Srinivasan,
I think, our community has not fully yet evolved into the concept of absolute equality for men and women, and this is hitting the boys harder than the girls.
Let me explain.
About 50 years ago, from 1950s onwards, we, as a community, I don’t know why, and it doesn’t matter now, opted for small families as a result of which, a good number ended up with girls only households. Unlike the previous generations where girls were, from the time of birth, were ‘prepared’ for marriage, by gradual accumulation of gold and paraphernalia, and education only upto what is ‘sought after’ at the ‘market marriage’ of the time, we treated the girls equivalent to our sons, in terms of education and post education employment.
Within a generation, we broke millenniums based funda rule ie the place of woman in the tambram society. We gave birth to a generation, where our girls excelled in education and in many cases, were able to compete with and beat the boys in their hitherto preserve in the job market. Thus unleashing a confidence, a power, self confidence, pride and above all, financial independence.
Unfortunately, neither the girls or the boys mindset has moved this fast, though it is also moving, I think, in the right direction. I find it unsettling, that a tambram girl, still expects a husband, to earn more than her, more educated than her etc. all those values should have gone out of the window, the minute she started working at the same level of the guys. if we take the employment status of the boy as a filter, and if the boys had no hangups about which of the spouses earned more, that would be a first step towards, acceptance of equality of the sexes.
Next comes the attitude of boy’s parents. Today’s daughters in law, are not there to take care of the boys’ parents. Many of them are products of girls’ only families, and it is only fair, and also reality, that these would like to support their own parents, or subsidize their standard of living. This means a fundamental mind set change on boys’ side, as it appears the girls’ side are already in the groove here. I have seen abusive statements about girls and parents from boys’ parents, and it has always been those, who feel that their entitlements have been deprived. Except that the world has changed, and just like in other areas, the world is flatter than ever and those who do not acknowledge it, are bound to fume and self destruct.
to sum up, it is neither avaathum or azhivathum pennaley. that may be old speak. today, aavathu or azhivathu, depends on both of the spouses. and maybe add the parents too
). In common entrance exams there is more room for originality and thinking out of the box and boys seem to have an edge over the girls in these areas.
