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Perils of modern of life

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Folks, I want to share with all of you, especially couples with young children, the following interview of Canadian physician Dr. Gabor Mate by Amy Goodman of Democracy Now.

Dr. Gabor Maté on ADHD, Bullying and the Destruction of American Childhood

I wish you will take the time to read the entire transcript, or even better, listen to the interview.

This is about latch-key kids that Shri Sangom was talking about sometime back. In our busy life and career, there is a tendency to overlook some basic and important concerns. What is happening in the west now is on its way to India in ever increasing speed. There was a time in the U.S. when divorce was as rare as it was in India a generation ago. Since then, the world has shrunk and it does not take very long for what is happening in the west to reach India. In as much as Brahmins are more educated on the average and are likely to be more forward looking, these changes are more likely to be experienced by them earlier than others. So, IMO, it is important to look at the research being reported in the west so that our own brothers and sisters can learn from the mistakes of the west. As they say, knowledge is power. Look at what the social scientists in the west are saying. It won't hurt you any, and if anything, will only help you.

Just a few excerpts to whet your interest.

  • ...the way we raise our children today in this country is increasingly depriving them of practices that lead to well-being in the moral sense. What is really going on here now is that the development of conditions for healthy childhood- psychological and brain development- are less and less available.
  • The child’s brain development depends on the presence of non-stress, emotionally available parents.
  • ...it never used to be that children grew up and stressed, nuclear family- that wasn’t a normal basis for child development. The normal basis for child development has always been the clan, the tribe, the community, the neighborhood, the extended family.
  • .... a massive problem of motivation because the dopamine is lacking in the brain. Now the stimulant medications elevate dopamine levels, and these kids are now more motivated. They can focus and pay attention. However, the assumption underneath giving these kids medications is that what we’re dealing with is a genetic disorder, and the only way to deal with it is pharmacologically. And if you actually look at how the dopamine levels in the brain develop- if you look at infant monkeys and measure their dopamine levels, and they are normal when they are with their mothers, and you separate them from their mothers, the dopamine levels go down within two or three days.
  • normal human development demands- as normal mammalian development demands- the presence of nurturing parents. Even birds. Birds do not develop properly unless the mother and father bird are there.
  • studies in the States have shown that children in the kindergartens have higher stress hormone levels than those kids at home. Except in those day cares where there is a decent adult-to-child relationship. Parents should not encourage sleep-overs and play-dates all the time. Kids have already spent all their time with together all week in the absence of the parents, because both parents have to work, especially in this economy.
  • Then we have to learn how to teach kids discipline without punishing them. Because punishment drives the kid further away from the parent.
Mr Nara

Thanks for the link of the interview. Worthwhile reading and watching it.

The child’s brain development depends on the presence of non-[COLOR=#da7911 !important][COLOR=#da7911 !important]stress[/COLOR][/COLOR], emotionally available parents.

I agree with this. Particularly about 'emotionally available parents'. Even if the mother is at home full time caring for the kids, it doesn't make a difference if the mum does not emotionally connect to the child. Parents must always be available to give a patient ear to their kids and be non judmental. If not the child will start shutting up gradually and open up to their peers.

Also I don't find many fathers emotionally connect to their kids. Their duty as father is - going for job, earning money, checking the progress report card of their children and if necessary help them with their school work (this is not even required of them with all the tuition classes available). I would like to see daddies spending more time playing with their children - rolling with them on the floor if they are babies to playing tennis, cards with them if they are teens/adults. Having special daddy-son time and daddy-daughter time in whatever activity the family prefers. (I don't want people coming after me and telling that they can't do activities with their kids as per my prescription. This is just an example in my words. Each family can figure out according their lifestyle.)

Kind regards
If the family can eat at least one meal together each day and spend thirty minutes after food, which definitely is possible as invariably people take a light rest for that time after food, the bonding will improve! otherwise we will be robotic morons and nothing more!
that good the more you spend time with children the more sucess your child will be
seem u there for the sucess of your child the more kind the child will be in u
but talks the soft and humble
helping people
and understanding

Punishment to Kids- I feel quite humored by the simplistic argum
ents in favor or against punishments. Its always a question of psychological games. The need of the hour is more time  must be invested on the child by parents.Children need punishment as well as love. But it all depends on the child's psychology. Parents should observe that carefully. Even scolding all the time will make children take up to lying or escaping from that.
The most important thing is to bring up the child in the right environment and society. Schools with great facilities is not the need of the hour, but schools with well behaved children, well behaved and impartial and affectionate teachers, a good family environment etc. Punishment I feel should be used only in cases when child tends to agree with the parent, but is basically in-disciplined.
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