gratitude is a very tough concept to comprehend. let me give a life story somewhat personally tinged. it is just a story, but what i find interesting is where to draw the line re gratitude.
my own father was born posthumously. his mother died when he was 3. he was brought up by his uncle, in a household of about 40, including several orphaned cousins, widowed aunts etc by the one and only uncle. on high school graduation, due to some influence, the uncle procurred for my dad, room board education at psg institute peelamedu kovai.
in short had it not been for his uncle, dad would have been in the streets or an orphanage.
when he was seeking out his career, the uncle called him aside, and out of my dead paternal grandfather's cash estate (only cash was there), counted and gave him a sum of money, equidivided between dad & his brothers, after deducting for expenses incurred while dad was in his uncle's house (i dont know what those expenses were and it did not matter to my dad).
the uncle was a demi god to my dad and i myself was the uncle's pet, as he lived close to my own maternal grandparents.
years rolled by and i was ready for marriage. the uncle proposed one of his grand daughters, which my father accepted. as i was in canada, during my visit home, dad told me about this committment, and to him it was not only an honour, but a fitting act of gratitude to the man who gave him his life, and indirectly mine.
i refused. i knew the family too well, and wanted someone unrelated unknown and someone older with a mind of her own.
also she was 10 years younger than me, 18, just finished high school, and my dad arguement was that i could mould her to whatever i wanted, as she was still a child. i looked upon this as an additonal burden to mentor the growth of another human, at a stage of my life, when all i wanted was partnership, equality and friend. i did not want to be a guide, tutor and mentor.
it broke my father's already sick heart and for 2 years there was hardly any communication between him and me. the next visit, as a praayaschiththam, mom pointed a girl, and i accepted. but i could guess dad had his deep disappointments.
it is more than 34 years this happened, and dad mom long gone. i have always wondered where this concept of gratitude ended.
it is easy, if someone lends you money, you return it, you lend him money at another time, and he returns it. all even.
but in cases like this, does not gratitude is handed as an obligation to the next generation? we must remember that dad is a product of 1924 and all this uncle's home stay happened in 30s and 40s. he had virtually no one in the world to take care of him, as his two older brothers were also in the same boat.
i still have a soft heart for dad's uncles children and visit them in chennai when i am able to and keep in touch through facebook. so there is no hard feelings. the girl planned for me, is now a grand mother, for she was married off to someone in india and no more is heard of her.
gratitude. dad felt in my refusal, he had not exhibited gratitude to his uncle, who had in all these years, asked him, only this one favour.
Gratitude...It's a tricky concept!!
As a mere human we got to pull on as long as we are not really deceiving some one and be in peace.
..As a mere human we got to pull on as long as we are not really deceiving some one and be in peace.
Sri. Ravi, Greetings.
I know what you mean. But in some cases what happens if we deceive ourselves? Can we keep on giving?
Let me provide couple of examples... Very regular strory.. this guy or girl toils in Gulf Countries and send money back to India. After a couple of decades finds out her near and dear bought properties on their names... the person who toiled left with nothing!
one more example... வேலியே பயிர் மேய்ந்த கதையாக.... if a person got deceived by his/her own parents, then what is the point? If that person if continues to give, then wouldn't that person be deceiving himself/herself?
In some exceptions, people don't go through usual experiences.
Cheers!
I have always thought that gratitude and being grateful and thankful to people who help you especially in times of need is of utpmost importance. Of course having said that, there is a difference between you personally showing your gratitude compared to passing the buck and obligation to your children and expecting them to sacrifice on your behalf.
In my personal experience, there are far too many ingrates around. I have learnt to think ten times before going to someones rescue or helping people out of kindness because they generally tend to drop you like hot potato and start canoodling with their tormentors and you end up with a bad name and lose close friends in the process of helping someone else no less! Thats gratitude for you. I have definitely learnt to be more cynical and shrewd (unfortunately) rather than wade in the quicksand and end up getting pushed in instead.
Sri. Ravi, Greetings.
I refer to your message in post #8. Very good message. I may differ with one or two minor points, but the message in essence is very good!:thumb:
Cheers!
I have always thought that gratitude and being grateful and thankful to people who help you especially in times of need is of utpmost importance. Of course having said that, there is a difference between you personally showing your gratitude compared to passing the buck and obligation to your children and expecting them to sacrifice on your behalf.
In my personal experience, there are far too many ingrates around. I have learnt to think ten times before going to someones rescue or helping people out of kindness because they generally tend to drop you like hot potato and start canoodling with their tormentors and you end up with a bad name and lose close friends in the process of helping someone else no less! Thats gratitude for you. I have definitely learnt to be more cynical and shrewd (unfortunately) rather than wade in the quicksand and end up getting pushed in instead.
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