jokes

[N. Sridhar]

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Laughter, the Best Medicine

American: "In our country 90% of the marriages are made through e-mail!"
Indian: "In India, 100% of the marriages are made with females!"

Boss: Where were you born ?
Indian : India.
Boss : which part ?
Indian : What! Which part? The Whole body, of course!


Man : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Man: Very surprising! Your car can start with the TEA. In my country all the cars can start with petrol only.


Abdul was busy removing a wheel from his auto (Three wheel taxi).
Badrul: "Why are you removing a wheel from your auto?"
Abdul: "Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler!"


Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Candidate: 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
Candidate: Every year, of course!.


Two Pakistanis were fixing a bomb in a car.
# 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
# 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

On a romantic day, the girlfriend asked boy friend, "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring".
Boy Friend: "Yes sure, from landline or mobile!"

New employee on the first day of work, worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what he was whole evening.
New Employee: "Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright!"
An employee sends an email letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary……

Dear Bo$$,

In this life, we all need something most desperately. I think you
should be under standing the needs of workers , I am sure you will
guess what I mean and respond as soon as possible .

Yours sincerely,
Employee


The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: Dear Employee

I kNO w you have been working very hard NOwadays, NOthing much has
changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing
NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the news paper is saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NO t sure
if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember Presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean . I kNOw you
are smart eNOugh.

Yours truly,
Manager

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you
have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will
you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2,
how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

An angry Teacher: Where the in hell do you get seven from ?

Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a cat at home!!!

 

[manoharkumar]

Awful Neighbours!

There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads.

Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked a day in her life. Her bad-tempered husband is notorious for his racist comments.

A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son's ex-wife and her boyfriend, but nothing has ever been proved.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thinks is gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. They are both out of control.

It is not known if they have the same father.

God I hate living next to Buckingham Palace!

 

[manoharkumar]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”


A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
Mummy you know what happened in school today?
Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet.
All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming.
Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."