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Amavasai Tharpanam

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B Suresh Kumar

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Hai,
I am a a regular performer of amavasai thapanam but not able to follow the conditions prescriped on that day,that is abstaining from taking onions.
if you go through my website bsureshkumar you might know that I am a frequent traveler and I have to take food outside the house. I am viiting places where I find it difficult to find a Vegetarian hotel and there is no preparation without onion in most of the hotels and I would like to know why we are supposed to abstain from taking onion on that day and if there is any exception to the rule
B Suresh Kumar
 
You should not take onion/garlic/drumstck/radish etc on any day. You also should not leave the shores so there will be no contradiction
 
dear Vasuchak
Thanks for your reply but you have not understood my problem. If I were to take your instructions I will have to leave my profession. I am only talking about eating food in tamilnadu and not leaving the shore. If you can suggest any eating place in Tamilnadu in the area I visit for taking classes I would be happy take my meals. dinner there on the Tharpanam days.
 
Dear Shri B Suresh Kumar,

I warn you at the outset that some die-hard orthodox members are certain to frown upon my reply, but I am giving my opinion any way for what it is worth! I believe that any restriction on any custom or habit on the occasion of any specific ritual - it could be a Tarpanam, or a Shraaddham, or a Vratam or a Pooja or whatever might be - should be some thing to do with the notion that if unrestrained, that particular habit or custom, if practised that day, may hinder with the purity of thought and act concerning the ritual under consideration. That is ALL! So, now the burden of responsibility for ensuring the purity of thought and act is ENTIRELY on the performer of the ritual. Mere abstinence, by itself, has no value or significance.

Restrictions on certain occasions the consumption of specific food materials like onion, garlic, drum stick, radish etc., habits like using foul/offensive language, seeing provocative scenes and sceneries (plentily available in so many TV channels nowadays), hearing certain kinds of sensuous music which arouse basic instincts and passions, indulging in sex and related activities - all these things are only for that one purpose, viz., carrying out that particular karma of the occasion in an unblemished and uncorrupted fashion.

Is it possible for any individual to maintain his purity of thought and perform the karma with single-minded devotion, EVEN if he violated any of the restrictions listed above? My answer is a resounding YES! But it is not I who can vouch for him. It is he and he alone who can do so. In the absence of restrictions, the distractors, which are always very powerful, can easily pollute the karma, if adequate precautions are not taken. So, it is advisable to abide by the restrictions imposed, to make it easier for the karta to perform the karma properly; but a restriction, by itself, has no value or significance, unless it is observed with full consciousness and realization of what it is meant for.

Coming to your specific problem, you and you alone, have the answer to your problem. Are you able to perform your Tarpanam, shraddham and similar rituals with full commitment and devotion, despite your taking onion/garlic etc. even on that day? If yes, wonderful, you have nothing to worry about. On the other hand, does your mind wander, telling you constantly what you are doing (i.e the karma) is just a burden and a formality, imposed on you by the society; and when it is over do you feel a great sense of relief, telling yourself, "Good! I need not bother about all this (food or any other) restriction for another month", then you are only kidding yourself and possibly others too! You can as well stop the hypocrisy and start being honest to yourself!

Have you got your answer?
 
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Hai,
I am a a regular performer of amavasai thapanam but not able to follow the conditions prescriped on that day,that is abstaining from taking onions.
if you go through my website bsureshkumar you might know that I am a frequent traveler and I have to take food outside the house. I am viiting places where I find it difficult to find a Vegetarian hotel and there is no preparation without onion in most of the hotels and I would like to know why we are supposed to abstain from taking onion on that day and if there is any exception to the rule
B Suresh Kumar

Shri Suresh Kumar,


I am not an "orthodox" Brahman and so this should not be taken as a reply based on our 'Brahmanic Saastras'.

Brahmans of ancient days used to eat meat and it was compulsory for Sraaddham also. Perhaps in those days they ate wild oninon varieties also - we do not know. Charaka samhita, the Ayurvedic treatise, refers to its diuretic properties. Most probably the ban on onions was copied from the Jains who incorporated many restrictions in their foods based on their over-zealous involvement with kindness to life. It thus became a "fashion" of nobility and the Hindu Brahmans adopted it. Subsequently when the "three-gunas" concept came in, all undesirable properties came to be attributed to oninon. The most offending property is that it it incites sexual urge. And our Saastra writers had an obsession with 'preservation of "retas" or semen' which was supposed to bestow very many wonderful properties and spiritual acquirements. (We must be thankful to their treating women and cattle on par; otherwise, they could have said that the ova also should not be allowed to be expended. ;) )

So, I think there need not be any guilt feeling about eating the best food which suits you, on amavasya days. After all it is one's regard for his ancestors which counts. The little bit of sesamum and water is only a token for expressing that regard and gratitude in a symbolic manner.
 
Dear CLN and Sangom,
Thanks for your reply.
As you would have seen in one of my mails in CLN,s thread, that I do all these very happily and I will never treat it as burden on me imposed by the society. But Since I am doing the tharpanam I will also like to follow the rules prescribed for it. I always have a strong feeling that whoever has written the rules would have also mentioned about some exceptions. They might not have thought about it earlier as the earlier brahmins were running gurukuls and leaving on bikshas. Today this is not the situation and we may have to go out on official work and we have problems like the one mentioned here.
It would not be out of place if I mention about my experience in Villupuram. Most of the hotels which were purely vegetarian two years back have now become Veg and Non-Veg and I had to walk for more than 20 minutes to find a veg hotel. When i asked the people there they told me that there is not much patronage for vegetarian hotels and to survive in the business they have converted their hotel into veg and non-veg.

I always used to tell all those who were very srtrict about the Madi Thuni that their purity should be in mind and not in the cloth that they are wearing.
 
Dear Sangom,

This is more a curiosity query. At what point do we say that the pithurs are completely satisfied so that amavaasai tharpanam is no longer needed. is there is something to that effect in the scriptures?

You see where I am coming from. My dad did tharpanams and shraddhams all his life. I too did them, till when mom passed away, I went to kasi/gaya and spent a whole week of non stop shraddhams (atleast it felt like it). I was also given to understand that with this kasi/gaya stuff, all my ancestors, all people, pets everything would have reached their own heaven – even though I mentioned many of my relatives known to me and who had passed since I came of age.

In this case, my relatives were very lucky to have me go to kasi/gaya. What about those whose progeny have not been able to go to such faraway place and perform such expensive (yes we get fleeced by those ganapaadigals) rituals? are those pithurs destined to be forever in the limbo zones? Those who have only girls, are they destined to be bereft of the pleasures of swarga?

… and back to my first question: can one say that at the end of (for example) after 25 years of continual amavasai tharpanams and shraddhams, the pithurs have been liberated into their next mode of life as per their deeds on this earth?

Thank you.

the concept of amavasai & tharpanam is alient to 96% of the hindus. are they all destined to naragam per our scriptures? i mean the quota system does not work in the netherworlds?
 
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...Restrictions on certain occasions the consumption of specific food materials like onion, garlic, drum stick,

CLN,

by chance is gluttony to be avoided.

let me tell you why. i am not at all attracted by onion, garlic, drumstick etc, but i can consume a gallon of keerai molagootal with puLi pachchadi (maththan or vendakkai). in the spirit of moderation and reverence, would it not be proper for me to avoid this gluttonous addiction and go for something else (not necessarily onion, garlic :) )...

where i am coming from us... why do we emphasize so much joy on arrival of a baby, but focus only on sorrow/seriuosness when someone departs? should not debit and credit be treated equal, so that the books are balanced?

thank you.
 
Dear Kunjuppu,
I am also waiting for a reply to your why from Vasuchak.
I wish he informs us the reason from the scriptures.
Everyone has his own understanding and interprets it according to their convenience.
I have been informed by my elders that I dont have to perform sharadhas after 40 years but no one tells me why and the sastrigals are contradicting each other. i will be performing Shardhamas and Amavasya tharpanams my entire life
 
There are several type of tharpanams: -[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]
1.Gunda tharpanam- the tharpanam which is done in the first ten days of death.
2.Brahma yagna tharpanam-This is the oblation supposed to be done daily to the devas, rishis and pithrus.
3.Parheni tharpanam- this is the tharpanam which is supposed to be done on the next day after annual sraddha .This at present is being done after sraddha on the same day , because the priest does not have time to come the next day. Here the tharpanam is offered only to ones pithru varga (paternal side)
4 The regular tharpanam which is supposed to be done on all amavasyas. Four Month beginnings viz mesha, karkidaga, thula and makara and eclipses.Our books have asked us to perform tharpanam on 96 days in a year but this is not being done nowadays.
Several acharyas have codified the method of tharpanam. Some of them are Apasthabha, Bodhayana, Drahyayana What is given below is the manthras and method of the Apasthabha sutra.of Yajur veda. There is slight differences in the sankalpam among Iyers and Iyengars.Both versions are given here.It is understood that the tharpanam for rik vedis is almost similar but that for Sanma Vedis is different. There is also differences brought about by local practice and family tradition. People are advised to follow their traditions strictly. They have precedence over what is written down here. For example in many families tharpanam is done without wearing Vibhuti or Namam but there are certain families who do tharpanam wearing these. Some people do avahanams of Pithrus on two koorchas. Some on one koorcha and some on spread durbhas..
[/FONT]​
 
here are several rules regarding tharpanam though many of them are not being followed by most of the people.. They are:-[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]
1.On the day of Tharpanam, till tharpanam is completed we are not supposed to drink/eat anything.
2.On the day of tharpanam, the daily rituals like Sandhya vandhana have to be first performed. Then before tharpanam one more bath has to be taken.
3.Wet cloth should not be worn during tharpanam nor is it right to wear cloth which was washed a day before and dried. The cloth has to be made wet the same day and dried. Pure white silk cloth can also be worn, but wearing this silk cloth you should not have eaten any food. If wet cloth is not dry, it should be seven times shaken dry in wind before wearing it.
4.Except the tharpanam during eclipse all other tharpanams are to be done after 12 noon. Considering the difficulty, our law givers have agreed that it can be done after 8.30 AM.
5.As mentioned earlier nothing should be eaten or drunk before performance of Tharpanam.
6.Oblations should be done with hand full of water and not drops or spoon full of water.
7.The water should be poured out using the space between the thumb and the four fingers.
8.Every time a pinch of black til has to be taken. Care should be taken not to take it using the thumb and the index finger.
9.Pithru tharpanam should always be done with poonal hanging from the right shoulder to the left side of the body.
10.The pavithram for pithru tharpanam should be made out of three durbha and the koorcham should be made of 7 or 9 durbhas.
11.We should preferably sit on seat made of durbha(durbhasanam) while doing tharpanam and in its absence put few durbhas on the place we are going to sit,
12.Silver vessels are prescribed for used during tharpanam. If not available copper vessels can be used. Under no circumstance should steel or other metal vessels are to be used.
13.Tharpanam should be done facing east or south. It is believed that it either should be done in our homes or in public holy places like shore of the river, sea active you happen to do it in the place belonging to some one else. We are supposed to compensate the owner of the property.
14.If Amavasya and the first of the month in which tharpanam has to be performed comes on the same day, then tharpanam for the sankramanam(first of the month) should be done.
[/FONT]
 
Dear Shri kunjuppu,

I guess I could have included 'gluttony' too in my post #4! The point is that any thing which may tend to weaken the resolution of the karta in the proper performance of the proposed karma is better avoided, or, rather the learned pundit would say, 'varjitam'. So, ultimately, as I have already emphasized, it is only a matter between the karta and the degree of his devotedness. I am glad to note from his responses that Shri Suresh Kumar is certainly clear about what he wants. That is EXACTLY the intent conveyed in my post.

By the way, Shri Suresh Kumar, I also fail to understand the significance of the number "40" for the number of years shraddhas have to be performed. Even in my own family, my elder aunt who was widowed when she was barely 10, performed shraddhas to her departed husband (even whose face was only very very dim in her memory) regularly till her death a few years ago at 100!

In this connection, I am reminded of another information, though not connected to shraddhas and tarpanams, pertaining to nithyakarmaanushtaanams. A namboodiri friend of mine once told me that among namboodiris the stipulation to perform nithyakarmaanushtaanams for brahamacharis is only for the first three years after Upanayanam. Is this a fact? If so why? We all know very well, that it is not so among Tabras!
 
Dear Sangom,

This is more a curiosity query. At what point do we say that the pithurs are completely satisfied so that amavaasai tharpanam is no longer needed. is there is something to that effect in the scriptures?

You see where I am coming from. My dad did tharpanams and shraddhams all his life. I too did them, till when mom passed away, I went to kasi/gaya and spent a whole week of non stop shraddhams (atleast it felt like it). I was also given to understand that with this kasi/gaya stuff, all my ancestors, all people, pets everything would have reached their own heaven – even though I mentioned many of my relatives known to me and who had passed since I came of age.

In this case, my relatives were very lucky to have me go to kasi/gaya. What about those whose progeny have not been able to go to such faraway place and perform such expensive (yes we get fleeced by those ganapaadigals) rituals? are those pithurs destined to be forever in the limbo zones? Those who have only girls, are they destined to be bereft of the pleasures of swarga?

… and back to my first question: can one say that at the end of (for example) after 25 years of continual amavasai tharpanams and shraddhams, the pithurs have been liberated into their next mode of life as per their deeds on this earth?

Thank you.

the concept of amavasai & tharpanam is alient to 96% of the hindus. are they all destined to naragam per our scriptures? i mean the quota system does not work in the netherworlds?

Dear Shri Kunjuppu,

Your doubts are profound indeed. I do not know if I should combine an approach of mixing saastraic and rational views! I feel it will only create confusion and so, I give the sastraic views first and rational (my) views later.

Simply put, NEVER !! It is the (imagined) hunger which is sought to be satiated by the tarpanas and saastras. The concept is that one human year is equal to one day for the pitrus. So, once a day we give a "full meal" (by way of Sraaddha) to the pitrus and some light refreshments on various occasions when the pitrus are supposed to have access to us, or this human world; the new moon, grahana, and the passage of the sun from one rasi to the next are supposed to be occasions when this accessibility occurs, but out of the twelve passages of the sun - which were counted for tarpanam in olden days - it was mercifully reduced by saastrigals later to only four (the equinoxes and solstices).

The point is, since these are in the nature of satiating the hunger and thirst of the pitrus, these are never-ending requirements! Performance of sraaddham at Gaya is supposed to satisfy a galaxy of departed souls including those of pets, cattle kept by our people, etc., but I do not think the time factor is built into it, as per saastras. (I may kindly be corrected by the knowledgable members.) But when someone goes, allows himself to be looted by the Pandas at Gaya, it is customary for them to eulogize "gayaa sraaddham" by citing some slokams and saying that there is no need to do any further sraaddhams, etc., but that is not valid currency when one returns to his place and consults his vaadhyar. This is from real experience of my (late) parents who performed all the rites in Kasi and Gaya (it looks Gaya sraaddha requires some preliminary rituals to be done in Kasi also) were satisfied very much and returned to Kerala when the vaadhyar said that a true Brahmana cannot default in the routine tarpanas and sraaddhas!! So my father continued to do (till at a late stage he lost his mental presence to do such things).

I have not come across the "forty year rule" so far. May be it is in some book.

Based on the above "back to square one" rule, those who cannot/do not go to Kasi/Gaya do not lose anything much after all, except the merit of satisfying a very large group of souls, that too, for the time being only.

In Kerala, the Nairs who constitute a sizeable % of the population perform "bali" - akin to "pinda pradaanam" in sraaddha - to their pitrus on aaDi amaavaasai day in sea shore, some sacred spots etc. But I suspect many non-Nair groups also may be doing it now. AFAIK, Hindu Nadars here do not partake in this. Perhaps their beliefs differ; some research is worth in this matter.

Now, coming to the "rational" aspects, according to advaita, the soul gets merged with parabrahman on death, and the "kaarana Sareera" gets reborn as a new entity within a short time (a few days) after death. So, advaitins should not be doing anything after the first 13 day ceremonies. That we insist on all these subsequent rites will show that either we do not have full understanding of advaitam or we do not have complete belief in it. A third possibility is that the priesthood has such a strong influence on the Brahmans.
 
Dear CLN,
Then number 40 is because most of them believe that rebirth would have taken place by then and Sharadhams need not be performed.
The reason why I mentioned this was because Shri Kunjuppu had mentioned in mail #7 of this thread that he was performing shardham till he went to Gaya/ Kasi where he did all types of shardham for a week or more. I understood from his mail that he has stopped doing the shardhams after that and my school of thought does not permit me to accept that.

In my case I have five maternal aunts and seeing me perform the shardham of my grandfather for 53 years they feel i can dilute the shardham process and do it only for my grandmother who passed away 5 years back. i will never agree to that.

There is also a school of thought if someone does athma tharpanam / athma Pindam they dont have to do the devasams year after year.
those following that system might not have understood what is atma tharpanam. It is sacrificing oneself from the world and it implies he is alive only in physical form without any bondings and is not supposed to return back. Mr Singaneswari has not mentioned about that in his mail #11 and # 12 of this thread
 
Dear Shri Suresh Kumar,

Shri sangom has pointed out "according to advaita, the soul gets merged with parabrahman on death, and the "kaarana Sareera" gets reborn as a new entity within a short time (a few days) after death. So, advaitins should not be doing anything after the first 13 day ceremonies. That we insist on all these subsequent rites will show that either we do not have full understanding of advaitam or we do not have complete belief in it." You have written: "The number 40 is because most of them believe that rebirth would have taken place by then and Sharadhams need not be performed ... In my case I have five maternal aunts and seeing me perform the shardham of my grandfather for 53 years they feel i can dilute the shardham process and do it only for my grandmother who passed away 5 years back. i will never agree to that."

So, once again, it is all up to you.
 
Dear Siganaeswari,
I am really happy to see your mail explaining the different types of tharpanam and the methods and timings of doing that.
The mails here from all of you makes me feel happy for having started the thread.
But the basic question of whether there is any exception for eating after the tharpanams remains to be answered.
Your article has added one more point to my problem. You have mentioned that the tharpanams can be done after 8.30 AM
If you go through my website bsureshkumar you may find out that I am taking aptitude classes in different colleges in Tamilnadu. Most of the colleges start by 9 AM and I will have to be picked up well before 8.30 AM as the colleges are located 20 to 25 KMs from the city where I am accomodated.
The Chennai city colleges starts at 8 Am and I have to leave my house by 6.30 AM
I would like to know whether some more exceptions to the rule [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]4.Except the tharpanam during eclipse all other tharpanams are to be done after 12 noon. Considering the difficulty, our law givers have agreed that it can be done after 8.30 AM.[/FONT]are provided by our law makers
 
To any one who cares to answer:

Without offence to anybody, I would like to know who the "Law Makers" in these few posts are. Does the term refer to the original authors from the hoary past who framed those rules and regulations, or, the present day scholars who have mastered the shastras, shruthis and samhithas composed by the ancient and original authors?

If it refers to the original authors, it is difficult to imagine that they would have made relaxations like 8.30 a.m. instead of noon etc. just to accommodate later day office-goers who cannot afford to take leave frequently enough to carry out all the tarpanams prescribed in the afternoons. There certainly would not have been any pressing problem for our ancestors back in the old times, requiring such readjustment in timings, because working to a time schedule, going to work in a common place called 'office' or 'factory' in shifts etc. are of very recent origin.

On the contrary, if the 'law makers' mentioned are only the present day scholars, what 'shastraic' sanction have they got to make such deviations and relaxations, however erudite they might be? My understanding is, that these scholars can only 'interpret' what is not very clear, but not 'change/modify'. Are our dharmashastras really so vaguely written, to provide amenability enough for such re-adjustments, to suit even round-the-clock office-goers?
 
CLN,

a wag in one of the weddings that i attended recently, opined that the brahmanican tradition has been reduced to three C's ie Cash, Comfort and Convenience.

ofcourse he was observing the manner in which mantras et al were stomped slip shod by a willing vaathiar on the instructions of the parties concered.

there was no 'dhaarai' in the dhaaravarthu kodukkara instance - everyone was comfortably perched in the COMFORT of a sofa, and the wife did not wear madisar, and the groom, even though tambram, wore kurta & head turban

there was several occassions for dhaanams, i have observed in our numerous rituals - asking for cows and heifers and what not - but the vaathiars always preferred CASH

... and then again there was this priest who came in the evenings to do the tharpanam, due to the work contingencies of the party concerned and also his CONVENIENCE.

i do not mean to belittle our practices, but many of us would practice the 'nod nod wink wink' attitude towards our transgressions, and outwardly pretend to be upholders of supposedly ancient values. if you do not believe me, just look at our matrimonial ads - all those saintly youngsters who never smoke, eat meat or drink alcohol.. just then who are those brahmins that do all these things? :)
 
Dear CLN,
I have a strong feeling that our forefathers who would have created the rules would have also provided exceptions but the unfortunate thing is it did not percolate down well for fear of talking to elders. I am sure my father would not have contested his father the way my son does to me. Today we all like to know the reasons whereas in the olden days they just followed what the elders said and today everyone creates his own rule.
Hope Mr Singaneswari comes with something concrete.
 
This is not with specific reference to Shri Suresh Kumar's doubt on eating onion/garlic on amāvāsyā or any other day. I have already given my pov on that in another post above.

Our śāstras, by which we generally refer to the dharmaśāstras which lay down the dos and don'ts for Brahmans to follow, are so outdated in their outlook that we may, as a community also, not be following even one % of those prescriptions today due to various reasons, including our personal likes & dislikes, convenience, convictions, etc. As an example of what the dharmaśāstras prescribe, I would like to present here one verse from one of the dharmaśāstras:

aṣṭavarṣā bhavedgaurī navavarṣā tu rohiṇī |
daśavarṣā bhavetkanyā ata ūtdhvam rajasvalā |
prāpte tu daśame varṣe yastu kanyāṃ na yacchati |
māsi māsi rajastasyāḥ pitā pibati śoṇitam || yama smṛti III, 21-22

அஷ்டவர்ஷா பவேத்கௌரீ நவவர்ஷா து ரோஹிணீ |
தசவர்ஷா பவேத்கன்யா அத ஊத்த்வம் ரஜஸ்வலா |
ப்ராப்தே து தசமே வர்ஷே யஸ்து கந்யாம் ந யச்சதி |
மாஸி மாஸி ரஜஸ்தஸ்யாஃ பிதா பிபதி சோணிதம் || யம ஸ்ம்ருதி, III, ௨௧‍-௨௨

It was this rule which made child marriages before a girl attained the age of ten years, the norm, and gave rise to untold miseries for Brahman women over the centuries. Note the penalty for the fathers who fail to marry off their daughter before they become ten years of age, contained in the last line; it means that such non-complying fathers should drink their (unmarried) daughters' menstrual discharge every month!!

It is to such a corpus of non-sensical texts that most of us attribute divine status and exult saying that we live according to śāstras (சாஸ்திரப்படி வாழறோம்). Even after reading this, the no-changers are sure to say that one or two such impractical stipulations will not make the entire dharmaśāstras bad or irrelevant, that they have held good for us so long, that they have been given to us by great seers who could foresee the future, and out of their great kindness and concern for the welfare of humanity, etc., etc. and try to justify their pet beliefs and ensure that its very basis does not get knocked off. I think it is because the human ego resists admitting that it has been taken for a ride for so long and that even today it is the "ignorance is bliss" policy which guides it, in a most deluded manner.

It is therefore necessary for all right thinking persons to not search for approvals, exceptions and concessions from the dharmaśāstras and start thinking rationally. While the core ideas connected with various stage/events in life (joy when one's wife becomes pregnant; joy at the birth of a child; when that child is given the first feed other than breast milk; the child going to play school/school/college; his/ her getting married; attaining 50,60,70,80,90 or 100 years of age; and finally feeling sorrow at the death of one's parents and other close relatives and trying to keep their memories alive in our minds, etc.) are all valid, and there is no need to eschew any of those occasions, it is not at all necessary to follow the prescriptions of the dharmaśāstras in any of these things. If some people feel like they are free to do that, but even they have been sacrificing / will, in future, have to sacrifice the rites and requirements one after another because of the changing world conditions.

Note : I hope the above also answer's the doubts of Shri CLN and Shri Suresh Kumar regarding who makes amendments and saving clauses, and whether the original sages made them.
 
kunjuppu: "i do not mean to belittle our practices, but many of us would practice the 'nod nod wink wink' attitude towards our transgressions, and outwardly pretend to be upholders of supposedly ancient values."

Hmmm... How true Shri kunjuppu Sir! It is a hopelessly vicious circle. The Vadhyars work at the pleasure of the Grahasthas. The Grahasthas complain that the Vadhyars cheat and fleece them. There seems to be truth in both accusations. The type of 'mockery' you have cited seems to be a 'happy'(?) case of mutual concurrence between the Vadhyar and the Grahastha. So they both do not complain. Heartburns arise only in two types of situations: (1). The Vadhyar is an old-timer, still having the remnants of some conscience, but the Grahastha cares two hoot about all that. (2). The Grahastha wants the function to be carried out in the prescribed way but the Vadhyar is either incompetent or indifferent. Rarely, we have situations where both are interested in ensuring things are done properly.

Incidentally, my son's marriage is to take place on the 16th. As I belong to a Vadhyar family myself and it is only my own sister's son and own brother's sons will be in the brahmavarnam, I hope the 'mockery factor' may not be of a high value, though I have to wait and see how things really turn out!
 
CLN,

my heartiest best wishes and greetings to your son & his spouse to be,

for a happy, contented & healthy life together. God Bless.
 
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