My comment is a distraction, read on if you don't mind....people say dat shastras dont allow gals 2 marry guys younger 2 dem... i hav done a lot of studies n referred various books on vedas n shastra but cudn find da source.. if der s nythin lik dat, kindly help me out n giv me da source....
My comment is a distraction, read on if you don't mind....
is dis da fuchr of inglis?
..I am personally clear, if somebody in my family married in such unconventional way, they are banned from my home!
pray please do not be so hard on yourself.
just imagine a situation, where your child is in love and wants to get married.
Also let it be, that everything about the couple is to your satisfaction ie same caste, different gothram, great jobs, wonderful families, really attractive looking both of them etc etc.
except that the girl is one day older than the boy.
Would you be living with your pride intact under this self imposed lakshman rekha and in the process make so many people unhappy?
Always leave a sligt gap in the rear door, I say. For escape purposes.
This can be verified only by referring to Vaidyanatha dikshithyam . Does anyone have a copy of the book here. It is the most authoritative book on shastras that we have.
But we must refer to the precedent set by our ancestors in this regard, not necessarily to blindly follow , but to understand their logic. Not all things are explicitly mentioned in shastras.It is declared that one must learn "other rules of conduct" from the general society. If men start marrying women older to them this will lead to all kinds of vipareetham, which I dont even want to discuss. There are always exceptions but it must be under a meritorious reason. There are other rules such as compatibility which is an important consideration. Except for a small section of the country 95% of the country does not have such a precedent and there is no need to make it a precedent unless there is a serious necessity. With or without love, I will never accept such an instance should it occur with my children, no matter who the groom may be, no matter what . Not everything that is permitted by shastras( even if it allows this) should be followed unless there is a real exceptional reason. I feel that to prevent such exceptional circumstances from being disallowed the shastras have not banned them. But then shastras allow consumption of certain forms of fish,shraddha with meat. Considering the maturity of society certain things have been banned. These have not been banned by some x , y or z. This has been banned by leading shastragyanis and sages.So this should also be considered as a shastra- why should only apastamba's rule be followed?At this point of time there is dramatic disunity in family. Husband and wife relationships are not satisfactory when taking the whole society for consideration. But worser than this , we dont have extraordinary saints with us and even if there is good understanding between husband and wife, nobody is following their duties properly. Men dont have time to do sandhyavandam but have time to watch television, women dont have time to take care of kids( leave them with grand parents) but have time for board meetings. At this point my kind request dont make such dramatic changes to disturb social setup when husband and wife relationships are getting redefined.
I am personally clear, if somebody in my family married in such unconventional way, they are banned from my home!
Just now I saw the posting of Sangom. He has the book Vaidyanatha dikshithyam. Sri. Sangom could you please tell us when it was written and by whom? That is if such details are available.
Samshepa Dharmasasthra gives us the relevant extracts from different Dharamsasthras and quotes the name of the Dharamsasthra.
Does Vaidyanatha dikshithyam say from which Dharmasasthra is this injunction from?
In the name of liberation what is really happening is not liberation from any restraints but only liberstion from self control. Many of the dos amd donts in the shastras I believe are to bring the rigor of self control and other desirable results on the person. I believe that people who brand the scriptures as superficial and meanigless are themselves guilty of not having seen beyond the surface and get the real intent of such sayings.
I believe that love for anyone elder should have respect as its sole basis and this as the guiding rule should imply that marrying an older woman is not the right thing to do.
As per Samshebha Dharma sastram, Skandhar states Kanya dhanam should be performed by chanting Nama-Gothras by facing Eastern side. The kannigai must be younger to the Varan.
Dear Shri Sravna,
I am forced to conclude as under:
1. Marrying a girl younger than a man, brings self-control, whereas marrying an elder girl automatically removes all self-control. (I feel you mean self-control in married life, that is sex-life.)
2. When you say very authoritatively that "people who brand the scriptures as superficial and meanigless are themselves guilty of not having seen beyond the surface and get the real intent of such sayings.", there is either some respected authority whose words you are citing, or, you have yourself delved deep into the very depths of all the scriptures. In the former case, kindly cite the authority, and, in the latter case, please let us know the scriptural prohibition for marrying a girl elder than oneself - citing chapter and verse - and how it will rationally and automatically ensure self-control.
3. Can there not be respect for one's wife - irrespective of whether she is younger or elder, though that need not necessarily mean that the husband will/should do namaskarams to her? [I have seen some students (back benchers) who were older than newly appointed lecturers, just after their M.Sc. Those students did have respect for those young teachers.]
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