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Kalyaanatthai Panni Paaru!!!

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Read this article and please leave your valuable comments.

I am sure that all of you who have experienced the challenging moments would agree with my views.
It’s very important to plan everything in advance. I know that parents would have struggled hard to raise their children. If it is a female child, the responsibilities are even heavier. In a typical BRAHMIN marriage, it’s the groom’s side that conducts the ENGAGEMENT and not the bride’s family. However, when it comes to the WEDDING, a BIGGER occasion, it’s the bride’s family that takes on the responsibilities including VARADAKSHANAI. I am sure its very less in Brahmin Community than in other Communities. However giving VARADHAKSHANAI or Demaning VARADHAKSHANAI is a Crime as per law. It would be great if Parents of Groom understands the position of the Bride's side then the Married life of the Bride and Groom would be Plesant. It makes me think, why not both families share equally to ease the pressure on the girl’s side considering the present cost of living? I don’t know how many people would agree with my thoughts, however it is just my opinion. Nevertheless, hats off to all PARENTS who manage to successfully conduct the wedding of their children.

PARENTS, for sure need to plan everything in advance and put all information into writing. All the requirements and the options should be written down.

The foremost step is to search for a suitable groom or bride. These days, parents are so lucky to have numerous MATRIMONIAL SITES and other sources available to select from.

• Book a MARRIAGE HALL or HOTEL as early as possible, due to an increased demand in present times. It’s safe to book a hall one or one and half years in advance to ensure that you get a spacious hall with nice ambience and ample parking space. Your first burden will be relieved.

• The next important thing is to book a CATERER. Good food complements a good wedding. When you get good comments from the guests, then that marriage is considered to be a successful one. Once a caterer is booked, gain confirmation and offer a token advance. I have met people who didn’t pay an advance and consequently lost a good caterer. Paying the advance fee will not harm you in anyway. Anyhow, you are going to pay after the function gets over, so it is a much safer option.

Marriage is once in a life time occasion. We spend a lot in our everyday life, yet we hesitate to spend a little extra for a wedding. I believe that we need to be a bit more flexible in order to make the wedding a memorable one.

Now, the marriage hall and catering of the function has been booked. What will be next?

• Now it is time to look for quality professionals in the field of MANGALA VAATHIYAM, PHOTO & VIDEO, WEBCASTING, MUSIC and DECORATORS. Photography and video are very important for any occasion. If catering gets you appreciation for those two auspicious days, then it is the photography that provides you with memories to cherish for many years.

So be smart and book photo and video coverage, music orchestra, decorations and mangala vaathiyam 4 months before the event for quality output.

I have met people who say photography is not important. I completely disagree. Photography plays a vital role in any function. Hope you agree with me on that point.

Kindly pay professionals a TOKEN ADVANCE, so as to get relieved from your responsibilities.

•So, now its time to PRINT the WEDDING CARDS. Choose a good showroom for your wedding cards. Make sure that the cards are distributed one month before the wedding, as people tend to forget. As people feel urgency in everything, we need to go accordingly and make the wedding an unforgettable one, to stay in our heart and mind forever.

I have thought many a times how it would look like when names of mandapams, caterers, decorators, photographers, orchestra and contributors are printed on the card. It is up to you to decide what to print and what not to include.
Make sure that whatever and whoever you select, is the best.

Everything has been arranged, and the big occasion, the WEDDING DAY has arrived. Floods of people are pouring in, with the MANGALA VAATHIYAM filling the MARRIAGE HALL. The great moment arrives, the culmination of all the efforts, the “ 3 knots”. As the nears and dears bless the married couple with "akshadai" and the gods bless from the heavens, it really gives a sensational feeling, doesn't it? It's like being in heaven isn't it? It’s no wonder they say, “Marriages are made in heaven”.

I have thought many a times how it would look like when names of mandapams, caterers, decorators, photographers, orchestra and contributors are printed on the card. It is up to you to decide what to print and what not to include.
Make sure that whatever and whoever you select, is the best.



great idea to include the names of the caterer, vaathyams, and also (why not) the vathiyar's names on the invitations. :)

As one who has conducted about half a dozen girls’ weddings in the 60s & 70s, I can only say that things have improved a 100 fold these days.

To start off, the existence of the wedding planner is a boon. This event planner guy or gal, is god sent ie to take care of 100s of small details – starting from the greeters, to planning the menu (suggestions) and also avoid the hassle of buying the groceries.

In my times, we used to contract the grocery to the provision store, who used to deliver them per the cooks’ demands and then take back what is not used. It was a matter of blind trust.

Then for seer, we had to invite mamis and paattis, and feed them for days, while they made mess of your kitchen, washroom and the backyard. Nowadays, all we need to do is to phone ‘grand sweets’ and such like and get it delivered the day prior to wedding.

Varadakshinai is illegal per law. But there are other ways of skinning the cat. There are still remnants of the old garbage, who want a bulova watch or scooter or car or a flat or money to set up medical practice. Not many these days, because the girls are now a permanent source of dowry income – for life. Why bother with a lumpsome?

While the expense for the sari is encountered immediately prior to the function, many families spend their lifetime savings, building up the jewellery loot. I think it is a crime these days, not to share the cost of jewellery, considering the daily upward price movement of gold.

Maybe the boys should start paying varadakshninai for the wedding ‘incidental’ expenses.

All in all, when there is money to splurge, wedding can be considered a happy event ‘made in heaven’. Otherwise, it can also turn into ‘one hell of an experience’ for the girls’ side who are forced to resort to debt financing serviced over a period of years. all to pay for 24 hours of merry making.
Kalyaanatthai Panni Paaru

Hello Sir,
You are a Wonderful man. Thanks for ur initiative in helping to get my life partner. Thanks for ur comments on Kalyaanatthai Panni Paaru. Valid point told by u, to include Vaathiyaar's name. I missed out, sure will include. Thanks for you wishes on my business. Nowadays its difficult to get brahmin girl for brahmin boy, bcos brahmin girls marrying non brahmins. Its good , but what about brahmin boys.... hahahah. !



It is true that we tambrams have a low opinion of our cooks and even vathiyars.

In the movie nala damayanthi, the madhavan character rightly brings out the agonies and feelings of the cooks – when he mentions that his own fellow Brahmins avoided him, because he was a cook and he ‘smelled’ (including the girl grew up with him in the village), whereas this strange Australian tamil srilankan Christian girl, not only welcomed him, but drew him into holding both his hands close to her, while riding pillion, the first time.

We have a lot to learn from other folks re prejudices and how to get rid of our mental hangups.
.......... Nowadays its difficult to get brahmin girl for brahmin boy, bcos brahmin girls marrying non brahmins. Its good , but what about brahmin boys.... hahahah. !




i am only too aware of this situation. this forum has had numerous posts about this issue and also advertisemets from bachelors like yourself.

there is no one reason, but the sum of all put together, works against a tambram boy from thirty onwards. if he has not found a tambram girl by then, it becomes progressively difficult.

have you ever considered a NB girl? i am quite sure, in your line of business, you meet lots of them as employees and such. once in a while, i am quite sure, there is a gem - someone smart and with a business sense, who appreciates you, and would be a good partner not only in life, but also in your business.

i would suggest, if you dont mind, if you find someone like that, to ignore the caste factor, and propose to her.

after the initial bit of eyebrow raises, things settle down, and it is regular couple life like any other couple.

to give you a comparable example: someone asked barack obama, as to how he felt being the first black president of the usa.

pat came the reply, that the novelty was there for the first day. after that it was business as usual, and people expected him to be the president and NOT the black president. same for you - you need a good wife and partner B or NB - whichever comes first.

best wishes...
You are spot on. I am not against any caste. Most of my friends are Non Brahmin, I proudly tell my friends that am a Brahmin and also my friends praise brahmins, its shame that we brahmins dont have respect within ourselves. Pls dont get offended. Am not against brahmins, but against their evil mind. But in one way i should say its a revolution. If brahmin boy marrying a brahmin girl and vice versa we all should welcome it. Only because of my parents am thinking, otherwise as u rightly said, I would like to hav not just life partner, but better half who willl share everything with me..

Man proposes God Disposes and vice versa.
Man proposes God Disposes and vice versa.


this particular statement is a 'cop out'. there is no such thing like this, i believe.

we act, and we face the consequences of our actions.

the only person that matters is YOU. if you have no objection to a NB spouse, you shoud open your eyes and do the follow ups.

the parents are here, and they are gone tomorrow. YOU are the one who has LIVE, and you are still in the prime of your life. do not worry about the parents.

i have a cousin here, who was helping out his mother, taking care of the father with a debilitating disease. he postponed his marriage because the mother needed help, and the siblings were in other towns, and could not be on hand.

through e-matrimony he met a girl. not our caste. not our religion. not our race. not our country. BUT she understood the circumstances, stood by him, comforted and companioned him for 5 years when there was no hope of a future.

then, the father died. soon after they married. both are in early 40s, and expecting their first baby in a couple of months.

ram, there is much more to investing your life in an understanding and appreciative girl, whether she wears the caste mark or not.

only you can tell what is good for you. not me. not the forum. not your parents.

take ownership of your life dear friend, and proceed with courage. you will find it easier than imagined, and above all, there is a pleasure in the hunt, that no words can explain.

God Bless.
Well said. I have been a member in facebook too. getting more friends. I have been trying to get one as my life partner. Soon i will get with God blessings. Whether B or NB, absolutely i believe in good person. So lets hope for the best. thanks for ur pleasing and motivating words.

Hi Ramki!

If you are able to read Tamil fonts, you are welcome to view pages 7 to 11 in my thread

'eNNa alaigaL' in the literature section! Two of my experiences are given in 'kavithai' form.

Raji Ram
hello!. Sure, i will check your thread and give my comments. of course i can read tamizh.

thanks for ur response.

This day everything is business. The bride seeks a groom who earns one lakh per month, of course some ask for Rs50,000.(We are paying for matrimonial sites from Rs 10,000) The bride wish to have the amount why a groom should not ask for Dowry! The wife is going to get the dowry of Rs50,000 to one lakh per month, a big bungalow, a car why can not she deposit few thousan rupees as dowry? When the bride floats her name in the web, she pays more than Rs10,000 or till she gets a boy of her choice. When she pays a huge amount for everything what is a harm in paying a small amount for dresses?

Today's betrothal ceremony min.costs Rs 200000. This amount is spent by the groom's side

On those days relatives assemble and cook themselves for marriages.Vegetable and fruits were available where they lived and they need not go here and there for procuring vegetables, fruits, betel leaves etc.,. But to day? The prohits were within their family and no dhakshina as people said it is a holy occasion and we are not to collect any sambhavanai. The big house in the village was given as free of cost and the neighborhoods accommodated the visitors at free of cost. No drink party was allowed for the groom's friends But to day they organize Drink parties for the friend's of the groom at hotels / Bars and meals (Non - Veg) supplied at the hotel.

If the same girl is voluntarily approached by a groom's side and if she is not with Perasai, and ready to work with the groom and share his joys and sorrows I am sure the life of the family will set an example to others.

All are business and every one wish to pick a straw from the hut which they can chew.
Since the marriage is business the brides and grooms seeks Life partners, companions etc., I am yet to find a profile that seek soul mate. Both the bride and groom can enter in a partnership to run a business titled Family. and at the time of marriage they can register their wishes and in the event of non fulfilling the requirements the marriage lock can be broken in the name of divorce! The life partner title will not suit here as it is only a partnership, which I am afraid will not last long as it is only a partnership. Instead of marriage registration this can be titled as company registration, where marriage is a ceremony under a title "Family."
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