seriously, for it offers the best practical advice possible.

best regards ....

 

[Nara]

.... a astroleger who at the end of two hour pooja said that some Devi (goddess) in interior part of Tamilnadu is left out without pooja and our problems are due to the same.

On the one hand all these gods are routinely praised as most compassionate, and on the other hand, they seem to take such grave offense for no greater a crime than neglecting to offer constant praise. How can compassion for others coexist with such extreme case of narcissism that is literally vengeful?

 

[drsundaram]

krsubramanian,

you have, as i see it, opened up a door to let in opinions on a rather closely held family issue. your turning to the astrologer, is i think, to seek solutions for current situations.

i am hoping, that along with mine, you will be presented with several viewpoints, from which, hopefully you will be able to discern some sort of acceptable solution for yourself.

first of all, i am forced to target on the very last line involved - ie involvement of lakhs of rupees. to me, our God is a source of solace and comfort, and not a merchant from whom we buy wares for certain amounts of money. that is my personal view of any function where huge amount of money is involved.

morevoer, there is really no guarantee that you will be better off, after spending those lakhs on poojas and parihaarams. so, please think carefully several times before parting with even a paise of your hard earned money.

second point i observe, is that you have gone the route of prayers to seeking solutions for issues of this world. again this comes to a matter of faith. is it fair or realistic to expect of God to solve an issue of our own making or something that is a consequence of our actions. maybe there are other avenues to find solutions - group critical thinking, counselling or simply patience, to surivive through the crisis.

we can ask ourselves what type of God is of our faith, that He/She could get'angry' at us for 'ignoring' her. Believe me, i am too from north malabar, and have seen several instances of prayaschithams offered to bhagawathi temples. in most cases, i have found, it has provided immediate peace to the family, though the solutions sought after seldom resulted.

all in all, please take care and maybe some type of 'thinking out of the box' solutions for your circumstances might be of help.

best wishes.

very correct shri kunjuppu. i fully tally with you.I think our mind sets, information from society and family, our belief systems are all the root cause for such ideas.

 

[Nara]

.......
with so many unknown, so much ignorances, honestly visa, i do wish you would not be so hard on the concept of the disease of 'depression'. all that i know, is that with pills, it can be controlled and the patient can lead a normal life. PROVIDED the medicines are taken in time and in the right dosage. for that, you need a caretaker.

K, if someone gets a headache, he/she pops in a pill or two, it is gone and nobody says you are crazy. If you have high cholesterol, you take a pill or two everyday, it is just that your blood is too thick, but you are a fine person no less. Diabetes, well which self-respecting Brahmin can be without it at a certain age? But, depression, which is no more than an imbalance of brain chemicals easily corrected with no more than vitamin-like tablets, oh you are a mental patient, worthy of the worst stigma imaginable.

The problem is systemic, one that is nurtured by the conservative traditions and the extremely high value placed on conformance to societal norm. Any deviation from this is worthy of derision and ostracization. Compassion and love is good only as ideals claimed as uniquely theirs, never to be put in practice.

In short, the Indian middle class, hypocrisy feels shy around you!

Cheers!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Kunjuppu,

My posts are based on my personal experiences and contacts. So they are true as far as am concerned.

I know couples where both the husband and the wife are GOOD persons but could not get along with each other.(God only know why!!).

I know of a girl in very close family circle who never accompanied her husband after the nuptial.

His crime... he did not fit in the image the girl had formed after

reading the Mills and Boon Novels. Personally I can see that the boy

was actually a mahaan in his disposition. (Mismatch on many

grounds?)

People go into depression when they feel useless, not wanted, never

missed and living a life they not made for!

It is indeed sad but unless the person learns to convert every curse

into a boon, depressions can not be avoided.

well the power has been cut off.

So bye for now.

may be we can take it up later.

with warm regards,
Mrs. V.R.

 

[SwamiTaBra]

Dear Sir,

With due regards to the astrologers, the interactions with them by

some of my close family members have been utterly disappointing.

When we believe them earnestly, we are invariably taken for a ride.

If identifying the Devi is going to cost you lakhs of rupees, what will be

estimate for pacifying Her wrath?

By trying to solve a small problem do not get caught in a bigger one

and of a larger scale.

All Gods are one and the same - including all the Devis and Devas.

Trust in one God/ Goddess and catch hold of His/Her legs. He/She will

protect you from the astrologers as well as from the other perils.:hail:

Did you ask him, how come you displeased a Goddess in Tamil Nadu-

while you have been living in Kerala for nearly a century?

What is the tiff between the local Goddesses there and here?

Unless you are careful You will be paying for the house (or at least the

extension of the existing house) of the astrologer.

with warm regards,
Visalakshi Ramani.

When a person is in deep trouble, despairing he or she looks for some way to get out of the difficulty. When all rational avenues one can think of fails, the person looks for some "divine" intervention. Here come astrology.

Astrologers, more often than not are quite unreliable. A prediction of one person could have been accurate but for other it could go widely off the mark.
Unscrupulous astrologers go further to fleece the clients by trapping them into doing expensive "parihaarams".

It is a paradox that to spot a good astrologer one must be lucky enough.

Regards,
Swami

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Now -a-days people in any profession assess our capacity to 'cough up

money' and demand accordingly... be it a doctor, a pundit, a priest or an

astrologer.

The same service will cost us depending on how much 'loaded' we are!

Robin Hoods of the 21st century but only as far swindling is concerned.

They don't share it with the poor as Robin Hood did! :couch2:

 

[Raghy]

Sri. Subramanian Sir,

Greetings. Angry 'Godess'? Sir, even amoung mortal humans, an angry person attracts less respect; a 'Godess' can't be angry at all.

Sir, you are the only person who would have total commitment for the betterment of your own family. In my opinion, a pooja or prayer conducted by yourself, in your own home would be much more effective than any other pooja conducted by anyone else.

It had been years since anyone in our family ever been to a temple. My children are convinced that any prayer should be done by themselves. (But my daughter would ask me to do it for her though). I think, you may like to try this method and give it above 6 months before doing anything else. (When we were really down, I started prayers at the age of 28 years. I did not know any slokam or poojas....my wife was my tutor...We have advanced leaps and bounds from that time).

If you do like to spend some money, it won't be a bad idea to sponsor some poor children's studies....their happiness and blessings would wipe out any curse from any angry gods/godesses.

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

Sri.B.Krishnamoorthy Sir,

I felt very sorry to note your loss. I don't know what else to write.

 

[Raghy]

Sow.Visalakshi Ramani,

Madam, Greetings. You may be right in a certain way; not all the way though. Treatment for depressive disorder is a long road. Caring persons, by the way of showing care could risk increasing the patient's feeling of 'helplessness and hopelessness'; could increase the patient's dependency and directly work against the effects of the medication. Medication for depression are CNS (Central Nervous System) altering medications. Any learned helplessness increases the 'down feeling' for the patient; cause increase in dosage; causes more CNS alterations. In short, condition becomes worst.

My mother-in-law suffered from 'post-natal-depression (I and my wife figured that out many years after my MIL passed away). Quite possible, she did not need any medication; but, the dosage was increased and ECT was applied too. Those medications killed millions of cells in the brain. Towards the end, my MIL lost many cognitive functions.

Depressive disorder is a very difficult situation.

 

[sangom]

On the one hand all these gods are routinely praised as most compassionate, and on the other hand, they seem to take such grave offense for no greater a crime than neglecting to offer constant praise. How can compassion for others coexist with such extreme case of narcissism that is literally vengeful?

Shri Nara,

Whether Devi/s actually exist/s is a different question but here it is the astrologer or maantreekan who tells all these. Hence, it may not be correct to blame the esoteric entities.

These are all vestiges of the tribal belief system embedded in our minds/brains, I believe.

 

[sangom]

...
Dear sangom sir,
your practical idea I will try to follow. BUt sir, your last line temple A or B . then why rush to Sabarimala, Guruvayoor, Palni Tirupathi when thousands of temples of these deites are there all over south india?

Shri krs,

Why do people visit different hotels? Can they not stick to the one nearest to them or the one which they find has the best of clean and tasty items? The visits to different temples is just like that in the case of many.

"teerthaadanam" or pilgrimage is extolled in our religion (also) as something which increases one's "punyam" and this amassed punyam, it is strongly believed right from the rigvedic days (when there was no pilgrimage and all pilgrimage centres came up only later - and so the rigveda has a concept of "ishtaapoortam" or punyam gained by doing various yagas or sacrifices, instead of visits to temples). Today, the pilgrimages are generally very enjoyable and comfortable tours and one gets both the immediate pleasure of a good tour and the delayed benefit of punyam at the end of the day, so to say. This is another reason for people thronging to many of the temples which have been promoted by advertisement. (Today the different brands of various gods also have to be "promoted" in a sustained manner in order to rake in revenues.)

There is a very widely prevalent feeling that even with the gods in different temples, the human tendency of "out of sight, out of mind" (which, incidentally, a computerised translation programme translated into குருடு, பைத்தியம்!) applies and so frequent meetings are a must to keep the god's familiarity alive and strong with the devotee. Hence, the support and grace of that particular deity will increase in direct proportion to the number of visits made. (Unfortunately, only a few of our temple-deities have the wherewithal to manifest simultaneously at diverse locations; guruvayurappan, tiruchendur murugan are a few who are there in mumbai, delhi, etc. also.) In the case of Sabarimala the belief of making at least 19 trips has got inscribed in popular mind; 18 times to complete the 18 'patinettaam padi' ritual and the last one to establish oneself as a "guruswami" through the mountain route, trekking,- this was the norm in those days, but I think the rules have changed now.

Last I will cite நேர்ச்சை, मनोति, vow etc., as yet another reason which makes people to visit temples.

But here, even if it was a vow of some your forefathers to worship in that particular devi temple in TN, since the particulars have gone from memory, it is better to be practical instead of believing some one who just "claims" that he can decipher it by poojas.

Hope the position is clear now.

 

[sangom]

Shri Krishnamurthy,

I have no words to express my sadness to learn about your loss of a daughter. Kindly accept my heartfelt condolences.

 

[N.R.Ranganathan]

Dear sri KrS,

I would suggest that you do panchayudana pooja, and hopefully all the deities will
be pleased. All these pujas and chanting of mantras are only for the purpose of
chitta suddhi. When the mind is cleansed, you will be able to experiece peace.

These pariharams do not work. As ye sow, ye shall reap. We will have to face the
effect of our actions. No way out. The burden of suffering is buffered by prayers
and meditation. These enable you to take these sufferings lightly.

There is an oft-repeated advice - if you beat a cow with a stick and later give fodder
to it, do not think these two cancel each other.

I may be blunt, but the only way out is prayer and meditation. Try it out.

 

[kunjuppu]

...The problem is systemic, one that is nurtured by the conservative traditions and the extremely high value placed on conformance to societal norm. Any deviation from this is worthy of derision and ostracization. Compassion and love is good only as ideals claimed as uniquely theirs, never to be put in practice.

In short, the Indian middle class, hypocrisy feels shy around you!

Cheers!

nara,

i find the concept of conditional love that we appear to practise as a community, quite uncomfortable. ofcourse, such things will not only be scoffed at but rejected outright by my free thinking children. so a much chastened parent am i, here in canada.

still, each time i go to india, i see the active practice of conditional love on the dear ones. though i should confess, the stress and pressure nowadays is far far less than those of my time about 40 years ago.

we have girls in the late 20s in our family now, with heartbreaks from abandoned or broken love, and who have now entrusted their future with their parents. we have parents of such girls desperately seeking grooms (not in india they say, and not too in america. only dubai or singapore!).

once upon a time, these girls would have been locked up and their stories hushed up while an unsuspecting sambandhi would be trapped with all the trappings of a pampered marriage and extravagant dowries. no more. we have come to accept the warts in our society, albeit not as humanely as i would like. but better than the previous generation.

progress, it comes too slow for some folks. others it cannot be fast enough. oh well!!