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Need suggestion for Golu..

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Help from members

I am trying to find my Kula Deivam and Grama Deivam for quite sometime, as we completely lost touch with other members of family. I belive "Gopalan" Sir can help me in this regard, So I request members to give email Address of gopalan sir, I will send a personal mail to him to clarify my doubts. Your help in this regard is highly appreciated, kindly reply to my email ID at [email protected]
In Hindu customs there is NO rule that for distant cousin's death one should abstain from any celeberations for one year--nor abstain from visit to Temples--Teerha Yaatra etc.

For Father,Mother and biological brothers(elder/younger Siblings) this rule of abstaining for ONE year--13 months--(including Tmple Visit/Teertha Yatra/Deepavali/Dussera etc) is there.=Graha Soothakam.

If the marriage of the family's girl (daughter/grand-daughter etc) has already been fixed and has to be performed this rule does NOT apply.After 13 days--girl's marrige can be organised by brothers with the consent of Boy's party.

Daughters after marriage are NOT bound by this rule.They belong to their husband's family.(Patriarchial System--Meethakshara or Avibhaktha Kudumbam)--daughters alone have 3 days abstention for parents--daughter's husband family and children are NOT bound..
For cousins( only father's brothers' children)=13 days Gjnaayathi--13 days abstaining from Celeberations and Temple Visits is there.Othre kind of cousins only one Head-bath after hearing the news would be more than sufficient.

These rules are observed ONLY by South Indians--in North India, NO such rule.
Aapasthamba/Bhodhayana/Kaatyana/Aaswalaa... Grahya Sutras

Mr. kgopalanji,
I am not an authority on this subject.
But your statement without any explanation seems too stringent.

In the bereavement period people want the solace from their God, and you deny them this privilege.

Other than your blind faith, what is the reason for all this denials.

Dear Prasad Sir,

We observe this one year 'dhukkam' if the cousin of the father is from his father's side - same gOthram.

One member asked whether he had to observe 'dhukkam' for a paternal uncle whom he had not met in his life.

, I have seen people observe such 'dhukkam', without having met the dead person even once, when he was alive!

BTW, daily prayer to God or visiting temples, other than the ones situated on top of a hill, are very much allowed.

So why cab't people find solace by prayer?

When Ram's mom passed away, his brother in law refused to celebrate any function for one year -

can we call this 'gender equality'? :)

P.S: Are you reading this post, TVK Sir??
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I have great regard for Sri.kgopalan Sir. and his advice.

in olden days families lived together, and so they were affected by the death of any Pangalis, but nowadays we live in different places, even without seeing the cousin during his life time.

If 6 month period is over, if you have an un married daughter with you, she can celebrate Golu; We lost our distant Cousin about 8 months back, as we are observing one year Thukkam and for us no Golu , but our daughter in law's family who are with us is celebrating Golu this year also all Pandigaikal.

Likewise there is no bar in going to Hill Temple by Pangalis during the one year mourning period.
My brother is going regularly to Sabarimala every month.
i hate to bring discordance here, but what is the use of avoiding celebrations for a relative whom we dont know or have seen? as it has been mentioned in some cases here. there is no grief involved, and i think, the essence of avoidance, is the sorrow associated with the departed one. no?

when i was young, deepavali was eagerly looked forward to, and also with trepidition, of any news of possible deaths on my father's side, as the date neared. although dad had 125 cousins maternal wise, since he was born posthumous, he had barely any connection with his father's side of the family.

till when i was about 10, the relationship sort of revived - a couple of bedraggled folks came, claimed relationship. dad was overjoyed, and we visited this rather crowded 'portion' in thondiarpet, where the entire family was put to display, and a sob story associated with each was narrated in detail. dad quickly caught on the gist of the situation, and hurried ourselves out of the house. never to vist or renew contacts again.

a few years later, we got a phone call about one of his paternal cousins passing away, and insistence on 10 days pelai and such. dad hung up the phone, and told us, that since he did not know these folks, and had no connections in his life, and they had done zilch to help bring him, an orphan, up in life, there need be no observance. i was happy as a tween, that i could buy crackers. :)

the pre eminence given to paternal side, i notice raises its head, at certain times like death. at those times, we 'grieve' for some whom we do not care or have done wrong. a cousin of mine, his father a drunk and wastrel, refused to do the last rites because the man had kicked out his family out of the house, and these were living with maternal uncles. while most of us younger generation agreed, the maternal uncle forced the lad to do the rites, and he did it, though did not follow up with any other rituals.

incidentally, the man was introduced to drugs/drinks by his own brothers, who used the addiction as an excuse, to write him off from literally crores of wealth, as these were among a top industrial house in tamil nadu of those times. not sure if the brothers observed pelai when the wastrel died, but soon afterwards, came with an army of lawyers, and explained to the maternal uncle, of the fact that the wastrel had signed away all his rights to the family wealth. such is life.
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