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Looking for Old age home for Brahmins in Madurai

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IMO, you should look for a place which will meet your or his economic need rather than caste needs. He depending on his condition may need to share the home with people from the same economic level and food (like vegetarian) needs.

I wish you would not look for birth based groupings.
 
Cap.Lingam old age home owner is my Friend and it is not exclusively for Brahmins.

He opened a Branch in Nagamalai Pudukkottai (NH 49) near Madurai University.

If you are interested I can speak and move him.

Before that Please Think Twice and confirm if you actually need this help.

Because I am also having only Daughter and no son.
 
Sow. Jeyashree,

Instead of searching for a Old Age home for your father I can arrange a Job for him in Bangalore with Free Accommodation.

Let him do whatever he can do.That too in a Veer Anjaneyaswamy Temple in Marthahalli.

Is it ok for you.?
 
KRS said:
Dear Sowbhagyavathi Soumya Ramasubramanian Ji,Don't you think that this is a very PERSONAL question?Regards,KRS
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actually ya..after posting it i felt so...and since i couldnt delete it,i thought anyways if it is that personal then she wouldnt bother to answer...so its allright...And well if the ma'm who requires an old age home for her father is ready to tell the reason it would be great too...considering the fact that i am also a girl...and i have a younger SISTER..and both of us would unfortunately have to land up in someone else's house in a few years...and i do not at any cost want my parents to be alone and into old age home..that's why..Recently someone i know,who has a daughter and son both married and away from home...husband living but has nearly abandoned the family saying that all his duties he had to do is over...now that aunt is alone..noone to look after...she's horribly ill too...and so she chose to go to this aashram and stay...It is very pitiful condition...And more than anyone the parent feels guilty of their entire life they've lived...and no matter how cooperative and enthusiastic they may be about going to an old age home and not causing any trouble for anyone,deep in their heart their wish is "please dont take me there..id be happier if you take care of me yourself...i wont be of any trouble..ill sit in a corner and watch you and pray for you till the last of my breath cuz you are my child"...I'm sorry if anyone is feeling offended by me saying this...i say out everything no matter what...maybe it'll hurt a few,maybe it feels offensive,but i'm sure you wouldn't feel so after many years when you land up in the same position as your parents...i am not even close to any of your ages to say this...but seriously i believe in what you do,you get it back..that's how simple i can put it as..Sorry no offence meant at all...
 
Soumya Ramasubramanian said:
considering the fact that i am also a girl...and i have a younger SISTER..and both of us would unfortunately have to land up in someone else's house in a few years...and i do not at any cost want my parents to be alone and into old age home..that's why....
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What you wrote up there so reminds me of my sister and I. But what a way to put it "unfortunately have to land up" :). I admit i do have sleepless nights thinking about my parents many a night. Unfortunately in our culture girl's parents can't stay with them as many husbands would want their own parents to. What happens to people who have no sons?

I always pray that my parents should have a long healthy life and be fit. But if they must go, i'd much rather they go the way my paternal grandparents did. My late paternal grandfather at 78 or 79 after coming out of Tirupathi fell and passed away on the spot. Massive heart attack. No pain, no prolonging illness etc. Just on the spot, that too outside Thirupati temple. What a way to die eh?

I do apologise everyone digressing from old age homes to death. But yeah, this is how i pray my parents should go if they have to.
 
TSS, Soumya, amala,

come on guys. which century are you three living?

first of all, cut off the idea, that since you have no sons, you re going to abandon your parents or be abandoned in your old age.

in today's world, it is high time, you consider girls as equal to the boys, and quickly, very quickly, adjust your mindset.

soumya, i presume you will be educated, same as any boy, and having a job, earning a handsome salary. all this was done courtesy of your parents, who brought you into this world. you have as much right to take care of them, as your husband.

i am 61 years old, and living in canada. what i have found over a lifetime, is that the most peaceful households are those where the parents live with the daughter. mothers daughters may fight, but soon make up, and most often, nothing sticks. it is said that the mother daughter bond is the strongest bond of any two humans

soooooo, i think, the right attitude, is to live independently as long as the old people can. then move in with you, or near you.

i thought now a days, girls made it very clear, at the beginning of the marriage about such things. my only suggestion, is that marrying into any family or a guy with ideas like, 'boys families are superior', you give them a wide berth.

with today's sex ratio in favour of the girls, i think you will not have any problem finding spouses, who are liberated and have a fair mind when it comes to taking care of aged parents.

ok? :)

we have many friends here in toronto, who have the ladies' parents living with them. some have sons, others do not. my aunt, who passed away recently was taken care in her last years by her daughters, who took turns to have her. the dils and sons, could not be bothered.
 
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kunjuppu said:
TSS, Soumya, amala,come on guys. which century are you three living?first of all, cut off the idea, that since you have no sons, you re going to abandon your parents or be abandoned in your old age.in today's world, it is high time, you consider girls as equal to the boys, and quickly, very quickly, adjust your mindset.soumya, i presume you will be educated, same as any boy, and having a job, earning a handsome salary. all this was done courtesy of your parents, who brought you into this world. you have as much right to take care of them, as your husband. i am 61 years old, and living in canada. what i have found over a lifetime, is that the most peace households are those where the parents live with the daughter. mothers daughters may fight, but soon make up, and most often, nothing sticks. it is said that the mother daughter bond is the strongest bond of any two humanssoooooo, i think, the right attitude, is to live independently as long as the old people can. then move in with you, or near you. i thought now a days, girls made it very clear, at the beginning of the marriage about such things. my only suggestion, is that marrying into any family or a guy with ideas like, 'boys families are superior', you give them a wide berth.with today's sex ratio in favour of the girls, i think you will not have any problem finding spouses, who are liberated and have a fair mind when it comes to taking care of aged parents. ok? :)we have many friends here in toronto, who have the ladies' parents living with them. some have sons, others do not. my aunt, who passed away recently was taken care in her last years by her daughters, who took turns to have her. the dils and sons, could not be bothered.
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well i do not go with guys look after their parents or anything better than girls..its just that possibly i feel bad when everyone says you won't be there...you'll go away to some other house...so in a way that custom is stuck to ma head...ya hopefully sum sensible guy i gt..but besides tht as id tld bout ma aunt ryt...her daughter,very well educated..so is her husband...at the same time the aunt's son..in good post...so is his wife...all very much supposedly sensible people of THIS CENTURY ...and this is her condition...I'd rather stay and look after my parents...:):):)than landing up in a condition where i might not be able to help ma parents...if at all that happens ...(praying it doesnt)
 
Thanks for the immediate responses! Actually, I am not at all happy to leave my father in an old age home as I’m the only daughter to him. I have no other choice. I’m residing in Qatar with my husband. I came to India for my delivery & I delivered a boy baby.

My stay period has been expired & I have applied for stay extension. I cannot manage my little boy alone so I need my mother to help me. I don’t have any other person who will take care of my father. Just 2 months before he has undergone a surgery in his thigh so he cannot do his work on his own.

Just tell me who will accept to take care of my father in this condition… That is why I searched for an old age home with medical facility. I need that just for 6 Months and not more than that...

@ T.S.Sankara Narayanan: Sir, thanks for your kindness.. Hope you can understand my father’s health condition from my reply… So, he is not in a position to work. Thanks again..





 
Thank Shri Kunjuppu. I hope and pray you're right. But i dunno where these liberated men are, as I've unfortunately not had the luck of coming across them.

I got a recent proposal and this nutcase has an older brother and 2 sisters and told me point blank that he wants to "keep" his parents with him. I just asked him one question. "What about my parents"? The nutcase (im being polite here!) couldnt even answer me! So selfish. So yes i have to give a wide berth because my parents come 1st. I wouldn't be where i am and where I'll be going if its not for them.

Of course i don't mean that my parents will live with me or even want to. My dad always says no way jose. They are very independent and healthy touchwood. Like you and Mrs K and not like those needy parents in India (no offense). But if in future anything happens, i need to be ready to have them with me, no?
 
Do you know the nick names given to the boy's parents by modern girls? Not in any posh city like Mumbai / Delhi!

In villages in Kerala!

1. Luggage

2. Rahu Kethu

And sister(s) and brother(s) of the boy (if any) get the nick name 'attachments'. To scary to think!
 
amala said:
Thank Shri Kunjuppu. I hope and pray you're right. But i dunno where these liberated men are, as I've unfortunately not had the luck of coming across them.I got a recent proposal and this nutcase has an older brother and 2 sisters and told me point blank that he wants to "keep" his parents with him. I just asked him one question. "What about my parents"? The nutcase (im being polite here!) couldnt even answer me! So selfish. So yes i have to give a wide berth because my parents come 1st. I wouldn't be where i am and where I'll be going if its not for them.Of course i don't mean that my parents will live with me or even want to. My dad always says no way jose. They are very independent and healthy touchwood. Like you and Mrs K and not like those needy parents in India (no offense). But if in future anything happens, i need to be ready to have them with me, no?
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superb....love ur post....if it were for me id have very politely shown that guy the exit door...hahahaha..actually...such selfish guys should be like majorly eliminated like in one go...phuffffff...and all gone...wow...that'd be awesome...:):):)
 
Thank you Soumya. I know, i wish there were more of these liberated men that Shri Kunjuppu talks about. In fact Shri K, there are still "sinister forces" at play till this very day that do their best to hinder these liberated men from being liberated, even in this very forum!
 
Soumya Ramasubramanian said:
well i do not go with guys look after their parents or anything better than girls..its just that possibly i feel bad when everyone says you won't be there...you'll go away to some other house...so in a way that custom is stuck to ma head...ya hopefully sum sensible guy i gt..but besides tht as id tld bout ma aunt ryt...her daughter,very well educated..so is her husband...at the same time the aunt's son..in good post...so is his wife...all very much supposedly sensible people of THIS CENTURY ...and this is her condition...I'd rather stay and look after my parents...:):):)than landing up in a condition where i might not be able to help ma parents...if at all that happens ...(praying it doesnt)
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dear soumya,

welcome to the forum and active participation, i see from you. hope you stay with us.

i also see that you are of the 'cell phone' generation - pardon me, but treat this as a complement. your post, is just like the cell phone messages, my own children sent. phonetically correct, and would make 'wren and martin' weep. please dont ask who 'wren and martin' are :).

once again, life is what you make of it. if you stand firm by your values, knowing that they are correct, then you have nothing to fear.

have you seen the nike shoe ad? 'DO THE RIGHT THING'. that says it all, for life's values

best wishes...
 
amala said:
Thank you Soumya. I know, i wish there were more of these liberated men that Shri Kunjuppu talks about. In fact Shri K, there are still "sinister forces" at play till this very day that do their best to hinder these liberated men from being liberated, even in this very forum!
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amala,

i tell my children, 'if you have to be miserable, would you rather be miserable alone, or with someone who is miserable'. it is a choice that several times in our life, we have to make.

ofcourse there are no guarantees, but today, the reality is, i have several relatives, who have only one girl or two girls. they are perfectly happy without feeling the 'missing' son. many have sons, who are convinced, that these fellows will be useless when it comes to taking care of them, in their old age. maybe it is the fear of the dil, or just realization, that in today's world, there is little use depending on someone else for your welfare.

who knows the future? but what matters i think, is not to engage yourself in self destructing relationships. relationships where there is a basic conflict of values and expectations. i do not mean ic or ir relationships. those have a way of resolving themselves, because the two people involved, have invested so much of themselves in there. i know a few instances, where the aged parents live with the daughter married to an ic sil, whereas their own tambram sil did not want them.

the most important factor, is that you believe yourself, in your values. if you keep hearing, about 'going to someone else's house in the oldspeak', you can politely tell them that you do not wish to hear such granny quotes, and you are now a person with education, salary and life expectations/responsibilities of your own. even if this type of talk comes from your own parents. correct them. assure them that nothing is lost. not to lose hope. have faith in yourself. ok? you guys are just as good as any man. or maybe even better :)
 
Raji Ram said:
Do you know the nick names given to the boy's parents by modern girls? Not in any posh city like Mumbai / Delhi!

In villages in Kerala!

1. Luggage

2. Rahu Kethu

And sister(s) and brother(s) of the boy (if any) get the nick name 'attachments'. To scary to think!
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soumya, amala,

see!! this is the view from the other side. the young women of today have more power than ever before. even the prospective mils are shivering in the knickers :)

raji, i just quoted you, and no way meant you here. you are one sweet mil, for your lucky dil. :)
 
amala said:
....I got a recent proposal and this nutcase has an older brother and 2 sisters and told me point blank that he wants to "keep" his parents with him. I just asked him one question. "What about my parents"? The nutcase (im being polite here!) couldnt even answer me! So selfish.
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Dear Amala, leave this guy out, let us talk in general terms.

Some of these fellows are probably concerned the girl might be too bossy with his parents and so want to show a little preemptive braggadocio. In reality he may turn out to be quite a reasonable and loving husband.

If you ask him a blunt question like "What about my parents?" there is no way for you to know how sincere his answer really is. Out of the silly braggadocio he may say no way, even though in reality he may be quite loving and accommodating once he becomes the husband. On the other hand, a fellow who says of course, may turn out to be a real rascal.

So, how can we tell?

I would suggest you talk to him about the kind of movies he likes, what books he likes, and who he voted for in the last election. These kinds of questions may be more indicative of what kind of a husband he is likely to be than a blunt and direct question that stumps the guy.

Also, these days it is probably a good idea to interview the boy's mother to see her personality. If you find the mother is overbearing the chances are, even if the boy wants to be reasonable, he will always be torn between தாயா தாரமா.

You are probably doing all this already, silly me blabbering away :)

any way, happy hunting amala and soumya....
 
Nara said:
Dear Amala, leave this guy out, let us talk in general terms.Some of these fellows are probably concerned the girl might be too bossy with his parents and so want to show a little preemptive braggadocio. In reality he may turn out to be quite a reasonable and loving husband.If you ask him a blunt question like "What about my parents?" there is no way for you to know how sincere his answer really is. Out of the silly braggadocio he may say no way, even though in reality he may be quite loving and accommodating once he becomes the husband. On the other hand, a fellow who says of course, may turn out to be a real rascal.So, how can we tell?I would suggest you talk to him about the kind of movies he likes, what books he likes, and who he voted for in the last election. These kinds of questions may be more indicative of what kind of a husband he is likely to be than a blunt and direct question that stumps the guy.Also, these days it is probably a good idea to interview the boy's mother to see her personality. If you find the mother is overbearing the chances are, even if the boy wants to be reasonable, he will always be torn between தாயா தாரமா.You are probably doing all this already, silly me blabbering away :)any way, happy hunting amala and soumya....
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thankyou for the wishes...i still have a lot of time to actually start hunting..im living a very happy life...i dont want to destroy it by choosing to die soon by getting married...
 
kunjuppu said:
soumya, amala,see!! this is the view from the other side. the young women of today have more power than ever before. even the prospective mils are shivering in the knickers :)raji, i just quoted you, and no way meant you here. you are one sweet mil, for your lucky dil. :)
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atleast it is just nickname given...we dont hurt them on their face...like the majority of guy's parents do...big time losers ill call all of them...aged 50 - 60 or above and shamelessly bossing around...just because the girl is sweet enough not to fight back doesnt mean that she ain't powerful...it's just that she is way too sweet and bearing everything...And its not just the guy's parents...usually it's the whole package of the guy who is tail of his mother,the mother,and sisters...huh...where and all God got the idea to create specimens like this i wonder.Such sort of bad impact from our own ancestors only have made the girls powerful..there's nothing wrong in that...to tackle such sort of mother's tail guys and to tackle such mother in laws who forget the fact that once upon a time they were a daughter in law too ..for this only God is making modern girls smarter and better than guys...and nothing wrong in that..all those who think they can dominate over their daughter in law should be put through this situation..then only they'll learn a lesson ..
 
Soumya Ramasubramanian said:
thankyou for the wishes...i still have a lot of time to actually start hunting..im living a very happy life...i dont want to destroy it by choosing to die soon by getting married...
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soumay, yes i agree, life can be hell with the wrong guy.

choose carefully choose good. choose heaven. on earth. :)

btw no time is as good as now. dont procrastinate. time is the thief of life. we old fogeys are only too aware of that. marry young. mother when young. :)
 
nara,

re your post #20

i have some doubts, that once married, such guys as you describe will change. nothing changes, is what i have found.

the old adage, once married everything sorts itself out, i think has worked against the interest of the woman. they have been the ones who have compromised. hopefully not anymore, and which is what is now a shock injected to boys and their mothers with 20th century values.

we as grown ups, should discourage our friends from such behaviours. too sad, i see young mothers in their 30s, having an only son, and so much into their son, that it is yechhhhh even to see the display of affection. i shudder at what type of guys these kids will grow up to, and even more shudder at the girls they end up marrying.
 
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