my father was orphaned by the time he was 3 years old. his entire upbringing was at his maternal aunt's house. there was no contact or any offer of help to help giving him a foothold in his life.
when he was close to 40, a gentleman knocked on our doors. he looked around our house and introduced himself as my father's first cousin on the paternal side ie my paternal grandfather's younger brother.
he claimed our blood relationship. my father was initially overjoyed, for he had no clue of the whereabouts of his dad's side of relations.
a couple of visits were exchanged.
poverty is not an excuse to exclusion. but an excuse of poverty to inclusive expectations in the name of dayaathis, was something new to my dad.
every function came & soon we were expected to chip in for the vadhyar sambavanai or the cost of the cook etc. to feed people or take care of souls whom we hardly knew. the said dhaayaadhis were a chennai bus driver, the other had a small coffee club in ambattur, and the third brother was a good for nothing.
very soon, my dad found out the purpose of the newly found dhayaadhis was to treat him like a milk cow, and very soon we distanced ourselves from this crowd. a few months later we got a call, that another paternal cousin had passed away in one of the palakkad villages and instructed us to adhere to pelai. very quickly and firmly, my dad, told him that since we did not know him, we had no pelais as far as he was concerned, and told them not to call or call on us anymore.
thus ended the concept of dhaayaadhis in my home.
an interesting side story. a maternal cousin of mine, on a sentimental mood, took to visiting the various villages of palghat. in one of the villages, he came across a gentleman who looked a mirror image of him. overjoyed, he approached him, and soon they were into a pleasant chat.. and over the course of which..
he discovered
that his grandfather paternal side, had a chinna veedu, and this guy was a byproduct of that small house. i knew this story all along, but my cousin did not.
our blessed ancestors had as much vices as us. perhaps more, and indulged in prejudices, which to us, look not only blatant racistic, but also cruel.
my personal view, on folks here, who think our moral fibre is being unwoven, my retort, is that our ancestral memory is a myth, fed by fond wishes and an assumed greatness, which never was, and within which were stains of deceipt and prejudice.
thank you.
