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eating in same leaf

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drsundaram

Well-known member
Many who were born on 1940-50 or may a little later, would be remembering that it was a practice that wife should eat in the same plate/leaf after the husband had eaten; not washing the leaf/plate but in same as such after he had eaten.
Such practice has become vogue,obscure and outdated and if any one even talks about such practise that will be hated/despised. Anyway, why was such eating done by the wife and was that been done to comply with any sastras?
 
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renuka

Well-known member
i read some where before that wifes used to eat on same leaf after husbands had their meals because in those days females were not given much to eat as compared to males and frequently denied enough food by their Mother in laws,so husbands often left a little balance on the leaf he ate so the wife will have a little extra to eat (including what she has been given).
i dont know how right this explanation is.
anyway my husband and i often eat togather on the same plate as we do not practice that husband is superior to wife or vice versa as we feel husband and wife are of equal importance in carrying out household duties which might differ according to gender and physical characteristics but never the less complement each other.
 

pannvalan

Well-known member
I have also heard of the explanation given by you. But, it is unhygienic and not advisable to force the wife to use the same plate/leaf which was used by her husband.

This was to demonstrate her fidelity to her husband and in today's context, it is utter non-sense.

In the nuclear families today, the case of leaving some uneaten food by the husband sounds illogical and unnecessary.

This is a bad practice per se.

I ask the husbands, 'Will you eat the food served on the plate/leaf used by your wife?".
 

sadasivam.sridharan

Active member
This is a practice to show the total subservience of the lady to her husband.Whatever it is,this is a quite detestable practice which should be discouraged,even if this is observed in the remote rural areas .Fortunately this is non exisistant in present day in city areas.
S.Sridharan
 

Brahmanyan

Well-known member
I do not think the subject is relevant today. There were many more indignities brahmin women have to face in olden days in the name of social and religious practices. Thanks to the liberal education and economic independence, our ladies have liberated themselves out of these obscure practices.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.
 
eating in the same leaf

Thanks for bringing such issue for open discussion. Not only this, but many practices are there in our community which do not have the sanction of sasthras.Mostly such practices started three generations ago. Suppression of woman folks reached its peak then. Most of the brahmin families educated their male wards to become British government employees.Such position attracted more dowry than herditary rich families. Thus the dictatorship of in laws started to prescribe the new laws of eating in the same leaf, not to mix with others. etc. Even though many of such silly practices are almost vanished, still there are some compulsions in the minds of parents of boys and girls with regard to pre-marriage,marriage and post-marriage practices and connected financial implications. These need critical study and many things are to be weeded out which are not asper sasthras.:focus:
 

pbkhema

Active member
the prevalent grihya sutras or even those grihya sutras which are now not in pracrice/usage do not prescribe such a mode and I am now 68 and my grabdmothers during their life time before the 50s never adopted the pracrice.I will attempt to do a bit of research to identify its origin and if some else has the relavent data can they please post themin this thred
 
OP
OP
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drsundaram

Well-known member
Thanks for all feedbacks.I am to,unwillingly, post another happening. During sradham samayal some familes employ additional woman cook to cope with lots of preparations to be done. It was prescibed [I don't know even now somewhere insisted] if the woman happens to be a widow, she was expected to have tonsured her head.I consider such requesites a harsh blow on woman hood. Who and why such norms are/were authorised?
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
i really am glad that the times have changed.

i have watched my aunts, on the wedding day itself, eat off the husband's bananaleaf.

as renuka says, it is now a trendy indication of sharing food together. i am all for it.

judging by the way, our youngsters are having trouble finding wives, it might even come to a stage, when the reverse starts happening ie the husband eats the wife's left overs.

for those who witnessed the indignities of yore, probably a satisfying sight too.

:)
 

vijisesh

Active member
Such practices on the general outlook , painfully highlight the male chauvinistic society that prevailed in the earlier generations.
True to the core , such practices need to be condemned and eradicated away in future !
 
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Sabesan Narayanaswami

Active member
I remember my parents and my uncles and their wives were following this practice during my younger days.just now I checked with my mother(93) and she says she got married when she was thirteen years and since then she has been eating like this.She says it was a practice in those days and looked natural then because every one was doing.one reason she feels is that good or bad in the food will happen to both! any way the practice is no more valid as even my uncles later stopped this practice.
 

SuryaKasyapa

Active member
Even in the not so very old past it used to be joint family system. In those families, children and menfolk are given food first. Women take food last. Thus after feeding many people, sometimes much may no be left for the women to eat. So a loving and intelligent husband asks for more and ‘leaves’ balance food in the leaf. As it is echil no other person will eat this, and thus he ensures that his wife gets some tasty food which he also liked. The practice continued afterwards as a habit later.

( note:I am not able to recall wherefrom I got this. It may be from some upanyasam event, or a book, or a pattimandram…)

Greetimgs
 

sadasivam.sridharan

Active member
Tonsuring the head of the widowed lady was the way to keep her away from the lustful gaze of the menfolk.However, this is a outmoded,irrelevent practice in the present day.Insisting that the lady help with tonsured head only should cook during the shraardam is nothing but arrogance of the priesthood.There is no such niyathi as per the sastram for this type of practice.
S.Sridharan
 
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