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Obsolescence

  • Thread starter Thread starter sudeshwer
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sudeshwer

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Immovable property gets outlived its useful life, either because of depleted strength or because of outdated design, and therefore it has less market value.

To-day I find this argument is almost, if not equally applicable to old age man. When you are young, energetic and earning lots of money, you command certain respect from your family, friends and society in general. Your very young children look at you as their role model. They feel that you know the answer for every question in this universe. Almost all decisions in the family matters are made with your approval.

When you are in your middle age, and your children are in their early teens, they start comparing you with the parents of some of their friends; although they do not express it. This is perhaps due to their immature age and inability to understand the financial position of their friend’s parents and their own parents. Sometimes, they confide in their mother and express their feelings. At this stage mother’s role is crucial. If she fails to explain the reality to the child, the child starts nursing some little grudge for you.

When your child becomes young adult and when you are around fifty, the phase of occasional argument and difference of opinion starts. At this stage mother’s role becomes most important, as the child is more close to the mother than the father. Mother’s position becomes difficult, as she wants to keep husband as well as child, both happy with her. Whenever, mother argues on behalf of child, father feels heart.

A big change comes when the child starts earning and becomes financially independent. There is drastic reduction in your decision making power. You come to know about certain changes through your wife, who tries to convince you regarding the merit of the decision. I do not know, perhaps mothers start preparing themselves for their future dependency to the child. Some time you feel bad about not consulting you before doing certain thing and informing you only after it has been done.

Marriage if bound to bring certain changes in your child. As long as these changes are within certain acceptable parameters, you start adjusting yourself to the new situation. The real turmoil within you starts when you feel that you do not command respect which you should get by the standards of our society.

By this time, children have created their own image in their circle and they jealously want to protect it. Even a small unintentional mistake by you requires an explanation; you feel you have completely lost your position in the family, for which you have worked so hard.



Fortunately, our society is still sensitive. People outside your immediate family still respect your wisdom, your past performance and your positive aspects in life. This perhaps re-fuels your jest for life. Here, instead of having a feeling of Obsolescence, you have a feeling of heritage status.

The picture could be improved if father changes himself at different stages of his child’s life. When the child becomes young adult, father should completely stop giving unsolicited advice on any subject. Guide him whenever he seeks your guidance. Do not try to control his finances, let him spend the money that he has earned, in any manner he wants to spend. If you need some financial help, discuss with him. Do not meddle with his relationship with his wife or his in-laws. If you notice that your child does not wish that you should be in contact with his friends, respect his wishes. These changes can give you lots of peace of mind, during your old age.
 
Immovable property gets outlived its useful life, either because of depleted strength or because of outdated design, and therefore it has less market value.

To-day I find this argument is almost, if not equally applicable to old age man. When you are young, energetic and earning lots of money, you command certain respect from your family, friends and society in general. Your very young children look at you as their role model. They feel that you know the answer for every question in this universe. Almost all decisions in the family matters are made with your approval.

When you are in your middle age, and your children are in their early teens, they start comparing you with the parents of some of their friends; although they do not express it. This is perhaps due to their immature age and inability to understand the financial position of their friend’s parents and their own parents. Sometimes, they confide in their mother and express their feelings. At this stage mother’s role is crucial. If she fails to explain the reality to the child, the child starts nursing some little grudge for you.

When your child becomes young adult and when you are around fifty, the phase of occasional argument and difference of opinion starts. At this stage mother’s role becomes most important, as the child is more close to the mother than the father. Mother’s position becomes difficult, as she wants to keep husband as well as child, both happy with her. Whenever, mother argues on behalf of child, father feels heart.

A big change comes when the child starts earning and becomes financially independent. There is drastic reduction in your decision making power. You come to know about certain changes through your wife, who tries to convince you regarding the merit of the decision. I do not know, perhaps mothers start preparing themselves for their future dependency to the child. Some time you feel bad about not consulting you before doing certain thing and informing you only after it has been done.

Marriage if bound to bring certain changes in your child. As long as these changes are within certain acceptable parameters, you start adjusting yourself to the new situation. The real turmoil within you starts when you feel that you do not command respect which you should get by the standards of our society.

By this time, children have created their own image in their circle and they jealously want to protect it. Even a small unintentional mistake by you requires an explanation; you feel you have completely lost your position in the family, for which you have worked so hard.



Fortunately, our society is still sensitive. People outside your immediate family still respect your wisdom, your past performance and your positive aspects in life. This perhaps re-fuels your jest for life. Here, instead of having a feeling of Obsolescence, you have a feeling of heritage status.

The picture could be improved if father changes himself at different stages of his child’s life. When the child becomes young adult, father should completely stop giving unsolicited advice on any subject. Guide him whenever he seeks your guidance. Do not try to control his finances, let him spend the money that he has earned, in any manner he wants to spend. If you need some financial help, discuss with him. Do not meddle with his relationship with his wife or his in-laws. If you notice that your child does not wish that you should be in contact with his friends, respect his wishes. These changes can give you lots of peace of mind, during your old age.
dear sudeswer !
the obsolescence has its relevence in the last para.every aged persons of average knowledge know this . very few are poking their nose in each and every deeds of their wards not realizing that their children are capable of taking decision &forget that
how long katti kodutha sorum sollithantha varthaiyum help ?
guruvayurappan
 
May be we have to re-invent vanaprastha asrama for the modern age. Give control to the children, advice limited to what we did and not judging, spend more and more time on non-earning' pursuits.

I have seen my grandfather and father giving up control on house management and let the next generation plunge into it. They were happy to lead a more leisurely and spiritual life without making any demands on or special treatment. Always ended any advice with the closing remark - you must do what you think is right and good.
 
சொல்வதைக் கேட்கணும்!


முதுமைப் பருவத்தில் சோதனையின்றி வாழப்
புதுமை வழி உண்டு; அறிந்து கொள்வோம்!

“சொல்வதை மட்டுமே கேட்கணும்!
கேட்டதை மட்டுமே சொல்லணும்!”

எளிதாகத் தோன்றும் இவை இரண்டும்
எளிதல்ல என்பதை அறிந்து கொள்வோம்!

பிணைப்பே இல்லாது இருந்தால், நம் மேல்
பிணக்கம் கொண்டுவிடுவார் விரைவிலேயே!

என்ன என்ன என எப்போதும் கேட்டிருந்தாலோ,
எள்ளளவும் பிடிக்காது போய்விடும் யாருக்கும்!

நம் வயது, அனுபவத்தை மதித்து எப்போது
நம்மிடம் வழி கேட்டாலும், சொல்லணும் தப்பாது!

தொட்டும் தொடாமல், தாமரையிலை நீர் போல
பட்டும் படாமல் வாழ்ந்திடப் பழக வேண்டும்.

வாழும் நல்வழி இது என்று உணர்ந்து, இனி
வாழும் நாட்களை எளிதாய் அமைத்திடுவோம்!

வாழ்க வளமுடன்,
விசாலாக்ஷி ரமணி.
 
SPEECH AND SILENCE.

1-08-18-31.jpg


To live a problem-free-life as senior citizens, we have to remember and practice two Golden Rules.

The first one is to reply earnestly, sincerely and with interest to any idea/ suggestion/ advise sought from us – on any issue.

The second one is to listen with rapt attention to whatever is being told to us.

These two rules look simple enough but they are not so easy to follow!

If we keep aloof all the time, there will be no attachment between the members of the family.

At the same time if we keep on prying into every matter and business with curiosity, the youngsters will get exasperated. But we must not show indifference when we are asked to get involved.

To put it in a nutshell, if we learn to live like a lotus leaf, always in contact but not dominating or pressurizing in any way, we can live happily.
 
Thanks sudeshwarji. It is universal phenomenon that the children lean more on their mothers with attachment and confide everthing

personal or official matters to them. Fathers' role becomes limited and helpless. Naturally fathers get disenchanted more often


than not with pent up emotions and feelings. Children tend to forget the hard efforts put in by both fathers and mothers in bringing them up
.If children listen to their mothers' advice ,it is time that mothers should educate on their children now and then .. Another noticeable

feature in children is that once they get married they change their outlook. I would not say that it is due to the influence of their wives but

it is a natural adoption everywhere. It is generally observed that daughters are closer to their fathers as the sons to their mothers.


It is difficult rather impractical to expect your grown up children to fall in line with your expectations or desires; in such circumstances

mothers predicament is understandable. Unless wisdom dawns on the children it is no use feeling remorseful and it is advised


to be silent most of the time; this would not only gain respect for you but produce a feeling of awe.

PC RAMABADRAN
 
No.4 & 5: Smt Visalakshmi Ramani, you explained very well. your tamil couplet with english translation is very meaningful. thanks
No.6 Sri PC Ramabadran, you are right but as I mentioned,mother's predicament is understandable. neither he oppose son nor support husband. Unfortunate, she has to live alone and to be taken care by son and DIL, her earlier unintended antagonism will give her problem. she needs adriot management; poor lady. that is why I always pray that my wife goes first
No.3 Mr Sarang: your grandfather and my grandfather's time was different. My father hardly stood face-to-face and talk. there were respects all along. I understand we cannot expect such things now.
 
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