Dear TKS ji,
I guess many would have got that impression but I did mention this line:
But I dont agree that all traditions have logic..so I usually run my life trying to stay within the dictates of the law of the country.
I know about the last name of the west which I myself sort of disagree with that.
It fine if kids take the father's surname but for all practical purposes I believe in using my maiden name till death cos technically speaking DNA can not change so why should a female change her last name or Gotra?
So for me both the western changing the wifes last name and the Indian Gotra system is not fair to women in my opinion.
I still remember was a a young teen my parents imposed a rule that during certain times of the month a female cant enter the prayer room..to which I asked them (and I got lots of scolding for that!LOL )..I asked them "you mean to say God is only in the prayer room?"
They had no idea I never followed what they imposed cos for me I felt there was no logic in that and maybe it was just a tradition passed down based on times before.
So far the only time tested tradition I follow is not to harm anyone.
Many South Indians do not have a concept of last name, we carry our 'initials' as first name of our father's name and sometimes the first initial of the town we hail from. I had to invent a means to map my name as last name when I came to USA. We ended up creating a last name concept and it is for general harmony where we live since many different last names may cause issues the way systems are designed to process.
Each tradition has its own naming structure with its own logic. Children taking on last name of the father is not always practiced even in the west. Wife does not always change the last name after marriage.
Chinese from some province that I know have their own naming system.
The reason for all such naming has a logic behind and often the logic itself is well intentioned.
If anyone views that these have to be related to sense of ego assertion, then there are issues in the minds of those that take this beyond a convention.
This convention of names have nothing to with the reality of biology of DNA or the total equality between both groom and bride of the Vedic Mantra and vows made in the Hindu wedding.
In the west girls tend to take care of their parents and sons tend to be more useless.
In many parts of India the first son is often entrusted with special duties including the duties to do the final rites. By declaring that the girl belongs to another gotra the expectation issues of who does what as duties are resolved.
If the ego based issues arise with any convention intended to create harmony, they need to be addressed between the parties involved.
A well intentioned tradition if it is not abused by any party allows one to focus more on the DUTIES rather than RIGHTS in our tradition. Gotra concept or the last name concept is a local tradition that does not violate any Samanya Dharma unless it is viewed as an issue arising out of ego for either parties. If so then the ego issues have to be addressed and not the tradition itself.
Regarding the other example of not entering a prayer room by a girl on certain days of the month I have this comment. A generation ago men wore kaupeenam under the veshti and women wore nothing under the Sari wore in any style.
Today there are protection of all kind on the special days for women and even Patti wear underwear. Therefore the tradition of 'do not enter the prayer room on those days' have no applicability.
I do agree that many have created all kinds of concept of 'Theettu' etc which is demeaning. These have nothing to do with the logic behind a practice.
The basis for a rule has more to do with the value of maintaining cleanliness (like washing our feet before entering a house).
While we do not have Pope like persons across Hindusim the general advice given (even at the end of learning Vedas) is to see a learned person for right interpretation.
The OP itself is an attempt to seek right interpretation in today's special situations.
