Love marriage — now a distant dream!

[V.Balasubramani]

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Love marriage — now a distant dream!

“My parents are compellingme. If you are not going to marry me within one year, I am going to marrysomeone else,” she said and disconnected the call.
Now I haveexactly one year to complete my PhD, get a job, make my parents financiallysecure, let my brother finish his engineering and, finally, convince my parentsand her parents to my marrying her. By all probable means, all of this willtake not less than another five years.


She isfrom Kerala, I am from Tamil Nadu and we met in Andhra Pradesh. Her language isMalayalam, mine is Tamil, and we communicated in English. She is a Catholic andI am a Hindu and we celebrated Valentine's Day together. Now I want five yearsbut she can wait for only one year. She can't wait for four years, I know. Herfriends are getting married, and some of them have kids too. Her parents areasked why she is not getting married. Her father too developed a weak heartlately.


Her mothersecured a promise from her not to disappoint her father. Her brother has tomarry after her marriage. Her relatives bring all sorts of proposals for her,but mostly from Dubai.


Readmore at: http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/love-marriage-now-a-distant-dream/article1448342.ece



P.S: This article was published in The Hindu' dated; 24th April 2011. Does it holds good today...?

 

[prasad1]

You are posting an old newspaper story. So we really can not advice that poor imitation for a human being.
That spineless creature is just stringing the girl along. The girl is right in giving him an ultimatum. But still she is chasing a spineless snake who is finding all these excuses for not committing.

She would be happy in life marrying someone who is more committed to her, or even staying single is better than this dirtbag.

 

[tbs]

hi

there are 3 kinds of marriages....1 purely arranged marriage by the parents.....2 purely love marriage arranged by the couples

against parents.....2 LOVE CUM ARRANGED MARRIAGE....which is very common now days...now may youngesters want

love and blessings from parents....this is real dilema......some are succeed too...

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Prasad ji,

When I found the following message in 'Face book, I thought why not share this with the members.

Of course, now we can see more activity of cupid striking his arrow ion most of youngsters' life.

But the dreams of all don't get materialised.

In fact it is not fruitful in most cases and in few cass it may prove futile also due to various reasons like religion, caste, tradition, culture, financial status, family brought up, etc etc

We have discussed break in relationship, break in engagement, break in marriages, break of heart, etc

Though the topic may prove an 'அரைச்ச மாவு' , but the issue is an evergreen one.

 

[Raji Ram]

You said it right, Balu Sir! It IS arachcha mAvu topic only.

Not everyone falls in love. Most of the lovuus are for wealth / beauty and rarely for good nature.

And...... 'deiveegak kAdhal' may be the love which starts in a temple!! :nod:

 

[V.Balasubramani]

We have been hearing dialogues with mention of Ambikapathy and Amaravathy, Romeo and Juliet, and other love stories and there is no movie without a love concept.

While the love affair in movies see good ending, it is not such an easy issue in real life. Love birds need to face lot of challenges.

I remember to have read a story under the caption காதலென்ன கத்திரிக்காயா in my youth days, wherein the hero’s attempt to find a match/lover fails invariably every time. Poor guy.

Not everyone fall in live and not everyone’s love affair is successful.

 

[rishikesan]

Again& again this Topic comes up in some form.We, elders should realise that in most of the cases, the parents are taken for a RIDE?
The boy or girl tending to opt Love at all costs , & go ahead with selfishness & leave the parents/their own brothers/sisters in the lurch & would not bother to Think Pros& Cons of their own uncertain future. Such irresponsible boys or girls be shunned by our forum & never tend to follow their problem, lest we will be doing Disservice to our community.Whatever is said & done, it is only Lust in almost all cases ( infatuation , nothing more) .
Our forum can definitely think of advising , Gils / Boys who are following the accepted norms of the society,.Love between modern /educated Youth is welcome provided the parents & the concerned Boy / Girl come to a workable solution keeping the unity of the Family including pats of both sides. Efforts to be made by all conferee fom both sides for better life for the couple., would continue to love thir parents & assure happiness at old age.
I wider as to how? My friend could think of displaying paper clip of lovers problem, which exaggerates the problems of theirs one-sided, let us not fall prey , leave alone discussing foa a solution by this August Forum
I plead with learned members to mention the best solution for genuine cases, without belittling the parents/ dependents .
Rishikesan ( A. Srinivasan )
ren

Lo

 

[renuka]

Love is an intoxicating feeling worth trying at least once in our life.

Its never too late to start.

Love is ONE..we humans call it in various names.


If love between a mother and child can exists..why can't love exist between a male and female?

Even in an arranged marriage..love eventually develops..otherwise it would be very mechanical, immoral and lustful to procreate with a person we do not love.

 

[prasad1]

Yes Renukaji, Love has to develop in arranged marriage. But till the partners are equal, you could pass off living couple even without love. I have heard sad ladies complaining about their spouses or marriages after 10 years. They feel trapped in an unhappy marriage. Indian Prime minister is in such an arranged marriage. It would have been better to divorce and find your true love and set the other person free.
I have witnessed two arranged marriages, where the couple divorced within 5 years. I just attended a 50th anniversary of a couple who had love marriage.
This topic keeps coming up in this site. The cast changes but the plot is same.

Going back to the op.
If that dirtbag could write such eloquent story, and then ditch the girl for some excuse, he will not get any sympathy from me. Most of us who had arranged marriage were not chasing or falling in love. We knew what we were in for, and luckily it worked out for us. Same can not be said in today's world. Women are educated, independent, and expect respect in a relation. The parameters have changed, both have to work outside the home. They live in a nuclear family, and in large metropolis. So what worked 100 years ago may not work today.
Why can we not accept reality?

 

[V.Balasubramani]

இப்படியும் சில தம்பதிகள்

"ஒரு ஊரில் தன் மனைவியின் முதல் பிரசவத்திற்காக அவள் தாய் வீட்டிற்கு அழைத்து செல்கிறான் ஒரு ஏழை விவசாயி. வாகன வசதி இல்லாத காலம் அது. கடும் வெயிலின் காரணமாக கர்பமான மனைவிக்கு தண்ணீர் தாகம் எடுக்கிறது. ஆளில்லா நடைபாதையில் என் கனவர் தண்ணீர்கு எங்கு செல்வார்! என்று அதை கனவனிடம் சொல்லாமலே வருகிறாள்.

மனைவிக்கு தாகம் எடுக்கிறது என்று அவன் புரிந்துகொண்டான். இதற்கு பெயர் தான் கனவன் மனைவி உறவு. தூரத்தில் ஒரு முதியவர் இழணீர் வியாபாரம் செய்வதை பார்த்து அவள் கையை பிடித்துகொண்டு வேகமாக சென்ற பிறகுதான் தெரிகிறது.

அவனிடம் ஒரு இழணீர் வாங்குவதற்கு மட்டுமே காசு இருக்கிறது என்று சரி ஒரு இழணீர் தாருங்கள் என்கிறான்.
இழணீரை வாங்கியவன் தன் மனைவியிடம் கொடுத்து எனக்கு வேண்டாம் நீ குடிமா! என்கிறான். எனக்கு மட்டும் என்றால் வேண்டாம் நீங்கள் குடித்துவிட்டு தாருங்கள் என்றாள் அவள்.

இறுதியில் மனைவியை குடிக்க வைத்தான் ஆனால் அவளோ என் கனவர் எனக்காக காடு மலையெல்லாம் வேலை செய்பவர் அவர் குடிக்கட்டும் என்று குடிப்பது போல் நடித்துக்கொண்டிருக்கிறாள்.

இழணீர் கனவன் கைக்கு வந்தது. அவனும் மனைவியை போலவே இவள் என்னை நம்பி வாழவந்தவள். அதோடு என் குழந்தையை சுமக்கிறாள். இன்னும் கொஞ்சம் இவள் குடித்தால் என்ன! என்று இவனும் குடிப்பது போல் நடிக்கிறான்.

இவர்களின் காதலையும் விட்டுக்கொடுக்கும் குணத்தையும் பார்த்த முதியவர் அந்த பெண்ணிடம் நீ என் பொண்ணு போல இருக்கிறாய் இந்த இழணீரை நீ குடிமா என்று வேறொரு இழணீரை வெட்டி தருகிறார். கனவனின் அனுமதியோடு தாகம் தீர குடித்துவிட்டு அவன் மார்பில் மெதுவாக சாய்ந்துக்கொண்டு என் மேல் இவ்வளவு பாசமா என்பது போல் அவள் பார்க்கிறாள்.

நீ என் மனைவி. என் உயிரின் பாதி என்ற அர்த்தத்துடன் கண் சிமிட்டுகிறான் அந்த காதல் கொண்ட கனவன். இப்போது அன்பு என்ற ஒன்றும் விட்டுக்கொடுக்கும் குணமும் இருந்ததால் ஒரு இழணீர் வாங்க இருந்த காசுக்கு இரண்டு இழணீர் கிடைத்தது.

((இவ்வுலகில் எல்லா உயிரும் அன்பிற்காக தான் ஏங்குகிறது நண்பர்களை. கணவன் மனைவிக்குள் விட்டுக்கொடுத்தலும் ஒருவர் குறையை மற்றொருவர் மறைத்து வாழும் வாழ்கைக்கு சொர்க்கமே ஈடாகாது நண்பர்களே.))

Source: face book

 

[Raji Ram]

I have seen many couples who are :fencing: non stop, yet live together for many years, in tambrahm community!

MAmis grumbleg all the time that mAmA is useless and vice versa! :lol:

BTW, unless love is developed after an arranged marriage, life will never be a happy one.

When divorce was a stigma, couples had to grin and bear their misfortune of getting a wrong partner. hwell:
Now that more freedom is demanded by women, men have to adjust a lot to make their marriage successful. :first:

P.S: Some bachelor tambrahm boys happily marry 'innocent divorcees', because of the demand and supply ratio!

 

[V.Balasubramani]

I have seen many couples who are :fencing: non stop, yet live together for many years, in tambrahm community!

R.R Mam,

I agree. There are couples who fight ferociously all the day even for silly issues, but they also know how to maintain their relationship in tact without destroying it.
They instead of preserving the loveable relationship, they strive to promote it each and every day.

If one ask them, they are capable to giving tips to strengthen the relationship between couples while keep fighting over every issue.

While it is important to ensure that our home is a ‘sweet home’ with peace, calm prevailing all the time and love spread among the members, they are umpteen number of ways to resolve conflicts, disagreements, arguments and to iron out the differences, etc.

Couples who know the appropriate ways in dealing with such issues really prove successful.


Situation song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cepwzi21AkE

 

[rishikesan]

Dear Balu, This is your friend A. Srinivasan, What you have narrated, do happen in some bodys life It is most intense, sacrifycing nature that too when one's wife is pregnant..We should take such instances as moral lessons & practice in life. Definitely our thoughts would become pure & we would be Blessed by GOD.I always get emotional when I read such instances .
I am proud to be your Friend
A.Srinivasan

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dear Balu,

This is your friend A. Srinivasan, What you have narrated, do happen in some bodys life It is most intense, sacrifycing nature that too when one's wife is pregnant..We should take such instances as moral lessons & practice in life. Definitely our thoughts would become pure & we would be Blessed by GOD.I always get emotional when I read such instances .

I am proud to be your Friend

A.Srinivasan

Dear Sir,

You are so senior and I am a 'L' Board member striving to learn something through the Forum also.

It is a great privilege and pleasure to hear such comments.

Thanks and prayers from bottom of my heart to the Almighty that you and members of your family be blessed with all rich gifts of good health, happiness, prosperity and long life in abundant measure.


Regards

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Source: face book

 

[Raji Ram]

Wishing to die as 'sumangali'? Not all the women.

I know one mAmi, who wished to live at least for ten years after her husband's time because she had to be at his service
24 x 7 on all days of the year! And she did so for two decades! :couch2:

 

[krish44]

Those whom Gods love die young.

Those whom women love more wish they die younger.

Too much loving attention from women can drive most crazy.

 

[renuka]

Too much loving attention from women can drive most crazy.

Only if its from the same woman!LOL

 

[krish44]

Only if its from the same woman!LOL

Not all men can multi task.

It calls for a lot of balancing and careful management

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Source: face book

 

[yesmohan]

I have seen many couples who are :fencing: non stop, yet live together for many years, in tambrahm community!

MAmis grumbleg all the time that mAmA is useless and vice versa! :lol:

I know a couple who used to fight non stop even in front of strangers.
This couple had 11 children ( 4 boys and 7 girls ) All the eleven are well settled. The man had to sell all the lands he owned and house for the marriages of his daughters. But the sons did not get any dowry. Now all the sons are heving properties worth mentioning.

Now the couple are no more.The man died at the age of 82 and the lady at the age of 80 yers.... just within 1 year from the death of her good half.

For anything they will argue for and against and arrive at the conclusion.
I understand that the secret of their success is their fake fighting !!
They all belong to the older generation.

The present generation do not argue in good perspective.
Only ego clashes with lack of understanding the better side of each other.
At sometimes, these fights end in point of no return!!

 

[krish44]

Why couples fight?

Basically many girls are control freaks.

They would like to control the boys they have married.

These boys have similar aspirations and go thru a lifetime challenging their wives desire for control and trying to break free of controls being increasingly imposed on

them.

Mostly the boys succumb. Very few put up brave fights upto the end of life.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

I did not write about the new generation! Those mAmAs could fight with mAmis non-stop, because those mAmis were

financially dependent! Now a days, guys are all scared to fight, since divorce is no more a stigma!

 

[yesmohan]

Dear Krish Sir,

I did not write about the new generation! Those mAmAs could fight with mAmis non-stop, because those mAmis were financially dependent! Now a days, guys are all scared to fight, since divorce is no more a stigma!

I have seen in some families, the Mamis are so smart that they will snatch the salary cover and used to sanction only pocket money to Mamas !!
Finance Minister are only Mamis, then.

Even after salary credit to account through ECS, ATM cards are with FM.
Sometimes, this type of financial administration is better for the family!!

 

[Raji Ram]

I have seen in some families, the Mamis are so smart that they will snatch the salary cover and used to sanction only pocket money to Mamas !!........

:clap2: