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Same gothram marriage

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hathim

New member
Please someone clarify me with this doubt. I am in love with an iyer girl. I am an iyengar and she is an iyer. But we belong to the same gothram, Bharatwaja gothram. Is there any problem in our marriage? We both though dont have any problems. How can we convince our parents too about this? Please give input regarding this and help me
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
hathim,

there are a few threads that discuss this topic in detail. please go through it.

you are in love. what difference does it make what gothrams you guys belong.

go to the nearest registrar's office, with a couple of your friends, and get hitched young man!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless you and your beloved.
 
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hathim

New member
Thanks for your reply Mr.Kunjuppu. Am new to this forum and find it very good. Good job by the members here. Between i went through those threads i didn't get a definite answer thats why posted my query. We dont want to marry against our parents. If they dont approve we would be a bachelor and a spinster respectively for life. We both want to get married but also want parents consent and this may seem to be a hindrance not to mention the horoscope matching
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
ayyo, நம்ம பார்ப்பார பசங்களே இப்படி தான்.... blessed with narrow minded parents.

hathim, there is more fear than practicality in what you are saying.

you want to change your parents' minds at this point, the way i know tambram parents' minds work, it is impossible. no amount of logic or reasoning is going to force them to give you their blessings, even grudgingly.

there are other ways to sidestep sahagothram, like the girl being 'adopted' by an uncle with different gothram. to me, all that is b.s. and in a way, cheating and unfair to your true love.

you guys are so lucky to find each other, and i think, even the thought of spinstership, is something that you should be ashamed to think about. you two should be focussing on how you can get together to form a life.

things that you should consider is how to manage a household, children, lifestyle and all of this filled with love and happiness. your parents, yes. they should not be displeased. but only upto a point.

i will give you another guarantee. in a while, when there is a baby involved, you will notice, how quickly all the anger etc. evoporates.

i think i have said enough hopefully, to light a fire of enthu in you. get going lad and none of the talk of brahmacharyam or spinsterhood. such talk is for losers and கோழைஸ்

:) :) :)
 
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hathim

New member
Thanks boss :) but basically i wanted to know whether there is a case where the parents wont oppose and would agree as i read in some of the posts here that after 7 generations or so, this same gothram thing doesn't hold. Also in our case am iyengar and she is iyer.
Thanks for your instant replies and practical posts.
 
hmm

Since both of you are Brahmin, the Iyer-Iyengar thing doesn't hold. I am told that Iyengars were once Iyers and the whole divide is not ancient. However, i think the argument that will work is "see, I fell in love with a Brahmin! What more do you want??" My parents have quite changed their minds since all the 'Jat Sagotra Couples' killings began so yeah, I have a feeling we could all kill this superstition and move on with our lives.
 
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hathim

New member
Thanks meghavarshini and yeah just hoping parents change and give in just a bit, so that both myself and my girl and both our parents are happy and the atmosphere is harmonious and joyful. Praying to God :)
 

InquisitiveMind

New member
All the very best hathim!
I too did read that having no relation for the previous 7 generations , excludes one from the same-gothram issue . Also

"The Gotra System might have had its benefits in its initial days as it prevented marriages between closely related cousins then. But how appropriate would it be follow this system thousands of years later today in deciding matrimonial alliances? If Genetic studies based on analysis of Same Gotra families have not found any problem with same Gotra marriages scientifically, then there is no point in continuing with the Gotra system to decide matrimonial alliances."
Source--
Science of Genetics behind the Hindu Gotra System – The Y Chromosome and the Male Lineage | HitXP by Gurudev
 
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hathim

New member
@InquisitiveMind
Thanks for your words buddy :) and ya i hope everything goes well and end up in a happy marriage with a joyous feeling among everyone, including both our parents
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Depends on the parents, I do not know them. If i were the parent I would be happy that it is a girl, secondly tamilian, thirdly an Indian.

Educate your parents that Gothram is just like an alumni. So your forefathers went to the same university. It has no significance. Only 1% of the wold population even claims to knows their gothram (that too might be wrong).

I have meat i Rajput in Jaipur, a reddy in Hydrabad, A khatri in jallandhar all with the same gothram as mine. I can assure you that other than being there was nothing in common among us. This gotharam business is useless burfen we carry and perpetuate. As long as their is no inbreeding it is perfectly ok, We wish you both best of luck.
 

nannilam_balasubramanian

Well-known member
Normally, it is said that same Gothram means brother and sister. But, in our family,
one of our relatives daughter who studied in US, did marry a brahmin boy of the
same Gothram because they liked each other and the family members from both
sides did not object to it. This is only a piece of information.


Balasubramanian
Ambattur
 

sangom

Well-known member
hathim,

Every once in a few months this forum gets a wailing of the type you have now come up with; the only difference may be gotram, jatakam, iyer-iyengar difference, and some such other thing.

My doubt is what makes otherwise intelligent youngsters who are hopefully earning and 'standing on their own legs', to voice their agony like this in a web forum? If you and your girl like/love each other, you should go ahead and tell the matter to your parents; if they agree, well and good, otherwise simply forget about them, marry the girl of your choice and start living - within your means - where it will be best for you.If your parents patch up later, with all grace forget their temporary estrangement and once again be having social contact and relationship with them, otherwise just forget.

I may be able to understand if you have the question of some huge inheritance before you. But then as an adult, you should be able to make up your mind as to whether you value the inheritance or your girl more and take a decision accordingly.கூழுக்கும் ஆசை மீசைக்கும் ஆசை என்றால் நடவாது.
 

Iyyarooraan

Well-known member
If you love the girl and she does you too, that is enough. Why do you want to convert your parents and others. Love occurs blindly that is ok. If you had picked up the girl before loving you should have thought of the differences. You seem to know the difference in iyers, iyengars, gotras, and perhaps other things. Otherwise, answer the Marriage Registrar's questions and get the certificate. In these days it is very confusing when or on what the children would respect their parents. And why? Dancing between the West and the East? This could be a problem.
 
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hathim

New member
@kunjuppu and others. Sorry for the very late reply here, and i haven't opened up the matter yet to my parents sir and @ Iyyarooraan No sir i dont have any interest in any of the property of my parents, its just that i want my marriage to be a happy affair and just a strong desire that my parents would understand it. Though ofcourse i would be very irritated and frustrated when my parents if they protest but at the same time its not that i dont want them and just kick off everything and marry her too
 

prasad1

Well-known member
@kunjuppu and others. Sorry for the very late reply here, and i haven't opened up the matter yet to my parents sir and @ Iyyarooraan No sir i dont have any interest in any of the property of my parents, its just that i want my marriage to be a happy affair and just a strong desire that my parents would understand it. Though ofcourse i would be very irritated and frustrated when my parents if they protest but at the same time its not that i dont want them and just kick off everything and marry her too

I can understand your predicament to an extent, but I think you do not have, what it takes to LOVE. I am not trying to insult you or your manhood, but you are a "mothers boy". If you can not stand up now for your girl you will never stand up for her when you are married. She is probably better off marrying someone who will stand up for her, all the time. You are just trying to find an excuse to dump this girl.

Let your parents find you a girl that they will be happy with. At least she will be better off relation with her in-laws.
 

nannilam_balasubramanian

Well-known member
Marriage within the same Gotra is no doubt prohibited, mainly because, since the
people with the same Gotra are considered to be Siblings. But marriage, these days,
within the same community (Jati) is considered better than to go in for an inter caste
marriage. Perhaps your parents may come to a compromise at a later date, once they
see the grandson or a granddaughter in their lap, as some one has mentioned earlier.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur
 

sarma-61

New member
Shri Hathim sir,

If you are particular about gotram, why did you not find out the girl's gotram first itself? Since you now make gotram a point of issue saying that you have to convince your parents, etc., the best thing for you to do is to marry a girl selected by your parents.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
I posted in another thread:
The origin and development of the concept of gotra is not clear when approached sociologically. People of all castes and speaking different languages and in different regions of India have the same gotra, like bharadwaja,kaushika,(sri)vatsa, garga,atreya Vaishampayana,saupayana, manava, sikita rathitara etc are rare gotras.Gotra alone therefore does not denote any varna(present day caste).Proscribing a swagotra marriage is a tradition that can not be justified/rejected on any scientific,medical or socio-ethnic basis.The rishis who held gurukula wherein students of all castes studied might have bestowed their names as honorifics like modern cambridgian,harwadian etc. There is no proof at all for a claimed gotra lineage save word of mouth declaration. Thus a Saupayan can be of any caste. Again,caste is a socially customised group with the only proof of parentage recognised by people around,as such. Hence village of origin say four generations ago plays a role in according reconition of a claimed caste.

If you think sagothram marriage is to prevent incest, the majority of the people of the world, do not know their gothram, are they committing incest?
 
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nadathur.astro

New member
In my practical experience with various horoscopes, If the boy and the girl belong to the same Gotra, it is said to give problems with respect to projeny. For lineage to prosper, they should be of different Gotra.

There is no other problem.
 
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