Thirumaangalyam

[C RAVI]

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Dear All,

First I would like to seek sincere apology from every one, If I found to be wrong to initiate this thread on the subject matter.

We had couple of discussions few months ago on a "NEEYA-NAANAA" Vijay TV show that telecast a program to educate Hindus with the validity of traditional practice of married ladies wearing Thirumangalyam/Thaali.

If I remember well, we had lot of discussions protesting against such a show.

Since I am an eligible bachelor seeking for suitable partner, I feel I should look into this controversial perceptions existing among Hindu girls and boys.

The discussions under this thread may even help other singles of our community to get a better insight into this topic.

Through a genuine source I came to know that girls of present generation are not willing to wear Thirumaangalyam owing to their own reasons. Brahmin girls are no exception to this mind set.

When I came to know that some of the Brahmin girls too are of the same opinion, I got bemused (might be because I came to know this for the first time from a Brahmin girl). I took some interest to find out the various views of women on this topic and could come across a website - www.indusladies.com and got the thread relevant to the subject.

Here is the link comprising 5 pages -

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/general-discussions/27138-why-remove-thali-mangal-sutra.html

I have couple of doubts pertaining to Brahmin ladies (at least) for which I would wish to have some clue...

1) Does Thirumangalayam is really so sacred that it should not be removed any time? And does it has any vedic values

2) Does wearing Thirumangalyam is only a social practice?

3) Does wearing Thirumangalyam carries a sense of Male superiority?

4) Is it as equivalent as a chain across our pet's neck?

5) Does working ladies really suffer from discrimination and taunting by others because of wearing Thirumaangalyam?

6) Does wearing Thirumangalyam really clashes with the western/official/fashionable attire of the ladies and creates an awkward situation?

7) Does wearing Thirumangalyam distracts ladies from forward thinking and enjoying social gathering?

8) Does the absence of Thirumaanglyam can make them feel relaxed and in harmony with others surrounding them?


As well….

1) Can Brahmin boys get rid of wearing Poonal that makes some feel ridiculous?

2) Can Poonal be considered as unwanted thread across the chest, making guys sometime struggling with it while dressing and undressing.

3) Can performing Upanayanam be considered as unwanted expenses and waste of time?

4) Can we get rid of performing Upanayanam as mandatory before marriage (for whom its not done before)?

5) Can we guys get rid of perfroming Pithru Karyams, where Poonal is extensively used for Tharpanams and other activities.

My doubt about the Poonal is only due to the fact that many of we Brahmin guys are not performing Nithya Sandhyavandanam and not just to challenge few of our Brahmin girls who are against wearing Thirumaangalyam.


Different opinions may help us to understand better and clarify the confusions existing in our community.

 

[snooty]

Ravi
about Pithru Karmas , i still believe in it though i am yet to read about it all . As for the Thali , In olden days it was not in practice only much later it became a practice . One cannot force ones views on another person . in these days i too notice many married women young or old not wearing one for their own reasons . this discussion is endless as this topic will have as many for as against opcorn:. the best smiley as i think fit

 

[C RAVI]

Ravi
about Pithru Karmas , i still believe in it though i am yet to read about it all . As for the Thali , In olden days it was not in practice only much later it became a practice . One cannot force ones views on another person . in these days i too notice many married women young or old not wearing one for their own reasons . thsi discussion is endless as this topic wil have as many for as against opcorn:. the best smiley as i think fit as this will attract popcorns from nowhere

Snooty,

Needless to say one cannot force ones views on another person.

We would be glad to know what's your stand on Thali is? If at all you can express here, please go ahead.

:humble:

 

[sunkan]

dear ravi,
each one their own, it is the beleif that helps people to tide through life, don't we see mangalyam being pledged to tide over a bad situation then what happens, whom do we blame our parents or the man who married us, and when the target is the mangalyam by the burglers who feel they would get a very heavy loot then women started making it in silver and then copper with gold coated, so i think it is a mind set, arujunaney pola ambadaiyan ediril nirka yedarku inda thaali they used to say, now i am not endorsing anything here, and poonal i have seen many don't bother to do any sandhyavandanam and do not wear poonal at all, it is again each one their own, why don't you discuss about the mental ability to accept and how is the mind set of man and woman in the present state and how marriage is being handled, and how important has all these materialistic things changed, just one kumkuman in the vagidu is enough for some, one ring would do for others, they always wear a shirt to the vaideegha karyam and tell the vadyar they will not remove, even the vadhyaars have come to realise and proceed as long as they are following our culture now you would ask where is the culture without all these symbols...the discussion is on and on..sunkan

 

[snooty]

i personally feel it is a must more so in terms of keeping your mind steady . it tells you you are bound to a person and your loyalty lies towards that person and his family . it is more to control ones mind than anything else . I also feel that it gives a woman , time to think before she can throw it away and choose another life . since it is also be told down the ages that it is sacred one will think twice . unfortunately men are not put thru any such binding other than their heart which tells them that they are married and have responsibilities

 

[snooty]

nowadays some women wear a thali but dont keep abindi or dont wear a sindoor or a bindi or a thali . you dont know if she si married unless she tells you . and poonal most people dont wear . they dont want ti to be seen through their shirts .

 

[C RAVI]

i personally feel it is a must more so in terms of keeping your mind steady . it tells you you are bound to a person and your loyalty lies towards that person and his family . it is more to control ones mind than anything else . I also feel that it gives a woman , time to think before she can throw it away and choose another life . since it is also be told down the ages that it is sacred one will think twice . unfortunately men are not put thru any such binding other than their heart which tells them that they are married and have responsibilities

Yeah, that's the practice and belief about Thali.

I think Men were not provided with such binding like Thali, because as you have indicated, girls needs to take at most efforts to ensure that she don't lose her heart so easily to other guy (with ulterior motives) and leave her husband. It is believed in Muslims and Hindu communities that the females are more sensitive than males. There are some christians community who wear Thali during marriage and continues with it with some sentiments and belief.


It's just my opinion....

 

[C RAVI]

nowadays some women wear a thali but dont keep abindi or dont wear a sindoor or a bindi or a thali . you dont know if she si married unless she tells you . and poonal most people dont wear . they dont want ti to be seen through their shirts .

Guys, citing the reason of Poonal getting exposed through shirts is just a lame excuse. Mostly guys wear banyan under which the Poonal gets hided.

The fact is they don’t want to carry the sense of being a Brahmin.

Some thinks that it would be auckward and unfashionable if they happen to undress for a swim or what ever.

 

[snooty]

Thali has become more a religious symbol than anything else . most people do not attach as much importance to it nowadays as in the earlier days . they think it is not a binding to stay married , needless to say each to his own

 

[snooty]

i agree with you . i too think it is a lame excuse .each and every religion has certain customs that need to be strictly adhered to, to maintain the longevity of the religion and not make a mockery of it . we have to follow it reverently so that the others follow it too and respect our religion and its religious beliefs

 

[sunkan]

dear snooty,
wish the discussion was towards how well to see to it that she is more careful with her thaali and marital status, as soon as men reach home they switch on either their computer or the TV and are busy watching the news or completing some work, wish they could look at their wife whether she is also tired or any help needed then sit down to watch tv or computer, as you have been connected to your computer all these while, career is sure great as it provides the bread and butter, but the jam and other factors like the basic homely atmosphere is also equally important, taking care of the children's interest, about projects taking them to museum for reference books... oh! forgot now it is available in google itself, so one can help them out, if they are teenagers a little more attention needed for they may be going astray, all these are age related and if one follows their own dharma along with the moving of time in life..,

i think poonal we know gives the meditative value with sandhya vandanam, a thali is a pride to be worn the metti shows she is already married, and the kumkumam also tells loads of stories, but like how they say if the veli is strong nothing can go astray, the field here referred to family life will remain intact always.
i when young had a different problem i would like to bring in to notice here, as a young bride i had to cater to my husband's friends needs for food and snacks, then they started dropping in when he was away, if i refuse i am in trouble, and if i mention this to my husband he would say hey come on he is a very good pal he would never think on those lines ever, i have known him for some 12 or more years, so here the women has to be smart and diplomatic not to avoid any confrontation but at the same time can avoid by showing displeasure,
i had a wonderful german shephard for a guard, so how many will have a guard like that...hehe fathers uncles protect you well but it is only after marriage that a women gets exposed to these situation where there is no protector except your own samarthiyam...pl remember to heed what she says and beleive and take care, what is thali and poonal and all relationship is not based on these material stuff but samayojithams....regards sunkan

 

[C RAVI]

i agree with you . i too think it is a lame excuse .each and every religion has certain customs that need to be strictly adhered to, to maintain the longevity of the religion and not make a mockery of it . we have to follow it reverently so that the others follow it too and respect our religion and its religious beliefs

:yo:

 

[C RAVI]

dear ravi,
each one their own, it is the beleif that helps people to tide through life, don't we see mangalyam being pledged to tide over a bad situation then what happens, whom do we blame our parents or the man who married us, and when the target is the mangalyam by the burglers who feel they would get a very heavy loot then women started making it in silver and then copper with gold coated, so i think it is a mind set, arujunaney pola ambadaiyan ediril nirka yedarku inda thaali they used to say, now i am not endorsing anything here, and poonal i have seen many don't bother to do any sandhyavandanam and do not wear poonal at all, it is again each one their own, why don't you discuss about the mental ability to accept and how is the mind set of man and woman in the present state and how marriage is being handled, and how important has all these materialistic things changed, just one kumkuman in the vagidu is enough for some, one ring would do for others, they always wear a shirt to the vaideegha karyam and tell the vadyar they will not remove, even the vadhyaars have come to realise and proceed as long as they are following our culture now you would ask where is the culture without all these symbols...the discussion is on and on..sunkan

Sri Sunkan ji,


Its true that the discussion on all these with be on and on and on...

In this thread I have focused on the validity of Thali and Poonal in practice today. How its been considered on Thali and Ponal by both males and females and to see where our community stands today in general as Hindus and as Brahmin.

As you said, a new topic of discussion -"why don't you discuss about the mental ability to accept and how is the mind set of man and woman in the present state and how marriage is being handled, and how important has all these materialistic things changed" can be really interesting to know in general what we can accept and ignore that all we are following in the name of tradition and culture.

If you wish you can create a New Thread - "How/Can we men and women can change our mindset towards our Tradition"...Just a suggestion...

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Thirumangalyam

To my knowledge the Thirumangalyam is very latest and over the time became sacred. According to Shastra Hastha Milap or in Sanskrit Paannigrahanam(for the first time) is the sacred of the functions to unite a man and a woman as husband and wife in a marriage after Kannikadhanam by Father of the girl. In these days in a boy or girl's life there are tens of hasta milaaps without 'kannikadhaanam'. In the beginning thaali was just an yellow thread with a two turmeric sticks tied to it fast. Later avarice replaced the turmeric sticks with gold. Now feint emotions are attached to the gold by many and real by a few. This is applicable to only one man and one wife or one wife and one man. Now, there are homosexuals, hetros, and non-sexists. I do not know what Raja Ram Mohanroy would have advocated for them if he were to be alive today. As for the married ladies removing the 'thaali' I would invite jewellery makers to introduce many varieties of thaalies so that unmarried girls can wear them as fashion statements. Whatever certain ladies do will only prove that the opposites have been telling the truth. Till then, why dont you allow them to go the whole hog. One thing they will never deny is that they are ladies.opcorn: