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Rate or Race of Divorcees.

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Iyyarooraan

Well-known member
Today's TOI reports that there is an 86 per cent increase in divorce cases in Mumbai in 10 years time. No idea it all comes of arranged marriages.Judging by the modern trend the break ups must be from the newly awakened community of girls and boys who might have attempted to know each other "well" before marriage!
 

sravna

Well-known member
Today's TOI reports that there is an 86 per cent increase in divorce cases in Mumbai in 10 years time. No idea it all comes of arranged marriages.Judging by the modern trend the break ups must be from the newly awakened community of girls and boys who might have attempted to know each other "well" before marriage!

Really good one!
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
Today's TOI reports that there is an 86 per cent increase in divorce cases in Mumbai in 10 years time. No idea it all comes of arranged marriages.Judging by the modern trend the break ups must be from the newly awakened community of girls and boys who might have attempted to know each other "well" before marriage!

There are millions of people around us, and many surrounding our close social circle. Seem to be the liberty to pick up one who has special features from time to time, with mutual consent and fair deal, with liberty and the humanist sense of continuing the friendship with the ex spouse.


Building up of a more fair society with liberty and fullest satisfaction for one self as an individual (Can't break one's head for the sake of one's kids)

 
N

nachi naga

Guest
die-worse.ellamay unn nummaykku thaan attitude is good always.keeps self esteem nice.
 

biswa

New member
Indian culture: Divorce bad, marriage at any cost good.
Western culture: Loveless marriage bad, divorce better.

Which do you think is the better option, specially with kids involved?
 

sravna

Well-known member
Indian culture: Divorce bad, marriage at any cost good.
Western culture: Loveless marriage bad, divorce better.

Which do you think is the better option, specially with kids involved?

Indian culture gives more importance to the relationship than to the persons in the relationship whereas it is vice versa in the western culture. On any day I would prefer the former.
 

Nara

Well-known member
Indian culture: Divorce bad, marriage at any cost good.
Western culture: Loveless marriage bad, divorce better.

Which do you think is the better option, specially with kids involved?
biswa, especially considering kids are involved, it is better to end a loveless marriage.

Cheers!
 

Nara

Well-known member
Indian culture gives more importance to the relationship than to the persons in the relationship whereas it is vice versa in the western culture. On any day I would prefer the former.
sravna, what you say above means the concept is more important than the individual. What is relationship if not with a person? How can the "relationship" be more important than the person with whom one has that relationship?

Sravna, I am sure you will come back with a response that appeals to spirituality in one way or another. But, please think about this, the only thing we are sure of is this life, one we are leading right now. Life after death is a promise made by people who are no more informed than the rest of us. Let us live the reality of the life we are leading right now, and leave the "reality" of eternal life alone. If this god of the believers is anything remotely resembling one the theists describe, he is not going to hold ignoring him against you.

Cheers!
 

sravna

Well-known member
The idea of giving importance to relationship is a very wise approach because it is the genesis of true and unconditional love or at least makes it move in that direction. When you start expecting love without honoring the relationship you more often than not end up in ego clashes and creating discordance in the relationship.
 

sravna

Well-known member
sravna, what you say above means the concept is more important than the individual. What is relationship if not with a person? How can the "relationship" be more important than the person with whom one has that relationship?

Sravna, I am sure you will come back with a response that appeals to spirituality in one way or another. But, please think about this, the only thing we are sure of is this life, one we are leading right now. Life after death is a promise made by people who are no more informed than the rest of us. Let us live the reality of the life we are leading right now, and leave the "reality" of eternal life alone. If this god of the believers is anything remotely resembling one the theists describe, he is not going to hold ignoring him against you.

Cheers!

Dear Shri Nara,

I am not appealing to eternal life at all. Valuing relationship for the sake of it is a very practical approach in maintaining that relationship. It is an excellent way to avoid ego clashes as I said and can even help in creating sublime love.
 

Nara

Well-known member
...I am not appealing to eternal life at all. Valuing relationship for the sake of it is a very practical approach in maintaining that relationship. It is an excellent way to avoid ego clashes as I said and can even help in creating sublime love.
sravna, "relationship" is between two people. In this equation, the people are more important than the "relationship". If there is mutual love between the two people, the "relationship" is likely to be a loving one and will automatically flourish. If the "relationship" (aka, the societal norm) is given priority, then, it is very likely to be unequal and give rise to resentment. Love, that too the sublime kind you refer to, may rise, that would be purely by chance.

In other words, to me, people are important, not some externally codified "relationship".

Cheers!
 

sravna

Well-known member
sravna, "relationship" is between two people. In this equation, the people are more important than the "relationship". If there is mutual love between the two people, the "relationship" is likely to be a loving one and will automatically flourish. If the "relationship" (aka, the societal norm) is given priority, then, it is very likely to be unequal and give rise to resentment. Love, that too the sublime kind you refer to, may rise, that would be purely by chance.

In other words, to me, people are important, not some externally codified "relationship".

Cheers!

Dear Shri Nara,

Relationships, at least some are sanctified in hinduism. For example when you get married, both the bride and the groom take a number of oaths that underline their responsibility towards one another in the relationship of husband and wife. So they are first husband and wife than Mr.X and Miss.Y. If one strives to practice the higher values that religion preaches one may well rise above personal likes and dislikes if any and the love for the other person would not be based on personal attributes but on the transcendental relation.

However lofty this may sound, I think it is the one that is likely to work in the long run. Thus even if perfection is not attainable by everyone but in the very least one should move in that direction.
 
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renuka

Well-known member
Ok coming to marriage vows,I am being honest here how many of us were actually paying attention during the marriage? I was just waiting for the whole ceremony to get over as soon as possible so that I could go home and rest.

I didn't feel any sentimental feeling about marriage even though I love my husband but I did notice my husband getting a bit "senti" when he was tying the Thali and I was teasing him softly saying "hey relax man".


To me frankly I feel marriage is a contract two individuals have taken to uphold till death do us part sorts. But sometimes along the way feelings and things can change and I feel no one wants to ruin ones own marriage for nothing at all and people resort to Divorce when there is really no way out.
 
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saidevo

Well-known member
namaste.

Thank God, there is at least one relationship that cannot be changed at human will, both in the western and indian culture: mother. Good that these days they require mother's name as a more permanent reference to ancestry in some documents such as the customer profile in banks.

• Divorces do happen in both marriages by chance and marriages by choice, but then divorcing after the children are born is utter foolishness that people, specially in the west, resort to more often than not.

• I think relationships are equally--if not more--important than persons: parents and spouse as persons are never up to one's liking, so one who values relationships persists in it by mutual give and take and reconciliation.

• I may not like my boss as a person but I need to value the relationship. Of course, I can change my boss, but then eventually I may find that all bosses are the same as persons. It's the same with marriages, where both wife and husband act as boss in specific areas of family management.

• Love is selfish and an illusion: one can never love another person, however close, like one loves his/her own self. Only when love transforms more and more into selfless love, where compassion, sympathy and empathy prevail rather than the ego, can love be long-lasting.

If people becoming husbands and wives consider themselves as fathers and mothers first and then only as individual persons, the chances of sustained marriages are more, IMHO.
 

tbs

Well-known member
Ok coming to marriage vows,I am being honest here how many of us were actually paying attention during the marriage? I was just waiting for the whole ceremony to get over as soon as possible so that I could go home and rest.

I didn't feel any sentimental feeling about marriage even though I love my husband but I did notice my husband getting a bit "senti" when he was tying the Thali and I was teasing him softly saying "hey relax man".


To me frankly I feel marriage is a contract two individuals have taken to uphold till death do us part sorts. But sometimes along the way feelings and things can change and I feel no one wants to ruin ones own marriage for nothing at all and people resort to Divorce when there is really no way out.

hi renu ...Lah
marriage is not contract....its a life long commitment.....for life long journey.......LIFE IS NOT BED OF ROSES....IT HAS THORN TOO...

its very punitham.....its very sensitive and emotional tooo......like mirror...easily breakable.....but affection is more binding....

‪Kadavul Amaiththu Vaitha Medai.Sowmiyan.mpg‬‏ - YouTube

regards
tbs
 

renuka

Well-known member
hi renu ...Lah
marriage is not contract....its a life long commitment.....for life long journey.......LIFE IS NOT BED OF ROSES....IT HAS THORN TOO...

its very punitham.....its very sensitive and emotional tooo......like mirror...easily breakable.....but affection is more binding....

‪Kadavul Amaiththu Vaitha Medai.Sowmiyan.mpg‬‏ - YouTube

regards
tbs


Aiyoo TBS..I must teach you some Bahasa Melayu.
Its grammatically wrong to use Lah after a name.

Ya I agree marriage is very pure but it just that we dont have to get so sentimental about it.After all when we die who comes?

‪Veeduvarai Uravu Song ( Kannadhasanin Kavi Alaigai )‬‏ - YouTube
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
biswa, especially considering kids are involved, it is better to end a loveless marriage.

Cheers!

What's the guarantee that the new spouse would give more better emotional and family value fulfillment to the kids??
 

renuka

Well-known member
I will share a very funny incident which happened when I got married.
After the marriage we went to my husbands house and when I was welcomed in I sat on the sofa with my husband and then my MIL served me a glass of milk with a few slices of banana in it.I was so thirsty and I thanked her and drank it up in one gulp and everyone started saying "renu wait wait dont drink yet" but it was too late I had drank up all.

Then my MIL said that I was supposed to give my husband first and I drink the half he had drunk.
So my husband never got to drink the milk.
Later he asked me "havent you seen any Tamil movie where the girl brings a glass of milk to the guy"

I said "yes but thats not in front of everyone like it was just now and how would I know when I have not been married before!"
 
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tks

Well-known member
Steven Covey, author of '7 habits of highly effective people' says "Love is not a noun, but a verb".

My interpretation:
In other words 'Love' does not come and go like an object.

Rather it is a verb - it is a conscious and deliberate act of knowing the implications of your own ego, looking for the best in the other person, learning to like that in the other person (assuming they are not 'abnormal' with the definition of what that is being purposefully left vague to be interpreted when specifics are available)
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
namaste.

Thank God, there is at least one relationship that cannot be changed at human will, both in the western and indian culture: mother. Good that these days they require mother's name as a more permanent reference to ancestry in some documents such as the customer profile in banks.

• Divorces do happen in both marriages by chance and marriages by choice, but then divorcing after the children are born is utter foolishness that people, specially in the west, resort to more often than not.

• I think relationships are equally--if not more--important than persons: parents and spouse as persons are never up to one's liking, so one who values relationships persists in it by mutual give and take and reconciliation.

• I may not like my boss as a person but I need to value the relationship. Of course, I can change my boss, but then eventually I may find that all bosses are the same as persons. It's the same with marriages, where both wife and husband act as boss in specific areas of family management.

• Love is selfish and an illusion: one can never love another person, however close, like one loves his/her own self. Only when love transforms more and more into selfless love, where compassion, sympathy and empathy prevail rather than the ego, can love be long-lasting.

If people becoming husbands and wives consider themselves as fathers and mothers first and then only as individual persons, the chances of sustained marriages are more, IMHO.

Well said Shri Saidevo,

The bottom line of people justifying and seeking divorce is, the need for some sort of personal fulfillment.

Ego massaging is needed to the fullest, desires need to be accomplished to the fullest, personal fantasies need to be achieved to the fullest, personality match with the spouse need to be fullest with out a single deviation. Every thing from every angle should be full for an individual as a person to live this only and only one life to the fullest.

 

C RAVI

Well-known member
Ya I agree marriage is very pure but it just that we dont have to get so sentimental about it.After all when we die who comes?

When we die, no one come with us...But till we are alive and living in a family system with family values and bondage, the life with sensitivity and emotions, with effection and binding, with love and care in full, can give true meaning to our happy ending..We can die alone but not with guilty conscious and pain, but with happiness and fulfillment, leaving behind our memories and our love for and with our people who all lived with us.

The emotional fulfillment at the time of death weighs more than what materials we had in our life and gives peace with what emotional pleasures we are holding while leaving this world.
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
"Paalum Pazhamum" offered to the new DIL and new SIL in their respective homes to solemnize their inclusion in the family. So sharing this "Paalum Pazhamum" in front of all is not the weird or shameful act. Every one had gone through it during their marriage time.

If parents brief their children at least at the close of the marriage, as what all would be done during marriage and after tying the nuptial knot, like this "Paalum-Pazhamum" offering/sharing etc, than the newly wedded bride and bride groom would know as such things exists and how to handle it.

If we have patience and sensitivity of the occasion, we can ask elders, when offered and before acting upon and than can complete the action, though parents some how failed to brief in advance.

Note - Quote removed for some valid reasons....

 
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renuka

Well-known member
"Paalum Pazhamum" offered to the new DIL and new SIL in their respective homes to solemnize their inclusion in the family. So sharing this "Paalum Pazhamum" in front of all is not the weird or shameful act. Every one had gone through it during their marriage time.

If parents brief their children at least at the close of the marriage, as what all would be done during marriage and after tying the nuptial knot, like this "Paalum-Pazhamum" offering/sharing etc, than the newly wedded bride and bride groom would know as such things exists and how to handle it.

If we have patience and sensitivity of the occasion, we can ask elders, when offered and before acting upon and than can complete the action, though parents some how failed to brief in advance.



Hey Ravi,

Can you read what I wrote there!!! I was just sharing with everyone here this funny incident thats all and neither did I use the word Weird or Shameful in my post as you had written.

And I dont think the comment of my parents not briefing me about this is fair cos both my mum and dad are from different communities and also my hubby is not the same community as me and culture and customs differ.
 

tbs

Well-known member
Hey Ravi,

Can you read what I wrote there!!! I was just sharing with everyone here this funny incident thats all and neither did I use the word Weird or Shameful in my post as you had written.

And I dont think the comment of my parents not briefing me about this is fair cos both my mum and dad are from different communities and also my hubby is not the same community as me and culture and customs differ.
hi renu..

oh Lah......calm down...cool down....

regards
tbs
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
Hey Ravi,

Can you read what I wrote there!!! I was just sharing with everyone here this funny incident thats all and neither did I use the word Weird or Shameful in my post as you had written.

And I dont think the comment of my parents not briefing me about this is fair cos both my mum and dad are from different communities and also my hubby is not the same community as me and culture and customs differ.

Dear Renuka,

Excuse me, if you found me wrong..

I was just expressing in general for all
 
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