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WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:Ourselves.

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P.J.

Well-known member
WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:Ourselves.

This one is very interesting ...

Please Read
on...




A GENERAL BIT OF ADVICE


  • Have your own abode. No matter what, do not lose it, until your death!
  • If you have an old companion, keep each other good company.
  • Watch your health while it is still good.
  • Maintain a positive outlook and you will be happy.
  • Now, our health is still good, our mind still clear.
  • But on whom can we depend in our old age?

We will have to analyse in various stages.
sITQFWxbwH129eA2UZmM12WITnhkawMzNnJP-ZMda1epLTrpMfwNKuwmYlQbBkAfH86ix-Pfy4Zonu87zSeiZWP6v3EXevuhfK6OxyAAAf314tkdgh47thBIcxkjtAS-luW_7Hc-PGiKuW_GoUGU5jl6ZMJDrSHBwsxDjXeT6heg1yOHkqzJd2SHAafcUciu5lh5=s0-d-e1-ft

1st Stage:

  • Just after retirement, between 60 to 70 yrs old, our health will still be comparatively good. So too our financial means.
  • Eat moderately while we have the means. At times, wear what we fancy.
  • Those who like it, have some fun.
  • Do not be hard on yourself
  • Our days are numbered, so, grasp the opportunity.
  • Have some savings!
  • Keep the house!
  • Make arrangements for the days ahead or retreat.
  • If the kids are well off, it is their business ...
  • If the kids are filial, they have good traits ....
  • We need neither decline financial help from our kids nor decline their respect.
  • But we should remain independent and live our own life well.

2nd Stage:

  • If no mishap and illness strike after we are 70, we will still be able to take care of ourselves. Not a major problem.
  • However, we must realise we are really getting old gradually, our body and mind will give way.
  • Our reflexes will slow down with time.
  • We will have to eat slowly, to avoid choking.
  • We will have to walk slowly, to avoid falls.
  • We can no longer put on a front, we have to look after ourselves!
  • Do not meddle anymore with this and that, or control the kids!
  • Some even interfere with the third generation!!!
  • We have intervened our entire life, It is time for us to be a little selfish!
  • Take hold of ourselves. Life must come full circle.
  • Help with the cleaning chores.
  • Try to maintain our health for as long as possible.
  • Give ourselves more opportunities to take control of our own life.
  • We lead an easier life when we do not have to solicit help from others.

3rd Stage:

  • Our health begins to fail. We have to request help from others. We have to be mentally prepared for it.
  • The majority of us cannot escape this hurdle.
  • We have to prepare ourselves, emotionally, to accept that in life, living and aging, sickness and death are milestones we have to encounter.
  • This is the final stage in life.
  • Nothing to fear!
  • Be prepared for it in advance and we will not be too depressed.
  • Either check into a private nursing home or an old folks home.
  • Depending on affordability, of course.
  • There must be a way out.
  • The idea is not to add to the kids'; burden, emotionally, increase their chores and their financial commitments.
  • Try our best to overcome -
  • What hardship has our generation not endured?
  • What disasters have we not experienced?
  • Trust us to take life';s last lap in our stride.

4th Stage:

  • Our mind is still clear, but we are terminally ill, when our quality of life has deteriorated drastically.
  • We must be courageous enough to face death!
  • Insist that the family not try to prolong our life: Do not incur unnecessary expenditure.


WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:-


Ourselves



Dialogue India

 
Last edited:

krish44

Well-known member
great post PJ sir

there is a lot of wisdom in your post

my addition

prolong stage 1 to reduce 2 and 3 stage duration and and go up happy and kicking avoiding stage 4
 

renuka

Well-known member
I am 44 years old..I am not planning to wait till a very late old age to be self dependent. I am already self dependent in many aspects of life.

Practice makes perfect..start being independent as soon as possible..dont wait for the last moment becos the mind cant change at the final moment.

Many keep dreaming of wanting grandkids blah blah blah.

Dont dream for anything..let things happen as it should...if your kids get married and have sex ..grandkids are born as a side effect..nothing really to shout about!

Try to lessen our mental load as we get older.

Ditch family even if the situation arises..our personal well being is very important.

The sacrificing spirit seldom works....it finally makes us an Illichavaiyan!

So all fools of the world..its ok to be a young fool cos the body is still young but be smart enough and dont become an old fool.

A feeble body is bad enough..dont let the mind be feeble too.

No Lord Krishna is going to give a sermon to a feeble despondent oldie.
 

krish44

Well-known member
very good advise
ditch family as soon as possible . do not wait for old age

there is no age for being foolish .

cross age barriers and continue to be a fool as long as you like.lol
 

vgane

Well-known member
The post is full of wisdom!

The 4th stage of life is a reminder of the Paada Kaanikkai film song

veedu varai uravu,
veedhi varai manaivi,
kaadu varai pillai,
kadaisi varai yaro,

Kannadasan in his inimitable style says:

(When you are gone ) Your relatives come till the house ,
Your wife comes till the street,
Your son comes till the graveyard,
Who is it that comes with you till the end?
(The poet depicts the limits of most of relationships in life and its relevance in these lines)

http://tamilthathuvarasigan.wordpress.com/tag/veedu-varai-uravu-lyrics/
 

prasad1

Well-known member
ditch family as soon as possible ..lol
I would be little careful of statements like that. When your children are young you CAN NOT afford to ditch the family. When the family does not need you then only that statement is true. I know the context and I do agree with the statement.
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
What is happening to you P J Sir?

Please don't read such articles about old age all the time!

My dad used to quote this often:

''Today is not yet gone; tomorrow is not yet born;
Be! Be! Be today!'' :thumb:
 

krish44

Well-known member
PJ sir
you are the youngest amongst us in terms of thinking

we look up to you

If you start posting about stages in old age , we would take note

Saul bellow has written a wonderful book called ' seize the day'

after considering various options in living comes out with the philosophy to seize each day and fully spend it doing what you like to do most
 

mskmoorthy

Well-known member
I also agree that one should be self reliant (as much as possible) from early on (just to get us used to a certain type of living). When I was spending a sabbatical year (eight years ago), my rule was I would get groceries from only within a walking distance. I learnt to live with that.

There is a verse from Bhaja govindam that expresses similar to the one in http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/chit-chat/18929-when-we-old-whom-do-we-depend-ourselves.html#post260264


काते कान्ता कस्ते पुत्रःसंसारोऽयमतीव विचित्रः ।
कस्य त्वं कः कुत आयातःतत्त्वं चिन्तय तदिह भ्रातः ॥ ८ ॥

Who is your wife ? Who is your son ? Strange is this samsAra, the world.Of whom are you ? From where have you come ? Brother, ponderover these truths.

This blog (by Sri London Swaminathan - an old time poster in our forum)gives a lot of pertinent information
Swami's Indology Blog: ?Kaa te Kaantaa ? Kaste Putraha?? Who is Wife? Who is Son?

In the end he also refers to Kannadasan song (veedu varai oravu)

I used to like this song (both for lyrics and for rendition) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OpteRtKuTI

Hope my post is not too depressing -
 

renuka

Well-known member
I would be little careful of statements like that. When your children are young you CAN NOT afford to ditch the family. When the family does not need you then only that statement is true. I know the context and I do agree with the statement.

Dear Prasad ji,

In the literal sense I agree with you.

Ditch family in the context I wrote it was more in a philosophical sense..that is "ditch" family as not to hold on too tight to the extent we become dependent to anyone.

I have seen old people almost in dying bed and having yet so much desires...they want to have everything and have their family still.

I feel thats just fear of people of being acutely lonely.

There is a difference between Loneliness and Aloneness.

In Loneliness one is alone and craves company and feels depressed.

In Aloneness..one could be alone or living with others yet he feels not dependent and connected and is fully contented.

Aloneness is only possible when we "ditch" everyone from our mind even though we might still be physically present with them without shying away from our duties
 
D

dhikshita

Guest
WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:Ourselves.

This one is very interesting ...

Please Read
on...




A GENERAL BIT OF ADVICE


  • Have your own abode. No matter what, do not lose it, until your death!
  • If you have an old companion, keep each other good company.
  • Watch your health while it is still good.
  • Maintain a positive outlook and you will be happy.
  • Now, our health is still good, our mind still clear.
  • But on whom can we depend in our old age?

We will have to analyse in various stages.
sITQFWxbwH129eA2UZmM12WITnhkawMzNnJP-ZMda1epLTrpMfwNKuwmYlQbBkAfH86ix-Pfy4Zonu87zSeiZWP6v3EXevuhfK6OxyAAAf314tkdgh47thBIcxkjtAS-luW_7Hc-PGiKuW_GoUGU5jl6ZMJDrSHBwsxDjXeT6heg1yOHkqzJd2SHAafcUciu5lh5=s0-d-e1-ft

1st Stage:

  • Just after retirement, between 60 to 70 yrs old, our health will still be comparatively good. So too our financial means.
  • Eat moderately while we have the means. At times, wear what we fancy.
  • Those who like it, have some fun.
  • Do not be hard on yourself
  • Our days are numbered, so, grasp the opportunity.
  • Have some savings!
  • Keep the house!
  • Make arrangements for the days ahead or retreat.
  • If the kids are well off, it is their business ...
  • If the kids are filial, they have good traits ....
  • We need neither decline financial help from our kids nor decline their respect.
  • But we should remain independent and live our own life well.

2nd Stage:

  • If no mishap and illness strike after we are 70, we will still be able to take care of ourselves. Not a major problem.
  • However, we must realise we are really getting old gradually, our body and mind will give way.
  • Our reflexes will slow down with time.
  • We will have to eat slowly, to avoid choking.
  • We will have to walk slowly, to avoid falls.
  • We can no longer put on a front, we have to look after ourselves!
  • Do not meddle anymore with this and that, or control the kids!
  • Some even interfere with the third generation!!!
  • We have intervened our entire life, It is time for us to be a little selfish!
  • Take hold of ourselves. Life must come full circle.
  • Help with the cleaning chores.
  • Try to maintain our health for as long as possible.
  • Give ourselves more opportunities to take control of our own life.
  • We lead an easier life when we do not have to solicit help from others.

3rd Stage:

  • Our health begins to fail. We have to request help from others. We have to be mentally prepared for it.
  • The majority of us cannot escape this hurdle.
  • We have to prepare ourselves, emotionally, to accept that in life, living and aging, sickness and death are milestones we have to encounter.
  • This is the final stage in life.
  • Nothing to fear!
  • Be prepared for it in advance and we will not be too depressed.
  • Either check into a private nursing home or an old folks home.
  • Depending on affordability, of course.
  • There must be a way out.
  • The idea is not to add to the kids'; burden, emotionally, increase their chores and their financial commitments.
  • Try our best to overcome -
  • What hardship has our generation not endured?
  • What disasters have we not experienced?
  • Trust us to take life';s last lap in our stride.

4th Stage:

  • Our mind is still clear, but we are terminally ill, when our quality of life has deteriorated drastically.
  • We must be courageous enough to face death!
  • Insist that the family not try to prolong our life: Do not incur unnecessary expenditure.


WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:-


Ourselves



Dialogue India


Dear PJ Sir,
Though my mind at times disturbed by different distractions but when I am going through your postings on certain topics related to old age, it stimulates me more and make my mind to face the challenge courageously. Sometime I will take it granted that it may be the order of the day for self so I should make up my mind accordingly to overcome the hurdles that crop in to discourage me, most probably may be dealt with by me carefully and cleverly till the call comes. Is not it?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
D

dhikshita

Guest
WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:Ourselves.

This one is very interesting ...

Please Read
on...




A GENERAL BIT OF ADVICE


  • Have your own abode. No matter what, do not lose it, until your death!
  • If you have an old companion, keep each other good company.
  • Watch your health while it is still good.
  • Maintain a positive outlook and you will be happy.
  • Now, our health is still good, our mind still clear.
  • But on whom can we depend in our old age?

We will have to analyse in various stages.
sITQFWxbwH129eA2UZmM12WITnhkawMzNnJP-ZMda1epLTrpMfwNKuwmYlQbBkAfH86ix-Pfy4Zonu87zSeiZWP6v3EXevuhfK6OxyAAAf314tkdgh47thBIcxkjtAS-luW_7Hc-PGiKuW_GoUGU5jl6ZMJDrSHBwsxDjXeT6heg1yOHkqzJd2SHAafcUciu5lh5=s0-d-e1-ft

1st Stage:

  • Just after retirement, between 60 to 70 yrs old, our health will still be comparatively good. So too our financial means.
  • Eat moderately while we have the means. At times, wear what we fancy.
  • Those who like it, have some fun.
  • Do not be hard on yourself
  • Our days are numbered, so, grasp the opportunity.
  • Have some savings!
  • Keep the house!
  • Make arrangements for the days ahead or retreat.
  • If the kids are well off, it is their business ...
  • If the kids are filial, they have good traits ....
  • We need neither decline financial help from our kids nor decline their respect.
  • But we should remain independent and live our own life well.

2nd Stage:

  • If no mishap and illness strike after we are 70, we will still be able to take care of ourselves. Not a major problem.
  • However, we must realise we are really getting old gradually, our body and mind will give way.
  • Our reflexes will slow down with time.
  • We will have to eat slowly, to avoid choking.
  • We will have to walk slowly, to avoid falls.
  • We can no longer put on a front, we have to look after ourselves!
  • Do not meddle anymore with this and that, or control the kids!
  • Some even interfere with the third generation!!!
  • We have intervened our entire life, It is time for us to be a little selfish!
  • Take hold of ourselves. Life must come full circle.
  • Help with the cleaning chores.
  • Try to maintain our health for as long as possible.
  • Give ourselves more opportunities to take control of our own life.
  • We lead an easier life when we do not have to solicit help from others.

3rd Stage:

  • Our health begins to fail. We have to request help from others. We have to be mentally prepared for it.
  • The majority of us cannot escape this hurdle.
  • We have to prepare ourselves, emotionally, to accept that in life, living and aging, sickness and death are milestones we have to encounter.
  • This is the final stage in life.
  • Nothing to fear!
  • Be prepared for it in advance and we will not be too depressed.
  • Either check into a private nursing home or an old folks home.
  • Depending on affordability, of course.
  • There must be a way out.
  • The idea is not to add to the kids'; burden, emotionally, increase their chores and their financial commitments.
  • Try our best to overcome -
  • What hardship has our generation not endured?
  • What disasters have we not experienced?
  • Trust us to take life';s last lap in our stride.

4th Stage:

  • Our mind is still clear, but we are terminally ill, when our quality of life has deteriorated drastically.
  • We must be courageous enough to face death!
  • Insist that the family not try to prolong our life: Do not incur unnecessary expenditure.


WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:-


Ourselves



Dialogue India


Dear PJ Sir,
Though my mind at times disturbed by different distractions but when I am going through your postings on certain topics related to old age, it stimulates me very much and raise my confidence more and make my mind to face the challenge courageously. Sometime I may take it granted that it may be the order of the day for self (fate as you defined) so I should make up my mind to overcome the hurdles that may crop in to discourage me, hope most probably it should be dealt with by me carefully and cleverly till the call comes. Is not it?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
D

dhikshita

Guest
WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:Ourselves.

This one is very interesting ...

Please Read
on...




A GENERAL BIT OF ADVICE


  • Have your own abode. No matter what, do not lose it, until your death!
  • If you have an old companion, keep each other good company.
  • Watch your health while it is still good.
  • Maintain a positive outlook and you will be happy.
  • Now, our health is still good, our mind still clear.
  • But on whom can we depend in our old age?

We will have to analyse in various stages.
sITQFWxbwH129eA2UZmM12WITnhkawMzNnJP-ZMda1epLTrpMfwNKuwmYlQbBkAfH86ix-Pfy4Zonu87zSeiZWP6v3EXevuhfK6OxyAAAf314tkdgh47thBIcxkjtAS-luW_7Hc-PGiKuW_GoUGU5jl6ZMJDrSHBwsxDjXeT6heg1yOHkqzJd2SHAafcUciu5lh5=s0-d-e1-ft

1st Stage:

  • Just after retirement, between 60 to 70 yrs old, our health will still be comparatively good. So too our financial means.
  • Eat moderately while we have the means. At times, wear what we fancy.
  • Those who like it, have some fun.
  • Do not be hard on yourself
  • Our days are numbered, so, grasp the opportunity.
  • Have some savings!
  • Keep the house!
  • Make arrangements for the days ahead or retreat.
  • If the kids are well off, it is their business ...
  • If the kids are filial, they have good traits ....
  • We need neither decline financial help from our kids nor decline their respect.
  • But we should remain independent and live our own life well.

2nd Stage:

  • If no mishap and illness strike after we are 70, we will still be able to take care of ourselves. Not a major problem.
  • However, we must realise we are really getting old gradually, our body and mind will give way.
  • Our reflexes will slow down with time.
  • We will have to eat slowly, to avoid choking.
  • We will have to walk slowly, to avoid falls.
  • We can no longer put on a front, we have to look after ourselves!
  • Do not meddle anymore with this and that, or control the kids!
  • Some even interfere with the third generation!!!
  • We have intervened our entire life, It is time for us to be a little selfish!
  • Take hold of ourselves. Life must come full circle.
  • Help with the cleaning chores.
  • Try to maintain our health for as long as possible.
  • Give ourselves more opportunities to take control of our own life.
  • We lead an easier life when we do not have to solicit help from others.

3rd Stage:

  • Our health begins to fail. We have to request help from others. We have to be mentally prepared for it.
  • The majority of us cannot escape this hurdle.
  • We have to prepare ourselves, emotionally, to accept that in life, living and aging, sickness and death are milestones we have to encounter.
  • This is the final stage in life.
  • Nothing to fear!
  • Be prepared for it in advance and we will not be too depressed.
  • Either check into a private nursing home or an old folks home.
  • Depending on affordability, of course.
  • There must be a way out.
  • The idea is not to add to the kids'; burden, emotionally, increase their chores and their financial commitments.
  • Try our best to overcome -
  • What hardship has our generation not endured?
  • What disasters have we not experienced?
  • Trust us to take life';s last lap in our stride.

4th Stage:

  • Our mind is still clear, but we are terminally ill, when our quality of life has deteriorated drastically.
  • We must be courageous enough to face death!
  • Insist that the family not try to prolong our life: Do not incur unnecessary expenditure.


WHEN WE ARE OLD, WHOM DO WE DEPEND ON:-


Ourselves



Dialogue India


Dear PJ Sir,
Though my mind at times disturbed by different distractions but when I am going through your postings on certain topics related to old age, it stimulates me more and make my mind to face the challenge courageously. Sometime it may be the order of the day for myself so I should make up my mind to overcome the hurdles that crop on to discourage me, should be dealt with by me carefully and cleverly till the call comes. Is not it?
 

renuka

Well-known member
I once met a very old man who could hardly walk.
He was walking with a stick and shaking as he walked.

He was some age 70- 80 I think.
He told my nurses that he was looking for another wife.

His 2nd wife was a divorcee aged only 30.

He then said he was looking for another young divorcee and asked if my nurse was a divorcee!

She said no..she is happily married.

Then he said to her "if all of you are happily married how will I get a 3rd wife?"

Then my nurse got a little annoyed and told him "when you cant even stand straight why are you thinking of another wife and wishing others were divorcees?"

His reply made me laugh..he said "Who needs to stand? You are married isnt it? You should be knowing that everyone lies down"

I knew what he meant!LOL

So you see that old unsteady gait old man still had the will power to go on in life.

So for anyone feeling really old..remember this story!LOL
 
OP
OP
P.J.

P.J.

Well-known member
Sri dhikshita Sir

I am over75, but i keep my thoughts positive,do regular walking; enjoying beauty in every thing; my wife is also almost 70, we depend on each other!!

We have enough to meet our financial needs including any medical emergency.
We take hired help whenever we need it, confident enough to face the future challenges!!

God Bless you.
 

sarang

Well-known member
In USA and UK too, till dawn of the industrial revolution and urbanization, it was a joint family, and elderly parents and old uncles and aunts lived in the same house, and taken care by the young sons and daughters and young in laws. West changed hundred years ago and we changed 40 years ago, chasing artha and comforts, to the detriment of old family values and systems. There are some reports of resurgence of old system in USA; we too may get back to old ways if we do not lose our values in the meantime.

There are some builders who cater to a special market - big 5 bed room apartments for the working/earning couple who want their parents to live with them. Of course only rich gujarati - marwari - jain families can afford this now. Still there are many couples with children live with the parents in 1/2 bedroom apartments.
 
OP
OP
P.J.

P.J.

Well-known member
Changing life pattern of younger generation, forces parents to DEPEND UPON THEMSELVES and face challenges of life at the Sunset hours of their life.

All they need is strong mind, enough savings to meet any medical emergencies, few really helping friends/relatives in the neighborhood.
 

krish44

Well-known member
PJsir
Why trace the issue to changing life pattern of younger generation

Basically the life expectancy has increased.

seniors do not like to work beyond 60 years and expect youngsters to look after them for the balance period -a good 25 years or so.

seniors with capability to support themselves do not do so and expect to lean on others even when it is not required

I blame the parents for their unrealistic expectations of their offsprings

most have a strong mind which they misuse to put pressure on their children and try changing their lifestyle to suit their whims and fancies.

they create a situation where youngsters run away from them.

if seniors can mould themselves to depend on their children incase they cross eighty if it is really required , many children will accept

until then ,they can be productive and try to be useful to society and earn their living if possible
 
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