Daddy, can you lend me some money?

[Naina_Marbus]

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Daddy comes home late in the evening after a hard day’s work. Son – a little boy - is waiting to talk to him after daddy settles down on the sofa.

SON: “Daddy, how much salary do you make?”
DAD: “Why do you ask?”
SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me after converting the salary into how much it amounts to per hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make $50 an hour.”
SON: “Oh!
(With his head bent down, the son mumbles something to himself, then looks up).
SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow $25 from you? I will return it someday.”

The father was puzzled and upset.
DAD: “If the only reason you asked that question is so that you can buy a silly toy or some other junk, get back to your room and do your studies. I can’t lend you any money to buy toys.”

The little boy quietly went back to his room.

Dad sat down and thought about the little boy’s question. After some time, he calmed down, and thought: “My son never asked me money before, so, maybe there is something that he really needs to buy? Why was I rude to him?"

So, dad went to the boy’s room and called out: “Son, Are you sleeping?”
SON: “No daddy”.
DAD: “Son, I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It’s been a long day and I took out my stress on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling, and said: “Oh, thank you daddy!”

Then, the little boy pulled out, from under his pillow, a box containing some crumpled bills. He counted the bills, there was a total of $25 in his box. He looked up at his father.

DAD: “Why do you want more money when you already have $25?”

SON: “Because I didn’t have enough till now, but now I do. Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to eat dinner with you at least once.”

 

[vgane]

Very well said! The anecdote is nothing but truth and only truth!

If we do not spend time with children now, we will repent latter... when we need their support, they turn their faces the other side

The child gets bonded to either dad or mom..So if the child is more attached to mom and not to dad it is fine

We need to support the child and at the same time help the child to understand the limits...

We should try to make them understand what is good and what is bad

 

[renuka]

Try teenagers..they dont want anyone hanging around them!LOL

 

[krish44]

Try teenagers..they dont want anyone hanging around them!LOL

we should be like aladins genie . if the kids clap their hands , we should appear and do what they want . if they clap again ,we should vanish and not hang around them .lol

 

[renuka]

we should be like aladins genie . if the kids clap their hands , we should appear and do what they want . if they clap again ,we should vanish and not hang around them .lol

True...yesterday my son was telling me that he felt I was peeping into his smart phone while he was using it.

Actually I was not looking into his phone at all..so I told him "that is an assumption without a solid basis..your mobile phone happened to fall in my peripheral visual field radius..so next time I will try to cover my peripheral vision like a horse so that I wont be able to see what you are doing in your phone"


Then he said Ok.

So a teenager needs to be handled differently!

 

[vgane]

Teenagers should be handled with utmost care...Never try to thrust yourself too much as it will be repelled by an equal or stronger force..We have to act as friends so that they can confide..Mothers can do the trick and get the secrets out than fathers!

 

[krish44]

vgane ji
in many houses fathers are painted as bhuchandis by ladies to scare kids in childhood when theyare naughtyand they end up becoming confidants of children , this continues in teenage years also .in many families fathers end up looking like the indian president to be brought out for display to kids during festivals besides they can if they like give a gift selected by mother to children during festivals like santa clause . so a natural bond develops with mothers and fathers are left far behind .hence more chances of getting secrets out of them by mothers .lol

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Sir
Off late, in most of the families, parents are office goers and thus have a hectic time schedule every day and the weekends too become .more hectic with lot of commitments. As such, they may not find sufficient time to pay attention towards their own children and their needs. And their worry will be mostly about children education, ranking, progress card, tuition, etc even health care is pushed to the back seat. It is found during Health Camps conducted by some of the NGOs, children with anemic, dental and eye sight ailments are diagnosed at early stage. Providing facilities alone is not sufficient, there should be sufficient interaction with children touching subjects of their friends, their desires, their activities etc.,
When I was young, I used to drop both my daughter and son at their respective schools in the morning and I make best use of this traveling time and they love this exercise every day. But, now since school bus comes to door step for both picking and to drop back, even this opportunity is lost.
As reported in the thread, if children living with parents find hardly any time to interact with their parents, what is the plight of the children staying at Hostel???

 

[Naina_Marbus]

Sir
Off late, in most ofthe families, parents are office goers and thus have ahectic time schedule every day and the weekends too become .more hectic withlot of commitments. As such, they may notfind sufficient time to pay attention towards their own children and theirneeds. And their worry will be mostlyabout children education, ranking, progress card, tuition, etc even health careis pushed to the back seat. It is foundduring Health Camps conducted by some of the NGOs, children with anemic, dental and eye eightailments are diagnosed at early stage. Providing facilities alone is not sufficient, there should be sufficientinteraction with children touching subjects of their friends, their desires, their activitiesetc.,
When I was young, I used to drop both my daughter and son at their respectiveschools in the morning and I make bestuse of this traveling time and they lovethis exercise every day. But, now sinceschool bus comes to door step for both picking and to drop back, even this opportunityis lost.
As reported in thethread, if children living with parents find hardly any time to interact withtheir parents, what is the plight of the children staying at Hostel???

Dear VB Sir:

Your comments are quite relevant. The important thing is the initiation of the inter-generational bonding process, which goes through a consolidation phase till the time children enter adolescence, beyond which children pretty much do not care (?) / want (?) parental attention. But the bonding lasts for ever.

 

[krish44]

Dear VB Sir:

Your comments are quite relevant. The important thing is the initiation of the inter-generational bonding process, which goes through a consolidation phase till the time children enter adolescence, beyond which children pretty much do not care (?) / want (?) parental attention. But the bonding lasts for ever.

life has got a little complicated , we were given more care by our parents and protected more also . we lived in joint families . so the network of uncles aunts and other siblings made up for non availabilty of parents .
our children after school are very much on their own these days . often they have to leavehome to be educated in far off places . they learn to face the hostile environment early . many are not able to cope and are in distress .

I had to pull two children out of hostels and make do with better arrangements . also had to make repeated trips to the place of study and make an equation with academics and authorities to facilitate their studies.one got into medical condition requiring intervention .with all this I think thy have hardened and know how to cope with complexities of living on their own

 

[sarang]

shall we demand dollars to keep out of his/her line of vision and quenching the inquisitiveness to stay away from the teen's gadgets!
Where do they get all the money? Two wheelers with petrol and dresses to match, smart phones with unlimited talk time and data plans?

True...yesterday my son was telling me that he felt I was peeping into his smart phone while he was using it.

Actually I was not looking into his phone at all..so I told him "that is an assumption without a solid basis..your mobile phone happened to fall in my peripheral visual field radius..so next time I will try to cover my peripheral vision like a horse so that I wont be able to see what you are doing in your phone"


Then he said Ok.

So a teenager needs to be handled differently!

 

[vgane]

shall we demand dollars to keep out of his/her line of vision and quenching the inquisitiveness to stay away from the teen's gadgets!
Where do they get all the money? Two wheelers with petrol and dresses to match, smart phones with unlimited talk time and data plans?

Valid observation! We (parents) provide the money to teenagers but we cannot or (is it should not?) observe what they are doing with that! I feel that rights go with responsibilities! Privacy is fine but within boundaries!

What is wrong in asking what they are doing?

 

[Raji Ram]

........... What is wrong in asking what they are doing?

Have you heard the phrase 'Intrusion of privacy'?

Many kids know this!! :decision:

We call them 'pinjilE pazhuththadhu'!!

 

[Raji Ram]

I like the kid in the OP! He did not spend his money to buy junk items / video games

but wanted to add some more to his savings, so that he could dine out with his dad! :hungry:

 

[Naina_Marbus]

My OP is a metaphor for modern day parenting. The present day world is made up of a hybridized, technology-based global culture*, distinguished for its materialistic, conceited, self-opinionated individuals afflicted with hubris and self-declared rationality, eventually giving rise to increasingly stress-related psychosomatic conditions of varying degrees and disabilities. The current generation’s shadings of self-identity is clearly more complex than they have ever been between two successive generations.
*(For a glaring example, take the recent case of the IT industries in Chennai not giving leave for their employees to go for voting.)

At $50 per hour, the dad would be making more than $100,000 (6 figure salary as one would proudly proclaim) per year. For that, he would be likely in the banking or IT industry, toiling nearly 16 hours per day. On the other hand, a guy who makes half that salary will likely be working mostly an 8-hr (8 to 5) job and will head home in time for dinner with his family.

 

[Naina_Marbus]

Have you heard the phrase 'Intrusion of privacy'?

Many kids know this!! :decision:

We call them 'pinjilE pazhuththadhu'!!

Most kids today seem to be afflicted with this "Intrusion of Privacy" syndrome!

 

[krish44]

In last generation we had large families . we could not individually get the extra and I would say unwarranted attention ,which the children of modern days are getting .Because of this reason , We were left to ourself to grow up freely . we also did not have the temptation modern toys or technological gizmos big money could buy . so no temptations either . so we had a lot of privacy besides a upbringing where we grew up bonding with other siblings in the family than getting high smothering attention from parents . we did not feel anyone intruded on us and had all the privacy in the world

 

[V.Balasubramani]

I think IMO the present generation enjoys more privacywhen compared that of ours.They have a tiny device called mobileand go on speak with some for hours together expressing all kinds emotions making it quite difficult for us to predict as to what kid of discussion is going on and one has to break his head ,and if you just question them as towho is the other end the blunt reply will be that he is my friend. Friend… boy?. or . girl? You may be wondering!! You cannot continue this question sessionbcos you have been sufficiently answered in such a tone giving an impression no more question please. And the look will be why it bothers you whether he is boy or girl. They may come home late and againyou cannot question them for this, bcos they have already well prepared withlot of more suitable answers connecting French Class, Gym, Meeting a friend,Birth day parties, etc. etcThey will be busier on weekendsunusually, you cannot question them. In the case of a grown up, Irepeat grown up, your option will be only to wait for days to get his appointmentfor an personal interaction, as thesystem of family members having dinner together is something past now.

 

[Raji Ram]

Most kids today seem to be afflicted with this "Intrusion of Privacy" syndrome!

Dear Naina Sir,

Have you ever thought why? I could guess - some difference is the bringing up the children now a days! Due to the sky rocketing

prices, both parents opt to work full time, without any break to take care of the children at least up to the age of 5. Kids are left

in day care centers because the grandparents are rooted somewhere else! When closeness with parents is minimal, the child

chooses his / her own way of keeping busy! No intrusion what so ever by anyone! They can operate any modern gadgets like

any other adult! So........... they feel the intrusion of privacy even if the parents peep to find what they are doing!

When there were several children for the parents in the previous generations, the elder ones will take care of the younger ones,

feed them, give them a bath, dress them up and so on and sibling bondage was more. The children had a sort of fear for dad and

love for mom because she makes all yummy stuff to eat! :hungry:

 

[Raji Ram]

Recently, I found a tiny picture (print in negative film size) in which my eldest sister is carrying me, a two year old!

I immediately grabbed it from the album and kept in my purse! It is so precious to me!

 

[Naina_Marbus]

Dear Naina Sir,

Have you ever thought why? I could guess - some difference is the bringing up the children now a days! Due to the sky rocketing

prices, both parents opt to work full time, without any break to take care of the children at least up to the age of 5. Kids are left

in day care centers because the grandparents are rooted somewhere else! When closeness with parents is minimal, the child

chooses his / her own way of keeping busy! No intrusion what so ever by anyone! They can operate any modern gadgets like

any other adult! So........... they feel the intrusion of privacy even if the parents peep to find what they are doing!

When there were several children for the parents in the previous generations, the elder ones will take care of the younger ones,

feed them, give them a bath, dress them up and so on and sibling bondage was more. The children had a sort of fear for dad and

love for mom because she makes all yummy stuff to eat! :hungry:

This is an interesting analysis, viewed through the kaleidoscope of your personal experiences, and hopefully it is a general experience that others may corroborate. But, in my circle of relatives and friends, even where wives did not work, the kids still displayed "intrusion of privacy" syndrome. My wife did not work, she was a stay-at-home mom, I was always home before dinner, we all ate together, still our kids, while on the phone, won't tell us who they were talking to! But, from the tonal inflexions, and other muscle cues, we could always figure out whether it was a boy or girl at the other end of the line!

 

[Raji Ram]

This is an interesting analysis, viewed through the kaleidoscope of your personal experiences, and hopefully it is a general experience that others may corroborate. But, in my circle of relatives and friends, even where wives did not work, the kids still displayed "intrusion of privacy" syndrome. My wife did not work, she was a stay-at-home mom, I was always home before dinner, we all ate together, still our kids, while on the phone, won't tell us who they were talking to! But, from the tonal inflexions, and other muscle cues, we could always figure out whether it was a boy or girl at the other end of the line!

Dear Naina Sir!

I am sure they were NOT kids but teenagers or adults when their expressions showed who was on the other side of the phone call!

Now a days even a 5 year old kid says, 'It is none of your business; don't boss me, OK?' :shocked:

 

[krish44]

Dear Naina Sir!

I am sure they were NOT kids but teenagers or adults when their expressions showed who was on the other side of the phone call!

Now a days even a 5 year old kid says, 'It is none of your business; don't boss me, OK?' :shocked:

RRji
girls in seventh or eighth standards have boys who are friends . they are also online in chats with them . in colleges you are not normal and you are treated as behenji if you do not have a boyfriend . these girls are looked down on by peer group.

in employment , most enterprising are BPO types . under educated often from not well to do families getting into relationships and consequent mess and heart breaks . in my company . low earning female employees would get into relationships with engineers and end up complaining when there are problems . then the company would post them in different buildings far away from each other so that they do not come into direct contact.

it may not be worthwhile to resist changes and come in the way of choices of youngsters . but one can ensure they do not end up with undesirable types to some extent . only if we really uderstand them they will open up and confide . but for that one has to spend a lot of time with them which men never do. not many treat children as friends . they only monitor report cards and grades .thay also give give sermons on every subject and boast about their younger days. only very few know what they did in younger days .lol

 

[vgane]

So long as the the person is an adolescent in school/college going years, you can try to control a bit as you are paying the bill...

When the person transforms in to an adult and is employed and managing his/her funds, then it becomes difficult to have them on a tight leash..We have to be at their mercy!

It is better we build a good rapport with them much earlier when they are young so that they do not view us as an intrusion in privacy