I am not talking of “Big Fat Indian Wedding”. I am just talking of an urban middle class South Indian Brahmin (SIB) marriage. To my knowledge, Brahmins still have the custom of celebrating marriages for more than 2 days. In the process, lot of time and money is being wasted. Let us first detail how a SIB marriage process goes on (more from the bride’s side).
The bride’s close family occupies the mandap in the evening, say, on day 1. They get ready for the ஜானவாசம் the next day (day 2). The bridegroom’s family (should I say ‘bridegroom gang’, looking at their atrocities during the marriage?) Nowadays they sometimes have a reception that evening. So, the bride who was in her மடிசார் till evening would now go into a Gujarati style pallu saree with make up on her hair, face, etc. So, while she goes through the tradition of ‘புதுப பொண்ணு' and ‘நிச்சயதார்த்தம்’ (I’m referring to the ‘official’ நிச்சயதார்த்தம் on the ஜானவாசம் day), she now undergoes a quick westernization for the ‘reception’. Thanks to the North Indian influence and the party culture backed by the general affluence in the community, even elder women in மடிசார் dance for Bollywood numbers in this reception. (And we claim we are the ‘custodians’ of culture!).
Events on the marriage day (day 3) start much early. Western make-up gives way for an oil bath and turmeric. Straightened hair is now plattered, duly decorated by பூஜடை. The groom who was clad in suits the previous night now goes Gandhian way. We then have ‘காசி யாத்திரை', ‘ஊஞ்சல்’, etc. Do we need them? (It is another issue that men want to go on Kasi yaatirai only AFTER the marriage and not before!). Then comes the main event மாங்கல்ய தாரணம் (Here I pity the father of a ‘bubloo’ girl for he has to keep her on his lap for a length of time). This is followed by ஹோமம் for 2 hours. Though people claim that this ஹோமம் has a lot of benefits, no one – virtually no one- pays attention to it. The poor groom and bride would more often be alone in the hall (guests have either gone to the dining hall or have gone for a sight-seeing). As if it was not enough, we have naagavalli in the evening. I have seen a vulgar display of ‘சீர்வரிசை’ during this time in many marriages. Another interesting feature (though it takes dangerous proportion in a non-Brahmin marriage) is மொய் எழுதுதல். In many marriages, there is a person writing down who presented how much! (For a tit for tat for a marriage in their family?). Even சாந்தி முஹுர்த்தம் is an embarrassment. Nowadays, the boy and girl spend quite a lot of time together before marriage. Hence there is no need for ‘initiation’. But yet it is done with obscene comments from ‘respectable’ elders!
The marriage party continues its work in the morning of day 4 and they leave the venue only by mid morning that day (but only after giving கட்டு சாதம் for groom party). The next one year is spent by the bride side detailing the trouble the groom side caused while the groom side is busy pointing out the ‘omissions and commissions’ of the bride side.
I do understand that a marriage gives a good opportunity for social get-together and for networking. We definitely need to meet our people. But at the same time we need to exercise restraint. Imagine how much money is spent on various rituals and the reception. Food particularly is wasted more than consumed. Bride’s family is in constant stress for only they are responsible for the conduct of marriage (It is better with NBs where at least the financial burden is borne either fully or partly by the groom family). And yet on one is fully satisfied. Can’t we save this money and give it the newly married couple to enable them to start a comfortable living? Can’t we at least share a portion of this time and money for social works or for the less privileged?
In my opinion, no religion or caste can support waste of resources in the name of culture. Let us stand up and shake up the status quo for a better future. I wish to hear from our members.
Lokah samasthaa sukhino bhavantu.
The bride’s close family occupies the mandap in the evening, say, on day 1. They get ready for the ஜானவாசம் the next day (day 2). The bridegroom’s family (should I say ‘bridegroom gang’, looking at their atrocities during the marriage?) Nowadays they sometimes have a reception that evening. So, the bride who was in her மடிசார் till evening would now go into a Gujarati style pallu saree with make up on her hair, face, etc. So, while she goes through the tradition of ‘புதுப பொண்ணு' and ‘நிச்சயதார்த்தம்’ (I’m referring to the ‘official’ நிச்சயதார்த்தம் on the ஜானவாசம் day), she now undergoes a quick westernization for the ‘reception’. Thanks to the North Indian influence and the party culture backed by the general affluence in the community, even elder women in மடிசார் dance for Bollywood numbers in this reception. (And we claim we are the ‘custodians’ of culture!).
Events on the marriage day (day 3) start much early. Western make-up gives way for an oil bath and turmeric. Straightened hair is now plattered, duly decorated by பூஜடை. The groom who was clad in suits the previous night now goes Gandhian way. We then have ‘காசி யாத்திரை', ‘ஊஞ்சல்’, etc. Do we need them? (It is another issue that men want to go on Kasi yaatirai only AFTER the marriage and not before!). Then comes the main event மாங்கல்ய தாரணம் (Here I pity the father of a ‘bubloo’ girl for he has to keep her on his lap for a length of time). This is followed by ஹோமம் for 2 hours. Though people claim that this ஹோமம் has a lot of benefits, no one – virtually no one- pays attention to it. The poor groom and bride would more often be alone in the hall (guests have either gone to the dining hall or have gone for a sight-seeing). As if it was not enough, we have naagavalli in the evening. I have seen a vulgar display of ‘சீர்வரிசை’ during this time in many marriages. Another interesting feature (though it takes dangerous proportion in a non-Brahmin marriage) is மொய் எழுதுதல். In many marriages, there is a person writing down who presented how much! (For a tit for tat for a marriage in their family?). Even சாந்தி முஹுர்த்தம் is an embarrassment. Nowadays, the boy and girl spend quite a lot of time together before marriage. Hence there is no need for ‘initiation’. But yet it is done with obscene comments from ‘respectable’ elders!
The marriage party continues its work in the morning of day 4 and they leave the venue only by mid morning that day (but only after giving கட்டு சாதம் for groom party). The next one year is spent by the bride side detailing the trouble the groom side caused while the groom side is busy pointing out the ‘omissions and commissions’ of the bride side.
I do understand that a marriage gives a good opportunity for social get-together and for networking. We definitely need to meet our people. But at the same time we need to exercise restraint. Imagine how much money is spent on various rituals and the reception. Food particularly is wasted more than consumed. Bride’s family is in constant stress for only they are responsible for the conduct of marriage (It is better with NBs where at least the financial burden is borne either fully or partly by the groom family). And yet on one is fully satisfied. Can’t we save this money and give it the newly married couple to enable them to start a comfortable living? Can’t we at least share a portion of this time and money for social works or for the less privileged?
In my opinion, no religion or caste can support waste of resources in the name of culture. Let us stand up and shake up the status quo for a better future. I wish to hear from our members.
Lokah samasthaa sukhino bhavantu.
