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Usually nichayathartham will take place in groom's house. Bride's parents will come there with thamboolam, fruits, flower, sweet,(like milk halva) 500 grams, manjal 100 gram, kumkumam 50 gram, sandal powder 5 gram, Grooim's parents will receive them , provide the bride's parents with lunch and coffee, exchange thamboolam, each other , Then they will left the groom's house. That is all. Again this will be done the previuos day of the marriage.

To fix best muhoortha day without 21 doshas it will take time on those days. On those days groom side people also will go to another place where they can get more money.

But now-a- days everything has changed. WE have to see the marriage mandapam first and according to the availability of the mandapam we are fixing a date for marriage. Now a days Brides are asking so many questions. such as how many waste paper are there in your house.

But very rich people are doing this in a grand manner. Groom's parents are arranging in kalyana mandapam. Rent and meals/tiffin expenses are borne by the groom's father. to be continued
If you want to take video make arrange ments for them. Number of invitees from both parties should be determined and to order for meals/tiffin etc; contact marriage caterers. If you are doing in the Groom's house mottai maadi, make arrangements for shamiana, meals table. chairs, water bottle. paper cups for coffee and water.

If you want to give a gift purchase them. If you want to givr them thamboolam, coconut, or orange,sweet and kai muruku make arrangements for them. purchase plastic/and/or paper bags.

Bride's parents should buy dress for groom and Groom's parents must buy saree for the Bride. and also for the parents of the bride, groom's parents are buying dhoty/pant and saree/blouse and bride's parents will buy dhoty/pant and saree/blouse for Groom's parents.

If the bride's parents are coming to the kalyana mandapam for this function they must bring kuthu vilakku.oil,thiri, match box, knief aasana palagai or thadukku, pancha pathra uthirini, brass sombu, 6 plates and trays, Bell, dhoopa kal; deepa kall. oothubathi, camphor, uthiri poo, haram -2 nos for bride and groom, thodutha flower 10 metre, sugar 1kg, kalkandu.200 gram; manjal, 200 gram; turmeric powder 100 gram, sandal powder 5 gram; kumkumam 10 gram.

paruppu thengai one pair, sweet Seer size. 31 nos. milk halwa 500 gram; dress for groom and for his parents, Dry fruits, Almond, pistha, cashew nuts, kissmiss , lion dates etc; Plantain fruits poovan, rasthali, sevvalai, jack fruit, mangoes, apple, pine apple, grapes, koyya, pomegranate, etc; to be continued
If the bride's parents are coming to the house of groom , groom's parents will give and help them for doing ganapathy pooja.
Bride's father must do ganapathy pooja with the help of his sastrigal; Then graha preethi dhaanam; Then give chandanam and kumkuman sugar and kalkandu to groom's party people. Then place the following things in a brass thambalam,

Two turmeric pasted coconuts, flowers; fruits; thamboolam; manjal, kumkumam, dress and with chanting manthras hand it over to the Groom's father. He will receive it saying showbhanam.

Now the Groom's father will give in a brass plate 2 coconuts pasted with turmeric powder, flowers, fruits, manjal and kumkumam and dress for the Bride, after showing chandanam,kumkumam,sugar and kalkandu to the Bride's party. chanting mantras with the help of groom's sastrigal' Brid's father will receive it by saying shobhanam.

Use one turmeric pasted coconut for making sweet and consume it, The other turmeric pasted coconut do brake it in a pillayar temple. Both the bride and groom will come there. wearing new clothes , bride's brother will give him chandanam ,kumkumam and garlanded him. Groom's mother will garland the bride after giving her chandanam and kumkumam. Bride and groom will do namaskaram to all and to blessings.

Groom will introduce his relatives and friends to the bride and the bride will introduce her relatives and friends to the groom, The sastrigal will read aloudly the nichayathartha patrica which is following.
Nigalum mangalakaramana ............varudam............madham..........thethi.............kilamai...........thithi..........nnakshatram...........yogam koodiya subha dhinathil udayathi naligai.............me............kul............(oorin peyar)................Gothram......................Peranum..............Kumaranumana chiranjeevi ...................(oor peyar)......................Gothram.......................pouthriyum....................kumariyumana....................yai

bhagavat kripaiyudan (if you know the dATE) ..................varusham.............madham.........thethi.........anru subha muhurthathil panigrahanam seithu kolwathai/ kannikadhanam seithu kodupathai iru pakkatharudaya sammadhathudan periyorkalal nichayikkapattathu.

Date:............................... Ippadikku
Who would buy the poo haarams and other pooja paraphernalia? Is it sufficient that the groom's side arranges coffee/lunch, tamboolam for the bride's people?
Groom's side arranges for coffee,lunch, kalyana mandapam rent, groom side sastrigal dakshinai, If you are celebrating in the kalyana mandapam pooja articles, poo haram will be purchased only by the bride's people. If you are celebrating in the grrom's house mottai maadi shamiana, chair, table, water, paper cups , plastic bags for thamboolam,orange or coconut, any gift, any sweet and savory including for the bride's people also must be borne by groom's people.Groom's people is paying for video if required and they are buying saree for bride and to the parents of the bride,saree and dhothy, betel;betelnut, fruits, flower, manjal,sandal powder, kumkumam ,

Kuthu vilaku, pancha pathra uthirini; doopa kal;deepakal, thaduku or aasana palagai can be supplied by the groom's party if they
are celebrating on their house mottai madi.
namaste shri gopalan sir, the work and time you have given for this new thread is very useful & i feel its a guide sort for all indians and those who are abroad .this shows your keen work skill and your dedication to it.thank you once again sir.
Sir if you can make all your publications in a book type we can download and keep it in our computer under library for ready reference. You are doing great help to mankind and god bless you sir.
Dear Kgopalan sir,
I have a request for you regarding Sashtiabthapoorthi celebrations. Sorry for using this thread.
My sisters husband is completing 60 years on 12.10.2012 as per the tamil star Magam. However his only son is in USA and will not be in a position to come on that day. He is planning to come in november. Can the sashtiabthopoorthi be celebrated in the next month star ie 08.11.2012.
Very aptly put, Sir, as regards the availability of kalyana mandapams. I would like to seek your valuable guidance on a issue regarding this. My son is getting married in November, 2012. It is an arranged wedding. After checking with the Sastrigal, we were given 4/5 dates in Nov. based on the stars of the bride and the groom. The bride's people went round their place for days together(which is a small place) and most of the mandapams were booked or were not suitable. Finally they found a good mandapam based on one date and paid an advance for it. Now, we are told that the previous day happens to be the sraadam of the Kollu Thaatha of the boy. The grooms' father's thaatha. Even father's father has passed away almost 40 years ago. Moreover, due to the old age of the sonsof the departed soul, the devasam is performed only as hirranya sraadam. I remember reading that certain strictures are followed only for three generations. In this case, the groom is the fourth generation. Moreover, maapillai azhaippu is loukikam and should we be following this? Sir, pl throw some light on this.
no problem. you can do( loukekaam) mappillai alaipu .Before Marriage kula deivam kovil ponga; do Sumangali prarthana and samaradhanai. Previous day to Marriage vradham. nandhi must be done.
Dear Shri K. Gopalan sir,


Our kuladeivam is vaitheesavaran koil. We are actually not knowing who is our kuladeivam whether Vaidyanathar or Muthukumaraswamy? While visiting temple we used to put pazavilakku to Thaiyalhayagi ambal and I want to know if we do samaradhanai to whom we have to do the pooja? whether the photo of vaidyanadhaswamy or muthukumaraswamy?

Thank you in advance.
Sir, thanks for your immediate response and guidance. We intend having Sumangali Prarthanai with the new bride after the kalyanam. Is it ok or should we have it before, in the present circumstances. Nandi anyway has to be done as the Upanayanam of my son has to be conducted sometime before the wedding.

For Mr. Ramanathan's question - Post no.16. The samaraadhani should be to Vaidheeswara swami only. (i.e. thaiyalnayaki ambal sametha shri vaidheeswara swami) We also do samarathani to vadheeswaran Koil.

For Saroram question - post no.17- Sumangali Prarthanai should be done before the marraige celebrations. Any subha celebrations should be preceeded first by Sumangali prarthanai and then samaradhanai.


Vakku nichayam. After having horoshope matching by both the parties and after satisfactory terms by both the parties and after having satisfactory replies by the bride and bride groom vaku nichayam will be done. so that both the parties should not change their opinion.

Bride's father should do vigneswara pooja ; then Graha preethi dhaanam .

Bride's family people should give sandal paste and kumkumam and sugar to groom's family people attended there.
Then place in aplate 2 coconuts pasted with turmeric powder; Thaamboolam; manjal; all kinds of fruits ,pant and shirt for groom

hand over this by chanting manthram to the groom's father, by saying shobanam groom's father will receive it;

In turn groom's father will give sandal wood paste kumkumam and sugar to all bride's family memberes who were attended there . Then in turn groom's father must give saree to the bride along with fruits and thaamboolam.

Groom's father will give saree ,blouse dhoty. angavasthram with fruits and thaamboolam to the bride's father with 2 turmeric pasted coconuts . with manthram. Bride's father will receive it by saying shobhanam.

Bride's father will give saree blouse and dhoty and angavasthram to the groom's father. THen introduction of family members each other. Then lunch or dinner. Then Thaamboola bag with friut or coconut, thaamboolam, sweet and savoury and one gift to each other's family may be given according to the financial status; video and photo may be taken.

Groom's family expenses.=lunch or dinner , Marriage hall (optional) If space permits it can be done on groom's house itself.
arrange ments for Shamiana. table and chair , water, for meals or tiffin; thaamboola bag and its contents,video and photo.

Brid's family expenses =2 seer size sweets;each 31 nos; kai murukku; 31 nos; milk halva; ( theratti paal)500 grams; paruppu thengai set; thamboolam; manjal; sandal powder; kumkum; 4coconuts; fruits poovan; peyan; rasthalli; malai palam; sevvalai.
nadan fruit, (Varieties of plantain fruits); jack fruit; mangoes if available; apple; orange; pine apple; koyya; sappotta; pomegranate; grapes and other available fruits; then dates; almond; mundhri; drakshai; and other dry fruits;sugar; kalkandu;
dresses as mentioned above and 2 haarams for bride and groom and thodutha pushpam;

For ganesa pooja oothubathi; kalpooram; for neivedhyam poovan fruit; thaambolam;manjal thool; akshathai; pancha pathra uthirini ; plates or trays; These fruits can be decorated in plates or trays;

The 2 manjal coconut: use one by making a sweet in your house; and the other one break it in pillayar koil; (soora thengai)
to be continued

One sastrigal from bride side and one sastrigal from groom side.
from groom side letter; Nigalum mangalakaramaana --------varudam ---------maadam ---------date (english date) --------kilamai ---------thithi-------star (nakshathram) koodiya -------yogam koodiya subha dinathil udhayaathi naaligai -------mel--------kul---oorin peyar -------gothram grand son of---------son of chi.------------

oor--------gothram--------grand daughter of --------- and daughter of --------- (then daughter name) --------kumaariiey bhaghavath krupaiudan ( if possible) marriage date month and year or the tamil month only in a subha muhurthathil paanigrahanam seighu kolvathai iru pakkathaarin sammadhathudan periyorkalal nichayikkapattadhu. ippadikku ---------date and place-----------.

Bride's side people agreement.

Nigalum mangalakaramaana ---------varusham-------maadham---------date (english date) -------kilamai--------thithi---------nakshathram --------yogam koodiya subha dhinathil udhyathi naaligai-------mel-------kul oorin peyar --------gothram--------
grand son of------------and son of --------------chi.-----------oor----------gothram---------grand daughter of -----------and daughter of ------------ kumaariyumaana-----------------yai bhaghavath kripaiyudan ( if the date and month and year or confirmed) you can write here otherwise approximate monthirkul one subha muhoorthathil kannikaadhaanam seidhu koduppathai iru pakkathaarin sammadhathudan periorkalaal nichayikkapattadhu. ippadikku---------------place--------date.

Apply some turmric paste on four corners of these papers; give dakshinai for the sastrigals. subham.
SUMANGALI PONDUGAL In the book dharma sastra sangraham written by s. v.radha krishna sastrigal and published by surabi jagatguru sathapthi publications chennai 33 in 6th chapter page 220 sraatha devargal are there. to control pithrus in pithru lokam. There are 8 vasukkal, 11 rudhras and 12 audhithyargal,

Pitrus are coming : father in the form of vasu, grand father in the form of rudhrar and fathers grand father in the form of audhithyar. these persons are named as pithrus. There is another devar group.they are 12 in numbers. In the yearly sratham 2 viswedevars are escorting pitrus and they are called pruruvar and ardhravar.

During mahalaya sraatham time thuru and ruchi viswedevar are escorting pitrus. During naandhi mukha pithru sraatham sathyar and vasu named viswedevars are escorting pithrus. during sapindeekarana sraatham kaalar and kaamar named viswedevars are escorting the pitrus. For sraatham of sanyaasis viswedevars are called saadhu and guru. In yaagams kradhu and dhakshar are viswedevar escorting pithrus.

The wifes of these viswedevar and their young female children are requested to give their blessings for the children who are going to have upanayanam or marriage.

This function is called sumangali prarthana or sumangali pondugal.

In the family if a lady expires as sumangali every year immediately after the next sratham day sumangali prarthana should be done.

Some families are lucky and they ae getting blessings every year by doing sumangali prarthanai. If a lady expires on dasami or on chathurdasi day the next day will be ekadasi day or amavasai day. ladies are refusing to take oil bath on amavasai day. oil bath with pure gingilly oil should not be taken. Mix some water and ghee with gingilly oil and then it can be used for oil bath. or heat the gingilly oil pour 2 milagu (pepper) and thulasi leaves or /and a piece of betel. now it becomes thailam. no restrictions are there to use thailam . they can use this for oil bath.

Just like naandhi this is done for ladies . In naandhi viswedevars who are escorting pithrus are pleased and they are giving their blessings. Their wives and young female children are invited during this sumangali prarthana to get their blessings. This is also equal to nandhi sratham.

In olden days each family will have 6 female and 5 or more male children. so they will call their married daughters for this function. Minimum 5 including swamy elai and 2 kanni pon elai are required. This should be given to the very poor class brahmin sumangalis.(9 yards sarees with blouse with saapaadu who are not in your gothram). But if you are requested to give this to your married daughter you will be happily do this.

Now a days only two children one male and one female or both males or females. for the future generations They have to call other brahmin sumangalies from other gothrams. For sratham also same gothram sastrigals should not sit in pithru sthaanam.

You may request your sastrigal on the sratham day itself to give you 5 or 7 plantain leaf dhonnai for sumangali prarthana. and you can use it on sumangali prarthana day for the sumangalis. you may invite them by giving oil, vasanai podi, shikakai powder and manjal thool even one week before.

For those who are doing ocaasionally before their children's poonal or maariage they have to see the following auspicious day to do this.
months aadi, purataasi, margali and masi months should be avoided.

except tuesday and saturday all other days are o k for doing this.

Thithi: prathamai; astami,navami, ekadasi and stars bharani, karthigai, kettai and marana yogam and karinal day should be avoided.

Yama kandam Rahu kalam kuligai kalam should be avoided.

On friday if navami thithi ends by about 11-30 a.m. you can start sumangali prarthana from 12 noon

The eldest sumangali in that house is the kartha for sumangali prarthanai.

The married daughter of that family must be compulsarily invited.

Pregnant sumangalis from the fifth month are not eligible and also after delivery for five months are not eligible to sit in the sumangali prarthnai.

They can sit and take meals along with other sumangalis but they will not be counted as sumangali pondugal Kanyapon age should be from 5 to 12 in age. new moon and full day are also not good for sumangali prarthanai.

Requirements for sumangali prarthanai: 9 yards saree except black colour all other colours are welcome. blouse bits without black colour 5 nos. minimum. foy kanya pon dress .as per their age. Girls who have attained puberty but not married are not allowed to participate.sumangalis who are nearing' periods' are not allowed to participate.

Turmeric powder 100 grams; kumkumam 20 grams; sandalwood powder 10 grams.urundai manjal 250 gram; scented chunnam (chunnaambu) one bottle; betel 100 nos; kali paaku 100 grams; paakku pottalam 10 nos; 50 gram gingilly oil pockets 10 nos; 50 grams shihakai powder 10 nos; shampoo 5 sachets; vaasanai podi 100 grams; comb 10 nos; small size mirrors 10 nos;

glass bangles 40 nos; turmeric powder and kumkumam each 10 nos with small plastic container. uthri pushpam 200 grams; thodutha pushpam 5 meter. honey 1 bottle; fruits banana 25 nos; apple 4 nos; pomegrante 2 nos; oranges 5 nos; mango 2 nos; jackfruit sulai 10 nos; grapes 500 grams.

milk to make curd 2 litre. butter to make ghee 1 kilo; cardamom (elakai) 25 grams; dried ginger (sukku) 25 grams; coconut 5 nos; coconut with husk 7 nos; corriander leaves and curry leaves 100 grams each; plantain nuni (thalai vala) elai15 nos; salt 1 kg; maida 1 kg; sun flower oil 1 litre; black gram whitened 1 kg; toor dhall 500 gram; green gram dhall 500 gram; bengal gram 100 gram; red chillies 100grams; coriander 100 grams; jaggary 2 kilo; kadugu milagu and jeeragam each 50 gram.

4 trays; brass thambalam 2; knief 1 scissors 1 . 2 kuthu vilakku 20 thiri; gingilly oil for deepam; match box; lit 5 faces in each kuthu vilakku and pour oil as and when required until the function is over. containers for chandhanam karaithu vaikka; another container for nalangu maavu manjal podi plus chunnambu and water. container for paanakam =jaggary, water and cardamum powder mixed. container for sukkupowder and jaggary mixture. container for neer mor = curd+water+corrianderleaves and curry leaves and kadugu thaalippu.

One big brass kudam filled with water; one mirror; photos of MIL. gold chain. gold bangles etc; whichn are available with you. wooden palakai 10nos; or 2 nos wooden palakai and 8 nos; thadukku for the sumangalis to sit;camphor 1 pocket; oodhu pathi and deepa kal; and stand for scented sticks and for camphor.pancha pathra uthirini.with water.

Plantain (monthan) kai 6 nos; white pumpkin 1kg; avarai or kothavari 500 grams; ladies finger =vendai kai 200 rams; lemon 5 nos; bitter gourd 200 grams; ginger 50 gram; mango kai 1 no for pickle;

Thanjavur district samayal: Paruppu payasam;with jaggary this should be placed in the right side of the participant elain kil baagam; mel bagam elain nuniyi lirindu aarambithu in clock wise manner serve sugar or sweet, plantain fruit; fruit pachadi; thair pachadi;kosumalli sweet and kaaram; plantain kai curry and avarai curry; pumpkin kootu; ulundu vadai; variety rice=lemon rice and coconut rice or tamirand rice poli made out of jaggary; left side pickles and thogayal; Dhall cooked rice and ghee mor kulambu rasam and curd.

In kerala side thengai pal will be given after rasam saadam.

For this samayal use all which are bought from provision shop. we do not use the provisions which we are using daily. The remainig portion of the newly bought provisions will be used for daily use.

On the previous day or even before to the sumangali prarthanai one must take gingilly oil shihakai powder vaasanai podi manjal podi and kumkum to the houses of all ladies who are participating,

They must be requested to have oil bath with this and come to partake of food with wearing 9 yards saree. If you are having sufficient place in your house you may request them to come to your house and take oil bath in your house. for which you have to get their 9 yards saree and inner garments on the previous day itself and you have to pour water after sunset ,spin and it must be spread in the upstairs to dry.

Also you must have more than one bath room or it will be very late to have all participants to take oil bath in your house. also you must have enough space to spread the wet clothes for all the participants. The border (thalapu) should not face south.

The daughters in law are not allowed to sit as pondugal because of same gothram. This may vary with aathu palakkam and ooru palakkam Washing of brass vessals and trays and kuthu vilakku and gas stove will be there on the previous night.

On the morning of the day wash the entrance of the house and draw maavu kolam kalyana kolam and put semman and place mango leaf bunches on the main door. The eldest sumangali person of that house is the kartha. the kartha and her daughter in laws will not take oil bath. The kartha wil take snaanam and then only the 9 yards saree and a blouse bit will be drenched in water facing east after having applied manjal podi , kumkumam and a drop of oil shikakai powder and spin to dry and then spread it to make it dry with thalaipu not facing south.in the auspicous time that is after seeing gowri panchangam. in the auspicious time put a palagai request the sister or boys/girls father's sister to sit on the palagai give her kumkumam and place oil on her head and sumangali pondugalaga varikkavum.

let us name the place where we are going to place the saree as pudavai kalam. put a square maavu kolan on the floor over that put a palagai and put mavu kolam on that. In front of that put a mavu kolam to place the nuni elai; on both sides of the pudavai kalam put maavu kolam for 2 nuni elais beside for elais facing north or east or west.

Fold the dry saree or kosuvi so that the pallu comes on the top . the corner of the same should not face south.fold the blouse and keep it above the saree. then keep the following. one medium size or big size mirror. on one tray place 100 betels, more kali pakku, urundai manjal in plenty, banana fruits about 12 in nos and flowers.10 yards of thodutha pushpam malli or kadambam and roses, in another tray put maruthani, nalangu mavu, sukku vellam, put gold chain or other gold ornaments above the saree.

place a brass kudam filled with water and elaikai powder. some family will put dry ginger powder also. one sombu paanakam with cardamom powder and one sombu neer mor with curry leaves and coriander leaves salt and kadugu thaalippu. family custom will differ here also.2 coconuts pasted with manjal powder.keep the pavadai thundu and ravikai thundu for the kanya pen should also placed here.

dakshinai coins to be given to these pondugal.with betel and betel nut glass bangles, manjal kumkum eyetex; maruthani mirror and comb.on the kolam in front of the pudavai kalam put double nuni elai (after washing all the nuni elais with water) one overlapping the other as you are doing for sratham. elai nuni should not face south. On other mavu kolams place nuni elai and drinking water.

Start before or after rahu kalam. When the ladies arrive, give them turmeric powder and water to wash their legs and applyturmeric powder and come.Then give them chandanam kumkumam flowers and ask them to sit or stand as per family custom near the nuni elais..

Offer all items of menu to the pudavai kalam first and then serve to all clockwise without ending in south direction. Show doopam and deepam to pudavai kalam first and then to all clockwise without ending in south direction.after taking oil bath before starting taking food in the nuni elai these pondugal should not take any food or water or coffee. Because they should not pass urine or hoding urine in the bladder which will irritate them .

so before applying oil on their head they have to take milk or fruits as now a days all are having diabetus. The conducting person now should take in the hand manjal akshadai,flowers, manjal podi,chandanam, kumkumamand a uthirini of water sprinkle below the pallu of the saree in the pudavai kalasam and (in mind) pay respects to all the deceased members of the family by calling their names and also tell arindava ariyathava therindava theriyathva ellorum sapida varungal enru alaikka vendum then tell if there is any fault or deficient forgive me and help me and bless us in the coming marriage or poonal pour the akshadai and flowers and chandanam and kumkumam on the kalasa pudavai do pradhakshina namaskaram facing the pudavai.

Do neivedhyam to the swamy (pudavai) eleai with broken coconut banana fruits and thamboolam. Then camphor karpoora arathi to swamy elai and then to all pondugal. In some families no kalpoora harathy. Then offer one uthirni of water from pancha pathram first to the swamy elai and then to each pondugal on their right hand. they have to drink this all in the same time. then saapaadu can start. after meals is over for all the sumangalis pour one uthirini of water first to swami elai and then to all and they have to take in the same time. nobody should get up half way through.

move the pudavai kalamto north. After the meals the ladies should br given neer mor, paanakam, sukku vellam. then smear haldi on their legs and put nalangu on their legs,offer flowers chandanam kumkumam.give them thamboolam and chunnam. keep in a plate the gifts=for each betel pakku banana dhakshinai, blouse bit co conut with husk gundu manjal,c omb,mirror, glass bangles,eyetex,maruthani, give this on their pallu (pudavai thalapu)

Give manjal akshadai on their hand do namaskaram and ask them to bless.you. give the dhaavani to the kanya pon who will be your grand daughter. The kartha and the other daughter in law of that house will share the swamy elai meals.These pondugals should not take food at that night. they can take fruits and milk.

In the evening in an auspicious time the daughter of that family or sister in law will wear the pudavai and then after sometime it will be placed on the palakai. only on the next day the pudavai will be given to the daughter of the family or to some poor class people according to the family custom. If the daughter is not wearing 9 yards daily that 9 yards may be taken by the daughter in law or sister in law and a 6 yards saree will be given to the daughter.

In some family this pudavai is kept in the loft in a mud pot and in the next time when they are doing this the old one from loft will be used by the daughter and the new one will go to the loft with the mud pot.

In the evening in an auspicious time the daughter of the kartha or the sister in law member of that family must do like this and also male members after taking bath should do as written above, decorate both the mirror and saree and M I L "S photo with thodutha pushpam and in some families they are putting marapachi in front of the mirror,
Gopalan Sir,

Thanks for your detailed post about nitchayadhartham. Can you please let us know what are the silver utensils that the bride's parents should buy?

Is is necessary to buy chandana pela, kumkuma chimizh, panneer sombu, plate, kuthu vilakku, sombu in silver and should it be taken to the groom's house and used for the nitchayadhartham?

what kind of clothes should we buy for the groom and his parents? Should it be very grand like pattu podavai, pattu veshti. Can we buy pant shirt for the groom or should it be veshti only?

Is it necessary to give gold chain to the groom?

Should we leave all the silver items in the groom's house or can be bring it back with us?

I am assuming that we leave all the other eatables such as paruppu thengai, theratu pal, almonds and other dry fruits etc in the grom's house, or can we bring them back as well?

Your advice will be much appreciated.


Everybody should buy according to their financial status. If you are very very rich you can buy pattu veshty and pudavai. If not you can buy to the groom's parents dhoty 8 mulam and one thundu. or pant and shirt and one saree ordinary or chudithar if they are wearing it now a days.

For groom pant and shirt you can purchase according to the choice of the groom. If the groom's parents are not going to give to the bride's parents dhoty and saree then you need not give to them dhoty and saree. It is a must only for groom.

For silver items You have to purchase most importantly kumkuma chimil, chandana pela, pancha pathra uthirini plate, and small kinnam to pour milk and fruit. metty and golusu. If you are rich and also demands from groom's parents you have to purchace sombu( if there is varalakshmi vratham in their family) and kuthu vilakku. panner sombu is not at all necessary. they are not going to use it.

take kumkuma chimil and chandana pela use it during nichayathartham time and hand over it to the groom's mother . They will bring it to the marriage hall. All other silver items plate, kinnam, pancha pathra uthirini you may bring them to the on the previous day of the marriage. request them and speak with them about this and as per their advice you have to do it as you are bride's mother.

As per financial status of individual rich people will give gold chain to the groom, Midddle class people will never give.

As per the advice of the groom's mother you may leave the silver items or take them home it is the safer poceedure for you.

you have to leave all the eatables, paruppu thengai, sweets, fruits and dry fruits in their house . they will distribute them to their relatives who were attended the function.They will return the paruppu thenkai container to you. Act as per the demand of groom's parents and as per their family proceedure , they will be convinced.
Shri Gopalan,

Thanks very much for your detailed advice. one last doubt I have is, how to choose the date for the nichayadhartham? Can it be any date of our convenience or should we choose a date based on boy and girl's star?

Thanks in advance
Dear Gopalan Sir,

Is there a special way of fixing the date for the Nitchayadhartham such as taking into account boy and girl's stars, or we can fix on any date that is convenient to us.

Thanks for your help in advance.

Vanaja Mani

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