Need a companion

[uksharma3]

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Hi,
I am 68 years old. My wife passed away 3 years ago. My son is married and living separately with his wife and child (about 5 minutes walk away from my place). They stay with in-law family because both my son and daughter in-law are working and they need help to look after the child.
I stay at home alone. I do online marketing and work in my computer for about 6-7 hours a day. Except for a house-maid who comes to sweep the house and clean kitchen vessels, rarely anyone comes home. As I have got all facilities, cooking or washing is not a problem for me. I am living in a rented ground floor house. House owner and his wife are living on the 1st floor. House owner is a good natured person but unfortunately we do not have anything in common to develop a friendship.
Apart from browsing the Internet, I am interested in reading books, and watching old movies.
I would like to have someone as a companion who has similar interests like me.
Anyone can contact me on my e-mail address: [email protected]

 

[kunjuppu]

dear uksharma,

my heartfelt and sincerest best wishes for you in this endeavour.

i would like to share this story with you. this coming saturday, we are attending the wedding of two friends of ours - a widow and widower. both are pattars, who lost their spouses, in very similar car accidents some years ago.

the close knit community was aware of the emotional needs of both these people, and the need for someone to share thoughts and activities. so, everyone here is very happy to see these two getting hitched.

there is no religious ceremony. just a civil wedding, and i think, this is more a process to 'legitimize' two consenting adults living together. both these have two children each, who are grown up, and live separately. the man also has a couple of grand children. both parties are financially secure.

the children of both are very supportive too. in a way, they are probably relieved, as it takes the onus off them, to ensure the safety and care of their mom or dad, now that there is someone there to keep an eye all the time. so, i think, from all fronts, the event is blessed, in many ways.

sir sharma, i think, when you wrote this post, probably all that you had in mind, was some kindred folks, probably male, to go out for coffee and a chat. or even play rummy or chess or bridge.

the purpose of my note, is perhaps, a gentle nudge to you, that life does not stop at 68. nowdays this would be considered the start of our golden years. so, please be open to possibilities, and including a naturally developed friendship towards a female.

recently, on a visit to chennai, i countered a girl cousin of mine, in her early fifties, with two grown up children, as to her finding a partner. she surprised me, by admitting that she was on the look out, inspite of the attitude of the 'society'. her two children, both in the usa, were supportive. i am gratified, that even widows these days, do not sport the 'widow' garb or look anymore. .. and if my girl cousin is any pointer, would not mind securing another man to warm up their days (and nights).

the times, they are changing for the better.

uksharma, bestest of wishes to you.

 

[Nara]

.....recently, on a visit to chennai, i countered a girl cousin of mine, in her early fifties, with two grown up children, as to her finding a partner. she surprised me, by admitting that she was on the look out, inspite of the attitude of the 'society'. her two children, both in the usa, were supportive. i am gratified, that even widows these days, do not sport the 'widow' garb or look anymore. .. and if my girl cousin is any pointer, would not mind securing another man to warm up their days (and nights).

K, heart of hearts , I think everyone fully realizes all the charade this tradition really is. As Pygmalion would have it, it is the ones in between who is stuck in the rut. The young don't know, and the older know it ain't so. But as we grow old, we feel an obligation. But that need not be. There is only one life and we need to make the best of it, with love for all that is kind and caring, and rejecting anything that is bigoted.

So, I wish the very best to your cousin, and to uksharma, may they find loving companion to spend the rest of their days, with loving memory of those who have left them, and loving reality of that which is current and present.

best ...

 

[uksharma3]

So, I wish the very best to your cousin, and to uksharma, may they find loving companion to spend the rest of their days, with loving memory of those who have left them, and loving reality of that which is current and present.

best ...

K, N, thanks for your very open mind and suggestion. I am not inclined towards any sort of binding or 'relationship' because no one should be affected if anything untoward happens. Also, I want to be sincere to my departed wife even though she is no more. However, I do not have any objection if a female person wants to be my companion. What I want is to have a sincere friend like person to share thoughts, mental feelings, to be of mutual help at times and to accompany when going places. I like going to ancient temples and places of interest 3 or 4 times an year.
I will call on phone if you send your number to my e-mail [email protected]

 

[kr subramanian]

I am not inclined towards any sort of binding or 'relationship' because no one should be affected if anything untoward happens.

Sir, with all respect to you and your age let me say that your above lines is not understandable. I was glad to know that you were bold enough to say that you need a companion which many elders say mentally and suffer within heart fearing the so called society.. It is time that you (rather we elders) should be expressive and let our children know our requirements. I feel that in no way you will be unsincere to your wife. I am of the opinion that we should be sincere until our spouse is alive.

 

[uksharma3]

I am not inclined towards any sort of binding or 'relationship' because no one should be affected if anything untoward happens.

Sir, with all respect to you and your age let me say that your above lines is not understandable. I was glad to know that you were bold enough to say that you need a companion which many elders say mentally and suffer within heart fearing the so called society.. It is time that you (rather we elders) should be expressive and let our children know our requirements. I feel that in no way you will be unsincere to your wife. I am of the opinion that we should be sincere until our spouse is alive.

kr subramanian ji
Everyone has their own ideas and convictions. i lived a full and satisfied life with my wife and that is enough for me. even though she has departed physically, i consider her as living in my mind. i belong to another age when family and relationship were considered more deep-rooted. some people, who watch today's movies and tv shows may find it difficult to understand that. May be it was my fault to write in this forum.

when i wrote, i never had a female person in my mind. companionship and sharing life are different, at least that is what i understand.

even when my wife was living, i had a good companion, hari, with whom i went to lot of temples and places. we discuss not only business, but also religion, society, philosophy etc. unfortunately about 5 years back he moved to mumbai. now only occasional phone calls only. in fact, i had him in my mind when i wrote to the forum. i am looking for someone like him.

kunjuppu wrote,
[QUOTE: sir sharma, i think, when you wrote this post, probably all that you had in mind, was some kindred folks, probably male, to go out for coffee and a chat. or even play rummy or chess or bridge.[/QUOTE]

he correctly understood my mind but went on to 'nudge' me. so i had to respond.

 

[tbs]

hi sarma ji,
try in a beach walk either in thiruvanmiyur/beasnt nagar....u may get best male companionship with decent behavior in the same age/taste...

best of luck.............

regards
tbs

 

[kr subramanian]

dear sharmaji.
appologise if I had hurt your feeling., I have a friend whose father is 95+ . Old man`s wife expired 17 years back. He is mnetally 40 or 50. Has no age old disease. Requires a female companion always. Any body coming to my friends house will always be asked to stay in the house for him to talk. it will be more if the person coming is a female. Sorry, I had that old man while replying to you. Once more sorry and pray for you to get a good companion.

 

[ambes]

Dera mr. Sharmaji,
68 years. U are not that old to feel so dejected. U can find good friends by visiting temples, kutcheries, or kathakalashebams or even a good club near your place.U can visit old age homes, handicapped children homes or orphanages and impart value education to them.You will get to know lot of good people and also have mental satisfaction by doing serviceto soceity.By the way where are u residing

 

[uksharma3]

dear ambes, kr subramanian, tbs

This conversation itself is turning into a happy discussion. i am moved by your concern and suggestions. ambes, i am not at all dejected. i do online marketing and maintain more than 50 websites all by myself. i work for 6-8 hours a day in addition to attending house works. i do my own cooking. in fact my sammandhi mami wanted to supply me my meals but i did not accept. when my wife was living, i rarely enter the kitchen. i did not even know to prepare coffee or tea. but i learned cooking during the last 2 years. once an (kerala)amma devotee told me that cooking gives peace of mind if done with devotion. i now experience it. that statement is very much true.
tbs ji, it is good suggestion to go beach walking in Tiruvanmiyur or Besant Nagar. I visit Besant Nagar beach once in a way because it gives me the opportunity to worship at Ashtalakshmi temple. Also my dentist's clinic is there on the besant road. i sit in that Danish sailor's memorial and have felt complete peace of mind. but i am living in Madipakkam. I have no car or 2-wheeler. My son does not want me to drive in the present chaotic traffic condition. So, i go either by auto or by bus. usually i go places within Madras by auto because i do not get tired.
kr subramanian ji, there is no need to apologize. it is only exchange of ideas. you did not offend me. i understood your point. that's why, without directly telling you, i said those who view today's movies and tv serials do not understand. nowadays the majority are influenced by movies and tv. i know there are people like the 95-year old person you mentioned. there are such persons even among those within my circle.
and ambes ji, it is a good suggestion about going to bagavatham or visiting orphanages and old age homes. as i wrote above, my main difficulty is mobility. if i go out, sometimes one full day is gone. but my online business has to be attended everyday for at least 3-4 hours. there are no such places near my home. but what you said is a good suggestion and i will try that.
after writing to this forum i found a person 2 years senior to me who has similar interests like me. unfortunately, he also has no mode of transport. but we exchange e-mails. interesting.
i am glad to see more and more people are interested in this topic. now i can say this is the correct forum to discuss matters like this.

 

[kunjuppu]

uk,

pardon me. i will reply to your email sometime next week.

you might one of the (unintentional) benefits of these types of forums is to provide an avenue to connect like (& also unlike) minded people. we can sit in the comforts of our own home, separated by time zones and geographies, and yet not only exchange ideas but provide some succour and comfort to our own.

by 'our own', i would rather allude to the vasudeva kutumbam of humankind, rather than limit to our own narrow definition of community. if i were to go by the latter, i think, i will have to just deal with those of chathapuram heritage of 100 years ago. connecting up with some of them, several years ago, my father found nothing in common except our dayaadhiness.

another issue of interest to us is how to deal with our golden years. nowadays, we have relatives in their 80s, still blessed with good health and senses, and whose needs are minimal enough to need full time support. in many cases, the children are far away. this and such forums provide a companionship and also a form of 'agony column' to exchange the travails of loneliness, age related infirms and 'ungrateful' children

some of our fiesty sounding posts are from the mildest of folks in their day to day lives. a simha garjanai here is an avenue for them, to toot those long subsided trumpets, hidden for years, probably due to the rolling pin wiedling maami or the vociferous daughter in law.

sharma, may your voice be heard loud, clear and often here. thank you.

 

[Brahmanyan]

Dear Sri Sharma,

As one who is older to your good self, I am happy that you have started this subject. Though it is of interest to read many suggestions, I strongly feel that the individual has to find the way to solve his/her problems that one has to face as the years add up. And I am of the view the warmth of our near and dear ones is an asset at this pace of life.

Wishing you good health,

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[uksharma3]

dear Brahmanyan Sir,

thanks for your views and your wishes. it is true that warmth from near and dear not only comforts but keeps the BP level normal (or somewhat normal). but today the society has totally changed and everyone is on a race. i do not blame the children because i know they are swept with the current tide. the daughters-in-law are unable to cope with their jobs and keeping family. specially those in the age group 25-35 (may be most of them are first generation girls going to work) are unable to manage the family without their mothers' help. i feel the family setup is crumbling. everyone wants to lead independent life but may live-together with someone for physical needs. the increase in single mothers is a pointer to this. what i think is, how this generation is going to get the warmth during their old age.

best regards
sharma

 

[Brahmanyan]

Dear Sri Sharma,

I agree with your views that at present our Society,( especially Brahmin) is going through severe churning like the Samudra Mathanam (Ksheera Sagara Mathanam) of yore. One side is held by the old values of family setup and the other is held by the compulsions of changing values in the race for money making. Future can only tell what will come out of the churning. Perhaps we may see a mix of good and bad coming out of this churning. It may take a few generations to get settled in the changing Society. Till then we of the older generation have to grope in the dark both physically and psychologically to get a hold of the change.

Warm Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[N.R.Ranganathan]

Dear sharmaji,

I do not know where you reside. If you are in Madras, you have many places
to go, sit and converse with others on many subjects. You can hear political
or spiritual lectures or you can go to some Music sabha if you are interested in
music. You can go to temples and worship and also hear harikatha kalakshebham
and bhajans. A lot of things to keep you fully occupied and cheerful.

Meditation can give you lot of benefits and you will not feel alone. Spiritually
speaking, you are not alone and you have your SELF.

Pardon me if I am too spiritual -

 

[siganeswarie]

i think u will get relax
well wishes to u