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Death of unmarried 18 year Girl

#1
Hi
My husband’s younger sister, father, mother, grandfather and a driver died in a car accident in 1989.
while proper srardham and tharpanam are being done for elders, nothing has been done for the sister who was 18 years at the time of her death.
i want to know if anything has to be done similar to srardham or offer our prayers to her in some way.
please enlighten me on this matter.Thanks
 
#2
Dear Krithika1972

As far as I am aware, an unmarried girl, whatever her age, is no different from a boy who has not had his upanayanam performed. In other words, there are no prescribed anthi-yeshti rites to be performed other than "naaraayana bali" donations to Braahmanas consisting of :-

To one Braahmana (can be Brahmachaari or gruhastha) - one donation of four amounts or four items on account of Brahma, Vishnu, Rudran, and Vasvaathi pithrus;

To same or another Braahmana - one donation or one amount or one item on account of Pretha-raaja;

To same or another Braahmana - one donation or one amount or one item on account of Yama Dharmaraaja;

To same or another Braahmana - one donation or one amount or one item on account of Pretha-naaraayanan; and

To same or another Braahmana - one donation or one amount or one item on account of Keshavaahi-naarayanan.

The amounts can be Rs.101 or Rs201 each, or as the donor can afford. The items can be one of these -- an umbrella, a fan, a set of brass or copper pancha-paathram and uddarani, a brass or copper chombu, a set of veshti-uthareeyam, a shawl, a plank to sit on, a pair of sandals, a rudraaksha-maalai, fruits (including sugarcane), coins, gold or silver items, unhusked coconut with kudumi, betel nut and betel leaf.

The girl's gothram and name can be recited for thila-tharppanam on each and any day during annual mahaalaya paksham, especially on the first and last day, on Maha Bharani day and Amaavaasya.

At a convenient time, a set of pavaadai-ravikkai can be donated to a female deity in the name of tghe deceased giorl, with a shprt puja.

Please let me know if you require any further guidance.

Aasheervaathams.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
 
#3
Dear Mr. Narayanaswamy Iyer

Thank you so much for the quick and detailed reply.

I need to find out if Naaraayana Bali was performed. Since this happened before our marriage, I am not aware of what had been done or not done.

The need to discuss this has arose, as my second daughter (age 13) has been inflicted with an extremely rare disease for the past so many years. Couple of people/astrologers have said that the departed sister's soul is in some way unhappy and so couple of bad things are happening in the family.

Is this possible? If yes, what can I do to satisfy the unhappy soul so that it can go the next stage?
 
#4
Dear Srimathi Krithika

Glad that you found my advice useful.

May I suggest that you need not wait to find out whether Naaraayana Bali was or was not done. Assume it was not, and do it now. Please note that food-grains can also be donated as Naaraayana Bali. As can sacred books such as Bhagavad Geetha, Devi Maahaathmyam, Lalitha Sahsranaamam, Lalitha Thrishathi.

Earlier I suggested that a set of pavaadai-ravikkai can be donated to a female deity in the name of the deceased girl, with a short puja. May I clarify that unsewn "kodi", i.e. unwashed and unworn, cloth for the paavadai-ravikai (instead of sewn items) should be donated.

The departed sister's soul can be mollified by (a) performance of Naaraayana Bali, (b) donation of cloth to Amman as suggested, (c) aathma-shaanthi puja as suggested, (c) thilaa-tharppanaam in her gothram and name at the next and subsequent mahaalaya pakshams.

Am not sure what the surviving sister's "extremely rare disease" is. Perhaps a sudarshana homam in your home or the home where the sister resides, should be done. Or, preferably, a Maariamman thaalattu should be conducted at home to invoke the power of Bhagavathi Sree Seethala Devi (also known as Marimman) to cure the disease.

Meanwhile, you and other ladies in your household can together chant the following manthram (after bath and wearing forehead marks and with due bhaya/bhakthi/vishvaasam) on Tuesdays and/or Fridays:-

vande-aham sheethalaam deveem raasabhasthaam digambaraam

maarjaneekalashopethaam shoorpp-aalamkritha-masthakaam || ... 1

vande-aham sheethalaam deveem sarva roga-bhayaapahaam

yaamaasaadya nivarththetha vispodaka-bhayam mahath || ........ 2

sheethale sheethale chethi yo brooyad-daahapeedithah

vispodaka-bhayam khoram gruhe thashya na jaayathe || ........... 3

sheethale jvaradagdhasya poorighndha-yuthasya cha

pranashta-chakshuhu pumsaha thvaam aahoor-jeevan-aushadham ||.. 4

(phala-shruthi)

Shrothavyam patichavyam ch shradhdhaa-bhakthi-samanvithaiihi

upasargga-vinaashaaya param svasthyayanam mahath || .......... 5

sheethale thvam jagan-maatha sheethale thvam jaagath pithaa

sheethale thvam jagad-dhathree sheethalaayai namo namaha || .. 6

ethaani kharanaamani sheethalaagre thu yaha pateth

thasya gehe shishoonaam cha sheethalathang na jaayathe || ..... 7

Aasheervaathams

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
 
#5
Dear Mr. Narayanaswamy Iyer

Thank you very much for the inputs.

I got to know from my husband that no "Narayana Bali" was done for my Sister-in-law.
He is including her name during Mahalaya paksham tharpanam.

We have already done Sudarshana homam in our house couple of years back.

And the rare disease is for my second daughter who is 14 years old.

Would like to know more about Athma shanthi pooja. Can you please throw some light.

Thank you,
Krithika!!!
 
#6
Dear Krithika

Thanks for your response. Glad to know that sudarshana homam was done at home and that your late sister-in-law was included in the mahaalaya paksham shraaddha-tharppanams. You also confirm that Naaraayana bali was not done. You ask for information about aathma shaanthi puja. Before I answer your query please let me elaborate on Naaraayana bali, which should first be done, and done now. The procedure compares with a laghu naanthi (the full naanthi is done before upanayanam, vivaaham, anthi-yeshti, etc).

For Naaraayana bali you might wish to invite a couple of gruhasthas for lunch at home on a convenient day. There should be no music, song, dance or loud noises or crying in the house. Before they enter the house let them sit on chairs or stools, and place a thaambaalam (plate with raised edges) or pohini (basin) under their feet. Have a kendi (goose-necked vessel) full of cold clean water ready, and pour slowly and silently over both their feet. Your husband should bend down before them and wash their feet gently but thoroughly from ankles to toes. After drying their feet with his anga-vashthram or a small clean dry cotton towel, your husband should smear a little chandanam and sprinkle akshadai and a few flowers or petals on their feet. He should then invite them to enter the house and offer them seats (preferably plank palakais), and fan them with a hand fan.

When they are rested and ready, food should be served them on fresh banana leaves (or silver or brass lunch plates), together with tumblers of clean cold water. If your husband knows Abhishravanam, he should recite at lease parts of it beginning with chathur-vedam and continuing with Purusha-sooktham and Rakshohano Valagahanah, and ending with Bhakshehi Maa-aavisha while the gruhasthas have their meal. If not, it does not matter.

After their meal offer them a kendi of cold clean water to wash their hands, face and feet. Offer them betel leaf and arecanut. When the banana leaves/lunch plates have been cleared away and the place sprinkled with purifying water and mopped, let them sit on the palakais and your husband and you should then present them the Naaraayana bali donation items. There should be four donations to each Braahmana.
Your husband should familiarise himself with, and chant, the appropriate daana-manthrams, as this is quite important:-

hiranya garbha garbhastham hemabeeejam vibhaavasoho
anantha punya-phaladam atha shshaanthim prayachcha me

……… (star) nakashathre …….(raashi) raashau jaathasya ……..(name) naamnyaaha yama-loka upari pithru-loka upari shiva-loka upari vaikunta cha paribhramana aathma paripoorna shaanthi siddhyarththam shree bhoomaa-devi shree mahaa-lakshmi sametha shree mahaa-vishnu shreeman naaraayana prasaada siddhyarthyam, thath prasaad sarva paapebhyo moksha siddyaartham, sarva klesha nivirthyarththam sarva upadrava parihaaraarthham sathya-vasu samjna-kaanaam vishveshaam devaanaam thrupthyarththam mahaa-vishnuscha thrupthyarththam idam hiranyam sa dakshinaakam sa thamboolam naandi-shobhana devathaa preeethyarththam kaamayamaanaha vedoktha naaraayana balim braahmanebhyaha sampradade | na mama | ohm thath sathu.

For aathma-shaanthi puja bring fruits, archana flowers (or petals), a small pushpa-maalai, chandanam, kumkumam, oothupaththi, camphor, two pieces of coloured cloth sufficient for blouse and paavaadai, a kudumi coconut, a small lidded container of neiveidhyam (e.g, paal-paayasam, chakkarapponggal, payaru, mothakam, vadai). Hand these over to the officiating Braahmana priest (not pandaaram) at the inner shrine of the deity. Tell him you wish to perform an aathma shaanthi puja to the deity so that the aathma of your deceased sister-in-law who died some years ago an unmarried virgin at the age of 18 shall attain calmness, solace, tranquility, rest and repose and cease her restlessness and wanderings or disturbing the living.
Tell the priest that you would like him to perform an abbreviated shodashopachaara puja, consisting of:-
  • paadyam
  • arghyam
  • aachamaneeyam
  • snaanam through prokshanam
  • snaanaantharam aachamaneeyam
  • vasthra-utthareeya-yagnopaveetha-aabharanam (by placing the cloths around the deity’s shoulders and sprinkling akshatha)
  • chandanam (divya parimala gantham)
  • haridra kumkumam (ganthashyo-pari)
  • akshada
  • pushpa-maalika (by placing the garland around the deity’s neck)
  • pushpa archana (reciting the deity’s shodasha-naama)
  • doopam
  • deepam
  • neiveidhyam (by offering the deity the items you have brought)
  • thaamboolam
  • aachamaneeyam nivedaantharam
  • karpoora neeraanjanam (actual lighted camphor, not oil-lamp)
  • raksha
  • manthra pushppam
After receiving from the Braahhmana priest the post-puja items such as vibhuthi, chadanam, kumkumam, theertham, archana flowers, neiveidhyam back in the original thaambaalam or thattu, you and your husband might wish to circumambulate the shrine once or thrice, sit for a while, do namaskaaram, and then leave for home.

Aasheervaathams, and a blessings-filled new year 2019.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
 
#7
Dear TB Moderator

Happy new year 2019. Please say why I am labelled "New Member" in the new website format when I have been a member for some time? Why does my respone to Srimathi Kritika require prior moderator approval before release? Thanks.

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
1 January 2019
 
#8
Dear Srimathi Kritika

Have replied in detail to your query. Hope it helps.

You say, "We have already done Sudarshana homam in our house couple of years back." Am not sure whether the chanted sankalppam indicated that the beneficiary was to be your sick 14-year-old daughter, how many ritviks participated, and whether it was held over the usual two days. (I have known of cases where the homam was rushed in two hours on one evening with only one priest.)

Presume that your husband and you in the circumstances are not thinking about my suggested Maariamman Thaalaattu. Be that as it may, you might wish to take up my other suggestion, i.e. the sheethala devi sthrothram on Tuesdays and/or Fridays to appease the powerful Goddess of Children's Diseases and help your child's recovery. Male members of your family can also recite the sthrothram. (I have just returned from taking part in the annual nava-shakhi Lalitha Sahasra-naama archanai at the Mariamman Temple, which is held on Western new year's days. Our Hindu new year is in mid-April.)

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
 
#9
Dear Mr. Narayanaswamy Iyer,

Wish you a very Happy New Year!!!

Sorry am a bit late in replying to your email. Was a little unwell and was attending to that.

Your detailed email amazed me and my parents. Thank you for taking so much interest in the matter and explaining each and everything aspect of the ceremony.

As for the Sudarshana Homam, we had it done in 2011/2012, with about 7-8 ritviks and was very detailed. We did have our daughter's health included in the sankalpam. It was an elaborate procedure and I personally made the neivedyam. We also served food for all the participating brahmanas.

Am yet to consult my husband regarding the Mariamman thalaatu. These days he is a bit hesitant to perform any kind of homam/ceremony unless there is "guarantee" that it will help our daughter. In the last 10 years of her ailment, we have performed various pujas at home/temples. We have only seen her condition deteriorate and so this viewpoint. Yes, we are definitely frustrated and angry at our helplessness.

Another doubt is whom should I ask to do the Mariamman thaalatu? Will ritiviks do?

Thank you so much.

Namaskarams
Krithika!!!
 
#10
Dear Srimathi Krithika

Am surprised that you write, "These days he (i.e. your husband) is a bit hesitant to perform any kind of homam/ceremony unless there is "guarantee" that it will help our daughter."

He (and you) want "guarantees" from our gods (and goddesses)? As if he is doing business with them?

If that is your clear and firm attitude, then abandon all hope that your daughter will ever improve. Even your trusted astrologers will not be able to give you and him any assurance, much less any cast-iron guarantee.

Please forget about doing any Maariamman Thaalattu, which demands absolute devotion and discipline.

All I can think of at this stage, with your own welfare in mind, is that you might wish to consult some specialist Braahmana priests who are experts in divination (e.g. from Kerala), ask them to do a deva-prashnam to find out what is really the cause of (and cure for) your daughter's condition (and follow their advice if your husband feels so inclined).

Have just returned from attending and taking part in our Brahmana Sabha's one-day and local Kaaliamman Temple's three-day annual Shaasthaa-Preethi celebrations, impressed with the utter and unquestioning devotion and enthusiasm of the participants -- men, women , children, and community elders..

S Narayanaswamy Iyer
 
#11
Dear Mr. Narayanswamy Iyer,

Please don't get irked by his response. He is a nice person and completely devastated after the double disaster of losing his parents and our daughter suffering a worst disease. He has always been supportive in terms of all religious activities and financial support and emotional support to her.

Please don't get him wrong. I was only trying to explain the delay in doing the Mariamman thaalattu.

I will get him to perform it. Please bless us and dont be angry with me.

Will write a little more later.

Thanks
Krithika.
 
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