Shraddam vs Daanam.

[IPS]

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Dear Haridasa Siva,

Yes. I loved your lines which mention that your doing the shraddam is a way of remembering your parents.

That was a nice article shared.

IPS

 

[IPS]

Dear RR,

Yes, hubby will be joining his two brothers in Chennai for the same. Monetarily, we have always given our share. I dont even fight for materialistic things..but i dont want to be standing at someones' door and they disliking my presence and losing their peace of mind. The truth is I dont want anyone to have grudge against me and I am also ready to move away a little from them..if speaking the truth has hurt them so much. Atleast let them have peace of mind in their own way.

IPS

 

[IPS]

Thank you Alwan sir for your suggestion.

IPS.

 

[prasad1]

Dear Rajprasad,

Believe me..I dont have ego. I also feel like duty first and I should do what is needed of me there. But it is the fear of rejection, the fear of been humiliated again... which is preventing me from going.Even if i go i wl just like the kollu bommai...as the function will be performed in elder bro- in law's home and am sure that they will not like my presence at all there.

IPS.

You have decided on lesser of the two evils, at least you have encouraged to keep the family together. I still would have liked you to attend in person as women is the only one who can keep a family together. I am sorry if my suggestion that it was your personal ego (you are not alone) that is keeping you away. But that is the what you accepted in the 2nd sentence. Family can be source of pain, but also come back to support you.

We lost contact with one part of family, and after three generations someone established a link, we were able to help them with the bone marrow they needed.

 

[IPS]

Shraddam or Daanam.


If women just for their personal ego boycott family meetings, the future generations are going to have that few family members. Let me state is again WOMEN maintain relationships, men can not maintain if women does not support it. It was valid in Historical times, it is valid now and will be so in future.

Similarly a religion, art and culture will die if women do not support it.

Yes, I agree Draupadi for her personal ego, waged a war among the Kuru's and the Pandu's- result few /no family members at all.
Let me learn from her mistake. Instead of waging war after war..if i move away from the scene...there will be no clashes..as i m not a saint to hear and smile at all comments. Nobody is perfect..but one should not belittle others.

Well I would like to add here i differ from many women and there are others who are like me- We hate the religion of Pride and Self proclamation.
We hate the art of Gossipping.
We hate the culture of lavishly spending money in temples and on priests for the name to be published in books and in every relatives home.

This was a debatable topic between me and hubby- Need of Family members. I wonder how many come running at time of need. How many cousins will really help my girls after us...

But as the family has always been a loving and united family, yes for the same sake i would like to go and do my duty.

IPS

 

[Raji Ram]

Good decision, Madam IPS. But I wonder, being so clear in your views,
why you wished to get the opinions of the members in this forum! :grouphug:

Best wishes.....

 

[IPS]

Dear Raji Ram,

Till i posted it here my confused mind was seeking answers as to how to not attend the function.
But my consience was making me aware of the need to do my duty.
But i wanted an alternative remedy which will help me to console myself if i dont attend the Shraddam.

Now also since nobody from the family is either calling us or talking even with children, sometimes i feel as they have abondoned us...why the need for us to lick their foot..but it is bcos i believe in karma, duty towards the elders and husband wanted clarity..whether i should fight for myself or sacrifice for binding the family together..which however has broken like a mirror and the pieces cannot be gathered back again.

IPS.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Ma'am IPS,

I can very well understand your position. When we point out the mistakes done by elders (in-laws), they always

abandon us... Happens in many families. There are brothers who build adjacent houses, whereas the lady of one

houses gets a huge 10 feet compound wall built, to avoid even seeing the brother's family.


Any way, wish you a peaceful get-to-gether!

Raji Ram