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The fight between couples are a passing shower

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sunkan

Active member
Some years ago I was staying with one of my relatives. He had just then conducted the marriage of his daughter in a grand manner. His daughter and son-in-law were seen off to the US. Both were medical practitioners.

Everyday his daughter used to telephone her mother in India. One day I overheard his daughter sobbing on the phone. The daughter's mother disclosed to me that the reason for his daughter's sobbing was the prospect of a divorce.

I told my host's wife to ask her daughter to telephone her after two days.

After two days she got a call from her daughter saying that everything was back to normal.

Then I narrated to her the following shloka -

ajaa-yuddham rishi-shraaddham
prabhaathe megha-dambaram /
dampathyoh kalahashchaiva
parinaame na kimchana //

ajaa-yuddham - the fight between two she-goats
rishi-shraaddham - the sraaddha ceremony conducted by a rishi.
prabhaathe megha-dambaram - thundering of clouds in the morning
dampathyoh kalahah - a couple's quarrel
parinaame - in the end
na kimchana - nothing

Some more explanation -

ajaa-yuddham.

Sometimes, two goats would try to hit each other. They will stand apart a few feet . Then would start running towards the other with great force. If they hit each other they are sure to hurt and kill themselves. But by the time they reach the other they would slow down so much that they would stop short of hitting.

rishi-shraaddham

When the rishis perform shraaddha ceremoy they will engage
in a sankalpam which will extend to an hour or more.
But the sraaddha ceremoney iteself would last only a few minutes.

prabhaathe megha-dambaram

If there is thunder and lighning in the morning one
can be sure that there would be no rain.

dampathyoh kalahah.

Quarrel between husband and wife.
It would look like they would kill each other.
But in the end there will be nothing. sunkan

__________________
 

SuryaKasyapa

Active member
Tks Sunkan , for giving a simple sloka to give a broad hint.

If either the boy or girl is mature or their parents are mature, such quarrels do not develop into crisis.
The children would have seen how in their parental family small differences are settled and normal life goes on.

In many cases,I have seen , it is mostly the dotting parents(either side) who fuel the fire. In their over pampering and blind affection, they overlook reality. The parents- ,if not well matured, take even small slips and mistakes as deliberate offense.

The partners, either of them feel their individuality is lost , independence is lost , and then the differences start.If one of them knows how to handle the situation ,then it may not escalate.

Somewhere I have read that, marriage between an eldest child of one family and youngest child of another family is always better adjusted than youngest from both families. Experienced members can throw more light.

Greetings
 

sunkan

Active member
thankyou surya avargale,
from the very childhood my father used to always say, all things in life is like a passing shower, during that time i never understood but then when i got married and i am the eldest and my husband was the youngest but we had a lot of differences, so one mama had to intervene but some time the cart will be toppled and each time i used to tell my DH direct channels are always great rather than other diversion which creates more short circuit..so when i bring this here, many elders already know what i have posted but for some it may enlighten...sunkan
 

nachi naga

Well-known member
thank you sunkan.the chants of the words in the mantra have the power of transformation,a mental rhythm technology.so wonderful.

nachi naga.
 

RVR

Well-known member
Differences of opinion is bound happen between any two close relatives.

Father and son/daughter

Mother and Son/daughter

Husband and wife.

If you ask somebody whether you have stopped beating your wife, definitely he cannot answer straight.

In the same way if you ask some body whether you are loving your wife, the answer has to be a firm `YES'

In every couples life, positive moments will be more and negative moments will definitely be less.

Life is a game and we should learn to enjoy it fully.

All the best
 

sunkan

Active member
thanku nachi,
happy u liked the article....sunkan
thanku iyyaar, happy it helps you....sunkan

dear RVR,
we all know the end is this but meddlers of our life should be warned to leave them alone so they can come back more happy, sandhai illada vazhvu romba chappunnu irukkum...:nod:..sunkan
 

tbs

Well-known member
g
thanku nachi,
happy u liked the article....sunkan
thanku iyyaar, happy it helps you....sunkan

dear RVR,
we all know the end is this but meddlers of our life should be warned to leave them alone so they can come back more happy, sandhai illada vazhvu romba chappunnu irukkum...:nod:..sunkan
hi sunkan...
adikkara kai thaan anaikkum....idhu eppadi irukku?

regards
tbs
 

sunkan

Active member
g

hi sunkan...
adikkara kai thaan anaikkum....idhu eppadi irukku?

regards
tbs
pramadham tbs, inge naduvar kaiyai pathi sollindirunden...iruvar manamum kozhambinaal thaan pudu pudu arthangal pirakkum, matrovurarin manamum serndaal kuzhappam thaan pirakkum...sunkan
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
pramadham tbs, inge naduvar kaiyai pathi sollindirunden...iruvar manamum kozhambinaal thaan pudu pudu arthangal pirakkum, matrovurarin manamum serndaal kuzhappam thaan pirakkum...sunkan
sunkan, tbs,

i do not know if you folks are encouraging spouse abuse by tolerating wife beating.

physical abuse of any time, between any two people, within or without the family must and should not be tolerated. i find it disturbing in indian cinemas, at the provokement of the least, the man slaps the woman.

how come no women's organization has protested this? no father would like his daughter to be slapped? so why should a man slap someone else's daughter? or mother?

another type of abuse is mental abuse. the spouse will not touch or beat the partner, but verbal abuse of the worst kind, i think, is as bad as wife beating.

in our society, particularly in india, i think, we value respect and dignity more than, sometimes facing nasty truths within the family, and take the remedial measures. as a result, many many women have suffered throughout their lifetime.

if the readers cannot relate to it, and feel that this is not happening, then it is ok. they are the lucky ones. :)
 

sunkan

Active member
sunkan, tbs,

i do not know if you folks are encouraging spouse abuse by tolerating wife beating.

physical abuse of any time, between any two people, within or without the family must and should not be tolerated. i find it disturbing in indian cinemas, at the provokement of the least, the man slaps the woman.

how come no women's organization has protested this? no father would like his daughter to be slapped? so why should a man slap someone else's daughter? or mother?

another type of abuse is mental abuse. the spouse will not touch or beat the partner, but verbal abuse of the worst kind, i think, is as bad as wife beating.

in our society, particularly in india, i think, we value respect and dignity more than, sometimes facing nasty truths within the family, and take the remedial measures. as a result, many many women have suffered throughout their lifetime.

if the readers cannot relate to it, and feel that this is not happening, then it is ok. they are the lucky ones. :)
I AGREE WITH U ALL THE WAY,now this issue is not about slapping or abuse but simple tantramatic teething in the early years of marriage that is before the women comes to realise her husband well, it is better to solve it themselves than to say, mama neengale sollungo kind of stuff....sunkan
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
I AGREE WITH U ALL THE WAY,now this issue is not about slapping or abuse but simple tantramatic teething in the early years of marriage that is before the women comes to realise her husband well, it is better to solve it themselves than to say, mama neengale sollungo kind of stuff....sunkan

parental and in-law interference has been the #1 cause of matrimonial disharmony, i believe.

it does not matter, whether this happens the first day after marriage, or 20 years later. interference is interference, at any time, in any language or culture.

it is the same in the west. same in the east.

it takes a normal kind of parent, to leave the married children alone, and find their tolerances and give-take parameters. all other parents are abnormal. it appears that the world is full of abnormal parents, when it comes to their sil or dil :)
 

sunkan

Active member
dear kunjuppu,
i can understand your feeling here, i never watch tv because of this attitude which is spreading like a disease, the violence of 70's is the terrorism today i feel, like wise many episodes in many homes are also the result of all these soaps that preach give ideas sometime to the empty mind....
i felt by bringing this topic here, let not the meddlers take it serious as it is a very sensitive and teething level, once she realises him which she would she wont go to any mama or maami for advise avar appadithaan will be the result...sunkan
 
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