Engagement

[mkrishna100]

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My point is that it does happens (in one or two cases now and then) definitely not as alarmingly as projected in the op.

I am also pointing out that it is not as alarming as it seems but in today's context reasons for calling of the marriage after engagement are not restricted just to Horoscope Mismatch but reasons like as I pointed out ebfore that they get to know too much about each other much earlier and decide to call off mutually . In some cases if the boy looses the job after the engagement the alliance is called off and it happend for many boys after the Satyam fiasco ( This happened in the Satyam fiasco and in the 2008 economic meltdown ) . In one case that happend in our own family the Girl was expecting to go to USA with the boy within 2 months of marraige and when he told it will take more than 6 months as the company has sent another person , the Girl refused to beleive it as a geunine reason and called off the marriage after the Engagement . I am only relating to the incidents that happened in my own family and friends circle but luckily in those 2 cases the Engagement was a low profile affair and the damage was less post engagement break up .

And once the engagement is arranged, it is every ones commitment to honour it.

I very much agree with it .But I remember One Girl's parents told me that the problem with their duagther is she is focussing on the minus points of the boys side more than the plus points . They said that no individual is perfect and no family is perfect and we must focus on the positive and adapat and adjust with some negatives and carry on . The problem they said is this generation of people think too much and think too far ahead with the result they find only more negatives than the positives and hence delay in marriage or cancellation of engagemnt before marriage .

 

[tbs]

hi

i had my own experiences in engagement....2 decades ago story....my LUVVU not accepted by both parties...so i had broken

LOVVU....my mother arranged an engagement pgme with our neighbor family gal without my knowledge...later that

ENGAGEMENT was also broken due to ego of both families....in this case boy/gal was innocent...both were heart broken...

after some months...suddenly arranged a marriage in delhi..very far from chennai.....I HEARD MANY HEART BROKEN

STORIES OF BROKEN ENGAGEMENTS.....

 

[V.Balasubramani]

hi

i had my own experiences in engagement....2 decades ago story....my LUVVU not accepted by both parties...so i had broken

LOVVU....my mother arranged an engagement pgme with our neighbor family gal without my knowledge...later that

ENGAGEMENT was also broken due to ego of both families....in this case boy/gal was innocent...both were heart broken...

after some months...suddenly arranged a marriage in delhi..very far from chennai.....I HEARD MANY HEART BROKEN

STORIES OF BROKEN ENGAGEMENTS.....

Sir,

Thanks for sharing your experience.

No one is in favour of broken engagement, broken marriage and broken hearts.... and we all long for happy engagement, happy married life and happy going...

I am connected with lot of activities and enjoy wide contact in our area where there are number of TB families live. Most of the children either settle down at abroad or outside of Tamil Nadu and we, group of senior citizens, engage ourselves in various of activities both social and religious, but very rarely come across such embarrassing instances.

And we all know about 'Murphy's law'.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear TBS Sir,
You seem to be a very well experienced person! :decision:

 

[Raji Ram]

Have you heard of a divorce before the religious wedding? Here it is for the new members, though I wrote once in forum.

Bio data checked by two families; bride to be and groom to be knew that they are compatible; engagement done; to make sure

register marriage also was over and religious wedding fixed after a few months. Now comes the turning point. Girl gets a better

placement in Australia which pays more than her proposed job in the U S of A, where the boy is employed with a handsome salary.

Girl forces boy to relocate. Boy refuses. 'apaswaram' appears... Divorce papers filed because they had registered their marriage! :sad:

Random samples happen like this and the major problem is relocation.

P.S: Now a days, no Ayoddhi considered! 'Seetha irukkum idam Mithilai' and Raman has to follow her. :flock:

 

[tbs]

Dear TBS Sir,
You seem to be a very well experienced person! :decision:

hi

thanks madam.....சில நேரங்களில் வழி துணை வாழ்க்கை துணை ஆகிறார்கள்...

சில நேரங்களில் வாழ்க்கை துணை வழி துணை ஆகிறார்கள்....
இது தான் காலத்தின் கோலங்கள்.....

 

[krish44]

​

TBS sir
Manaivi amiyvadalam deivam kodutha varam

 

[sangom]

I do not know the statistics but I do agree that after engagement not many people break the contract but in these days of Internet /FB with its frequent exchange of messages and boys and girls regularly mixing and going together out regularly after engagement ends up in both of them knowing how much they are incompatible ( among the couples and amond the MIL and DIL ) and many decide to call of their marriage mutually citing incompatibility . So there is a mutual sort of divorce before the marriage takes place .

I also am of the same view. Cases of broken engagements, that is marriage being cancelled after engagement, has been increasing during the last few years. I will list the cases in my memory for the past few years thus:—

1. Bride having her love affair, forced to marry boy of parents' choice, and bride informing groom when she was allowed to communicate with the boy, after the engagement. ... 2 cases

2. Bride says groom does not appreciate Tamil movie songs and rejects him, after engagement. ... 1 case

3. Bride does not like boy and his parents after she communicates with them often, after engagement and cancels marriage. ... 1 case

4. Bride's parents get a doubt why no elders from grooms family did not participate in the initial meetings and discussions, make enquiry and find that the groom's widowed mother is a 'thaanthonni' (self-willed) type whom all her elders are rather afraid of and that the groom is a mummy's boy; engagement itself is cancelled. ... 1 case

It is the case no. 4 which made me write about the elderly people participating. I recollect that the grandparents and people of their generation used to be well-known to each other decades back, proving that the world is, after all, a small place!

 

[mkrishna100]

3. Bride does not like boy and his parents after she communicates with them often, after engagement and cancels marriage. ... 1 case

In my family the Girl told she liked the boy but not her parents and decided it will be difficult adjusting her life with her inlaws after the marriage and decided to call of the marriage .

 

[Raji Ram]

Boy gifted a mobile phone on the engagement day. They started to :blah: .

Girl knew that she has to cook for about 30 guests every week end. Marriage was called off, one day earlier!

Many guests had to be sent back announcing the cancellation of the marriage! :sad:

Such incidents happen because of insufficient 'probing' before the engagement.

 

[vgane]

Engagement cancellation does happen..But is rare ..May be in single digits and more related to foreign groom..I suppose we are discussing arranged marriages...Incompatability happens when something which is considered crucial by the bride's side is concealed and it gets exposed

But who is cancelling more..As per the list shared by Shri Sangom it is from bride's side

 

[Raji Ram]

Brides are more powerful!

Recently we had this news:

Bride calls off her wedding as the baraat didn't cause a traffic jam.

We can understand the plight of 'Engagement'!!

 

[krish44]

Engagement cancellation does happen..But is rare ..May be in single digits and more related to foreign groom..I suppose we are discussing arranged marriages...Incompatability happens when something which is considered crucial by the bride's side is concealed and it gets exposed

But who is cancelling more..As per the list shared by Shri Sangom it is from bride's side

male do not walk off arranged matches . they only ditch girls whom they have been dating without knowledge of parents.lol

 

[Raji Ram]

Even in love marriages, some parents spend a good amount of money on engagement. It is groom's side show off.

If the marriage is without the permission of parents, then there is a simple registration with the help of friends.

All the expenditure saved!

Three decades back, one tambram girl fell in love with a nair boy and the parents were forced to agree. The girl told

her mom that she can't be cheated with less jewels, silk sarees, silver vessels etc because her's is a love marriage!

Howzaat?

 

[krish44]

You know Rajiramji
Even love affairs later on legitimised and formalised with marriage celebration with consent of parents also end up with the usual jewels, silk sarees and gold and silver vessels

Only the boys side cannot set terms and girls side part with these things to keep their face and status in society besides girls insistence many times