visiting of temple after death of a family member

[ramanasukumar]

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my mother has passed away peacefully 15 days back. i want to know when i have to visit temple?

 

[sangom]

Shri sukumar,

You don't have to visit temple in connection with your mother's demise except on the 13th. day, gruhayajnam day. If a temple is not available nearby or you have some other difficulty in visiting temple, the reading of sundarakandam by the vaadhyaar on that day and worshipping in your pooja room is sufficient; going to temple is not prescribed in our sastra.

 

[ramanasukumar]

on 13th day i have visited nearby temple. my question is whether i can visit temples and worship after the 13day rituals.

 

[sangom]

on 13th day i have visited nearby temple. my question is whether i can visit temples and worship after the 13day rituals.

Strictly, as per our sastras one should not visit any temple for one year (till the completion of the aabdeekam) after demise of parent. But these days our tabras are very much temple-crazy and so there will be many different versions with exceptions and all that. The moral of all these is "do whatever you want, but first find out some vadhyar/pundit/book/website which will justify what you do".

This is the type of hypocritical attitude which our people show towards our customs.

 

[prasad1]

Strictly, as per our sastras one should not visit any temple for one year (till the completion of the aabdeekam) after demise of parent. But these days our tabras are very much temple-crazy and so there will be many different versions with exceptions and all that. The moral of all these is "do whatever you want, but first find out some vadhyar/pundit/book/website which will justify what you do".

This is the type of hypocritical attitude which our people show towards our customs.

Mr. Sangom Sir,
Your post #2 was to the point.
I have respect for your views, I may question the motive, like in this post#4. The first paragraph is advice, what is the meaning of 2nd paragraph? What attitude are you talking about? IMO that sentence was not needed.

 

[vijayramanathan]

dear sir

it is correct that on the 13th day after gregyam we can go to temple.

even during the one year period i am told we cannot visit our family deites temple and not to go to hill top,all other temple one can worship.
this what i am doing as advised by my vadhyar

ramani

 

[ramanasukumar]

i am sorry and i originally want to get my doubt cleared. now in the forum there are different versions. please give a clear position as it will be usefull for all the members who do not know.

 

[sangom]

Mr. Sangom Sir,
Your post #2 was to the point.
I have respect for your views, I may question the motive, like in this post#4. The first paragraph is advice, what is the meaning of 2nd paragraph? What attitude are you talking about? IMO that sentence was not needed.

Dear Shri Prasad,

When parent dies and the eldest son performs the rites, the sastras lay down that for one year there is "gṛhasītakaṃ" or aSuddhi pertaining to everything in the house, including the inmates. This is because it is the belief that the dead parent's soul takes one earth year to completely get rid of all its attachments to this world and it becomes an inmate of the pitṛlokam only on performing of the sapiṇḍīkaraṇaṃ rite during the first anniversary of death. Till about 50 or 60 years ago, if father or mother dies the people from the sons' families of all the sons, (not only the one who does the rites during the first 13 days) did not go to any temple till the abdeekam was over. This was because the society then was so compact, so binding, each one knew everyone else and if they found anyone with gṛhasītakaṃ entering a temple, he/she would be considered a blot on the community, violating sastras; nobody dared to face such a blot of ஆசாரமில்லாத்தவன்.

But over the decades, people (and I am talking here about tabras only) became increasingly enamoured of temple-going and less and less interested in the earlier brahmin way of life of தேவூஜை (தேவபூஜை) at home, etc. The vadhyars and other referral authorities, sensing the public mood, started various 'interpretations' like temples without dhwajasthambhams are exempt, one may go up to the dhwajasthambham even in temples with those, only kuladeivam temples, temples on hill tops etc., should be avoided, and so on. So now people are visiting most temples even during the one year period. When you question these people, citing old customs, they simply say "our vadhyar/guruji/ swami told us that there is no objection to going to xyz temples and for us that is the final word."

I wrote "This is the type of hypocritical attitude which our people show towards our customs." to refer to this sort of attitude only; on one side people pose as though they are all very very sastra-abiding brahmins wherever it suits them and just throw to winds the sastras if they so prefer. To me this looks hypocritical. Hope you will agree.

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

Instructions and guidance vary from Vadhyar to Vadhyar. As Mr Sangom says, people
of old customs still follow the same guidelines rigidly.


Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[alamubhavan]

அன்னையும் பிதாவும் முன்னறி தெய்வம்

எனவே கோவில் செல்வதை தவிர்ப்பது நல்லது

முத்துகிருஷ்ணன்

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

No doubt it a good piece of advice.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[ramanasukumar]

I really thankful to all who given their valuable advice and opinion in this forum.

one thing i came to understand that our customs may change from time to time but the values remains ever.

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

In one of our relatives houses, the old man around 80 years passed away.
His children regularly everyday in the morning they adorn his photograph
with a garland and prostrate his photograph before they proceed out. Their
mother used to say to the grand children that Grandpa i.e. Thatha is with us.
All of us should pray him before we start any of our activity for successful
completion and he will certainly bless us. This practice made them not to
remember the temple for an year atleast.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[shankar_g_i]

But sir.. now sapindikaranam is done on 12th day itself

Dear Shri Prasad,

When parent dies and the eldest son performs the rites, the sastras lay down that for one year there is "gṛhasītakaṃ" or aSuddhi pertaining to everything in the house, including the inmates. This is because it is the belief that the dead parent's soul takes one earth year to completely get rid of all its attachments to this world and it becomes an inmate of the pitṛlokam only on performing of the sapiṇḍīkaraṇaṃ rite during the first anniversary of death. Till about 50 or 60 years ago, if father or mother dies the people from the sons' families of all the sons, (not only the one who does the rites during the first 13 days) did not go to any temple till the abdeekam was over. This was because the society then was so compact, so binding, each one knew everyone else and if they found anyone with gṛhasītakaṃ entering a temple, he/she would be considered a blot on the community, violating sastras; nobody dared to face such a blot of ஆசாரமில்லாத்தவன்.

But over the decades, people (and I am talking here about tabras only) became increasingly enamoured of temple-going and less and less interested in the earlier brahmin way of life of தேவூஜை (தேவபூஜை) at home, etc. The vadhyars and other referral authorities, sensing the public mood, started various 'interpretations' like temples without dhwajasthambhams are exempt, one may go up to the dhwajasthambham even in temples with those, only kuladeivam temples, temples on hill tops etc., should be avoided, and so on. So now people are visiting most temples even during the one year period. When you question these people, citing old customs, they simply say "our vadhyar/guruji/ swami told us that there is no objection to going to xyz temples and for us that is the final word."

I wrote "This is the type of hypocritical attitude which our people show towards our customs." to refer to this sort of attitude only; on one side people pose as though they are all very very sastra-abiding brahmins wherever it suits them and just throw to winds the sastras if they so prefer. To me this looks hypocritical. Hope you will agree.

 

[kunjuppu]

In one of our relatives houses, the old man around 80 years passed away.
His children regularly everyday in the morning they adorn his photograph
with a garland and prostrate his photograph before they proceed out. Their
mother used to say to the grand children that Grandpa i.e. Thatha is with us.
All of us should pray him before we start any of our activity for successful
completion and he will certainly bless us. This practice made them not to
remember the temple for an year atleast.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

bala,

this has become a big tamasha now. the minute one pops off, the survivors hunt frantically for a mild looking photo of the departed, have it magnified and mounted, and placed right there near the vaasal.

every one visiting the house, is somehow forced to do namaskarams to the departed.

yours truly, who believes in protrating only before God, has fun time refusing to do the demanded namaskarams, and seeing the shock in the eyes of those who expect obedience.

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

Visiting of temple after death of a family member

They believe that the old man lives with them for an year until the
aapthigam is done. It is a sort of belief they have. On the Gregyam
day i.e. the 13th day, the grievous members of the family are advised
to visit the temple by the Sastrigal compulsorily as they are not normally
asked to avoid visiting the temple for an year until the aapthigam. That
is why that day is known as subasweharam.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

It does not mean that everyone who enters the house has to prastrate
before the photo because it is kept at the vaasal. There is no compulsion
but who desire they pay their respect by bowing before the photograph and
there is no need to prostrate or those who do not oblige, it does not mean
that tantamounts to disobedience. She feels that her husband has lived in
that house for many years and he who is responsible for bringing up her children.
Perhaps that the children do not feel that the old man is not with them.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[sangom]

But sir.. now sapindikaranam is done on 12th day itself

Shri shankar,

The problem with us, and tabras specially so, is that almost all of us like ஆட்டுமந்தை foolishly believe certain things to be great, religious, and so on and blindly follow, but never question or enquire.

Now, regarding this "savundi" or "sapindeekaranam" I have written 3 or 4 times earlier also but I repeat in the fervent hope that at least some readers will start thinking.

The 12th. day savundi is a farce, in one sense, because the dead soul does not get admission into pitrulokam before expiry of one earth year (this makes one day for the preta). So the cavundi done during the aabdikam is the only 'effective' and 'to-the-purpose' thing. But, suppose the Karta (one who does all the funerary rites, usually the eldest living son) dies during this period, the soul of the father will be in a limbo - neither human nor a pitru - for eternity, is it not? Hence, in Man's own imagination (கற்பனை), he has devised an "advance booking" system; perform one cavundi in advance on the 12th. day and reserve a seat for the departed soul in pitrulokam in advance.

If the Karta is alive to perform the aabdikam, then the second cavundi done during that works anyway.

And, one more thing. The sodakakumbham (sodaumbam in common parlance) is actually to placate the members of the jury in the other world who have the final say on whether the dead person's soul may be admitted into pitrulokam, so that the judgment turns in favour of our party.

 

[sbvinfotech]

procedure for conducting the father death anniversy

 

[Sundarananda]

Dear Members,
I have this clarified with a Great Sage, Here are the true facts about this one year Not going to temple or celebrating any functions at home. One year time frame is given to very few cases for healing purposes. Those few are listed below:
1. One who loses a wife / husband in a young age, where he / she cannot withhold the loss
2. Parents who loses their child in the young age
3. Lover losing beloved / in short whoever is very close, cannot digest the demise of close ones.

If we ask them to come for a celebration, a Travel, A function etc... they cannot enjoy the function or trip. their mind will not involve in any happy occasions
For them the healing time is given as a One year.
If the person can digest any person's death and is mentally prepared.. He can visit any temples, Kula Deivam, Hill temple, Diwali celebrations, Pongal... This is NOT wrong and this is one of the MOODA Pazhakkam we follow. Dhayathi .. Father side some one dies, we might have not seen them, we don't celebrate any festival at home..
My humble request to the forum is that, is to understand that there is no hard and fast rule that we should not do any good things in one year time... If our mind is prepared, you can worship, celebrate etc..

Warm Regards,
Sundarananda.

 

[shankar1468]

Dear All

Kindly let me know, Are we have any book to go through to find out which is right and follow

Regards
S.Shankar,Chennai

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

We have many books on the Code of Conduct explaining Do's and Don'ts published by
many Religious Book Publishers. Our Vedas teaches us the knowledge. Bhagavad Gita
teaches us the duty and the spiritual path. Around 108 or so Upanishads which talk
of Srutis i.e. of Word of God to be heard besides 18 Purnas mainly on Mythology explaining
about Smritis. We have two great Itihasas. Ramayana and Mahabharatha. What our
Mahans and Elders tell us is we should lead a life of discipline according to our Dharma.
Artha - obtaining economic independence by performing the duty assigned to us.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[avkrishanan]

Dear all ,
i was advised by a saint that i can always go to the ashram of my satguru .Regarding going to the temple ,inside sanctum and sanctram, I should not enter .Shoud not do any sankalpam in any temple.can do bhajans and kirtans.But on the days of masigam and sodhakumbam and threedays on 6 t month and aabdheeekam,i am not supposed to go to temples .Further whatever donations are given during this one year,they should be given in dead person's name only. .There was a strong belief that shastras were prescribing for one year abstinance from visiting the temples.But on deeper analysis in the same shastras it was observed as above .Some additional thins were also specifically instructed to me.I have to do parayanam of Bhagavad geeta one chapter every ekadashi.After the aabdhikam ,shoud provide bhojanam at the Gurus ashramam for 16 brahmans.
Regards to one and all,
krishnan
Hence

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

visting of temple after death of a family member

Kindly go through the website - Hindu Death Rites and Suggested Guidelines
which gives very clear information.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[avkrishanan]

grateful for this exposure sir
thanks and regards,
krishnan
delhi