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Matri capped Iyer Grooms

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Dear Friends,
Dear Friends,
The Vedas are the fundamental and most sacred books of The Hindus. It is believed that all the knowledge contained in Vedas were floating in the atmosphere. Some great sages were able to hear these immortal truths and taught them to their disciples. Vedas are nothing but the collection of such truths as taught by very many rishis to their disciples. Every section of the Veda thus has a sage who realized the perennial truth and taught to his disciples. Then each of these has a meter. This was required, because in the initial days, there was no script to our language .Also Sanskrit pronounced differently lead to different meanings. So the sages taught what they have heard to their disciple, following a meter, so that learning them by heart became very easy.
The large number of people who learned the Vedic truths by heart from their Guru and passed on to the next generation were the Brahmins. Not only they preserved the perennial truths but followed the ritualistic and simple life taught by their Gurus. At this time a need arose for very brave warriors who would sacrifice even their life to protect the society and these people were called Kshatriyas. There was also a need to look after the wealth generated by a community, buy essential things based on barter from other similar communities. These wealth managers and business people were called Vaisyas. These three specialized group of people needed assistants and servants, who would help them in other routine jobs of life and in production of food. These people need to be strong and hard working. They were called Shudhras. These were the four varnas of Hindus. Early study of the Vedas and Puranas seem to indicate that these caste labels were given based on their suitability for the above four different roles.
The Vedas, the Grihya Suthras as well as Dharma Shastras codified the rules of life for these four groups of people. Among the best compilation of the rules of life for a Brahmin, is the great book called Vaidhyanatha Deekshitheeyam. (The Xerox copy of the book in Sanskrit running to nearly thousand pages is available in the web site www.mudgala.com. Copies of this book are normally not available and with people giving less and less importance to Sanskrit education, it was extremely difficult to understand this book. The late Paramacharya of Kanchi Ordered , Sri Manjakkudi Venkatrama Sastrigal, who was one of his disciples, to make a selection from this book and seek the help of Sri E.S.Ramamurthy Sastrigal for translating it in to Tamil. This book was published by Heritage India Educational Trust, Mylapore, Madras as per the wishes of Paramacharyal. The great sage also told the publisher that there should not be any copy right to this book. This book was named as “Samkshepa Dharma Sashthram (Summary rules of Dharmic life)” and was first published in 1985.
This book had seven sections viz:-
1.Varnashrama Dharma Prakarana(Dharma for different Varnas)
II. Aahneeka Dharma Prakarana(Dharma of activities of day to day life)
III. AAsoucha Dharma Prakarana (Dharma for upholding cleanliness)
IV.Sradha Dharma Prakarana (Dharma towards the manes)
V.Thidhi nirnata Dharma Prakarana (dharma towards fixing time )
And VI.Prayachitha Dharma Prakarana,(Dharma of redemptive acts)

Sri P.P.Ramachandran , a great Sanskrit scholar . who is our honoured active member came across an appeal in another web site had few months back which was seeking for volunteers to translate this great book in to English. I volunteered and the first chapter has been translated and put in my web site

(Press Ctrl and click the above or copy and paste in internet explorer)

. Others would be duely translated . Possibly the entire translation work may take about an year to complete , Ramachander
Shri Ramachander

Thank you for your excellent effort sir.I am so happy that our Lord Mahaswami is directing all of us from his brindavanam in Kanchi .Shri Gurubyo Namaha.

Matri capped Iyer Grooms(A new perspective)

Dear Sirs,
One of my very intelligent and capable friends wrote:-
I have a slightly different take...

Grooms who are not graduates - this is a tribe that better stay single and first sustain themselves rather than mess up another girl's life. In these times of dial-a-M.S and Ph.D, if someone can't academically raise themselves to the primal level of even a graduation, he cannot sustain himself until he gets self-built or distinguishes himself in an enterprise of his choice like that of a priest, caterer or even a small time vendor. This is not to say under-graduates can't make it big in life, but they are clearly at the bottom of the league and should focus more on their own sustenance than hurrying to procreate.

Priests, cooks and hoteliers - These are off-bounds in case if they remain naive and don't work on their external appeal. Which girl can tolerate a smelly guy (the cook and hotelier) coming home every night only to sleep and wake up? Over time, they should lay down processes and learn to delegate the grimey stuff. That's smart. Now don't tell me Ratan Tata (who owns Taj group of Hotels) didn't get a girl despite being always smart and well turned out

Priests can get girls certainly if they change their conduct (avoiding tasteless banter with yajaman / his relatives, asking for `vandi kooly' over and above Dakshina a la like a chennai rickshawalla who asks `saar, meterukku mele ethavathu kuduthuttu po' while offering their services.) I know quite a few smart young good looking priests that mind their own business that girls drool over.

So they clearly need to work on their external appeal. Because perception is reality.

Business people : There are different categories. Even an LIC agent calls himself a business man as does the owner of a billion $ software major. The question is one of credentials. Normally the those who adorn the top of the league tables don't bother circulating horoscopes amongst seedy brokers /astrologers - they find their match from amongst the scions of other wealthy industrialists while schmoozing at a CII / Chambers of Commerce cocktail do. To my knowledge, there is no unmarried kin in TVS family despite all of them being in business. It's a myth that Brahmins give preference to employed grooms - entrepreneurs have their place too except that it's slightly above the eye-level of the ordinary.

Handicapped - This depends on the categoy of challenge. If someone is short by a limb or an eye or an ear and still copes well with life and is capable of conjugal bliss, I am sure there are other similarly challenged (if not those that are healthy) that are available, provided the net is cast wide enough. Now that there are matrimonial websites that have separate categories for physically challenged, social networks, email groups and other social media like blogs, it's easier to network and connect. (S)he just needs to be smart enough to track them down than just doing 1001 pradakshinams around banyan trees or doing rounds of astrologers.

Only son of parents - I think you're generalizing here. Recognize that people are of different makes. If you don't want a girl if she feels it's a little too much to ask her to be a home nurse besides being a wife, go find another one that clearly doesn't mind. All of us have a right to be different, aren't we? Times are changin'

Boys who are 35 plus - Well, this is clearly one of preference. If girls desire young boys, you just can't blame the girls. I am sure there are quite a few unmarried girls around the same age except if the boy is still insistent on a younger bride. There certainly could be a fair share of widows, divorcees or even intellectuals or just plain `never-felt-like-marriage-till-now-but-now-want-to' types. The smarts among the lot will hunt them down.

NRI grooms - It's again a matter of choice. If the girl chooses to live among her folks back home and dislikes to live amidst a majority that looks down upon her because of her ethnicity, color of skin or eyes or just loves to be a first grade citizen in the country of her birth, well - give it to her. And then the history of ill-treatment, domestic violence and culture gap also tells. But then there are so many that dream of making it big as an NRI consort. Cast the net wide.

Astrological reasons - They need to choose. Whether they want a girl as a consort or wait like a wimp - for `the right one' that brings with her the mythical security and good fortune promised by horoscopes. Girls are better off with boys that like to dare and face life as it comes, especially in these turbulent times when even the big wall street banks (and some Hyderabad companies too) fail over the weekend.

And Finally to that sulking boy that asked his old man `father, can't you find a girl for me' - this guy is a clear loser. He is on a self-pity if not guilt trip. He has higher propensity to mess up post-marital life. Girls must be right in blacking him out. Don't even touch this guy with a barge pole unless he redeems himself, searches his soul and recognizes the needs to fix life on his own rather than leaning on his old man.


The person who has written this modern girl's frank reaction is a male, With best wishes, Ramachander
Shri Ramachander

>>Don't even touch this guy with a barge pole unless he redeems himself, searches his soul and recognizes the needs to fix life on his own rather than leaning on his old man.<<

When a girl i thought loved me too,rejected my overtures,i did rely on my old man,but then he kicked the bucket at the lotus feet of Mahaswamigal in the mutt itself,after having darshan,from then i was on my own,to figure things out.But,another,father figure of mine,stepped in brilliantly,for a match suggestion,and this is the girl,who is now my life partner.But you do have point.Despite all calculations,n number of things happen after marriage.Grace of god,guru,parents,family,friends and above all to compromise in situations,will ultimately lead to a blissfully happy married life.But,the attitudes are different of both boys and girls of the younger generation.

Matri capped Iyer Grooms(A new perspective)

Dear Friends,
This is a very important problem of our community. It is extremely urgent that we need to do some thing about it.I am sad that some individuals are attacking each other personally. I am giving below, some of the meanigful reactions that I recieved.With best wishes, Ramachander
Hats of to Mr. Ramachander.

Eventhough the mail is Candid, No nonsense and touched the bottom of the problem today's grooms are facing. As i was a groom and gone through the same phase of difficulty todays grooms are facing, i wish to add few more.

Groom's Parents are not understanding the following:

1. Brides are in demand. Brides rarely advertise. Even if they do, they prefer the best of the best grooms from the lot they receive through their advt. After all, they spent for their daughter.

2. Grooms parents have not realised the society is changed. Even a prospectus of an university cost more than Rs.1000. But, the parents of grooms rarely spend for their son. Just browse through the advt of brides and apply. Even though they knew, it may not fetch a desired result, still they dont want to spend a rupee for their son. Only god knows what they will do with the money without a proper life for their son. (I too got annoyed when my father approached every small time mami's who give horoscopes free of cost. Most of the brides either married or married with two kids.). Grooms parents also do not understand that they need not have to spend more than few thousand for the marriage, but the brides, its goes in lakhs. So, i plead the parents of the groom to go all out and dont leave any stone unturned. After all, you are going to spend only for advt. but parents of the bride needs to spend for the entire marriage.

3. All put together, there are more than 1 lakh bride but only 2000 are advertising in all matrimony put together. The rest 98000 brides are just browsing through ads. Its more than sufficient for them. Most of the bride's parents do not know internet. Hence, we need to take our son's profile thorough print medium too. Here comes an another matrimony service Matrihelp.com which not only publish the profile in the website, but takes the grooms profile to each and every brides home by way of free distribution of charts. They ask the groom to share a part of the expenses and the balance being shared by them. It can help all grooms incl. middle and lower middle class grooms. They are doing what google is doing in the internet search, (searching every home where a bride reside) but not so fast as google but in a phased manner.


V Radha Krishnan
Conclusion: Then i realised, the main problem for most of the groom is neither their age nor their education or salary, but the laxity in the approach of parents and their unwillingness to spend even a single rupee for their son.


V Radha Krishnan.

nr ramachandran,
there is one more pl add to this list some girls and boys are too obese and are unable to find a partner because of this and they are at no fault as it is in some genes in the family, my daughter who works in oracle with a good salary is yet to be married because of her well built stature do tell me if you come across some one who would understand this as not a handicap but to take in stride otherwise a lovely person and very versatile personality is my daughter ...regards
Oh, that is a pity that it comes from a male. There are enough women who will dare to write this and would have held a bigger punch. I for one would have loved to hear this from a girl, nevertheless, I do agree completely with this.

From a girl, that part which says there are enough priests, whom girls drool over would have really opened up eyes of many who still live in the old-age.

I do think horoscopes are to be looked at for a completely different reason, however other things like personal grooming and creating that wining mindset are very important. At the end of the day the winning mindset is what cuts thru life's challenges. Every girl will want her man atleast to brave the uncertainties of life with a smile and put a smile on her lovely face too ;-)

Well articulated, Thanks.

Namaskaram to all the members of this august Yahoo group.

while the predicament of Brahmin youth who are not sought after by prospective brides,
there are whole class of deprived families who do not have a wherewithal to get a days meal to survive.They do not certainly have money to conduct the marriage of their sons and daughters.
It will be better to identify such families in everybody's neighbourhood and post it a common platform with the financial background clearly explained.Most of the prospective bridegroom s can get their better half from such a group of people who cannot advertise in matrimony sites and other marriage bureaus.

There is another class of women who are divorced or widowed due to forces of nature or Karmas.They become prey to manipulators and some of them are forced to become the second family(in Tamil0 to the manipulators.I know of a Tamil Brahmin girl (35 yrs)who has an aged mother and financially bad state.She is forced to live as as second wife to a non Brahmin Policeman because of economic compulsions and social security.

Why not we take an effort to identify such cases and examine if we can arrange for a marriage with the types of people who do not get brides under normal circumstances?

Let us join together and actively support the remarriage of widows and divorced brahmin women in a large scale.This requires that we have to stretch more to get data on such people and conduct periodic meet among the needy.Such an effort requires couselling too in alarge scale.

This can prove to be the partial solution to the mismatch in the male /female ratio which can jeopardise the Brahmin gene pool in our country.
While these appear intellectually very fair opinion, one must
as the wisdom has always prevailed, that our (specifically Hindu)
elders(not over the recent past, but several hundreds or even
thousands years back) have meticulously planned and laid ground rules
with nothing but ONLY best wishes and intentions for their future
generations with regard to marriages. I understand most reliably that
it is only over the recent past that the courts in India have
received large numbers of cases seeking divorce. One can also see
many such advertisements claiming innocent divorcees seeking life
partner. One can not attribute any other reason other than the fact
that we seem to get away from the ground rules laid by our elders.
Beyond all these, if one would have belief in our Sastra, these are
the attributes of Kali Yuga.
I wish we sincerely seek wisdom from our elders and the invaluable
knowledge available with our Sashtras and win over the effects of the
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