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folks who gave up family for love; and the other way around

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kunjuppu

Well-known member
http://tamilo.com/2011Tamil%20TVShow/Neeya%20Naana/11/Neeya%20NaanaNov6.html

a very interesting episode of neeya naana.

could not believe that in one instance for same castc marriage, the girl, was declared officially dead by the family, who conducted the last rites and closed the book on her.

reminded me of a relative of mine who did the same 30+ years ago - my girl cousin ran away with her neighbour, and the father made a scene, cleaned the house with cow dung and all that stuff. met this girl + hubby after 30 years, two grown up children both married, and all living in posh houses in mumbai. doing business. :)

enjoy! for sheer entertainment only ofcourse :)
 
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Raghy

Well-known member
Sri.Kunjuppu, Greetings.

Thanks for posting the episode. It was quite interesting. There was one couple who faced difficulties just because they fell in love with each other. The girl was declared 'dead'!; interesting information was, she fell in love with a guy in the same caste too!

I don't know the present situation; in the yester years, marriage was denied just because the alliance was not arranged by the parents. But if the youngsters were bold enough to go ahead, bold enough to stay around as a challenge were given hard time. Somehow, the parents 'believed' they 'owned' their children; they could not digest it if the children brought forward their own wishes.
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
raghy,

dont know how much it has changed in the villages. in the urban areas all is game. atleast it seems to me, though in the tv show opposition appears to be strong in the city and in the country. it was poignant that the girl who admitted to being a brahmin, confessed to a difficult marriage and gutsy to stick with it.

karu palaniappan was fabulous in his interpretation of a value re love and life. also very interesting his own personal story re marrying a malayali. i have come to be addicted to this new crop of tamil directors palaniappan, cheran, sankar, murugadoss et al. these guys are so intelligent and also savvy enough to translate values into moving pictures, without the melodrama and pathos of old time tamil movies. there is only so much tears of kannamba or sowcar that one can take. life is not that much sorrow to begin with.

back to reality..

all my relatives whose kids married brahmins, were grateful to the kids, gods and circumstances, for putting them off a self inflicted misery. surprisingly, all my nieces nephews in chennai married only tambrams, the past 5 years. dont know if there is a swing to conservatism or just good meeting points or fear of disownment from family wealth.

outside of chennai and in the north, different story. almost all married dhal folks, malayalis or other castes. one married a sikh, and all my uncles wore the turban or covered the head as per sikh custom, the aunties covered their hair with handkerchiefs, and the groom grew a week's beard :) didnt see these dance the bhangra or enjoy a glass of whiskey though it is possible they requested no pix of those be taken.

by that standards, my kids, grown up in canada, take it for granted to chose their own. all our tambram and other indian friends kids do the same. no parental interference here, though parents may give an opinion, they do not have veto powers like india. probably it is the same for your kids growing up in oz. for me, i have found, it removes a big baaram from my head.

different world. different value systems. all for the better. i think. here in the west.
 
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tbs

Well-known member
hi K sir
Thank u so much....i gone through same situation in my real life.....im the only child of widowed mother from pattar family....

i loved a telugu brahmin girl more than 10 yrs.....we both want to convince both families....it never happened...a typical

******* situations.....now both are different ways.....i think both tried to be happy....im not telling that both are really

happy..............i left india to USA more than ten years ago.....becoz i dont want disturb her life......i cried many times

while watching this episode....still crying....a big pain in heart....not a single word to explain this pain....only to be

experienced............thank u so much....i like the brahmin girl's strong conviction....the boy from UK....still typical indian in nature...

regards
tbs
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
hi K sir
Thank u so much....i gone through same situation in my real life.....im the only child of widowed mother from pattar family....

i loved a telugu brahmin girl more than 10 yrs.....we both want to convince both families....it never happened...a typical

******* situations.....now both are different ways.....i think both tried to be happy....im not telling that both are really

happy..............i left india to USA more than ten years ago.....becoz i dont want disturb her life......i cried many times

while watching this episode....still crying....a big pain in heart....not a single word to explain this pain....only to be

experienced............thank u so much....i like the brahmin girl's strong conviction....the boy from UK....still typical indian in nature...

regards
tbs

dear tbs,

no words. take care. fondly...yours
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
maybe its time to share another story!

it happened about 15 years ago, in toronto, during one of tambrams gettogether, one occassion or the other, which i forget.

all i remember was a wide open bar, and this gentleman, a tambram, 10 years my senior sharing some of his private moments with me.

we were talking of youth love... and he, brought up in calcutta, was telling me of his love for this bengali girl. very much in love, he naively approached his father for his blessing.

the physical and verbal assault that followed, he weeped as he described. cowed by the ferociousness of the parental assault, and immiediately packed off to trivandrum, where his uncle had a girl waiting for him (no relation), penn paarkkal, and marriage within months, all the while banished to deep south.

40 years later he still grieved his lost bengali love. he never was allowed to visit calcutta again..the path from trivandrum went to delhi and then canada..with an ever watchful eagle eyed spouse behind his back....

some years later, i brought up this story..and the man feigned ignorance. honesty is a commodity that we can ill afford to repeat. particularly those of the kind, that conflict with our inherited values... i guess.

:)
 

tbs

Well-known member
dear tbs,

no words. take care. fondly...yours
thank u so much for ur kind words.....its big pain.....never recovery from pain...but still life goes on.....suicide is not a real

solution.....but stilll i feel like death like situation....love is sweet....யார் பிரிந்தாலும் வேதனை பாதி ....

regards
tbs
 
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renuka

Well-known member
thank u so much for ur kind words.....its big pain.....never recovery from pain...but still life goes on.....suicide is not a real

solution.....but stilll i feel like death like situation....love is sweet....யார் பிரிந்தாலும் வேதனை பாதி ....

regards
tbs

Dear TBS,

We humans never really love anyone more than ourselves..you just miss the presence of someone that could make you feel happy.
Finally do you really feel that its worth losing our happiness over anyone?
Take it like a lesson in life that too much attachment is breeding ground for sorrow.
Love comes Love goes.Dont hold on too tight to anyone.
We human can even get over death of those near and dear after all what is Love?

People come into our lifes sometimes to give us joy and also sorrow.
What looked like joy before but turned out to be sorrow is sometimes a Karmic Debt we had to work out with that person.
Just take it as if you settled your debt and moved on with life.
If we pay too much attention to our sorrows we will face the similar situation in another life.
I know I sound too technical sans emotions sort but this is my honest answer.
 
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prasad1

Well-known member
We humans never really love anyone more than ourselves..you just miss the presence of someone that could make you feel happy.
Finally do you really feel that its worth losing our happiness over anyone?

Sounds very philosophical, but appropriate approach.
It seems something I will say and everyone in my family will say that I am unromantic and too practical. LOL
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
Dear TBS,

We humans never really love anyone more than ourselves..you just miss the presence of someone that could make you feel happy.
Finally do you really feel that its worth losing our happiness over anyone?
Take it like a lesson in life that too much attachment is breeding ground for sorrow.
Love comes Love goes.Dont hold on too tight to anyone.
We human can even get over death of those near and dear after all what is Love?

People come into our lifes sometimes to give us joy and also sorrow.
What looked like joy before but turned out to be sorrow is sometimes a Karmic Debt we had to work out with that person.
Just take it as if you settled your debt and moved on with life.
If we pay too much attention to our sorrows we will face the similar situation in another life.
I know I sound too technical sans emotions sort but this is my honest answer.

renus,

i am not so sure about this. watching the show, there were very honest moments of anguish displayed.

i have seen how intense the feeling of love between the genders, through my children. i do not know, if those of us, who went through arranged marriage, and 'found' love after marriage, could ever be that intense. atleast we wont have that sense of loss, as those who loved, and lost.

i have heard that 'it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all'.

oh well!!!!!!!!!
 

C RAVI

Well-known member
Dear Renuka,

Your philosophical approach is very great. This is what we humans need and follow when things have gone out of hand. No other go. Just make up your mind and live to die.


In a real, practical life, "LOVE" may "come" and "go" for those who did not "LOVE" some one truly and deeply. Only the person who have/had the level of feelings can know and undergo the pain of the lost love.

The first, true and deep love would ever be in heart untill death. The level with which one has felt, involved and was looking forward determines the degree of pain on losing one's Love for ever.

However one attempts to be philosohical and try to convince oneself, deep down in the heart one can not take such things easy, whenever one reckon the old bygone misfortuned days, of one's life.

Humans are humans only by their feelings and emotions and only these feelings and emotions keeps them surviving. "Love" is not like changing toys to be happy with one and in due course of time reject the old one and be happy with the other toy. "Love" is not an object that can be delt with objectively. "Love" is not even subjective to ponder, discuss and conclude what exactly it is. True "Love" is something to do with our inbuild feelings and emotions, that can never be wiped off with our tears or passage of time.

AFA I am concerend, I am of the opinion that, one is lucky who could spend his/her whole life with some one whome he/she loved sincerely and the one who could fall in love only with one's spouse after marriage.

AFA the thread tittle is concerned - One who could give up family for Love are lucky and joyful than who had to give up love for family. The former is the case where reconcilation can be expected with one's family. The later is the case where nothing can be looked farward with the same person whom a person loved. The former can revive the relationship and the later is nothing but a closed chapter, that gives illusional opening, deep within onself from time to time, only to shed tears.

As you said, philosophical mind set can just help humans keep moving, concealing the pain of lost Love to some extent. But can never erase them from deep within the heart, IMO.
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
...

AFA the thread tittle is concerned - One who could give up family for Love are lucky and joyful than who had to give up love for family. The former is the case where reconcilation can be expected with one's family. The later is the case where nothing can be looked farward with the same person whom a person loved. The former can revive the relationship and the later is nothing but a closed chapter, that gives illusional opening, deep within onself from time to time, only to shed tears.

.

good one ravi.

in fact, if you ever manage to watch the show, in one of the episodes, karu palaniappan admonishes the folks who sacrificed their love, in favour of their parents.

mostly due to threats to commit suicide, which appear to be the common theme.

palaniappan, is of opinion, if these parents, offered to commit suicide, it is only an offer, and it is upto them to do it or not. upto now, i have never heard of a mother or father commiting suicide because the son or daughter eloped. but there are lots of stories of lovers committing suicides.

i think,those who have never been in the process of love, can never fully gauge its depth. that is what i think.
 

renuka

Well-known member
Dear Renuka,

Your philosophical approach is very great. This is what we humans need and follow when things have gone out of hand. No other go. Just make up your mind and live to die.


In a real, practical life, "LOVE" may "come" and "go" for those who did not "LOVE" some one truly and deeply. Only the person who have/had the level of feelings can know and undergo the pain of the lost love.

The first, true and deep love would ever be in heart untill death. The level with which one has felt, involved and was looking forward determines the degree of pain on losing one's Love for ever.

However one attempts to be philosohical and try to convince oneself, deep down in the heart one can not take such things easy, whenever one reckon the old bygone misfortuned days, of one's life.

Humans are humans only by their feelings and emotions and only these feelings and emotions keeps them surviving. "Love" is not like changing toys to be happy with one and in due course of time reject the old one and be happy with the other toy. "Love" is not an object that can be delt with objectively. "Love" is not even subjective to ponder, discuss and conclude what exactly it is. True "Love" is something to do with our inbuild feelings and emotions, that can never be wiped off with our tears or passage of time.

AFA I am concerend, I am of the opinion that, one is lucky who could spend his/her whole life with some one whome he/she loved sincerely and the one who could fall in love only with one's spouse after marriage.

AFA the thread tittle is concerned - One who could give up family for Love are lucky and joyful than who had to give up love for family. The former is the case where reconcilation can be expected with one's family. The later is the case where nothing can be looked farward with the same person whom a person loved. The former can revive the relationship and the later is nothing but a closed chapter, that gives illusional opening, deep within onself from time to time, only to shed tears.

As you said, philosophical mind set can just help humans keep moving, concealing the pain of lost Love to some extent. But can never erase them from deep within the heart, IMO.


I am not all that philosophical actually but I have one major flaw..I get bored very fast of any situation eventually.

Dont get me wrong its not that I advocate seeking greener pastures when the grass doesnt seem to grow on this side but eventually time heals all wounds.

Everyone has faced ups and downs of life and if you ask me if I could go back in time to change anything..I wont change anything cos all those experiences made me what I am today.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
 

renuka

Well-known member
Sounds very philosophical, but appropriate approach.
It seems something I will say and everyone in my family will say that I am unromantic and too practical. LOL

Hey Prasad1,

Nope, I can be a hopeless romantic but yet remind myself that anything and everything is transient.
 

renuka

Well-known member
renus,

i am not so sure about this. watching the show, there were very honest moments of anguish displayed.

i have seen how intense the feeling of love between the genders, through my children. i do not know, if those of us, who went through arranged marriage, and 'found' love after marriage, could ever be that intense. atleast we wont have that sense of loss, as those who loved, and lost.

i have heard that 'it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all'.

oh well!!!!!!!!!

Kunjs..

Love has phases..believe me.Sometimes its like Waning and Waxing of the moon.
 

amala

Well-known member
My take on this is as follows: It is indeed the lucky person who is able to be a tad detached and not overly emotional. It doesn't come for everyone as each one is different. Also i wouldn't ever recommend losing one's love being better than never having loved at all to anyone unless one is prone to masochism because by God it can be painful! :)
 

prasad1

Well-known member
What is the meaning of the word love:
According to dictionary.com:
love
Noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
3. Sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
5. (Used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like):
Would you like to see a movie, love?

Love (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
Philosophical task in understanding personal love is to distinguish the various kinds of personal love. For example, the way in which I love my wife is seemingly very different from the way I love my mother, my child, and my friend. This task has typically proceeded hand-in-hand with philosophical analyses of these kinds of personal love, analyses that in part respond to various puzzles about love.

It was not culturally encouraged to show the Sexual passion in public. Only recently, may be in last 40 years it has come out of closet in India. It is much more a western influence and the movies have shaped our behavior.

Then again there were no nudist beaches in India, and I would not lament having missed out. Everything looks good at the appropriate time and place.





 

tbs

Well-known member
My take on this is as follows: It is indeed the lucky person who is able to be a tad detached and not overly emotional. It doesn't come for everyone as each one is different. Also i wouldn't ever recommend losing one's love being better than never having loved at all to anyone unless one is prone to masochism because by God it can be painful! :)
hi amala,
i did love with telugu girl more than ten years....its love story of VADAMA WITH VELANADU TELUGU....NEVER MATERIALISED...

i think girl from thillaisthanan near thiruvaiyaru with chittur boy near tathamangalam....love is sweet....sometime sweet poison...

love needs a lot of gutts....like ******* boys sometimes behave like அம்மாஞ்சி ....love has pain.....failure is a big pain....

GREAT WORLD LOVERS NEVER MARRIED....LIKE ROMEO/JULIET OR AMBIKAPATHI/AMARAWATHI....IF THEY WERE MARRIED...

THEY WONT BECOME GREAT LOVERS........love is different ....marriage is different....anybody can marry....not everybody can

love before marriage....so its better to be loved than ever........THE SUCCESSES OF THE LOVE IS FAILURE IN LIFE FOR SOME....

THE FAILURE OF LOVE IS SUCCESSES FOR FOR SOME....its my personal experience.....may not be in general...bottomline

successes or failure one has to be loved once in lifetime........like famous movies of 80s ....MARO CHARITA IN TELUGU....

EK TUJE KE LIYE IN HINDI.......

regards
tbs
 
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amala

Well-known member
TBSgaru,

Very sorry to hear that. What to do. Problems leni brathukka? (is there life without problems?)
 

renuka

Well-known member
Except this forum perhaps? :)

To a certain extent but I wonder how many of you guys feel that computer usage decreases communication skills.
Besides talking to patients I find it hard to hold a conversation more than 5 mins these days.

But the plus point is my phone bills are so so less.
 

biswa

New member
Dunno wht u r sying ...

To a certain extent but I wonder how many of you guys feel that computer usage decreases communication skills.
Besides talking to patients I find it hard to hold a conversation more than 5 mins these days.

But the plus point is my phone bills are so so less.
 
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