My husband previously worked in AS400 but when he entered into AS400 (IBM Technolgoy), he learnt e-series and was earning quite well..suddenly i series came and his knowledge became obsolete. Previously he worked in software for more than 10 years in ND system but it got obsolete..he switched over the platform..after 33 years it is very difficult to learn learn new things because now technical studies are costlier..since the technology changed, he switched over from technical to funcitonal (i.e., SAP)..he tried to do some SAP Courses but did not get good job as previously he got in AS400..therefore he studied mainframe, Tally 9.1 and finally SAP B1 and got certified. Still he has not got a good job ...Already he is over 50..it is very difficult to get a job after 45 since MNC's are saying only 6 months gap and they also advocating continuous learning..here continuous learning does not mean learning through company but by spending money (SAP R/3 costs Rs.1.5 to 2 Lakhs, SAP B1 costs more than 70,000)...Now he is getting a very low salary...lower than my teaching salary..not a good break..he has written fiction stories also..for selling and marketing it requires lot of money..he worked as freelancer in AS400 , SAP but without much money...He learnt JAVA, Mutlimedia, Tally 9.1, Oracle DBA but no good job...Even for preparing CV, they charge more than 10,000. Some people cheat in the name of giving job by making fake calls from times jobs and other fake job portals...He got involved in nigerian scam also and lost money...In what way this system good? (Western people live by credit card but we live by our own standards not to live in debts)...My health is paining (ALL OVER MY BODY I HAVE PAIN)...Still i have to support the family because my husband is not earning well even though he is intelligent..I share some of his knowledge but i don't know how to take on this burden. Recently My father-in-law ..with that money we built house on top but when we rent our ground floor house, they just vacated saying silly reasons of snake coming (even though it is a water snake)...Just everything is problematic...I don't know how is going to get a better job...
Technlogy is fast changing - rv
- Thread starter vaithehi
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vaithehi ji
I understand your predicament technical obsolence is faced in every field . in IT field it is more
so . Every three years or so there is a new range of hardware or software. there are more
application sofware than anyone can easily learn . People have shifted from large second
generation hardware to highly powerful processors . hardware like PC and merging of computer
and communications have changed the hardware scene and it is distributed computing . now
people are talking of cloud computing and sharing remote resources . software is changing
more rapidly than hardware .software courses are expensive
your husband could try giving tuitions in computer related subjects to school children . there
are some foreign students in univ .looking for help in computer related applications . he can do
computer related projects for college students in engg . colleges . many would offload this
work for a few thousands . many buy such projects for degrees . there are hundreds of engg
colleges in tamil nadu . all of them are looking for people to work in their computer facility
,.Education is a huge market suiting the senior people .Tell him not to invest any of his own
money in anything. He should restrict to services. IF he has a pc at home he can also try for
overseas work like doing assignments for students etc.His speciality is large mainframes . his
utility is limited. But he might find it difficult to apply himself to further rigorous studies
many ladies run their homes as single parents . both of you can put your heads together to
find a way out .you have rented your house . next it falls vacant nicely paint it,fully furnish it
and give it to bachelors [sharing ] at 30-40 percent more rent . you will have sufficient money
to run your home on one salary and one rent . What your husband gets is extra for your
savings or holidays . learn to live off your property than depending on another salary. most
retired people do that . they have meagre pensions . they are able to live .why cannot you ?
.
your property will permanently support you. do not worry about husband getting jobs . you are
pretty well placed
I understand your predicament technical obsolence is faced in every field . in IT field it is more
so . Every three years or so there is a new range of hardware or software. there are more
application sofware than anyone can easily learn . People have shifted from large second
generation hardware to highly powerful processors . hardware like PC and merging of computer
and communications have changed the hardware scene and it is distributed computing . now
people are talking of cloud computing and sharing remote resources . software is changing
more rapidly than hardware .software courses are expensive
your husband could try giving tuitions in computer related subjects to school children . there
are some foreign students in univ .looking for help in computer related applications . he can do
computer related projects for college students in engg . colleges . many would offload this
work for a few thousands . many buy such projects for degrees . there are hundreds of engg
colleges in tamil nadu . all of them are looking for people to work in their computer facility
,.Education is a huge market suiting the senior people .Tell him not to invest any of his own
money in anything. He should restrict to services. IF he has a pc at home he can also try for
overseas work like doing assignments for students etc.His speciality is large mainframes . his
utility is limited. But he might find it difficult to apply himself to further rigorous studies
many ladies run their homes as single parents . both of you can put your heads together to
find a way out .you have rented your house . next it falls vacant nicely paint it,fully furnish it
and give it to bachelors [sharing ] at 30-40 percent more rent . you will have sufficient money
to run your home on one salary and one rent . What your husband gets is extra for your
savings or holidays . learn to live off your property than depending on another salary. most
retired people do that . they have meagre pensions . they are able to live .why cannot you ?
.
your property will permanently support you. do not worry about husband getting jobs . you are
pretty well placed
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Raji Ram
Active member
Dear R V,
Feel sorry after reading your post. If your husband can take maths tuition, it will be worth considering, instead of hunting for a job
or studying more with no hope of getting better payment. Men over 45 are not preferred by the IT companies that give high salaries.
One lady teacher who was teaching Maths in a reputed school, started Maths tuition about 10 years back, for classes 8 to 12.
Within this period, her students have increased in such a great number that she gives an entrance test for admission! She bought
a house in our colony and has built the first floor recently as huge class rooms. It is now a mini school with timings 5 am to 8 am
and 5 pm to 8 pm everyday! I really admire her commitment and will power! :yo:
P.S: The timing of your posts make me think that you are living in some other continent! Is it so?
Feel sorry after reading your post. If your husband can take maths tuition, it will be worth considering, instead of hunting for a job
or studying more with no hope of getting better payment. Men over 45 are not preferred by the IT companies that give high salaries.
One lady teacher who was teaching Maths in a reputed school, started Maths tuition about 10 years back, for classes 8 to 12.
Within this period, her students have increased in such a great number that she gives an entrance test for admission! She bought
a house in our colony and has built the first floor recently as huge class rooms. It is now a mini school with timings 5 am to 8 am
and 5 pm to 8 pm everyday! I really admire her commitment and will power! :yo:
P.S: The timing of your posts make me think that you are living in some other continent! Is it so?
vaithehiji
also quietly transfer some domestic work to your husband . do it bit by bit and relieve yourself .
you can start with handing over house work outside home environs like paying utility bills , buying
provisions ,vegetable and milk and extend slowly to kitchen work like making coffee and washing ,
cleaning , pest control etc . make him handle house accounts , collect rent . manage some
money . also take extra care of him . he can be a great support for you if you only try instead of
being bitter or critical . In laws are resources . if you reach out to them ,they will reciprocate .
explain gently your predicament they will understand
also quietly transfer some domestic work to your husband . do it bit by bit and relieve yourself .
you can start with handing over house work outside home environs like paying utility bills , buying
provisions ,vegetable and milk and extend slowly to kitchen work like making coffee and washing ,
cleaning , pest control etc . make him handle house accounts , collect rent . manage some
money . also take extra care of him . he can be a great support for you if you only try instead of
being bitter or critical . In laws are resources . if you reach out to them ,they will reciprocate .
explain gently your predicament they will understand
Vaithehi..do this with great caution so that you are not misunderstood that you are trying to make him do housework just becos he is earning less now.
You can tell him lovingly that you are feeling unwell and need help for somethings around the house..so that way he will still have the "figure of authority feeling" and help you with work around the house.
I have seen many cases where a men's career does not take off the way they expected it to be or even in cases where they have lost their jobs they easily misunderstand even normal good will gestures.
Unlike females our intellect is less clouded by the need to be in charge..males think differently..I hope you understand what I am trying to say here.
renukaji
feminine guile cannot be taught . i
it comes naturally to them .
all TB ladies manage their retired husbands efficiently and have domesticated them .
why not the younger lot .
traditional ones do it better than working types . working types do not use husbands as resources
since they feel they know everything better than husbands and do not let them do anything
home .many men are competent home also. only given an oppertunity and guidance , they will
raise to high expectations set by ladies .lol
Dear Krish ji,
I personally believe that feminine or masculine qualities are not gender specific and everyone displays certain amount of both qualities.
BTW working females do not think that they know anything better than their husbands..its just that we are caring enough to do as much a possible on our own and only ask our husbands for help when we really cant manage something.
But I really cant remember when I last asked anyone for help!LOL
V
V.Balasubramani
Guest
[h=1]Mam,[/h][h=1]Change in life/technology is inevitable. God, if he closes one door, he is sure to open other bright one shortly. Be optimistic, the darkened clouds will disappear. There are lot of solutions, few as suggested in earlier posts. Keep trying and do consult experts, identify the best solution that suits and have a nice time.[/h][h=1]Meanwhile take care of your health.[/h][h=1][/h]
Raji Ram
Active member
I don't think it is as easy as Krish Sir says to change an average Indian husband!
What Renu cautions is absolutely correct! I used to do household chores, appearing like a bandit woman with
a head-band on and knife in hand (of course to cut veg :lol: ), even when I suffered a migraine, years back. :ballchain:
BTW, have you read my write up on this, in forum??
http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/literature/5069-a-2.html#post57971
Dear All
Thanks for all your suggestions and the immediate support i got from all of you. We have thought of so many options. Now a days tutions are run by people who take the class. For Making Engineering project work also, we need people who know better people in that college itself. My husband is not that much helpful in household chores as rightly pointed out by Renu ji sometimes he gets uncontrollable anger and not sleeping properly. I'm under severe stress allways.That is more adding to my pain in the body and also due to excessive lot of blood during mensuration days..As RR ji pointed out it is not easy to get away from household work ..Even when i'm coming late also when i feel tired i used to do work but he will just sit..sometimes when he comes early he makes tiffin and during those three days , he puts in the cooker everything rice, dhal, vegetables and try to make sambar (WHICH WILL BE ACCORDING TO DAY's LUCK:becky:
Thanks for all your suggestions and the immediate support i got from all of you. We have thought of so many options. Now a days tutions are run by people who take the class. For Making Engineering project work also, we need people who know better people in that college itself. My husband is not that much helpful in household chores as rightly pointed out by Renu ji sometimes he gets uncontrollable anger and not sleeping properly. I'm under severe stress allways.That is more adding to my pain in the body and also due to excessive lot of blood during mensuration days..As RR ji pointed out it is not easy to get away from household work ..Even when i'm coming late also when i feel tired i used to do work but he will just sit..sometimes when he comes early he makes tiffin and during those three days , he puts in the cooker everything rice, dhal, vegetables and try to make sambar (WHICH WILL BE ACCORDING TO DAY's LUCK:becky:
Dear Vaithehi,
You can PM us female members for some explanation if you need any advice with regards to health.
Dear Madam,
Suggest he join a private college as lecturer..At least it will take care of family's basic needs..He can also enroll as a freelancer for any project involving his area of specialization..Maybe lady luck smiles
Your husband can also start tuition as others have recommended..
SAP is a great field. In case he becomes a functional consultant it should help his career.
As far as bottom portion of house is concerned suggest you do a anti termite treatment. Also do a bright color wash..You can try 2-3 colors to make the rooms colorful
Please do not be dis heartened! Think calmly along with your husband and you will find a solution
Suggest he join a private college as lecturer..At least it will take care of family's basic needs..He can also enroll as a freelancer for any project involving his area of specialization..Maybe lady luck smiles
Your husband can also start tuition as others have recommended..
SAP is a great field. In case he becomes a functional consultant it should help his career.
As far as bottom portion of house is concerned suggest you do a anti termite treatment. Also do a bright color wash..You can try 2-3 colors to make the rooms colorful
Please do not be dis heartened! Think calmly along with your husband and you will find a solution
Thanks RRji
read with a lot of interest
What happens immediately after retirement in most cases. is a sense of relief it is all over and
the other that we have to continue to be with someone full time we timeshared
with office
for a few months , retd people sleep a lot at all times of the day upto 12-15 hours .
they feel since they have retd . wife should take all the burden of running the house .
most wives have maxm problems during that time
after that period , the retd take stock of their lives , try to find out what to do with their time
.thats time to catch them to train and domesticate the husbands
by deliberate oversight and excuses , wives may leave work for their husbands[ Like Rji was
saying -act not feeeling well , migraine , lack of good sleep etc etc }. If husbands do it two three
times , praise them that they do it better than yourself and hand over for good these activities
It can start with work outside the house and extend to domestic work inside .
Never say they make bad sambar etc. Only edit them or convert it into a better dish .
RRji has developed a lot of ideas and has a list of things which can be done in ideas .lol
guidance has to be gentle .it shoud be with a firm goal . we are generating a good resource
converting a nuisance into one
never stop loving the monster home . it is counter productive
also explore the option of second career for yourself and reduce availability home . Both require
space . once wife goes out more, it becomes bearable for both
Plan for things you have not been able to do all your life .
those holidays to exotic places , visits to temples ,
liquidation of family responsibilities -marriage , balance education of children , renovation of house ,
finance management after retirement with lower incomes , economy in living cuttting the frills
.many of these men can participate actively with wives
creating new hobbies and interests for both , carting men to concerts , marriage functions ,
festivals etc , making them join clubs , societies
foisting some of both side relations to keep them occupied in conversations , work of extended families
If you have not been able to make some guys to turn over a new leaf in life after all this ,then throw them out to work again
They probably are useful only for somebody else .lol
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Madam,
Pl ask your husband to join the following open group
AS/400 Advanced Technical Experts | LinkedIn
There are jobs being posted regularly..Today there is a job for system administrator..He can try this
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Dear Madam,
Do not be disheartened...
Please forget your past..Try to start with a clean slate..We can understand, that the past is coming on you with full force
Never think that there is no solution possible..
You will be able to overcome the issues
There are many private colleges where he can try
Leave the rest to God!
All the very best!
Vaithehi,
Please dont think of suicide.
Have you discussed your problems with anyone?
Suicidal thoughts should never come to anyone's mind.
Please see a doctor to get help with regards to your suicidal thoughts.
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