Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[kunjuppu]

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valli, revathi,

delightful posts. a treat to read. thank you and wish you would stay with us a long time

best wishes ..

 

[ganeshrev]

valli, revathi,

delightful posts. a treat to read. thank you and wish you would stay with us a long time

best wishes ..

Thank you Sir.

Regards
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

Sri Ganeshrev, I like your posting
. But equally I am unable to find reason why a Cambridge Harvard learned person settled in UK is not getting the companion of his choice. Answer I think is because he is a Brahmin. If he would be any other he would get a wife much more than his expectations and with a good sum as dowry

Shri Hoover,

The reason is he wants a girl like Aishwarya rai with the brains/smartness of Indira Nooyi (in the sense she should be successfully accompolished professionally).As well as he wanted to interact with the girl for six months atleast to see the compatibility.

By the way, I am Shrimathi Revathi Ganesh though my handle is ganeshrev

Thankyou
Revathi

 

[Nara]

....The reason is he wants a girl like Aishwarya rai with the brains/smartness of Indira Nooyi (in the sense she should be successfully accompolished professionally).As well as he wanted to interact with the girl for six months atleast to see the compatibility.

Revathi, sometime back on the Rachel Maddow show I saw a clip of one of those silly sitcoms where one young man explains the kind of girls he likes. He has this X-Y graph, with X-axis showing how hot the girl is, and the Y-axis showing how intelligent the girl is. He then draws a 45 degree straight from the origin and says that he likes any girl falling above the line as farther away from the origin as possible. This may hold for boys as well for girls to decide, but for them instead of intelligence on the y-axis it may be ability and willingness to show romantic love -- the whispering sweet nothings in the ear kind.

BTW, this was just a joke, if we look too deep into it all kinds of inconsistencies emerge.

best ...

 

[Nara]

....No Brahmin wants to "teach" or advocate their wards (I mean both Boys and Girls) to go for other community/caste as their kids.Supposing it happens, what do you want the parents to do?I foresee the following action points:

Yes Revathi, I agree with you on all counts. Your 4 point action plan is a good one. I don't have hard data, but from what I have observed around me, friends and family, those who end up at point #4, do accommodate. I remember a few months back a very decent and dear opponent of mine conceded that if he is confronted with icm for his daughter and end up in point #4, he would do what you say in #4. My only hope is, our views offer some succor, a kind of soothing balm to those parents who I am sure would be going through lot of agony.

...When my father suggested to look for girls from small towns with girls with lower economic status, he was rebuffed with

"Engalluku enna Korachal? Penna Pethavalluke evvolo Iruntha, Pillaya Pethavalluku evvalavu Irrukkum!"

In fact there is a lot of "korachal". A boy who grew up in the West is too much of a risk, even if the family is very well known what if the boy has too much of western outlook and ditches the girl sooner or later. This happened enough times for the parents to be weary.

IMO, the first choice for girl's parents is an Indian born boy with good character making tons of money in Bangalore or Hyderabad. A close second, and sometime may even be the first choice to keep their daughters away from in-laws, is Indian born boy with good character making tons of money in USA or some country in the west. My own nephews born and brought up in India and now living in USA got tons and tons of responses -- so much for the theory there is a 3:1 deficit of girls. (BTW, I have no problem if the girl's side want a boy of good character with lot of income, that is just human nature.)

In the aggregate, a deficit of the magnitude claimed (3:1 deficit of girls) can happen only under two conditions, (i) selective breeding -- aborting female fetuses or female infanticide or (ii) TB girls would rather go for a decent NB than a சோப்ளாங்கி B. I am reasonably sure (i) is not true, at least not in the scale that would result in a 3:1 deficit. So, for the claim to be true in the overall and not just in swayamvarams, (ii) must be true.

If (ii) is a disaster, which I don't agree, and must be stemmed, then Swayamvaram is the least effective method, the girls are not going to show up, dah. Roping in Northie Bs is not very practical, and may even cause more harm than good, separating the girl from her familiar surroundings and placing her at the mercy of TB in-laws, that must be a frightful prospect for that young girl. What she will have to go through can be fully appreciated only by other women, not men wanting to enable caste purity.

Now Revathi, permit me a minute of rant. I am sure a lot of people will be salivating to pounce on me, and that is alright, I can handle it. But my request to these people who like to take pot shots at me hiding behind others, please come out in the open, face me directly and put forth your case without telling me to shut up or calling me names. I promise a civil debate.

Cheers!

 

[kunjuppu]

Revathi,

A close relative of mine, started looking out for her daughter 24 a few years ago. this girl is not all that accomplished (BA?), quite dark for our skin tone loving crowd, yet great features, which would put on par with tamil tibes without brahmana kaLai.

The girls’ parents right away at the start did not want single child boys. Right or not, they were convinced that in this case, the boy is either too attached to the mother or mother controls the boy or both.

So right away a good percent of the eligible nuclear family boys are gone puff.

They also indicated that the boy should be in usa with H1B visa, and green card processing on the way. Very specific rqmts.. This was to ensure that the inlaws would never be an issue in their daughter’s life & the daughter could quickly join the husband.

Hoping for atleast one or two offers, the parents were not prepared for the type of response. Many of them desperate soundingly eager..

They were inundated with over 100 offers. no jokes, and phone calls through the roof. The boy they picked was fair and good looking but very mild and paavum type.

The girl was able to pick one and soon in the midst of an implementation the boy flew to Chennai for 2 days just to ‘see’ the girl (more likely the other way around judging from the girl’s parents attitudes).

He passed.

The next months the couple used to spend average 4 hours a day in skype getting to know each other, so that on wedding day, they knew just about everything of each other.

The boys’ party appreciated the wedding organized, and they were shown no special varundhi varundhi ubasaaram. Just like us of the girls’ side, if they were hungry when the pandhals were announced they went in, ate and came out. No one except the caterer was there to verify if they were taken care.

Such are the times these days, and I for one, with overwhelming girls presence, simply lovvved every minute of it. No more mamiyar kodumai for the girls, I guess.

I should say this is a happy story, one baby girl and another baby on the way. But in USA.

I agree with happyhindu, that it is indeed a good time to be a tambram girl these days.

when i look at the demand and supply position for tambram boys, boy am i relieved that i was born 30 years earlier. with what i was 30 years ago, my mother would have a hard time finding a spouse for me, these days.

 

[Nara]

There was a solution given to stop/deter brahmin girls marry outside by castigating them! This will NOT deter those girls, but will infact prove them strongly how hypocritic brahmins are!

Dear Valli, Greetings!

I suppose all through history the honor of a group has been vested in the uterus of their women, and that must be protected at all cost. Agamemnon went to war against Troy for this reason. Lord Rama did it also. With his honor restored he let Sita lose and asked her to go wherever she pleased. Even after taking her back, he exiled her into the forest for the sake protecting his honor against the word of a washerman. Arjuna was also very concerned about the honor of women when he refused to fight.

The God of the Old Testament commands the marauding jewish army, headed by Moses, to kill all the men and take all unbetrothed girls for their own pleasure. With the honor of their women robbed, the tribe goes extinct. The bonus for the victorious side is their numbers increase.

In more recent times, the Pakistani army was supposed to have gone on a raping spree against the women of East Bengal as a tactical weapon. It was not enough to kill the opponent, but must destroy their honor as well by raping their women. The Sri Lankan army did the same to the SL Tamil women. As we speak, this is going on in eastern Congo, and probably many other places as well.

With this long history of vesting the honor of a nation in the uterus of their women, men have developed an acute desire to protect women from out-group men at all cost. Loss of Brahmin uterus to NB is a very serious business indeed. A girl who is audacious enough to go against this rule must be castigated. A family that allows this to happen must be ostracized so that other families don't get any fancy ideas. This is why, IMO, this thread, Brahmin Girls Marrying NB boys, attracts so much attention, and NB girls marrying Brahmin boys does not even get mentioned.

Cheers!

 

[ganeshrev]

Shri Nara,

Thank you for your views.

Roping in Northie Bs is not very practical, and may even cause more harm than good, separating the girl from her familiar surroundings and placing her at the mercy of TB in-laws, that must be a frightful prospect for that young girl. What she will have to go through can be fully appreciated only by other women, not men wanting to enable caste purity.

I just imagined this scenario - if , ten years down the line - When I would like my daughter to settle down- if the actual number of boys (may I add that I may have normal expectations a mother may usually have - anxious that boy is settled and decent) are less and I were not able to find a boy- I will definitely be reluctant to seek a north Indian Brahmin.Solely for the reasons that the habits of those North Indians are different from what we are used to. That does not mean I will also go for icm (for the same reasons that I am reluctant for NI B)

If this is what I feel, I am not sure how others who have sons past 30 will be willing to seek North Indian B girl?

Now Revathi, permit me a minute of rant. I am sure a lot of people will be salivating to pounce on me, and that is alright, I can handle it. But my request to these people who like to take pot shots at me hiding behind others, please come out in the open, face me directly and put forth your case without telling me to shut up or calling me names. I promise a civil debate.

Cheers!

May I add that in the past one month or so, I look for postings of yours, Shri Kunjuppu and Shri Raghy for the neat arguments you put forth in advocating your case.Actually I have learnt so much that I put forth my arguments to my Boss in a better way!(and I win!!)


Regards
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

Shri Kunjuppu,

We are three sisters in our family and each has a daughter (and one has a son as well) - I just hope this situation lasts.!!!

I agree with happyhindu, that it is indeed a good time to be a tambram girl these days.

when i look at the demand and supply position for tambram boys, boy am i relieved that i was born 30 years earlier. with what i was 30 years ago, my mother would have a hard time finding a spouse for me, these days.

I remember my father jocularly commenting recently that he should have postponed my last sister's wedding (she is wed for 10 yrs now and was married at 21 ) by few more years and he would have been treated differently!She is the best looking of all three of us and academically good as well!The third sambandhi was the one who harrassed him most for dowry and Seervarisai and what not!

Thanks
Revathi

 

[kunjuppu]

...May I add that in the past one month or so, I look for postings of yours, Shri Kunjuppu and Shri Raghy for the neat arguments you put forth in advocating your case.Actually I have learnt so much that I put forth my arguments to my Boss in a better way!(and I win!!)


Regards
Revathi

rev,

believe it or not, one of the biggest benefits to me, through participation in internet forums has been the honing of my language skills, reasoning, rhetoric and above all ability to dig and think through and analyze.

and ofcourse the presentation.

no matter what our views maybe, i do enjoy a good mental wrestle. with a touch of humour and light handedness. i never take these too seriously though. ...

rev, you know something.. the very mention of ninb boys got me laughing. i know two couples very well.

one is a mp jain guy married to a palakkad iyer girl. poor guy, he is at the beck and call of this iyer girl, and changed to the extent, that he tells me jainism is a stupid religion out of tune with the times. he is ok with hinduism however. she sure is a heavy weight tyrant, though with a pretty face.

another was a sindhi classmate, very well off, meat eating liquor drinking type. he fell in love with this iyengar girl who converted to a namam wearing sri vaishnavite. it is only perumal bhojanam at his home. not a drop of alcohol or a morsel of meat since his marriage. his family has disowned him.

which makes me think, that the tambram girls who venture to oc marriages must be pretty strong willed and the dominant type. thsy sure have a lot of guts that i admire.

those nb boys gave up a lot, starting with dowry for these tambram girls brought nothing except their suitcase of clothes to the marriage. also since these are trophy wives, the nb boys cannot lean on their natural backups for support of any type. so i guess, since both of these have given up so much to venture together, they work on their marriage.

also these marriages become very couple centric.. if the girl does not like many of his old friends, guess who is the loser? it has happened to me

post marriage behaviours can change dramatically. why even in my own case............... ah ahhh you would love to hear this won't you

 

[hoover]

north Indian brahmin grils are not just thrown in streets and saying that hay south brahmin marry us!!! some postings give that vary wrong impression. They have also dignity and self respect. equally virtueous men and women exist there. In fact they have seen for last thousands of years violance and religious persecution thousand times more than tambram and even after that they are more proud of calling themselves as brahmin than tambrahm whose discussion starts from who is a brahmin and ends in agreement of making brahmin caste an cross breeding farm for breeding next nb generation. It is an ego erupted among esp. tambram, i think side effect of anti brahmin movement in tamilnadu. which forces tambram to think themselves as superior and obviously insulting north brahmin.
no one is daring to comment on the point that all except brahmin and muslim are practicing female foeticide and a community who kills their own daughters shouldnt be provided relief from their sins i.e. by icm of brahmin girls with them.
there is a discussion in the thread crime against women in which one member has written about largescale female foeticides in tamilnadu itself. one can easily varify data. even president of india has repeatedly expressed concern about this practice.

 

[hoover]

ignorance is a good escape rout from accepting ground realities.
all in past used to kill males and grab females. It is happening silently against brahmin.
at one side saying that all ingnore the icm of bahmin boys and at the same time presenting figure of three to one boy girl ratio in swayamvaram. It is just turning blind eye towards ground realities and systematic persecution, passive genocide of brahmin. caste based reservation and icm of brahmin gils is the two pronged instrument of this genocide.

 

[hoover]

If a roadside nb hooligan is getting engineer and doctor brahmin girl as wife and as feeder for life. why an cambriharavard uk brahmin should not expect aishwary like wife. It is lack of commen sense of brahmin community lead by cheerleaders of brahmin persecution which is stopping to saw various sides of the problem.

 

[Nara]

I put forth my arguments to my Boss in a better way!(and I win!!)

Hey, hey, where is my commission ?

BTW, from the few posts you have made so far I can tell you didn't need to learn anything from me, from lthe other members you mention perhaps.

best wishes ...

 

[happyhindu]

Dear Revati,

Thankyou very much for the reply. I suppose having "high expectations" is the spoiler in the cases you mention below. If only they tried, perhaps they cud find that special someone from a simple background from smaller cities, towns and villages (like Shah Rukh in Swades).

Your post reminded me of a guy who refused to consider girls from hyderabad; becoz in his college days he developed an idea that hyderabadi girls are 'fast and over-smart'...such city preferences and generalizations would perhaps only make the guy miss out on 'what-it-cud-have-been'...

In the quest for 'perfection' perhaps guys tend to lose out on that tad of naturalness in romance...Perhaps it is very presumptive and assumptive on my part, but some guys who seek that "perfect-model-wife" may not be easy husbands to live with (one guy expected his wife to look glamorous even when she was having labour pains bcoz he wanted to film the birth of his son)...its almost like they live for the world and not for themselves..

Your posts are really very nice, like a new window opened for a fresh view.

Thank you Revati. Hope to read more posts by yourself and Valli.

Regards.

I am not sure what I will do - An action out of desperation is hard to imagine in advance.

Based on the experience of the immediate relatives, this happens(not getting married in time) due to the following reasons:

1.Too many conditions from the Boy's side (Fair, Beautiful, Modern , Traditional, Educated "Professionally Qualified et al to name a few). I will ask my son to lower his expectations.
2.Too many conditions from Boy's Parents (Vaira Thodu, Grand Marriage).- In this case it will be me - I will not put these conditions
3.Knowingly or Unknowningly, the Boys side exhibit superiority in the processes of seeking the alliance(More of a social stigma than a caste stigma) .They think due to the boys' accompolishments, girls will fall on the boy's feet seeking his hand in marriage.Girls are not like those of yesteryears and the result is boys loose good alliances.So I will try to subdue my unconsicous superiority in whatever way I can.
4.I will also bring down the variables like Gothra, Horoscope etc.
5.If all this fails , I will ask him to check any girls in his known circle of friends in office or social gathering , whom he thinks as compatible (The mute question is why should this girl accept when so many girls are rejecting - without caste coming into picture)

Actually I have three immediate cousins - One is 41, one is 32, one is 30 and another who is our close friend's grandson who is thirty who are desperate to find thier companion for life and are unsuccessful for past so many years.

All of them are wealthy, accomplished, good family backgoround but do not do all our rituals like Sandhyavandhan.They are not ready to consider Inter Caste Marriage- But They are not lowering the expectations.(as in point 1 ).When my father suggested to look for girls from small towns with girls with lower economic status, he was rebuffed with

"Engalluku enna Korachal? Penna Pethavalluke evvolo Iruntha, Pillaya Pethavalluku evvalavu Irrukkum!"

One of them is in UK from his age of 7 and is very very good looking who is 41. I understand a lot of white girls proposed to him and he rejected because 1) He cannot adjust to the white girls' habits/customes though he is virtually British when he steps out of his house 2) He knows his parents will not accept- He revers his Mother too much who told him not to do any last rites if this happens.

His expectations have not come down - he is a graduate from cambridge and Harward MBA - he expects a good looking, Highly educated girl from his age of 30 and he is 41 now!

Thanks
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

rev,
post marriage behaviours can change dramatically. why even in my own case............... ah ahhh you would love to hear this won't you

Reminds me of how my husband looks at his Marriage photo and scornfully looks at the present state of his hair When people who meet him after long time ask "What happened to your hair?" (He had a lot of hair like Saibaba) , he looks at me

I choose not to interpret the looks!

Silence is golden during those moments.

Thanks
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

Hey, hey, where is my commission ?

Shri Nara,

When you visit Bangalore, I promise you a nice Tanjore style food!

Regards
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

Shri Hoover,

You are very emotional, please cool down!.(I have a basic deficiency of not able to absorb long senetence wihout punctuations and paragraphs and so I should admit that I cannot fully understand your postings. Hence I am now posting my generic view. Request your understanding )

I dont think in any of of the posts above (including posted by yours truly), we say NI is superior/inferior.This is more of the compatability issues you look for while marrying.

I give you a simple example regarding a day to day issue.

We(From Tanjavur) have this habit of not mixing the cleaning of plates in which we eat along with cleaning of other dishes.(Not denigarding other habits, I think it is hygenically better to segregate this activity).

I have seen both in kannadiga Smarthas' house and other friends house- who are brahmins various Northern states - not in the habit of following this.

This is just a simple example - where it involves day to day adjustment.

So I personally, if given a choice, would be hesitant to live in that atmosphere.As simple as that. This does not mean that they are superior and we are inferior and vice versa.Various fights between MIL and DIL originate from silly reasons on how to cut Brinjal! Why to bring in unwanted problems in life sir?

Hope I am clear from my side.

Thank you for your patient hearing.

Regards
Revathi

 

[ganeshrev]

Hello Happy hindu,

In the quest for 'perfection' perhaps guys tend to lose out on that tad of naturalness in romance...Perhaps it is very presumptive and assumptive on my part, but some guys who seek that "perfect-model-wife" may not be easy husbands to live with (one guy expected his wife to look glamorous even when she was having labour pains bcoz he wanted to film the birth of his son)...its almost like they live for the world and not for themselves..

How true - It will be too suffocating to be always acting as if we are perfect Reminds me of Brit's habit of being prim , proper and perfect

Thanks
Revathi

 

[valli]

Dear HH

I suppose that this question is intended for parents who seek alliance for their children. I am not one of those parents! I would expect my boy to find his own girl. I would also give him advice not to postpone it for too long. I don't want him to be one of those nerds (who know nothing but studying, getting A++ and landing in a high income job) who look down for many years into books only to look up and find that all the suitable girls are gone!! If he is unlucky enough not to get a girl/bride till he turns 30+ then I would have to take the help of matrimonial columns. And in that situation me or my boy who has turned 30+ CANNOT afford to be choosy!

Kind regards
Valli

 

[valli]

Dear Mr Kunjuppu

Dear valli,

Thank you so much for your kind post. i am eagerly looking forward to your participation here. we do not have sufficient representation from your gender. welcome again to the forum.

Thank you very much for your long post and encouragement! I have started posting after much debate in my mind whether to actively participate or to remain a passive viewer! I get really dumbfounded when some people write posts with utmost vehemence (like in an other thread someone posting the words 'Kaluthaikkuth theriyuma Karpoora Vaasanai'). I am really not sure whether I am seasoned enough to face posts like that! Anyway, I have started, so there's no looking back! I may not be writing or replying frequently due to my life style, but I will participate whenever I find time.

Once again - Thank you.

Kind Regards
Valli

 

[valli]

Dear Mr Kunjuppu

which makes me think, that the tambram girls who venture to oc marriages must be pretty strong willed and the dominant type. thsy sure have a lot of guts that i admire.

Very very true. But as far as the cases I know the boys didn't consider the wives as Trophies just because they were brahmins and also they didn't love the girls for the same reason. But yes, they consider their wives as trophies because not many boys happen to get to marry the love of their life and live a successful married life with her!!

 

[praveen]

I believe this thread has served its purpose and has outlasted its discussion value.

Few readers have complained about the language that has been used and have indicated that some, if not all, phrases are quite insulting and inappropriate.

Ultimately it is left to the individual(s) concerned to make a choice regarding the topic of discussion.

Hence this thread is being closed.

Please, as said time and again, we have a varied memberbase and what seems to be ok to one need not be the same for others.

So, please keep in mind the sensitivity of other members before making a post.

Thank you.