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Beat Your Kids

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Believe me beating kids never really works.I remember getting a tight slap on my face from my mum for not getting up for any prayers held at home even during Diwali.

I still havent changed.I still dont join like to join formal prayers and prefer reading religious texts as a form of prayer.

I feel sometimes we do opposite what our parents thought us.

My mum used to buy lots of gold cos I am the only daughter and she used to tell me girls should wear gold and I hate wearing gold.

She used to tell me Silk sarees are beautiful when worn and I dont wear silk.

My mum used to cook food which had all correct level of spices and showed me how to cook but i dont like spices and cook with hardly any spice.

My mum had a habit of breaking traffic rules when she drove but I never break traffic rules at all.Never had a traffic summon in my life so far.
 
Kunjuppu mama sorry to digress but please check out Russell Peters Filipino accent. Its exact! And his Indian and Chinese ones. He is too good!!
 
but was it not a fun video? :)

Very funny..

My daughter never was a mischievous type when younger... but son was.

My wife will tell him "Hey.. if you don't behave, your dad will beat you up"... although she knew very well that I would not touch him.

She tells me "With boys... you have to keep them with a little bit of fear...otherwise, you just can't control them...they are too mischievous in many families".

In all, my kids were very well behaved... we were very lucky, I suppose!
 
Mother-daughter rivalry, huh? :boom:

Teen-age rebelliousness is a standard thing, and I agree that beating a kid for trivial disagreements is counter-productive. It shows lack of control and more issues on the part of the beater.

But once in a while, it is necessary to show the kids who is the boss, so I reserve it only for the (very occasional times) where willful disrespect is shown.

That said, who knows if that slap was what made you determined to become a doctor and show your mom? The world works in mysterious ways.


Believe me beating kids never really works.I remember getting a tight slap on my face from my mum for not getting up for any prayers held at home even during Diwali.

I still havent changed.I still dont join like to join formal prayers and prefer reading religious texts as a form of prayer.

I feel sometimes we do opposite what our parents thought us.

My mum used to buy lots of gold cos I am the only daughter and she used to tell me girls should wear gold and I hate wearing gold.

She used to tell me Silk sarees are beautiful when worn and I dont wear silk.

My mum used to cook food which had all correct level of spices and showed me how to cook but i dont like spices and cook with hardly any spice.

My mum had a habit of breaking traffic rules when she drove but I never break traffic rules at all.Never had a traffic summon in my life so far.
 
Mother-daughter rivalry, huh? :boom:

Teen-age rebelliousness is a standard thing, and I agree that beating a kid for trivial disagreements is counter-productive. It shows lack of control and more issues on the part of the beater.

But once in a while, it is necessary to show the kids who is the boss, so I reserve it only for the (very occasional times) where willful disrespect is shown.

That said, who knows if that slap was what made you determined to become a doctor and show your mom? The world works in mysterious ways.



NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I love my mum lots!!!!! NO rivarly at all!!
I share everything with her including what goes on in TB forum.She knows lots of names here too.In fact sometimes she asks me so how is so and so posts today any latest update in your forum?

I have nothing to hide from her yaar..I owe everything to her.In fact now when I am at work,its my mum who drives my son to school,takes care of him,teaches him etc.

I share a very close relationship with her.I call her some 5x a day to chit chat.
 
biswa,

the mother-daughter bond is the strongest bond, it has been said, between two human beings.

my mother, when her mother my granma, died, went to pieces, and was never the same again. my wife and daughter, there is a string, maybe thin, but so strong, that i cannot come inbetween or break it.

mothers daughters, can fight like cats and dogs, and next minute, hug and makeup. nothing of what they say to each other, sticks. the perfect teflon effect.

... and if it is between mil/dil, even raising an eyebrow, can blow up :)

i feel that every couple should be lucky enough to have a daughter. which is why, i cry, when i hear of female infanticide. these guys in our culture are so stupid. it is only in our hindu culture, that we selectively murder our daughter, born or notyetborn.

it is so much gratifying today, to see, tambram parents, my own dear kith and kin, have two daughters, and consider themselves a billion dollar family.

God Bless our daughters and mothers. there is no place for joke or sarcasm in this relationship. atleast, i think so.

thank you.
 
God Bless our daughters and mothers. there is no place for joke or sarcasm in this relationship. atleast, i think so.

thank you.

Mr. K, normally I agree with you on almost everything. But in this one, I still think there is room for a light-hearted comment (it was not sarcasm). Mothers, for all their godliness, are not perfect, but let me open a separate thread for that. Also let me assert that in the modern world (both parents) mother & father have achieved a similar position regarding filial affection. There is no reason for elevating one over the other.

Sorry sir, in this one we may just have to agree to disagree.
 
Ok, the beating idea was kind of a red herring. But now to the more serious question about discipline: Do we accept the implicit premise of the video that Indian parents are doing a much better job of disciplining their kids than the white parents? Isn't that what will help the Indian kids in the future. Note that Russell Peters never really complains about being beaten.
 
biswa,

the mother-daughter bond is the strongest bond, it has been said, between two human beings.

my mother, when her mother my granma, died, went to pieces, and was never the same again. my wife and daughter, there is a string, maybe thin, but so strong, that i cannot come inbetween or break it.

mothers daughters, can fight like cats and dogs, and next minute, hug and makeup. nothing of what they say to each other, sticks. the perfect teflon effect.

... and if it is between mil/dil, even raising an eyebrow, can blow up :)

i feel that every couple should be lucky enough to have a daughter. which is why, i cry, when i hear of female infanticide. these guys in our culture are so stupid. it is only in our hindu culture, that we selectively murder our daughter, born or notyetborn.

it is so much gratifying today, to see, tambram parents, my own dear kith and kin, have two daughters, and consider themselves a billion dollar family.

God Bless our daughters and mothers. there is no place for joke or sarcasm in this relationship. atleast, i think so.

thank you.

We have two daughters (and no sons) and I feel top of the world for having been blessed with 2 daughters. I am emotional about my kids. Whether I feel a billion dollar family is another issue though.:party:
 
Ok, the beating idea was kind of a red herring. But now to the more serious question about discipline: Do we accept the implicit premise of the video that Indian parents are doing a much better job of disciplining their kids than the white parents? Isn't that what will help the Indian kids in the future. Note that Russell Peters never really complains about being beaten.

biswa,

it is debatable whether indian parents are better than white ones.

the whites do not resort to physical stuff. it is looked down on by the society here, there are strict laws, all the child has to do is to complain to the teacher or the police, and the child is yanked away from home and placed under the care of the government. i am not saying it is right or wrong, but that is the way it is here in canada.

so all parents, including yours truly, learn quickly the power of words. in our household, the missus is very much like her mom, and constantly 'correcting' the kids.

here is how a usual issue gets resolved when the mother handles it, - the first few warnings are ignored, the pitch of the lady rises, till it ends in screaming or hysterics, at which, the kids produce the desired results. and the poor husband faces the spouse's residual wrath and anguish.

i have seen this not only in my home, but almost all indian homes, including those removed from india several generations. such behaviour appears to be in our genes.

yours truly, being the father, takes the high road, and when my words come out, they are stinging and effective. but i then i regret the sting, but that too appears to be in my genes.

the whites i admire the most, are those, whose children, with one warning, see it heeded, and behavioural changes effected. sometimes even a little admonition is enough to bring tears. banishing to the room is the ultimate punishment. the shame is felt deep within. i guess this type of what i considered civilized upbringing, is beyond our culture and genes. :)
 
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here is how a usual issue gets resolved when the mother handles it, - the first few warnings are ignored, the pitch of the lady rises, till it ends in screaming or hysterics, at which, the kids produce the desired results. and the poor husband faces the spouse's residual wrath and anguish.

i have seen this not only in my home, but almost all indian homes, including those removed from india several generations. such behaviour appears to be in our genes.
:)

Wise words, well said. As the dad, I try to be like Teddy Roosevelt. Talk softly, but carry a big stick (figuratively). Not that the stick can ever be used though.

We can't even give our (normally well-behaved) son a timeout. He considers that as the ultimate insult. But otherwise similar strategy: mom for the day-to-day, minute-to-minute nagging. Dad for the discipline crisis. Turning out ok I think.
 
Dear Kunjuppu

Here is my POV regarding this topic. I think beating is a wider term and it can be narrowed to smacking and hitting (beating). There are many (nearly 12?) European countries in which even smacking is banned. But AFAIK in Australia, UK and Canada smacking is allowed but anyother forms are banned (Members correct me if I am wrong). Even in Australia in Queensland smacking is banned.

There are huge debates now and then in medias in Aus whether even smacking is ok or not and there are even videos to show what constitutes a proper (legal) smacking!!

'Banning children to their room' maybe a very effective form of discipline for white kids but I don't see that effect in Indian (Asian) kids (as far as I can observe and shared comments from parents)! I think this is because of the ingrained thinking into the minds for generations. E.g. youngsters sitting cross legged in front of elders is considered disrespectful even now in many families but it so not so in Western countries.

Likewise 'sending them off to their rooms' does not seem as an insult or has dramatic effects in Indian kids but certainly the yelling of the mother is! I don't see white mothers yelling at their kids (for that reason they don't even raise their voice for anything most of the time). The most they do is say,"Don't do that honey!" and the kid just ignores the parent!!!

Atleast in my house 'go to your room' has nil effect :) To be fair they are in their room most of the time doing homework usually and playing a little bit inbetween except for sitting down as a family for dinner and watcing TV together! I tried this for my daughter and much to my annoyance this is the most lovable thing for her - she shrugs her shoulders, says OK and off she goes to her room, lies in the bed and reads story books for hours and hours (reading is her favourite hobby)!!

But all I can say is Indian parents who are used to disciplining their kids by physical methods will face a tough time in Western countries! Be a Roman when you are in Rome!

Kind regards
 
Ya, totally get the point about Indians in the West and our general guilt regarding "beating", however little that happens.

However I was quite surprised to come across several forums on the internet where many teachers (most of them women) are totally supporting beating their students (or at least assigning various physical punishments). They are claiming that it keeps the class under control, and even improving the grades and learning abilities of the kids. They believe that the students and even their parents will thank the teachers for beating them.

Dr. Anandi is a teacher, wonder what she believes in this area.
 
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