Of sons and mothers

[biswa]

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How many feel that Indian mothers are slightly more fond of their sons than their daughters? Mind you, I am not denying the closeness and special bond that exists between mothers and daughters. I am just suggesting that moms seem to go the extra mile to coddle their sons, reserve the best food/dishes for them, tolerate their tantrums and in general satisfy every whim and fancy of the boys with a smile on their faces. In contrast, girls seem to be left to fend on their own. Comments?

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Is it because any parent always cherishes the offspring of the opposite sex more than the one of his / her own sex?

All of us know how all the fathers dote on their daughters (Daddy's girls!) and mother pamper their sons (mama's boys!)

It may also be because inherently we all know about the reversal of their roles once the children grow up.

It will be the girls/ women who throw temper tantrums (as well as any handy vessels- if so inclined)
while the boys / men bear the brunt and bear it with a (foolish) grin!

So let the kids have a good time when they are still very young!

 

[amala]

Perhaps I'm lucky. I cannot relate to this at all. My mother has only 2 girls and she absolutely adores me (us). And thats putting very mildly. She only wanted daughters as well apparently. In my mother's family they had lots of daughters and only 2 sons and my mama would tell of how he would feel envious and left out because of his mother (my ammama) only seemed to shower the girls with love and everything else.

So i guess it varies family to family.

 

[renuka]

For me I am the only daughter and have 1 elder bro and 1 younger bro.
I really dont know who my parents are fond off but I feel they have a soft corner for my younger bro.

But being the only daughter has drawbacks cos you are extremely guarded and watched 24 hours a day.

Anyway now I have 1 child a boy and I just think of him as my child.
I dont want to be over protective when it comes to him as i dont want a Mama's boy of a son cos his wife will have a hard time.

I feel a duty of a mother is to raise her child and to hand them over to their spouse and let the spouse deal with them for life!!!LOL

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Actually mama's boys become very sweet

husbands. The transformation is very smooth.

They just let go off the mother's sari pallu

and catch hold of the wife's sari pallu!

After all as the saying goes in Tamil...

"Thaaikkup pin thaaram!"

(The mother is succeeded by the wife)

For me I am the only daughter and have 1 elder bro and 1 younger bro.
I really dont know who my parents are fond off but I feel they have a soft corner for my younger bro.

But being the only daughter has drawbacks cos you are extremely guarded and watched 24 hours a day.

Anyway now I have 1 child a boy and I just think of him as my child.
I dont want to be over protective when it comes to him as i dont want a Mama's boy of a son cos his wife will have a hard time.

I feel a duty of a mother is to raise her child and to hand them over to their spouse and let the spouse deal with them for life!!!LOL

 

[Brahmanyan]

How many feel that Indian mothers are slightly more fond of their sons than their daughters? Mind you, I am not denying the closeness and special bond that exists between mothers and daughters. I am just suggesting that moms seem to go the extra mile to coddle their sons, reserve the best food/dishes for them, tolerate their tantrums and in general satisfy every whim and fancy of the boys with a smile on their faces. In contrast, girls seem to be left to fend on their own. Comments?

Dear Sri "Biswa",

We cannot generalise this. It depends on individual upbringing and family culture. In fact in our family of three siblings, my only sister is the pet for all of us. She enjoyed special place from our parents, and that continue with us even today, (after the demise of our parents).

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dear Amala!

Have no doubts! You ARE lucky!

We were four girls born - at a time when the parents used to pray for boys, as a rule.

(Now the situation has reversed of course).

They say that the first child is usually the mother's pet as well as the pet of the entire clan!

The youngest will be the daddy's pet for reaffirming his abilities(?).

The only son sandwiched between the four girls will naturally be the apple of the eye of the parents.

That leaves two daughters out- one of which is me!

The other one was lucky to become the pet of my maternal uncle and his wife.

So tell me honestly where does it leave me!

Since when did you become a pink flower from a white lotus?

Perhaps I'm lucky. I cannot relate to this at all. My mother has only 2 girls and she absolutely adores me (us). And thats putting very mildly. She only wanted daughters as well apparently. In my mother's family they had lots of daughters and only 2 sons and my mama would tell of how he would feel envious and left out because of his mother (my ammama) only seemed to shower the girls with love and everything else.

So i guess it varies family to family.

 

[amala]

Thank you mami. I changed to a pink flower sometime ago. They had some lovely British flowers on display some time ago and I couldn't resist. i shall change to an autumn one later

I understand that middle children have it the hardest. So you are in a way the middle child then mami? but then they are also usually the strongest.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dear Amala,

We can have a garden of flowers in the forum-

if you change your avatar monthly -if not fortnightly!

with best wishes and love,
V. R. Mami.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear Amala!

Have no doubts! You ARE lucky!

We were four girls born - at a time when the parents used to pray for boys, as a rule.

(Now the situation has reversed of course).

They say that the first child is usually the mother's pet as well as the pet of the entire clan!

The youngest will be the daddy's pet for reaffirming his abilities(?).

The only son sandwiched between the four girls will naturally be the apple of the eye of the parents.

That leaves two daughters out- one of which is me!

The other one was lucky to become the pet of my maternal uncle and his wife.

So tell me honestly where does it leave me!

Since when did you become a pink flower from a white lotus?

mrs K will probably relate to this situation. she is a mid girl, of multiple girls and one son, who was the reason, for all the girls, as he was born last.

mrs K shouldered more than her share of family responsibility at a very early age, as the situation described by visa, i think, was prevalent in our tambram households of the 50 through 70s, which was the time my wife grew up.

thank God things have not only changed but improved for the girls. it is high time, the boys woke up, and started shaping up. the alternate is what we see, many many 30+ year olds and no bride takers. such is reality of today.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Sir,

I guess that the majority of the siblings likes the minority!

If this is also generalizing, then brothers adore sisters- may be the concept.

My mother - the only sister alive- amidst four brothers, continues to be the pet of all of them to this day!

My husband's close friends are a gang of seven brothers and one sister. Naturally she is the pet for everyone of them - even though she is in her seventies now!

May be the rule of Demand and Supply applies here also as it does, when we try to evaluate any product.

with warm regards,
Visalakshi Ramani.

Dear Sri "Biswa",

We cannot generalise this. It depends on individual upbringing and family culture. In fact in our family of three siblings, my only sister is the pet for all of us. She enjoyed special place from our parents, and that continue with us even today, (after the demise of our parents).

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[biswa]

But is it possible that the tendency is even biological rather than sociological? For example, suppose there is a very cute baby boy who is toddling around. I have seen more appreciative glances and smiles from women who seem to be carrying around a daughter of their own. For women who are carrying around a son, they don't seem to care as much.

Even though I mentioned mothers, it probably applies in the inverse to fathers as well. Renuka, Amala, I think you were quite spoilt by your dads. Or is that not true?

 

[renuka]

But is it possible that the tendency is even biological rather than sociological? For example, suppose there is a very cute baby boy who is toddling around. I have seen more appreciative glances and smiles from women who seem to be carrying around a daughter of their own. For women who are carrying around a son, they don't seem to care as much.

Even though I mentioned mothers, it probably applies in the inverse to fathers as well. Rekha, Amala, I think you were quite spoilt by your dads. Or is that not true?

I don't think my dad spoilt me cos he was extra strict since I am a girl.If any guy looked at me he would be all angry.Its less freedom when you are the only daughter.Even now when I go out with him and any guy stares at me he will still a bit angry sometimes and I will have to tell him "appa I am 41 years now..after a few years no one will look at me anymore so dont get angry"

 

[tks]

I don't think my dad spoilt me cos he was extra strict since I am a girl.If any guy looked at me he would be all angry.Its less freedom when you are the only daughter.Even now when I go out with him and any guy stares at me he will still a bit angry sometimes and I will have to tell him "appa I am 41 years now..after a few years no one will look at me anymore so dont get angry"

Renu - I am curious.
Your father was sort of protective of you. What criteria did he use to select your husband?
What was your role in all this - only veto power or you stated some conditions and criteria of your own?
(hope your husband lived up to the expectations of your father , poor guy )

You dont have to share in the forum if you dont want to, of course. I am just curious

 

[renuka]

Renu - I am curious.
Your father was sort of protective of you. What criteria did he use to select your husband?
What was your role in all this - only veto power or you stated some conditions and criteria of your own?
(hope your husband lived up to the expectations of your father , poor guy )

You dont have to share in the forum if you dont want to, of course. I am just curious

Ok my dad was very fair to me..I had the veto power.He just wanted another professional,good family background that matched ours,guy must not drink and smoke,a Hindu and a believer in God.
But he was getting anxious that I was using my veto power too often cos I got scared of some families..their mums turned up with some 1 rupee sized Pottu and look too traditional.
Some were getting upset that I am vegetarian etc.
On my own I dont have any criteria..as long the wave length of the person matches me its fine.

See at that time in 1999 I used to be fond of actor Prashanth and my dad told me this Mapillai looks like actor Prashanth and when I saw my hubby I was "omg he does look like Prashanth" and I said yes..heheheehe
Actually thats not the only reason I married my hubby..I just liked him at 1st sight and his family seemed modern and didnt mind me being vegetarian even though they were non veg.(my hubby is veg now)

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Once a beauty ... always a beauty!

Once a 'jaw dropper'... always a 'jaw dropper'!:music:

You father was right in overprotecting you dear Renu! :thumb:

I don't think my dad spoilt me cos he was extra strict since I am a girl.If any guy looked at me he would be all angry.Its less freedom when you are the only daughter.Even now when I go out with him and any guy stares at me he will still a bit angry sometimes and I will have to tell him "appa I am 41 years now..after a few years no one will look at me anymore so dont get angry"

 

[renuka]

Once a beauty ... always a beauty!

Once a 'jaw dropper'... always a 'jaw dropper'!:music:

You father was right in overprotecting you dear Renu! :thumb:

Visa Ji,

You know when I was a teen I was real yucks to look at.I started looking better as I grew older.That seems to be some genetic thing..even my brothers look better as they grow older and they were yucks too in their teens.
So I used to wonder why my dad was overprotective when I was a teen??

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

I have seen baby girls interacting with people better than baby boys. The boys just want to run around -undisturbed. The girls want to be cuddled, kissed, admired and carried around. The eye contact can make work wonders- when made by those black grapes-like large shining eyes of the girl baby!

But is it possible that the tendency is even biological rather than sociological? For example, suppose there is a very cute baby boy who is toddling around. I have seen more appreciative glances and smiles from women who seem to be carrying around a daughter of their own. For women who are carrying around a son, they don't seem to care as much.

Even though I mentioned mothers, it probably applies in the inverse to fathers as well. Renuka, Amala, I think you were quite spoilt by your dads. Or is that not true?

 

[renuka]

I have seen baby girls interacting with people better than baby boys. The boys just want to run around -undisturbed. The girls want to be cuddled, kissed, admired and carried around. The eye contact can make work wonders- when made by those black grapes-like large shining eyes of the girl baby!

Babies are cute but just step in a neo natal unit in the hospital and when one starts crying and all others will follow and it will be like some Ambulance Siren ringing in your head.Believe me ..after a while you can even get giddiness hearing this concert of cry babies.:dizzy:

 

[tks]

Ok my dad was very fair to me..I had the veto power.He just wanted another professional,good family background that matched ours,guy must not drink and smoke,a Hindu and a believer in God.
But he was getting anxious that I was using my veto power too often cos I got scared of some families..their mums turned up with some 1 rupee sized Pottu and look too traditional.
Some were getting upset that I am vegetarian etc.
On my own I dont have any criteria..as long the wave length of the person matches me its fine.

See at that time in 1999 I used to be fond of actor Prashanth and my dad told me this Mapillai looks like actor Prashanth and when I saw my hubby I was "omg he does look like Prashanth" and I said yes..heheheehe
Actually thats not the only reason I married my hubby..I just liked him at 1st sight and his family seemed modern and didnt mind me being vegetarian even though they were non veg.(my hubby is veg now)

Thanks for sharing - You seem to have had an extraordinary amount of maturity indeed at an young age!

 

[Brahmanyan]

I don't think my dad spoilt me cos he was extra strict since I am a girl.If any guy looked at me he would be all angry.Its less freedom when you are the only daughter.Even now when I go out with him and any guy stares at me he will still a bit angry sometimes and I will have to tell him "appa I am 41 years now..after a few years no one will look at me anymore so dont get angry"

Dear Dr. Renuka,

All fathers are protective of their daughters. It is because of their concern about the safety of their daughters till they find a suitable husband for them.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[tbs]

hi renu,
dads are overprotective towards girls...its natural.....i have seen some moms are overprotective towards boys.....

அம்மா பய்யன்...அப்பா பொண்ணு....சில அம்மா பசங்கள் அம்மாஞ்சி மாதிரி .....


regards
tbs

 

[amala]

Even though I mentioned mothers, it probably applies in the inverse to fathers as well. Renuka, Amala, I think you were quite spoilt by your dads. Or is that not true?

That is completely untrue. My father was very strict and my sister and me were/are always closer to our mother than our father.