Is our community under siege

[vgane]

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A few days back my niece (Tamil Iyer) who is well educated told her parents from Bangalore that she has fell in love with a Keralite Christian boy, her class mate & would like to marry her..Her father immediately agreed without batting an eyelid...Surprisingly in the last 10 years almost 75% of his (girls father)relatives have married outside the Iyer community including other religions....My question to this forum is:
1. Are we in a siege
2. Have we become wayward & have no care for our community,religion and moral values?
2. Is this tendency maore in Non Tamil nadu metro areas where we have lost touch with tradition and culture?
3. Is our Tamil Brahmin society itself to be blamed for this...Are there no such brahmin associations in major metros such as Bangalore, Hyderabad, New Delhi who can work on this?
I think by becoming wayward & not caring for our own community we would face the same fate as the Parsis who are on the verge of extinction
Regards,
vgane

 

[kunjuppu]

A few days back my niece (Tamil Iyer) who is well educated told her parents from Bangalore that she has fell in love with a Keralite Christian boy, her class mate & would like to marry her..Her father immediately agreed without batting an eyelid...Surprisingly in the last 10 years almost 75% of his (girls father)relatives have married outside the Iyer community including other religions....My question to this forum is:

Vgane, is it possible that the parents knew of the affair before just ‘a few days’? I cannot believe any parent agreeing to something so relevant as marriage, without ‘batting an eyelid’. I suspect that they were aware for quite some time.

1. Are we in a siege

.The most common meaning for siege, is as per online dictionary, ‘the act or process of surrounding and attacking a fortified place in such a way as to isolate it from help and supplies, for the purpose of lessening the resistance of the defenders and thereby making capture possible’ So not sure if anyone is attacking us to decimate us. I think the affairs of the heart, are now more prevalent, due to changed conditions in society

2. Have we become wayward & have no care for our community,religion and moral values?

I think we care for the essentials, and maybe not for the superficial trappings which do not make sense any more. Though some of us appear to be still clinging to concepts as sahagothra or horoscope matching. It is suprising, that I know of cases where parents are so intransigient in 100% match, only to find that their ward has his/her heart elsewhere.

2. Is this tendency maore in Non Tamil nadu metro areas where we have lost touch with tradition and culture?

Could be true. All the ‘outside of tambram’ marriages in my extended family has been outside of tamil nadu.

3. Is our Tamil Brahmin society itself to be blamed for this...Are there no such brahmin associations in major metros such as Bangalore, Hyderabad, New Delhi who can work on this?
I think by becoming wayward & not caring for our own community we would face the same fate as the Parsis who are on the verge of extinction
Regards,
vgane

I think these are private affairs of individuals, and there is no place in it for community organizations. There is every chance that these morph into mini talibans, and become guardians of ‘morality’, which always tend to support reactionary tendencies and values. I know of tamil associations (predominantly tambram) in ahmedabad and places like that, but that was in the 1950s. the children of those born there have no interest in narrow tamil only culture orientation. They are more cosmopolitan, and tend to view the state where they grew up, as their own.

 

[vgane]

Dear Shri Kulnjuppu,
You have outrighly rejected my agony as a private affair...It is surprising that we still have not learnt the lessons from the past...We feel that so long it does not affect us let us chant "Namakken Vandadu"...This is not going to help us..If we are unable to meet the aspirations of our youngsters then we elders are to be blamed
Regards,
Vgane

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Sri. vgane,

I can understand your anguish. Time and again people come to this forum with this kind of anguish. They seek answers.

I am the only one who has voted in your poll as "I STRONGLY DISAGREE". The reason why there are few responses is that these points that you have raised have been discussed over and over again in this forum.

Please find these discussions and go through them before reaching any conclusion.

These discussions which will take quite some time to go through, will not provide answers to all your questions. But it will make you understand how these problems are faced by others also. You may find your answers in some of the responses.

 

[Brahmanyan]

A few days back my niece (Tamil Iyer) who is well educated told her parents from Bangalore that she has fell in love with a Keralite Christian boy, her class mate & would like to marry her..Her father immediately agreed without batting an eyelid...Surprisingly in the last 10 years almost 75% of his (girls father)relatives have married outside the Iyer community including other religions....My question to this forum is:
1. Are we in a siege
2. Have we become wayward & have no care for our community,religion and moral values?
2. Is this tendency maore in Non Tamil nadu metro areas where we have lost touch with tradition and culture?
3. Is our Tamil Brahmin society itself to be blamed for this...Are there no such brahmin associations in major metros such as Bangalore, Hyderabad, New Delhi who can work on this?
I think by becoming wayward & not caring for our own community we would face the same fate as the Parsis who are on the verge of extinction
Regards,
vgane

Dear Sri"vgane",

You have raised very pertinent questions again. We have seen several questions on the same subject placed before the Tamil Brahmins Forum time and again. Till recently we had a lively discussion on the same subject in the Thread " Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys". Many members have contributed their valuable opinions in this thread and the thread was closed on 27.10.2010 by Forum Management after receiving Posts # 1133. I request you to go through the same and continue with your observations if any.

I have also given my opinions in Posts #06/03.04.2008, #16/05.04.2008, #17/05.04.2008, #19/06.04.2008, #52/12.04.2008, in the above thread.

I shall try to join the discussion after reading the opinions of other learned members.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[sangom]

Shri Gane,

Girls, and more especially Tabra girls, are enjoying their new-found freedom now, it seems. Cinema, TV and exchange of ideas among friends, colleagues at the workplace etc., add to and give shape to the ideas of girls about their husbands-to-be. And it seems that Tabra boys do not rank high in terms of their expectations. One probable reason - which I heard as a casual remark of a girl - is that they would not get back into yet another tabra household with the age-old mil-dil equations and all.

All these and many other aspects have been discussed in the thread referred to by Shri Brahmanyan. I am only giving a few of the causes.

It looks to me that the so-called "traditional" values of Tabras do no longer interest some of our girls. They look at the daughters in the more forward-looking Tabra households which allow more freedom to their daughters even in selecting their life partners. But while the freedom itself acts as sufficient fresh air for the latter and many of them choose Brahman boys from different regions also perhaps, the girls from the more conservative households think that selecting a non-Brahman boy will be a "bold-statement" on their part.

There is a case of one Tabra youth (male about 27) earning more than a lakh per month who tried his best to get "acquainted" with a Tabra girl and then marry her. He miserably failed though there are many friends of his from Tabra households and he comes across many people including girls in the course of his working life. At last he had to settle for a traditional marriage. I take this as an indication of (1) Tabra girls not preferring the love marriage, (2) Tabra girls not preferring Tabra boys as lover, and, (3) this particular boy being unable to "impress" any Tabra girl to love him.

 

[kunjuppu]

Gane,

If you read through brahmanyan’s link, you will find a very interesting and somewhat tumultuous thread. I am there everywhere along with many of the forum members here.

I do not want to regurgitate what has been written before, but I cannot but emphasize that a community cannot grow by shrinking. Nowhere in that mentioned thread, I advocated IC marriages, but I always maintain that unless we accept IC marriages as a reality to stay, and unless we welcome the other caste/state/religion bride/groom into our fold, we are in danger of losing our numbers and with it our identity.

Any community needs a critical mass to thrive. Tambrams are in the midst of one of the greatest migrations across countries. The only way we can maintain/increase our numbers in tamil nadu is to welcome newcomers. After all, maybe a few millenniums ago, we too were newcomers to the concept of tamil Brahmins.

I will also have to say, that mine was a lone voice (Nara only supporter). So as far as I can see, we are in for a decline. Rapidly too. The siege, I think, comes from our mindset. And not from any external threats.